What causes these differences that occur from abuse? I sit and ask why? I try to help and understand this child (I have total sympathy for her feelings.); yet, I cannot comprehend the extreme differences that we have. I know that lashing out is a common thing; but to try to be an adult, is so far from normal. To be twelve again would be most adult's biggest desire. It would be a dream come true for many to be able to play from early morn until late in the evening, This is a freedom all adults give up.

I have been told I must force her to be twelve again. I wonder how you can force this? I was not twelve. I was an adult from a young age. I was the nurturer of a family of males since I was the only female child. The female has responsibilities that a male doesn't (like cooking, cleaning, sewing, and laundry). How can I be expected to make a child act their age when I was never allowed to act that age myself?

Why dear Lord, do you heap this burden upon me? I have had many burdens throughout the years that I have had to carry. But to make a child be a child is beyond my comprehension. Please intercede on my behalf. I am not capable nor do I know how. I pray that you will gently guide her back to childhood, for I cannot.

The psychological problems are already developing in this short time. We have already caught her using tobacco and alcohol. She has been caught lying and stealing. Her counseling arrangement was not appropriate: She was placed in a group setting, and I fear that this has done more harm than it has done good: She has learned of a young woman that had miscarriages at the ages of 9, 12, and 15 because she was sexually active after abuse. One of the group members has moved next door, and she is totally into sex, drugs, and alcohol. My granddaughter came home from group sessions with condoms. she was highly offended; but since her age was twelve, they had placed her with children, fifteen and older. I fear we made a big mistake by forcing her into groups. These were not the type of things I wanted her to know about nor comprehend. What happened to her was bad enough; but to be told to always carry a condom with you in case something happens to you, is beyond my understanding. I wanted to instill in her some semblance of normalcy; but, instead, she was instilled with an idea that once a victim always a victim. God willing, I will find a way to straighten out this mess and Rose will have a good, successful, and useful life.

I personally feel is that we are doing wrong even in our plans in therapies: There is no known set rule to follow, but every counselor, therapist, and psychiatrist should be on the same wavelength as far as treatment. We were told by one therapists to allow Rose to smoke if it takes the edge off of her pain. Then we were condemned by the next for allowing it. We placed her in the group program, and instead of help, she learned more on how to protect herself from disease, than how to handle her problem. I feel that we more intercommunication between our psychiatrists, therapists, and counselors is necessary. In the meantime, I continue to stress seeking help. It was a long hard journey through the legal system, and it will be an even longer and harder journey through recovery.

I am feeling quite desperate at present. Any prayers would be greatly appreciated.