SCENE 8, LIVING ROOM
TIM IS IN HIS ROOM, PAUL AND RICHARD ARE SLUMPED AT THE TABLE
TIM (SMOKE EMITTING FROM HIS EARS) I've had an idea! I've had an idea! (TIM RUNS TO JOIN THE OTHERS) Excuse me... (HE BANGS ON THE TABLE, TRYING TO WAKE THEM) Excuse me! Boys, I've had an idea. I think I've got a brain.
PAUL Do you know what this means? It means you are capable of thought.
TIM Thought? Capable? Means? You... Are?... That?... I can thunk.
PAUL Close - it's a start Tim.
TIM Somnambulist, traffic light, filched... Words I've never dreamed of before - and Rich, 2+2=4. And Paul, now that I have a brain, I know that you have a heart, that you're the kind of guy who wants to give back massages to little old ladies and make tea and coffee for his friends. There must be a heart in there somewhere...
TIM REACHES INTO PAUL'S CHEST TO REVEAL A HEART-SHAPED FOB WATCH
PAUL I have a heart, I'm a nice person. And Tim, you've got a brain. Richard, did you find courage?
RICHARD Yes Paul, I found courage. I've finally confronted my fears. And now... I'm not afraid of anything.
TIM Then you wouldn't be scared of this... (HE PULLS A GIGANTIC HIDEOUS FACE) ...or this... (PULLS OUT A HORRIBLE TOAD) ...or this... (PULLS OUT A HAND MIRROR) your own reflection.
RICHARD SCREAMS THROUGHOUT
Just as I thought - now that I have a brain - you haven't overcome your fears at all.
PAUL John, John, be gentle on him, he's had a hard day.
RICHARD It's Jesse, he's in the mirror, he keeps following me around...ahhhhh!
TIM What mirror? What's this doing here?
THEY PUSH RICHARD TOWARDS THE COVERED MIRROR
PAUL (GENTLY) Anyone want a foot massage?
TIM Come on, Richard, we're going to get to the bottom of this... (HE REMOVES THE COVER FROM THE MIRROR TO REVEAL JESSE. RICHARD SCREAMS.)
JESSE What's the matter? Too gutless to come up here by yourself are you, dick brain? Got to bring Bean Pole and the Midget with you...huh?
TIM Paul, he called you a bean pole!! Richard, you've got to kill this guy.
RICHARD He's my brother, I can't do it.
PAUL Would anyone like a lovely warm cup of tea?
TIM Do it - do it, smash the mirror.
RICHARD I can't! I can't! I'm scared!
PAUL Let's make some paper flowers - (SINGS) 'If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...' (TIM, PAUL AND JESSE CLAP HANDS)
TIM Richard! Strength, fortitude, courage, courage.
PAUL (SINGS) 'He's got the whole world, in his hands... He's got Richard and Jesse in his hands.'
RICHARD I'm scared, I'm scared.
TIM This is for your own good. Paul - grab him - grab him.
PAUL It's for your own good.
THEY PICK HIM UP AND SMASH HIM THROUGH THE MIRROR.
