Nothing much here: I basically just want to open the journal. Today in second period, a senior named William found out that I had started a page the night before. Ok, so I actually told him, but I don't even remember how it came into the conversation. He, of course, asked what the page was about. Without batting an eye, I simply said "Atheism." William is an active member of the Fellowship of Christian Atheletes, so one can imagine the murderous look on his face when I answered. He simply said quietly, "Atheism?".
"Atheism", I replied, expecting him to go into a long speech about how dumb atheism is, just because he doesn't understand the Big Bang theory. But he didn't. He just shrugged and went back to his work.
I have a funny feeling something "fundie-tastic" is going to happen; it used to all the time. When I was in the fifth grade, I wasn't an atheist, but when the fundamentalist students discovered that I believed in evolution, they went crazy, accusing me of being an atheist. Ever since I began telling people I was one, it hasn't happened as much. Maybe it's the shock.
People still walk up to me, five years later, saying "Do you believe we come from monkeys?" That blatantly ignorant statement has been haunting my nightmares for all this time. They have no concept of evolution: they think it goes, "one day, a monkey was sitting behind a rock and gave birth to a human baby." That gives you an idea of how intelligent these people are. Oh, well. Maybe something will sort o f interesting will happen Monday. The thought of something interesting happening is the only thing that keeps me going every week without driving my head through a cement wall.
Early last year (school year, like August 1998), a prayer group was started at the school. At first, they just got in the way. They would form a gigantic circle between the main building and the library, right where everyone has to get through, and prayed between 1st and 2nd period. No one complained; after all, about 80% of the school was in the group. I would simply join Ray and Brandon in the usually empty school cafeteria, and we would brush the whole thing off as we went about our normal banal routines. Then they moved the group into the cafeteria. I don't know what the hell they were thinking, but it seemed they were following me, since the three of us are "heathens" (even though Brandon claims to be a Christian, and Ray's just an agnostic). They claimed it was due to cold weather, but they continued to pray even as the weather got hotter. Then, about a month ago, it all stopped.
And now the point of the story: It's started back again.This time, they also do it in the morning, by the flagpole outside. I don't know why, maybe they think they're showing off to the people passing by the school on the road. They also seem to be under the impression that someone told them they couldn't pray. For anyone who isn't aware, it's only MANDATORY prayer that's not allowed. Plus, their ignorance of their own Bible amazes me. I suppose these people have never read Matthew: 6, which speaks out against public prayer. Of couse, they've told me I'm going to hell before, making me assume they aren't familiar with Romans 2: 1-11, which speaks out against judgement of the ungodly. Oh well, the hell continues tomorrow....
Well, I haven't had a chance to update the page lately...I just thought I'd mention that we had our school talent show last Wednesday...Excuse me, did I say talent?
Last year, one girl did a Christian song. She didn't win anything either. This year, FOUR people did Christian songs. They still didn't place, but it still irks me.
"Why?" you might be wondering.
What bugs me is that none of those people listen to that music. So why the hell do they choose to perform it? Are they putting on airs and trying to look like good little Christians? Do they think it pleases their god? Or do they think that a bad rendition of "What If Jesus Came Back Like That?" will save the sinners in the audience from Hellfire? The normal (i.e., non-fundie) world may never know.
This school year is almost over...it was pretty uneventful, on the whole. All that happened yesterday was I told someone about my atheism page, and he didn't react much. And I had a confrontation with two black 9th grade boys when I stopped at the nearby gas station to fill up my car...they started by asking me about my car, then suddenly asked me if I believed in God.
I don't know why people bother asking me anymore, they already know the answer. I guess they're so brazen as to think that I'm too scared to admit it in front of them.That might explain how shocked they were when I simply said "No." and walked past them to my car.
I only have one week of school left, after that I'm free for the summer. While I'm certainly happy to have finished my 10th grade year, I hate the fact that I can't update this journal until August, when the next school year commences. But at least that gives me a chance to update the rest of my site. So until then, Pax Atheistica.
Well, school started back a week ago. I haven't had much of a chance to update the site, what with schedule changes and all that, but here I am...finally...to let you in on what's happened thus far.
Not much.
