Q: Where are the two biggest airbags located?
A: The White House.

Q: Whats shakin'?
A: Chelsea's leg, when I scratch her behind her ear!

Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?
A: He married her.

Q: Why is President Clinton ussually in a bad mood?
A: P.M.S.

Q: Why did Bubba and Hillary only have one kid?
A: Vince Foster is dead.

Q: What do they do to fast women in Arkansas?
A: Put a governor on 'em.

Q: Who was the first liberal Democrat?
A: Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been, and did it all on borrowed money.

Q: Did you hear that someone threw a bottle of beer at Clinton?
A: Yes, but it's ok. It was a Draft and he was able to dodge it.

Q: Do you know why they outlawed mini skirts in the White House?
A: So Hillary's balls wouldn't show!

Q: Did you here about Kentucky Fried Chicken's Hillary Combo meal?
A: two small breasts, two large thighs and two left wings.

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.

Q: Why is it more dangerous than normal to sit next to Bill Clinton while he's smoking?
A: The smoke is still firsthand!

Q: Why does Hillary have a big mouth?
A: She likes to bl** whales.

Q: Why does Hillary have a grimace on her face?
A: Bill forgot to take the dildo out.

Q: Why did Bill use the dildo? A: Because Hillary bit it off!

Q: Why did Gennifer Flowers leave Bill and talked?
A: Bill had NOTHING to give her!

Q: What's Clinton's executive order #1?
A: Flowers by his bedside.

Q: Did you hear that Dr. Kevorkian has renamed his death machine "CLINTONATOR"?
A: Unlike a respirator it doesn't let the patient inhale.

Q: Did you know Bill Clinton has AIDS?
A: What do you expect when you screw everyone in the country?

Q: What's Bill Clinton's least expensive hobby?
A: To sit in the Oval Office and collect dust

Q: Why is Bill Clinton not circumcised? [per Gennifer Flowers]
A: It would involve throwing away the best part.

Q: Why did a Bill Clinton send an unsigned check for a hundred dollars to a charity?
A: He wanted to make an anonymous contribution.

Q: Why is Hillary suing Bill for divorce?
A: Because he's doing to everybody what he should only be doing to her.

Q: Who was the biggest corporate contributor to Clinton's campaign?
A: Snap-On Tools, Inc.

Q: What did Hillary say to Bill before the election?
A: "We'd better win this one, or I'm moving in with Marina Navratilova!"

Q: Did you hear that Tyson Foods has genetically engineered a new breed of chicken and named it in honor of Bill Clinton?
A: It's a brainless, spineless, dickless, left-wing asshole, tar-and-feathers yellow chicken with no balls.
(Footnote: Tyson Foods are some Arkansas chicken farmers who torture their chicken (ever heard of de-beaking?), pollute the environment with chickenshit, and have paid millions of dollars to Co-Governors Bill & Hillary Clinton to look the other way. :)

Q: Why is Bill Clinton the living proof of reincarnation?
A: Because no one could get this stupid in one lifetime.

Q: How many people work in civil service under Bill?
A: Maybe one in ten.

Q: Why did Bill abolish coffee breaks for civil servants?
A: Because coffee kept them awake all day.

Q: Who/what are/were Ren & Stimpy?
A: There other names for Bill and Al.

Q: Who is the most dangerous woman in the world?
A: Tonya Rodham Bobbitt

Q: Do you know why Clinton gave the Federal employees the day off on Wednesday?
A: It was Secretaries' Day and he was to cheap to buy his a present!

Q1: What's a word for Clintons '92 campaign
Q2: What did Clinton request from Paula Jones.
Q3: What will Clinton have in '96
Q3': What will you get if Clinton's health bill passes?
A1: Snow-Job A2: Blow-Job A3: No Job.

Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
A: She looks like her dad Janet Reno.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton fire Joyce Elders??
A: Because he failed her masturbation course!

Q: What does Hillary's new hair style have to do with her heading the Health Care Reform Task Force?
A: She wanted to look more like nurse Ratchett from One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest .

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!

Q: What's the best job a dumb blonde ever had?
A: Vice-president of the United States.

Q: Have you heard about the new Bill Clinton doll?
A: You pull a little ring and it NEVER tells the same story twice!

--- SECTION: Bumper Stickers
It's still the economy. And he's still stupid.

-:- CLINTON - GORE / GONE IN FOUR -:-

Honk if Bill Clinton says you're rich!

First Hillary Then Gennifer Now US.

Bumper sticker on Arkansan car: If you can read this You're not from here

Abort Clinton

IMPEACH CLINTON! And her husband, too!

