Season 3
Anya: "For a thousand years I wielded the powers of the Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child. And I'm flunking Math."
Anya: "What a day. Give me a beer."
Bartender: "I.D."
Anya: (glares)
Bartender: "I.D."
Anya: "I'm 1120 years old, just give me a frigging beer!"
Bartender: "I.D."
Anya: (sighs) "Give me a Coke."Anya: "You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them."
Xander: "Then why are you talking to me?"
Anya: "I don't have a date for the prom."Anya: "She wished her husband's head would explode, which was great, except we were standing three feet from him at the time. What a mess. Of course, you know, during the plague, it was always parts falling off, but... that got pretty old since really they pretty much were anyway..."
Anya: "I've seen some horrible things in my time and life. I've been the cause of most of them, actually..."
Anya: "When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit."
Xander: "Welcome to the world of romance."
Anya: "It's horrible. No wonder I used to get so much work."
Season 4
Anya: "I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes, in my dreams, you're all naked."
Xander: "So... the crux of this plan is..."
Anya: "Sexual intercourse. I've said it, like, a dozen times."
Xander: "Uh-huh. Just working through a little hysterical deafness here."
Anya: "I think it's the secret to getting you out of my mind. Putting you behind me. Behind me figuratively. I'm thinking face-to-face for the event itself."Xander: "But sexual interc-- What you're talking about, well--and I'm actually turning into a woman as I say this--but it's about expressing something. And accepting consequences."
Anya: "Oh, I have condoms. Some are black."
Xander: "That's... that's very considerate."
Anya: "I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped. And frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now."Xander: "You said you were over me."
Anya: "And you just accepted that?"Xander: "I can't say seeing you falls into the realm of a bad thing."
Anya: "Really? I thought maybe we could go out tonight. For our anniversary."
Xander: "Anniversary?"
Anya: "It's been exactly one week since we copulated."Anya: "Are you listening? Xander's trapped."
Giles: "Where's Buffy and the others?"
Anya: "Oh, they're trapped, too. But we've gotta save Xander!"Anya: "What?"
Xander: "That's your scary costume?"
Anya: "Bunnies frighten me."Xander: "Something about Willow and her griefy "poor me" mood swings. So, so tired of it."
Anya: "You mean I don't have to be nice about her anymore?"Xander: "How could you say I'm using you?"
Anya: "You don't care about what I think, you don't ask about my day."
Xander: "You really did turn into a real girl, didn't you?"
Anya: "See? You make jokes during my pain."Willow: "It stole Giles' car."
Xander: "Why would a demon steal a car?"
Anya: "Why would a demon steal THAT car?"Willow: "They are anti-demon. But probably pro ex-demon."
Anya: "Maybe. I choose to feel threatened."Anya: "Xander, you haven't been paying any attention to me tonight. Just peddling those processed food bricks. I don't know why."
Xander: "Well, let me put it in a way you'll understand. Sell bars, make money, take Anya nice places, buy pretty things."
Anya: "That does make sense. All right, I support you. Go sell more."Anya: "So what you're saying is that everything's fine?"
Giles: "Um, yes."
Anya: "Well, I'm glad you called us all here, because that information could never be conveyed by telephone."Xander: "Anyways, they'll probably be too busy flirting with every other girl at the party to even notice you."
Anya: "So, you don't think I'm desirable enough to be flirted with? Is that it?"Anya: "Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high!"
Spike: "Hey, yeah, I did. I scared you. Gimme money."
Anya: "I'm not paying you for scaring me."
Spike: "You're not paying me. I'm robbing you."
Anya: "Oh, well, that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is... when it's mine."
Spike: "Grrrr!"
Anya: "Oh, now, come on! You're not even bumpy anymore!"
Spike: "Oh. I was just a minute ago. Hang on. Get me mad again."
Anya: "Does this really work? Scaring people into giving you their money?"
Spike: "Yeah, it works. Keeps me in blood and beers. Plus, you know, funny - watching the little humans quail."
Anya: "I'm beginning to understand why you're so friendless."Anya: "Boy, I miss those powers."
Spike: "Yeah. Tell me about it."
Anya: "A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler."Xander: "We've gone other nights without sex."
Anya: "I know. Twice!"Anya: "I'm just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis, and now I don't even have that!"
Anya: "Well then, I'm staying too. To show you how much I'm not bothered by you having fun. Because I'll be having more fun!"
Xander: "I'm having fun already!"
Anya: "Me too! Whoo-hoo!"Xander: "What do you feel?"
Anya: "Upset, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry."
Xander: "I meant about the house."
Anya: "Oh. Still haunted."Anya: "Slap my hand now."
Giles: "Beg your pardon?"
Anya: "In celebration."
Giles: "Oh. Yes." (high-fives Anya)
Anya: "Ow!"Anya: "Wow - the chip in your head means you can't even point a gun? How humiliating."
Xander: "Xander got fired from Starbucks. Xander got fired from that phone-sex line."
Anya: "They look down on you."