About the only interesting thing I've found out is that some of the people at the school don't know that I'm an atheist (*gasp*), and Ray and Brandon mentioned something about it in one of their classes (they were saying something about if an atheist, agnostic, and Christian all could get along, anyone could ). A few people asked Ray if he was afraid to die...I'm getting the feeling that they're going to ask me pretty soon, too, and I can't wait to shred their brains!
So far, though, just a few people have approached me and asked "Hey, are you an atheist?" To which I say "Why, yes, I am.". Then they nod their heads sympathetically (with emphasis on "pathetic") and walk away. It honestly makes me miss Elementary school, when no one had a conscience to speak of...
Little Christian:"Are you an atheist?"
Little Atheist: "Yeah..."
Little Christian: "Well, you're going to hell, nyah, nyah!!!"
Of course, these people have since discovered the wonderful world of APOLOGETICS....so they don't say rude things like that. But you know they think it. >:)
Well, everyone now knows about the "no PA system prayer at football games" thing, and some of the people are pretty riled up about it. In my third period class, right before lunch, we now have a prayer session. The teacher said said anyone who was offended by it could tell her, and she'd stop it, or that person could just go on to lunch...I go for the latter, that way I get my food while everyone else is praying....hah!
A small argument got started at the lunch table because I didn't pray, and everyone started saying that the Bible was inerrant, and that God told King James which books to compile in the Bible. I asked them does God control us, and one girl said yes. I then went on and asked her was God controlling me right now, and did he make me an atheist. Brandon (a Christian himself, but not a fundie) started laughing because I had stumped them, then several students turned around and attacked him, saying he laughs at everything I say because he's scared of me....
Huh?
Of course, I know, as well as they do, that the only reason they did that was they couldn't answer my question. Suckers.
They got back on topic surprisingly quick, though, and started telling me that I'll always be depressed until I feel "GAWD" in my heart. They said the fact that I act depressed was proof.
I AM NOT DEPRESSED, THANK YOU.
Well, outside of school, anyway. The reason I act so depressed in school is having to be in classes with these morons...I told them I felt sorry for them, and my offered my condolences for when I'm making money, driving vintage cars one day, while they're living in a trailer park eating dog food every night and driving a primered Hyundai. See, unlike them, I have a thing called "motivation", whereas their highest aspiration is to haul pulp wood for 7 dollars an hour. I'm not kidding, they seriously think that's a good thing.
I now have a three day weekend (Labor day, hurrah!), and it will be time well spent, unwinding and, for once this week, not being so irritable....I guess four weeks of school can do that to you.
You should see me towards the end of the semester.
On a sad note, my band director, was driving just outside of Meridian, MS at 5 PM on Wednesday when she lost control of her truck on the slick highway and plowed into a tree. She was killed instantly. She had only managed to put the band back together this year (we didn't have one last year), and looked to have a rewarding (albeit underpaid) career ahead of her. She was only 22 years old.
One of the other teachers at school, Mr. Danny Bullock, is a part time preacher, so naturally during band today a prayer was held for her family and the band. He said that he knew we weren't supposed to pray in school, but in times like this "if we can't turn to God, then this country is messed up."
Naturally, I stepped outside the band hall at this time, and Mr. Bullock actually apologized for praying, and he said that he didn't want to offend me.
Wow.
I told him it didn't bother me, those just weren't my beliefs. He told me he understood perfectly. I didn't complain then (I wouldn't be so insensitive to all the mourning band students), nor will I complain about it now. Still, I thought it was worth mentioning...
One of the things that I've spoken about quite a bit on here is the prayer group, which used to form between the main school building and the library, during our 10 minute break between 1st and 2nd period. Then it moved into the cafeteria. Then the flagpole. Recently, they've started grouping together right in front of the entrance to the main building. And they're waiting longer to do it, right before the "end of break" bell rings (the tardy bell is only 3 minutes after that). I guess they're just determined to inconvenience somebody...
Anyway, today, they waited until after the bell rang. I wasn't about to just stand there and wait for them to finish; I had a class to go to. So I simply broke through and walked right through the middle of the circle. I heard a couple of astonished gasps as I walked along, but I simply went straight through a gap in the other side of the circle. When I got back to class, a couple of people gave me murderous looks, and a group of boys behind me began to talk about me. I heard one of them say, "He just walked right through the middle of the prayer circle." I heard some more muffled discussion and caught the words, "no respect." I just smiled.