CLUCK FINTON!

WHERE THE HELL IS LEE HARVEY OSWALD NOW THAT WE REALLY NEED HIM?

"CLINTON DOESN'T INHALE, HE SUCKS! AND SWALLOWS"

In a similar vein, I saw a Hundai on the freeway a few days ago with a bumper sticker that read "My Lexus Thanks to Clinton"

What Bill did to Flowers, Hillary's doing to Healthcare

CLINTON HAPPENS

"Carter is not longer the worst U.S. President"

"I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimulated."

LIBERALS: One a day, and one in possession. (inside the crosshairs of a scope)

Thank you, Bill Clinton, for costing me my job. I will repay you in '96.

Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate!

My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill

Its the SPENDING STUPID!

You can't shit here, 'cause your asshole's in the White House.

If Clinton was the Answer, IT MUST HAVE BEEN A REAL STUPID QUESTION!!

Clinton in '96 -- NOT!!

"Free Willy '96"

Bill Clinton: THE SLYDER

"Hilary sucks, and we all know who".

I'M NOT FONDA CLINTON

Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government.

Clinton Health Care: A Trojan Hearse

Bill Clinton: Why stupid people shouldn't vote.

"The jokes over, bring back Bush."

--- SECTION: Oneliners
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.

When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, "I don't know. I never had one."
060;BR> If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?

Al Gore is a true legend. Everywhere he goes, there is a statue personifying him.

Chelsea asked her dad, "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time...?" Bill Clinton replied, "No. Some begin with 'After I'm elected...'"

President Clinton will be starring in his own TV show next season. It's called "Welcome Back Carter".

Did you hear it took three secret service agents to hold Hillary's hand down during the swearing-in ceremony?

If the Clinton's divorce before 1996, who will get the house?

Hillary and Donna Shalala are such feminists that they insisted on the removal of balls from the White House pool table.

When Clinton was asked about Roe vs. Wade, he replied "I think the Haitians had better row because it is too far to wade."

Clinton's mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.

The money clip of the 90's will be a penny stuck in a paper clip

The big problem with Clinton's new military is that the only way to get promoted is to suck up.

The American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of sh.. that he can't fly.

Bill Clinton's 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not commit thyself!

Gennifer Flowers reassures us that the White House budget is fine. In her experience, the President already has a very small staff.

Bill Clinton has been mistakenly characterized as a "yes man" when he is really a "yes ma'am."

What do Lani Guinnierre and Gennifer Flowers have in common? (Do you really need the punchline for this one?)

We believe Clinton. He didn't inhale. He sucks!

The problem with a government-run trust fund is that there is too little of either.

Clinton should be proud. He has done more in six months than Jimmy Carter in four years.

Isn't putting Bill Clinton in charge of a trust fund as insane as putting in a draft-dodger as Commander in Chief?

Al Gore is stiffer than Pee Wee Herman at a double feature.

Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America's finest leaders: Integrity, vision, and wisdom.

Asked about his views on euthanasia, Clinton replied, "Youth in Asia are just like kids everywhere else."

Diapers and congressmen need to be changed frequently for much the same reason.

Clinton is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe

Someone is marketing Bill Clinton golf balls. They don't fly straight but they sure give you a great lie.

If 50% of adults are illiterate, how come Bill only got 43% of the vote?

Al Gore: Just a heartbeat away from the vice-presidency.

With all of Bill's half-siblings, at least we know his father was not a condom salesman. Like father, like son.

The good news about Clinton's health care is that everyone will be covered. The bad news is that it will be with dirt.

If character is not an issue, why isn't Ted Kennedy president?

Clinton floated a strike on baseball's opening day but most of his pitches are high and to the left.

If Clinton wanted legislation to burn down the Capitol building, Republicans in the Senate would introduce a compromise bill to burn it down over 3 years.

Food stamps are rationed so what makes you think government-run health care won't be?

No one can call Clinton a cheap taxpayer. Look at how much he is costing the taxpayers.

When Bill's Congress passes a law, it's a joke...but when Hillary tells a joke, it' the law.

Ever since he met JFK, Clinton wanted to be president in the worst possible way...now he's succeeding beyond his wildest dreams.

Oxymoron of 1994: Whitewater Development

Have you heard about the new Bill Clinton doll? You pull the string and it never tells the same story twice.

Dan Quayle's new book is called Standing Firm. Shouldn't that be the title of Clinton's book?

A George Bush watch has no hands and says "read my lips."
A Ross Perot watch only runs sometimes.
A Clinton watch has two faces and neither one works.

