Caedus demanded the sacrifice of parents on the altar of Darkness. He was still hunting Han and Leia Solo; he ordered that Ben be his personal assassin of the parents of his enemies.
But Ben could not do it. Time and again, he failed. He knew that Jacen Solo had grown up feeling abandoned and betrayed by absent parents—but Ben Skywalker knew from experience that the absenteeism was not desired. He knew that his uncle and aunt wanted to be with their children just as much as Luke and Mara Skywalker had wanted to be with their son. Though he carried half-healed scars as a war baby with a stolen childhood, he carried the memories of his father’s warmth, his mother’s smile, and most of all, their love. He could not bring himself to murder a child’s parents and destroy others the way that Caedus had destroyed him.
Ben had lost his right hand for his many failures. But he had held firm: a hand could be replaced. A parent could not. It was the one shaft of Light that remained, granted to him by his mother’s sacrifice.
And that knowledge
was painful. I will never be completely
dark because I knew light...once. But she had to die for that light to remain;
what would she say if she could see me now?
( ... forever will it dominate your destiny... )
But there is no other way, he told himself sadly. He could only bide his time and wait for Caedus to fall. Then, and only then would he take Caedus’ place and suspend parental killings; he allowed himself to occasionally dream of a galaxy where families were never ripped apart.
The primal despair that ate him from within knew that that must have been how Jacen had become Caedus, all for the sake of a shadowy principle called “peace.” He had had a flash of insight: by trying to fix Caedus’ mistakes, while walking somewhere within the Dark Side, he would only tear those families even more apart.
( ...But who will save them?... )
But he would wait and he would see. The part he had forgotten was that arrogance always was a trait of the Sith.
After several years, there was still an empty place within him where his mother had lived. The ache plagued him; the darkness could not heal him.
He could feel his father reaching for him; every now and then, he could feel Luke Skywalker’s warm touch on his heart, like fingers brushing tears away.
But he could feel his father’s brokenness and could not reach back. At first, it was because he knew he had broken his father. But eventually the Darkness won when it was his father he blamed for Jacen’s fall and Mara Skywalker’s death.
Mother...
Darth Caedus had given up his soul to protect his daughter. He had cut open his own heart when he had sacrificed the child’s mother, the only woman he had ever loved.
It was easy, he reflected later, to kill someone you hated. He had loved her once, but that love was salt in his mouth. She had tried to turn his daughter against him, and he would not have it. The child was innocent; the parent was not. His logic was Dark and complete.
So he put her to death.
Ben had held little Allana as they both wept.
Why did you do this?
I am innocent...which is
more than I can say for you.
You turned—
I never turned, nor have I ever caused
anyone else to turn. If you have turned, that is through no fault of mine. You
gave into the darkness we all carry—but you gave in. Why didn’t you fight? Why didn’t you—
—I could make this easier for you—
Make what easier? I cannot come back to
you—we will never trust each other. I will not let you hurt my child.
And what can you do when you’re dead?
Are you listening to yourself? Why did you
throw my love away? I loved you, I held you, I believed in you—what have you done?
Caedus heard Tenel Ka; Ben heard Mara Skywalker. Caedus lived under the delusion that he had defeated his demons; Ben Skywalker knew better. The demons were not defeated; they were simply waiting.
what have you done?
why did you
do this?
you turned...
in
the absence of light, the shadows gather
...one light, only one...
a candle can dispel the darkness.
Mother...
Little Allana heard Tenel Ka.