Xander: "And they hate you."
Anya: "But they don't look down on me."Tara: "You think this will go on for a while?"
Anya: "Hard to say."
Tara: "Nice bathroom."
Anya: "Like the tile."Man: "You suck!"
Anya: "Quiet! You'll miss the humorous conclusion."
Season 5
Anya: "I doubt he'd [Dracula] remember me. I was just a silly young thing. I mean, like 700 or so. But he did say that this guy I cursed was doomed forever, which was really sweet, don't you think?"
Anya: "Crap! Look at this--now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage."
Xander: "That means you're winning."
Anya: "Really?"
Xander: "Yes, cash equals good."
Anya: "Ooh! I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?"Xander: "Anya, you there? Look, I know you're still mad, but I figure you're probably sitting there pretending you're not home, but listening anyway."
Anya: "Am not."Anya: "When do we get a car?"
Xander: "A car?"
Anya: "And a boat. No, wait, I don't mean a boat. I mean a puppy. Or a child. I have a list somewhere."Anya: "I'm dying. I may have as few as 50 years left."
Anya: "And you can't promise you'll be with me when I'm wrinkly, and my teeth are artificial and stuck into my wrinkly mouth with an adhesive."
Anya: "Maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and we can all have sex together, and then, you know, just slap them back together in the morning."
Anya: "Please go."
Xander: "Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They want me to tell you that 'Please go' just got replaced with 'Have a nice day.'"
Anya: "But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?"Anya: "We have to bring presents, right? Birth is a present thing?"
Anya: "Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. Please come again for more purchases!"
Giles: "Could we perhaps be a little less effusive, Anya? We don't want to frighten the people."
Anya: "I'm just so excited. They come in, I help them, they give us money in exchange for goods, you give me money for working for you. I have a place in the world now. I'm part of the system. I'm a workin' gal."
Giles: "Yes. Well, why don't you start organizing the shipping orders?"
Anya: "Oh, no, that's boring. I just want to do the money parts."Cousin Beth: Well, I hope you'll all be happy hanging out with a disgusting demon."
Anya: "Excuse me... what kind?"
Cousin Beth: "What?"
Anya: "What kind of demon is she? There's a lot of different kinds. Some are very, very evil, and some have been considered to be useful members of society."Anya: "I mean, I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter. Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!"
Anya: "Sobekites were reptile worshippers."
Xander: "Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers."
Anya: "Great. Thank you very much for those nightmares!" [Anya is scared of bunnies]Willow: "Something evil crashed to Earth in this, and then broke out and slithered away to do badness."
Giles: "In all fairness, we don't really know about the 'slithered' part."
Anya: "Oh, no. I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb."Riley: "No pulse."
Anya: "Yep, the space lamb got him."Dawn: "When I was younger, I used to put my chopsticks in my mouth like this, and then Buffy would chase me around the house yelling, 'I'm the Slayer, I'm going to get you!'"
Anya: "That's disturbing. You're emotionally scarred and will end up badly."Xander: "The chimp, playing hockey? Is that based on the Chekhov?"
Anya: "There's a chimp playing hockey?"
Dawn: "No, the other one. I don't want to see a sad movie."
Anya: "We have to see the chimp playing hockey. That's hilarious. The ice is so slippery, and monkeys are all irrational. We have to see this!"Dawn: "I'm only sleeping over here so Buffy and Riley can boink."
Xander: "No, no... that's not it at all. They just need time to... um, be tender. Relax."
Anya: "He's not very convincing, is he?"
Dawn: "Alone time always translates into 'Get Dawn out of the house so we can have loud, obnoxious sex.'"
Anya: (looking at Xander) "Oh. Does that mean we can't?"Anya: "Oh, that's very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon. I can just hear you in private: 'I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal.'"
Anya: "A little after-hours hanky-panky in the training room, huh? Boy, Xander and I could tell you some stories."
Xander: "Not now. Let's go, Anya."
Anya: "There's a funny thing with the vaulting horse that you can tr--"Anya: "Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a vengeance demon. Some guy dumps a girl, she calls me, I exact vengeance, blah, blah, blah. The next year, same girl, different guy. I mean, after you smite a few of 'em, you start going, my goodness, young lady, maybe you're doing something wrong here too."
Giles: "Um, Anya, while I completely trust you to take care of the inventory and the money, um, dealing with people requires a certain... finesse."
Anya: "I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles and bribe him with money and goods."Anya: "Well, I don't know how to put the top up. I only just figured out what the left pedal does. It makes us stop!"
Willow: "You don't know how to drive? Why didn't you say you don't know how to drive?"Anya: "Well, I couldn't know if I could until I tried, could I?"
Willow: "There's a troll on the loose and you're gonna crash Giles' car!"
Anya: "It's likely. We're going very fast."Giles: "Essentially, their agenda is the same as ours. They want to save the world and kill demons."
Anya: "Kill the CURRENT demons, right? CURRENT demons."Anya: "They don't sound very ex-demon compatible."
