MORPHY'S LAW: Once you are the best in chess, then quit.
FISCHER'S POSTULATE: Once you are the best in chess, resign your title, make impossible demands, then quit.
KARPOV'S COROLLARY: Once you are the best in chess, if you start to lose, call for a timeout.
KASPAROV'S AXIOM: Once you are the best in chess, start a new organization and avoid the second best.
WALL'S COROLLARIES OF CHESS:
Every chess clock ticks faster than you think.
Your opponent's clock will always tick slower than your clock.
When you have forced mate in three, you have overlooked being mated in two.
Don't hope for your opponent's mistakes, rely on them!
A chess piece most likely to be broken or lost is the most difficult to replace.
Bad moves come in waves.
You always see a better move just after making a bad move.
A tournament director is always asked the rule he is least familiar with.
A person who resigns gracefully never intended to win anyway.
If you can't make a good move, make a confusing move.
Chess is only a hobby to those who can't play very well.
There are no inferior moves with inferior opponents.
Chess rating times good sportmanship is a constant.
The only missing move on a scoresheet is the one you can't reconstruct.
Chessplayers never die, they just lose their mating habits.
Needle your opponent with pins.
Prod your opponent with forks.
The hardest position to win is stalemate.
Chess is an art to those who can draw their games.
Rules to postal chess must be obeyed to the letter.
Chessboards are made by squares.
A king's castle is his home.
Chess ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Chess computers work better and are stronger if you plug it in.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
When all else fails, knock over the board and chess set.
If you push a pawn far enough, it will fall of the table.
If at first you don't succeed, resign. No use being a damn foolish patzer.
Don't eat beans before a match.