Hello, I am a 22 year old female who is "blessed" (said sarcastically) with an unusually high libido. Especially during my ovulation cycle. I just wonder how one stays true to the teachings of the Catholic Church during dating, such as no intimate opportunites. Well, my boyfriend is Catholic as well and we have tried and stayed true to these laws for months. Well, last night I kind of broke it and we made out and French kissed. I don't want to do it again because I know how arousing it must be for him, and an opportunity for serious sin and thoughts. How does a Catholic girl stay true to these good laws and release the ever-building pressure inside? I know I must be stronger and tell him no, because now it will be harder for both of us to say that. Please help!
-Discouraged
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Sorry I am bit slow getting back. You have been in my prayers - and I hope you have not done anything rash this weekend. (If you have, do not despair. Go to confession and make a fresh start.)
What you have to ask yourself is how much you are worth in your own eyes, in your boyfriend's and in God's? Your sexuality including your libido is a gift from God. A most precious treasure that you must not spend for a few moments of release and pleasure. If you really love your boyfriend you will not tell him a lie or allow him to lie to you. I know this is hard, but if you do not hold the line, you will wake up the next day with remorse that will get both of you in a destructive cycle. For your boyfriend it may involve him wanting more not just from you, but other women. I know this is hard to hear since you both love each other so much.
Have you read Wendy Shalit's little book on Modesty? She's a Jewish girl who speaks very frankly and sensibly about the importance of reserving intimacy (even "French kisses") for marriage.
On a practical level, you must avoid the "occasions of sin" that is being alone with your boyfriend. Try to find ways you can be with other young people, with members of your family, etc. There are some books out with titles like "Kiss Dating Goodbye." I haven't read them, but imagine they would have some good advice.
Remember the commandment "Honor your father and mother." It is an important one for a young person. As a priest, I am like your spiritual father. You are in my prayers.
God bless,
Fr. Phil Bloom
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