| Lifes Wisdom in the form of a few lists |
| Do Not list (learned from unfortunate experience...) 1. Lean over to grab something in a rolling chair (gravity is always looking to screw you) 2. Throw sharp knives in a dishpan with the rest of things needing to be washed... (sure they seem dull...until they rip open your FLESH!!) 3. Try to pry open the top of a soup can (I've never bled so much, life slipping away..I still have the scar) 4. Be surprised if your child gets made fun of if you name them something odd (then again, being blamed for the unseasonal weather never gets old) 5. Forget that guilt exsists (Wish I knew what guilt was BEFORE I tossed that kitten through the basketball hoop) 6. Complain once your manipulation works too well (sure I don't cook meals but it's annoying to have them percieve a flaw that doesn't exsist...and complaining would be uncouth I would suspect) 7. Zone out unless you are in a totally safe place where you don't have to move (just walking down the street can lead to blood gushing from your head and part of your scalp on a swinging metal sign) 8. Try washing your face with a razor (especially before church, or they will just bless you and not give you any of that yummy wine) 9. Keep super glue next to the eye drops when you are medicated (poor mom she'll never live that one down...still calling 911 with your fingers glued to your eye must have taken dexterity I never knew she had) 10. Assume your gas stove caught the fire and leave the room (Glad I didn't die, take about embaressing. "Me? I died trying to boil water for Ramen.") 11. Debate what to do about a car that is smoking while sitting in it (police office: Excuse me, M'am, you're car appears to be on fire...you should probably get out of the car before it explodes.) |
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