Remember!!!. . . . . .  Squirrels are your friends . . . . . . Squirrels are your friends . . . . . . Don't forget that . . . . . .  Squirrels are your friends! . . . :) . . . . . . . Thank you for visting. :) . . . . . .

Back yard squirreling. . . or squirrels are tons of fun:)

Squirrels are your friends . . . :)

HANDY SQUIRREL TRICK OF THE MONTH :)

OR

IT'S A LONG HOT SUMMER :)

Ok, here goes. . .Do you have squirrels raiding your bird feeders?  Of course you do, if you have feeders.  So do I.  Basically, before I realized that Squirrels Are My Friends, I did what you do, and that was to discourage them from feeding at the bird feeders.  (Rubber band warfare is another issue altogether.) One fine day I set out to stop the insidious attack of these darling acrobats.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, and an even better idea now, but now purely for the entertainment value. Recipe for fun: Take one pole-style feeder.  Locate it near an object such as a hedge, or picnic table.  Location is important.  Ready?  Take some edible (because, yes they will eat it, or at least try to) grease such as shortening, (or flattening, as Mandy used to call it):) and liberally grease the pole up to the feeder.  Naturally some squirrels will attempt to climb the pole, but failing that, due to the grease. . . :)) Cross your fingers! If you are lucky, one of the daring little darlings will try to launch/propel himself/herself at said pole from the height of the hedge or picnic table, (being lazy critters, in some ways. . . ) and as he/she reaches to grab the pole while flying through the air, you will see the grease take its effect. :)  Yes, that's right.  The fated and unsuspecting squirrel will attempt to grasp the greased pole, but instead the momentum of the jump, combined with the grease will send the squirrel whirling around the pole, until ejected by loss of the tenuous grip.  And now you have the back yard equivalent of *Darwin's finches*, as you have seen an entirely new variety of flying squirrel.  These squirrels tend to look somewhat surprised, flying horizontally, UNTIL fateful gravity takes its fearsome grip.  At this point, while you're belly laughing and rolling on the ground, remember that *said squirrel*, due to gravity, is about to join you.  :)  What could be more fun!?! ~~~Laurie :)

Index of things to come:

**since it's things to come, there's nothing here, yet. . . patience, please**

LINKS : yes, they're heeeere!

Lindsay's Backyard Wildlife --- A great site for information on wildlife found in your back yard.  Please note the part on YOUR FRIENDS, the squirrels :) ----->HERE! OOPS, Lindsay's page is no longer available on the web.  What a shame!!!!

This is me, Laurie. :)

Dave Barry onNature

September 10, 1995 from the Boston Sunday Globe, reprinted without permission (oops!)

Once again, we are forced to ask ourselves, as a society, whether nature should be legal. Consider a June 22 article from the Manchester, New Hampshire, Union Leader, written by Paul Tracy and sent in by reader Arnie Alpert. This story states that on June 20, a Laconia police officer was called to the municipal water-treatment facility in response to "a report of a suspicious-acting woodchuck that would not let people out of the building." The officer sized up the situation and, according to the story, "determined that the animal needed to be euthanized and tried to run it over with his cruiser."

So far, so good. Law enforcement experts will tell you, after they have had a few belts, that in a situation in which a member of the marmot family is holding people hostage in a sewage plant (in police radio code, this is known as a "10-6"), the textbook response is to drive a car over the alleged perpetrator, then, if necessary, advise it of its rights.

The story states that during the battle, the officer, seeking to escape the woodchuck, "jumped up on the cruiser and injured his knee." Fortunately, before anybody else could be hurt, the woodchuck went to that big burrow in the sky. "I wish I could tell you that this was an isolated incident. I wish I could look you in the eyeball and say, "This was just one lone disgruntled woodchuck, possibly a former postal employee, who, fortunately, will never again terrorize humanity, thanks to a quick acting police officer who, fortunately, was not carrying nuclear weapons."

Unfortunately, things did not go exactly according to plan. The story quotes a plant employee as saying: "When [the officer] got out after running over [the woodchuck], I think he thought it was dead, then the thing sprung up and attacked him." At this point, the officer-and if you have never been attacked by a woodchuck, then do not second-guess this decision- pulled out his 9mm hand gun and commenced firing. "We think he emptied a clip," a plant employee is quoted as saying, "but we could only find eight casings on the pavement."

But I cannot say that. For one thing, I lack the lung capacity. For another thing, I have an article from the June 28 Gaithersburg Gazette, in Maryland, written by April E. Fulton and sent in by several readers, which states: "Nine residents of the South Village area of Montgomery Village?two adults and seven children?were playing near Docena Court on the morning of June 15 when they suddenly were charged by a band of about a dozen squirrels." The article quotes one of the women, who was bitten on the foot, as saying "We were just playing in the yard, like we do every day, and suddenly, out of no where, about 12 squirrels started charging us, making these high-pitched, shrill noises." A neighbor is quoted as saying: "The squirrels that day went crazy."

The article states that on June 21, a representative of the Maryland Department of Natural Resources inspected the area and "found no abnormal behavior from the squirrels." Of course not. They may be squirrels, but they are not stupid. They're not about to go after a government official, not after what happened to the woodchuck. No, they put on a cute little Walt Disney show for the Maryland Department of Natural Resources, squeaking and scampering around with acorns in their cheeks. But you may rest assured that as soon as the coast was clear, they resumed smoking tiny cigarettes and planning their next attack. They will stop at nothing, as we can see from the following headline from a September 2, 1994, front page article in the Missoula, Montana, Missoulian, . written by Michael Downs and sent in by many alert readers: "Flaming Squirrels Ignite Fire."

The story states that "two electrocuted squirrels fell from a power line Thursday morning, their flaming bodies igniting a small grass fire near Tarkio." A fire official is quoted as saying that it could have been a male and a female squirrel engaged in an act of "burning rodent passion." (The fire official does not point out that both "Rodent Passion" and "Flaming Squirrels" would be excellent names for rock bands; this was probably just an oversight.)

At this point, you're saying: "Dave, you have presented ample evidence to prove that the animal kingdom is attempting, for whatever reason, to wipe out the entire human race. But at least members of the news media are safe." I wish I could agree, but I cannot? not in light of a June 21 Associated Press item from Kennewick, Washington, sent in by several readers, which begins: "A TV reporter's hair gel apparently attracted a swarm of bees that stung him more than 30 times yesterday." The reporter was doing a story about beekeeping when the attack occurred; the story states that the beekeeper, in an effort to help, covered the reporter's head with a protective hood, but, unfortunately, the hood "also turned out to contain bees."

I am sure that you, as a person concerned about the First Amendment, have the same reaction to this story as I did, namely: How come this never happens, on camera, to my local TV reporters? Until we get solid answers to this and many other questions raised by this column (such as: 'Why would anybody print this column?"), I am urging everyone to avoid all contact with nature in any form, including vegetables. Speaking of which, you should also write your congress person.

Back home? :)

Now?

summeraire@hotmail.com

More Squirrels: :)