THINGS THAT ANNOY ME
			1.)  Nothing makes me shudder more than any article of clothing that boasts an athletic sport, team, and number that does NOT exist in reality.  No folks, you do not play for the Abercrombie and Fitch soccer team, Old Navy J.V. volleyball team, or American Eagle rugby team.  You are NOT number 36.  Suggestions so you stop annoying me:  Get off your ass and play a real sport!  Dig out those old gym shorts!  Stop shopping in dumb stores!  No, wait . . . maybe all these teams could play each other and you people could just have ONE stupid shirt that you can buy from the tournament.
						2.) Toes should stay together.  No, this does not mean that webbed toes are ideal.  They are much, much worse actually. The ability to separate them is not an invitation to do so.  Suggestions so you stop annoying me: Do not stretch, wiggle, or otherwise separate your toes from one another.  It's too finger-like and those are some ugly fingers.
					3.)  What is more indicative of an Oedipal complex than calling your significant other names such as "baby," "daddy," "momma," and the like?  Suggestions so you stop annoying me:  Keep your subconscious desire to get with your opposite sex parent or child to yourself!  Unless you are joking around, no one wants to hear it.
						4.)  If you are interested in drawing horses and reading fantasy novels that have wizards and dragons and keys, you must remember that you are no longer that dorky girl who wore pink courdoroy overalls in middle school.  Suggestions so you stop annoying me: Why don't you consider putting these two concepts together.  Then, you'll have a beastiality fantasy that'll seem a little more 'mature' than your original infatuations.
						5.) Edible accessories, i.e. candy necklaces, are not a good idea.  It's pretty gross to eat something that has collected all of the dead skin cells you slough off over the time period it takes to eat those things.  Suggestions so you stop annoying me: Shower before sporting a candy necklace, and be sure to exfoliate and apply a ring of antiperspirant around your neck.
							6.)  Attention nose-pickers!!  We can all see you!! Suggestions so you stop annoying me:  Just don't.  Try a snot rocket for something equally conspicuous, but more entertaining.
							7.) Dirty bandaids are just about the grossest thing ever.  Especially someone else's dirty bandaids.  Remember that when it's your bandaid and you think, 'hey, that's not so bad.'  Well, everyone else hates it more because it's not theirs.  Suggestions so you stop annoying me:  Trust me, it's okay to change your bandaid before it's about to fall off.  Conceivably, a clean bandaid is better for your cut than a dirty one anyway.  Imagine that.  And, it's okay to throw the old one in the trash can instead of leaving it on the ground or in a pool for some unsuspecting fool to touch accidentally.