During lunch, I was talking to Brandon when one of the girls from that class, a somewhat large, blonde girl named Christan Pierce, sat down next to us. I asked her what those guys were saying behind my back, and she just kind of laughed nervously and told me that she didn't really know (even though I heard her join in the conversation a couple of times), and she told me not to take them seriously. Then she added that I really shouldn't have walked in the middle of the prayer circle, because it was disrespectful. I simply told her that they showed disrespect for me, and the handfull of other students not praying, by blocking the entrance to the building right when the bell rings, and until that little tradition stopped, I wasn't going to show them a shred of respect. Besides, I wasn't trying to make a statement or anything, I just wanted to get to class. She simply said "Okay," then Brandon turned to her.
"Man, Christan, just don't even bother," he told her.
"I'm not," she said.
What the hell is this? Even friends of mine seem to be turning against me...."Don't even bother..."...what was he saying, exactly? I guess I should've expected it though, since he's a (not overly religious) Christian. Anyway, it's the last friggin' time I share an opinion with him...
This is making me eager for tomorrow...I'm sure that's not the last that I'll hear about it...especially not if they do that same thing with the prayer circle, 'cause if they do, I'm simply going to walk through again...
Didn't have a chance to update the page yesterday, so I'll let you in on what happened...
Yesterday, during break, me, Ray, and Brandon were standing in our usual spot near the cafeteria talking about whatever came into our demented little minds. I seem to remember yesterday it was about all the action movies coming out now ripping off The Matrix. Anyway, we all spoke in our normal tones, not even caring that everyone else had stopped to pray. Everything got real quiet on campus, just our voices and the voice of the guy leading the prayer could be heard. Finally, they finished praying and people started talking again. From a crowd just a few feet away, we heard someone shout over to us..
"Man, y'all over there could have a little respect!"
Ray was the first to speak, and his reply was straight to the point: "Oh, shut up..."
"What?!?" the voice shot back angrily. We still couldn't tell who was speaking.
I was next. I simply said, "I'll show you respect when you show us some..."
The voice was silent for a second, then said in a frustrated tone, "Man, gay assed fags.."
Wow. How creative. It doesn't matter who you are, if you argue with a redneck, you'll get accused of being homosexual at least once...In fact, you may (as in this case) get referred to as homosexual twice in one sentence...
Hey morons, that "respect" you speak of isn't mandatory, it's earned, and you've done nothing to earn my respect. In fact, you disrespect me for practically forcing me to stop my short life just so you can pray.
I can't believe I'm actually speaking as if they'll read this page....I think I need a rest.
Okay, here's a good one...
I'm sure all the readers of this site are familar with the 12 book Christian series called Left Behind. Well for those of you who didn't know, they made a really crappy movie out of it, with Kirk Cameron. Since we no longer have a band director, the Chorus director watches over us while we watch movies or generally goof off. Today some body brought the afore mentioned movie. The woman was kind enough to ask if I wanted to go to the library or something, or did I want to stay and watch the movie.
"Some of the band members told me you might not want to watch it," she said. "But I think you might like it. It's an interesting movie, and all that's in it is covered in Revelation, I mean it's real stuff."
This might have been a good time to remind her that atheists don't believe in the book of Revelation, but out of curiousity, I told her I'd stay.
Although the concept of the movie (placing the mythology of Revelation into the modern day) was interesting, some parts of that blasted movie were too stupid to handle. Such as the "nonbeliever" who is only a nonbeliever because he's never read the Bible. When his Christian wife (whom he often made fun of) is "taken", he reads the Bible and becomes a believer. How completely stupid. I've read it twice, and if nothing else, it's part of what made me an atheist in the first place.
Then there's the obligatory "This isn't God's fault, he gave us free will" scene. If God is omniscient, and already can tell the future (thereby knowing where we go before we do), why would he bother giving us free will? Unless, of course, he's a myth?
All I can say is that I was relieved when the bell rang (only after I had to endure about an hour and ten minutes of that tripe), and they're going to finish the movie tomorrow. I think I'll take a little trip to the library...