Anya: "Customers! Please, bring your money back."
Anya: "Council? You're the Council? Welcome to our store. We're closed now. I'll be in the back."
Watcher: "So, you have no special skills or powers or knowledge you bring to the mix, neither of you?"
Anya: "Just enthusiasm for killing the demons. Go deadness for the demons!"Xander: "Anya, you want to help me with that thing?" Anya: "Xander needs help with his thing!"
Anya: "Oh, it's just so lovely! Oh, I wish it was mine! Oh, like you weren't all thinking the same thing."
Tara: "Willow's good with all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that?"
Anya: "Oh, well at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, 'Whoa, I'm 1100 years old.' I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans."Anya: "I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope."
Willow: "A good deed."
Anya: "Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now."Anya: "She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely."
Xander: "Nah, forget it. Letting him in is good, 'cause then we get to toss him out."
Anya: "Ooh, can we throw him out the window like the robot did? 'Cause that was neat."Giles: "Yes, everything was delicious."
Anya: "Yes. I'm going to barf, too."Tara: "There's a Santa Claus?"
Anya: "Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney -- all true."
Dawn: "All true?"
Anya: "Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise..."Anya: "I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's... there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And Xander's crying and not talking. And I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever. And she'll never have eggs or yawn or brush her hair. Not ever. And no one will explain to me why."
Anya: "You could have hit an electrical... thing."
Tara: "Did I miss something?"
Anya: "Xander decided that he blames the wall."Anya: "I wish that Joyce didn't die. Because she was nice. And now we all hurt."
Anya: "Well, I just think understand sex now. It's not just about two bodies smooshing together. It's about life. It's about making life."
Xander: "Right. When two people are much older, and way richer, and far less stupid."
Anya: "Breathe. You're turning colors."Giles: "You don't have to do that Dawn. Just... just relax."
Anya: "Yes, sit down. We have some very amusing chicken feet you could play with."Giles: "Then useful you shall be! We can always use a hand."
Anya: "But you have a hand. A paid hand. A hand that isn't the hand of the illegal child labor."
Giles: "Anya..."
Anya: "But of course it's wonderful that you find doing my job so distracting! I am unthreatened. Proceed."Anya: "Ring up sales? With the money? She gets to fondle the money? Customer! Hello, customer! How may I serve you?"
Xander: "I wish Giles had told us they were back from the desert. I wish I knew what went on there."
Anya: "Oh, you know, Slayer-Watcher stuff. Probably some silly ritual with an enchanted prarie dog or something."Anya: "We're just kind of thrown by the you having sex with Spike."
Buffy: "The who whatting how with huh?"
Anya: "O.k., that's denial. That usually comes before anger."
Buffy: "I'm not having sex with Spike!"
Anya: (nods) "Anger."Anya: "Uck! It looks very complicated in there. Personally, I'd rather look at guts."
Anya: "I've recently come to realize that there is more to me than just being human. I'm also an American."
Giles: "Yes, I suppose you are, in a manner of speaking. I mean, you were born here -- your mortal self."
Anya: (to Giles) "Well that's right, foreigner!" (to Willow & Xander) "So I've been reading a lot about the Good 'Ol Us of A, embracing the extraordinarily precious ideology that has helped to shape and define it."
Willow: "Democracy?"
Anya: "Capitalism!"Xander: "Willow, no. It's just for one night."
Willow: "Yeah, I know. But it's a whole night. I don't think I can sleep without her."
Anya: "You can sleep with me! (off everyone's looks) Well now that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head."Giles: "There must be something in the Book of Tarnis that we've missed. Something that we can use against Glory."
Anya: "Piano!"
Xander: "Because that's what we used to kill that big demon that one time... no, wait, that was a rocket launcher. An, what are you talking about?"
Anya: "We should drop a piano on her. Well, it always works for that creepy cartoon rabbit when he's running from that nice man with the speech impediment."Anya: "Run away? ... Finally, a sensible plan!"
Anya: "Anybody else feel that?"
Willow: "What?"
Anya: "Cold draft of paralyzing fear?"Anya: "Overwhelming? How much more than 'whelming' would that be, exactly?"
Anya: "Oooh, snacks! The secret to any successful migration. (pulls frying pan and Spam from her bag) Who's up for some tasty fried meat products?"
Anya: "You have another plan, right? One that doesn't involve pointy knives and a Winnebago?"
Buffy: "I like this. Thanks."
Anya: "Here to help. Wanna live."Xander: "So, are you more, uh ... relaxed?"
Anya: "No."
Xander: "No? I mean, it sounded like you, uh ... arrived."
Anya: "No. Yes. Um, I had the pleasure moment, and the blissful calm that comes right after it. But that only lasted a couple of seconds, and now I'm terrified again."Anya: "God, who, who would put something like that there? Is this supposed to be some sort of sick joke?" [Picks up a small toy bunny] "I mean, things aren't bad enough! This is an omen."
Quotes till the end of Season 5.