Bumper

"Change is enevitable, except from a vending machine."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken."
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Cover me! I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools."
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon."
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep."
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the other passengers in his car."
"Montana--At least our cows are sane!"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"When you do a good deed, get a reciept, in case Heaven is like the IRS."
"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
"Friends don't let friends drive naked."
"Wink, I'll do the rest!"
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"Okay, who stopped the payments on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all of its students!"
"We are born wet, naked, and hungry...then things get worse."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Very funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!"
"Consciousness: that annoying time netween naps."
"I soupourt publik edukashun"
"Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home."
"Three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't"
"Ever stop to think and forget to start again?"
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."
"If Clinton was the answer, it must've been a stupid question."