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Publication unknown, 1994. By Demetrius Romeo
The Doug Anthony Allstars have been destroying British audiences for nearly a decade. Now we won't ever see them again. Demetrius Romeo trailed them round Australia as it all came to an end.
The Doug Anthony Allstars had returned to Australia after a year's absence to tour on the back of their Dead & Alive video and CD, recorded during their recent and most successful British tour. Backstage one night, Tim Ferguson offered me a very warm beer and was happy to chat.
Soon though he made reference to dropping three purple pyramids and I'd left my dictaphone at home so we rearranged our proper interview for the Footbridge Theatre at Sydney University next week. I left. Footsteps pursued me down the stairs and I heard my name being called. It was Tim.
"Can you get us some dope?" he asked. "I don't know anyone around here." I promised to see what I could do.
A week later, post-performance, your reporter was ushered into the Doug Anthony Allstars' dressing room.
Paul entered the room with Richard Fidler's towel.
Richard [from the corridor]: "Give me my towel or I'll come and get it."
Paul: "Come and get it! Come on!"
Richard: "I have nothing to hide from you boys."
Tim [conspiratorially]: "That's what we're afraid of. Richard's got a huge dick."
I plough on. It might be just my perception because I've been straighter at this series of performances but you seem much tighter than before?
Paul: "Well, the ones that you saw while you were drug-addled, let's face it, off-your-fucking-tits on..."
Tim: "...on LS fucking D."
Paul: "Timothy Leary's dreamboat drug."
Tim: "Bit of the 'pot calling the kettle black' there."
Paul: "Pretty easy for us to look a bit slack when you're tripping off your skull."
No, I insist, the choreography seemed tighter.
Tim: "The reason for that is that now that the UK have broken wild for us, we're playing venues that are very large and if you're playing to 1,500 punters, you can't afford to say: 'Oh well, a third of the show will be made up'. Particularly when there's a big, big stage with three tiny little boys on it and a hug crowd staring and waiting."
The Doug Anthony Allstars, Tim, Richard and Paul, met in Canberra while fucking around with punk bands. They had to play out on the streets because soon no venues would have them. They were very violent and stupid and sort of punk in that extremely middle class way that only Australians can do. Eventually they got sick and tired of carrying all their gear around and opted to just do songs with a couple of guitars. Then the jokes started appearing, and the talking, and the stream of consciousness poetry. They would do things like fill garbage cans with newspaper, set it alight and jump in. And then jump out again. It was all ferociously fast. At the back of their minds they were scared that people might have something better to do, like go off and shop.
And so it evolved. They toured Australia. Toured Britain. Toured Australia. Toured Britain. Toured Britain. Their rude, couldn't-give-a-fuck energy made them particularly popular with students. Many of their gigs were at universities but the Doug Anthony Allstars appealed to any young person who got a kick out of the energy, the anger and aggressiveness they gave off. They were rude and obnoxious and they would do anything for a laugh.
In 1993 they caused a spectacular furore in Ireland with the local paper in Belfast running a front page splash 'Minister slams Satanic Aussie comedy act' after their show there.
"We came to Belfast doing a show about Satanism in a spirit of Ecumenicalism and we brought the warring Catholics and Protestants together for once in Northern Ireland, if only for that brief moment in hatred of ourselves. We're very happy about that," was all that the Allstars would say.
"The bottom line is 'Is it funny?'" they said. "But then again, that's not the bottom line; we do a lot of things that aren't funny just to please ourselves."
Back in Sydney, Tim was on a high. There was even talk of a DAAS film.
"At the moment we're toying with the idea of a road movie simply because in a road movie it doesn't matter how little sense the script makes," was his cunning plan. "People will go and see cars and bikes being smashed any fucking time of day, for any reason."
Will any of these ideas see fruition?
"I don't see why not," he said. "We've been darlings of the American film companies now for years."
And what about the Batman rumour, that you were to be the Penguin's henchmen in Batman Returns? Just bullshit?
"Of course it was. We needed publicity; we were doing a big tour."
Last September, the Allstars undertook a series of university gigs as a kind of warm up for a national tour to follow. Rumours of a break up began to filter through the press with alarming regularity. Richard Fidler agreed to talk about them.
In his Bondi Beach hotel room, a large sketchpad lay open on his desk. On it was an elaborate storyboard. Was this the Allstars' feature film in preparation? No, interactive CD-ROM was now the plan.
So no Martin Scorsese interest then?
"No. That would have been nice but it was never really going to happen."
And you didn't appear in Age of Innocence in the meantime?
"Tim appeared in Age of Innocence as Michelle Pfeiffer's body double. Tim's breasts are quite substantial from working out in the gym so they're quite attractive. He had to shave them, of course, which explains the shaving nick you can see on Pfeiffer's breasts. That's how you can tell that they're Tim's."
And what of these breaking up rumours?
"We've been breaking up for 15 years now. We've had more farewell tours than Gary Glitter."
You're enjoying it then? Up on stage it seems like you're having as much fun as us, if not more.
"Fun?! Touring is hell! No tour stands out in anyone's memory in the group. We just have this mélange in our heads of venues and pornography and angst, horror and tears, and no sex!"
When I last spoke to Tim I got the impression Australia wasn't big on your list of priorities. As if you weren't being appreciated enough at home.
"Well, that was just Tim talking, wasn't it? It's all very well you asking him questions like that but Tim's a complete airhead and he's happy to admit it. Don't look for consistency in any of Tim's comments. We love the guy, he's a very, very talented young man. But he freely admits that he's an airhead."
Finally it was formally announced. The Doug Anthony Allstars were breaking up. This was to be their last tour. Of course, no-one believed them. Just more pre-tour publicity to maximise ticket sales and ensure full houses. But it really was the end of the road. The management company had already closed down. Richard was to return to England to work on interactive CD-ROMs, Paul was set for New York and Tim seemed quite content to stay at home and "lie in the backyard and watch things grow."
I caught Tim one last time in Sydney. Why, I asked, are you breaking up?
"Oh look," he snapped, "I haven't fucked anything in the last ten years. I'm sick of being on the road."
And then there was Paul. He'd had no interest in being interviewed. Now, as I caught him grabbing a taxi back to the hotel, he finally offered a word.
"Yeah," he said, patting my shoulder, "it has been fun."
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