Jingle Bells, Klingon smells
Wesley is a twerp
The Enterprise, away she flies
Communicators chirp
Oh, jingle bells, Klingon smells
Cardassians are green
When Romulans are firing guns
Picard’s not to be seen!
Cruising through subspace
Travelling at warp ten
Halfway ‘cross the galaxy
Then back home again
By the time we get
Back to impulse drive
We will be in orbit
Around Ceti Alpha five!
*chorus*
The ship went into star dock
Earlier today
It got badly damaged
When it met a Bird of Prey
The crew’s all gone on shore leave
Until late next July
So have a merry Christmas
And I bid you all Goodbye!
The Twelve Days of Star Trek
On the twelfth day of Christmas
My captain gave to me
Twelve warp cores humming
Eleven ensigns working
Ten engines flashing
Nine badges chirping
Eight starships cruising
Seven androids beeping
Six phasers blasting
Five warp nacelles
Four Klingon targs
Three force fields
Two shuttlecrafts
And a tribble in a pear tree!
The Twelve days of Star Trek 2
On the twelfth day of Christmas
My Star trek gave to me
Twelve Guinans drinking
Eleven Barclays flinching
Ten Rikers laughing
Nine Datas thinking
Eight Geordis scanning
Seven Wesleys singing *(God help us)*
Six Doctors Dancing
Five Captain Kirks
Four Mr. Worfs
Three Tashas
Two Deanna Trois
And the captain drinking hot tea!
The Night Before Christmas...
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship
Not a console was bleeping, not even a blip
The stockings were hung on the bulkheads with care
In the hope that St. Nicholas soon would be there
The crew were all sleeping, and warm in their beds
While visions of shore leave danced in their heads
The captain had finished his shift for the day,
And had just settled down with a cup of Earl Grey
When out on the hull there arose such a clatter,
Picard sprang from his chair to see what was the matter
He looked out of the window as they flew past Mars,
But all he could see was the millions of stars
Then turning to go back to bed with a sigh,
Something appeared in the corner of his eye
A little red light that flashed as it flew
He said: “Red alert, wake up the whole crew!”
As quick as a flash the whole ship was about
What was that red light? They were sure to find out…
Up on the bridge there was still no solution
When suddenly up out of all the confusion
There was a large flash, and on viewer appeared
A jolly old man dressed in red with a beard
He rode in a sleigh ship, pulled by reindeer
Picard shouted “Riker, get back in here!”
But Riker just winked and, tapping his nose,
Disappeared off screen, to where, no one knows
The captain he sighed and scratched his bald head
Then ordered the crew to go back to their beds
When back in their quarters the crew soon found out
That good old St. Nicholas had been about
Their stockings were stuffed and filled up to the brim
They knew it was Santa: it had to be him!
Although, the captain thought something was wrong
He hadn’t been out on the bridge for that long
However could Santa have got round the crew?
Someone was helping, and he knew just who…
Riker was sitting at Ten Forward’s bar
When the captain arrived he didn’t get far
“Now look, here, commander”, Picard shouted out
“Just what are you doing out and about?”
“Well captain,” said Riker with a glint in his eye,
“I’m afraid Nick couldn’t quite make it tonight
So I’m helping out with the presents and toys
For the crew and the children, the girls and the boys!”
Picard was quite dazzled by all of this news
“But all you ever do is sit here drinking booze!
Why would Santa choose you to bring all this delight?
And why can’t he make it tonight of all nights?”
So Riker explained that St. Nick was away
In the Delta Quadrant, giving out gifts to Janeway
He’d managed with Sisko, and Gowron and Q
But he couldn’t fit in all the Enterprise too
So Riker had taken on half the reindeer
(In return for several large boxes of beer)
And filled all the stockings from the bridge to deck ten
He promised that he’d never do it again
So Picard said “I’ll let you off this time, OK?”
Riker just smiled and kept drinking away
For the first time that evening the whole ship was quiet…
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Merry Starfleet Christmas (sung by Jean-Luc Picard)
Have yourself a merry Starfleet Christmas
On the Enterprise
Here we are again and it is no surprise,
Trying to find a gift for Worf or Geordi
Is the same each year:
Nothing for a Klingon or an engineer,
Wesley Crusher has come to stay,
Data’s run away with Lore;
Riker drinks when his shift is done,
Ends up flat upon the floor.
Sitting in the ready room is futile
Q won’t go away
We just had a run-in with a Bird of Prey
The Klingons want to celebrate on Christmas Day
Yet again Deanna bought me chocolates
Wrapped up in a box
Couldn’t think of anything for Will but socks,
Starfleet Christmas party in Ten Forward
Is no fun for me:
Drunken crewmen singing carols out of key,
Mistletoe in the corridor,
Don’t know what’s in store tonight;
Doctor Crusher is drawing near,
Soon we’ll disappear from sight…
Through the stars we all will go together
If the Roms allow
There’s a warbird sitting on the starboard bow,
We’ll have ourselves a merry little Christmas row.
As with the stories, these carols were written by me, Steph. Please don't steal them. Have some Christmas Spirit!