One thing's sure about Clinton-- he sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs.

Bob Kerrey, when asked about Bill Clinton dodging the draft: "Do I care if he evaded the draft? Well, a part of me does." [Mr. Kerrey lost a leg in Vietnam]

Clinton gives the term "going abroad" a whole new meaning.

Oxymoron of the year: Clinton character assassination.

BTW, can the Federal Trade Commision sue Bill Clinton for false advertising? In particular, for using the title President Clinton?

Truman and Clinton "If Truman ever picked up a shot of whiskey, he swallowed!"

Did ya'll know that President Clinton was a test tube baby. Just goes to show that even before he was born, he wasn't worth a fuck!

I think that the US of A got the best of the latest deal with China, the one where they traded Hillary Clinton for Harry Wu.

Bill Clinton. The perfect thing if pro wrestling is too complicated for you.

Arsenio:I heard that Harris [headed for the electric chair] was going to imitate Bill Clinton... He wouldn't inhale...

Reagan speech 8/17/92 at Republican National Convention: When we see all that rhetorical smoke billowing out from the Democrats, ladies and gentlemen, I'd follow the example of their nominee: Don't inhale.

a 200 dollar hair cut? What kind of example does that set?
With hair like Clinton's, two hundred bucks isn't ENOUGH to make it look right.

"Death, Taxes, and Democrats will always be with us, at least Death never gets any worse" ... A Wise Man......

Why doesn't Clinton have the courage to call his plan what it really is? "Socialism"

[On the claim that "lying" should be grounds to nullify an election:]
"If that's the standard, President Clinton could get the death penalty at this point." -- Jay Leno

Re: Spy Magazine: CLINTON'S FIRST 100 LIES
I'm waiting for "Penthouse Magazine: CLINTON'S FIRST 100 LAYS". Seems like a natural for The Great Fornicator.

After today's coroner's report we may learn that David Koresh "smoked but didn't inhale"!

Clinton is not a "tax and spend" Democrat, he is a "contribute and invest" democrat.

Subject: Clinton on Tailhook Affair.
After reading the investigation report Clinton remarked, "Maybe draft dodging was not such a good idea!"

On the 4/23/93 Tonight show, Jay Leno noted in his monologue that Clinton had broken so many promises that he has actually run out of promises to break! So he has asked his aids to bring him a list of all of Reagan's and Bush's promises so he can start working on breaking their promises too!

Reporter: Did you meet Satan during your 1992 campaign swing through Georgia?
Clinton: No I didn't...inhell.

I've heard of the Clintons being referred to as Billary, combining Bill and Hillary. Well, why not switch it around and say "Hillbilly"... Hey! That fits all too well. And please I mean no offense to the President. Or her husband.

From The Simpsons, April, 1993
[Bart] Didn't you think there was something wrong when you were getting checks for doing nothing?
[Grandpa] I thought it was because the Democrats were back in power.

When Clinton was asked if his administration would have an abortion bill, he replied "No, I've already paid it."

George Bush reminds many women of their husbands, on the other hand Bill Clinton reminds many women why an increasing number of them are staying single.

US President Bill Clinton plans to reduce the budget deficit by an appeal to sacrifice. The problem, however, is that every time he gets near a virgin...

Voice From White House] Sorry, but we just have to cut all our - non-essential staff here
(voice revealed to be Hillary) So, Bill, I'll give you 'til 5 to get out!

Reporter 1] The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!
Reporter 2] And that concludes our report from the Clinton White House

Slick Willie appoints his wife to chair health care reform and now appoints yet another Kennedy to be, of all things, Ambassador to Ireland. Who said nepotism in American government is dead?

The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the drunks are gambling with *our* money!

"A Gore friend told him to urge Clinton to pick Sigourney Weaver for Attorney General: 'She knows how to handle aliens.'"

Bill Clinton is *so* fat, when he wears his yellow raincoat, people shout, "Taxi!"

I heard that some of the women in Arkansas are so fast that they have to put a governor on them!

My brother explained why Bill Clinton is having so many woes: Bill Clinton has been in the Flowers and weeds!!

Bill Clinton is *so* fat, when he makes love to two women at the same time, they never see each other.

George Bush:
"Change, change, change... That's all we'll have in our pockets if Bill Clinton is elected president."

Heard on MTV News:
"Bill's brother who who owns a band, Politics, will be playing at the inauguration if Bill Clinton gets elected. Bill's brother will bring down the house just like Bill Clinton will bring down the country."
"more clinton jokes"