In the cultural Cuisinart that is MTV, Martha Stewart, Puff Daddy, Bruce Springsteen and Marilyn Manson can all be reduced to the same bite-size pieces. They all gladly served as bit players in MTV's annual bonanza of self-promotion, the MTV Video Music Awards, held last night in New York's Radio City Music Hall.

Bringing its clout to bear on anyone hoping to see their new album promoted on the cable TV outlet -- essential to commercial success in today's music business -- MTV can count on cooperation from the mightiest of the mighty to enliven the three-hour broadcast. U2, never above a shameless plug, took time off from its ongoing PopMart tour to play the band's new single, ``Please.'' Sting joined Puff Daddy (and a cast of thousands) to give a live performance of his vocal that was sampled for the No. 1 hit rap record, ``I'll Be Missing You,'' as giant videos of Puff Daddy's fallen comrade, the Notorious B.I.G., played above the stage and B.I.G.'s widow, Faith Evans, warbled her part.

Bruce Springsteen, once called the next Dylan, joined up with the real next Dylan -- Jakob Dylan of the Wallflowers.

Even the Rolling Stones posed -- via satellite -- against a bar rail in Toronto, as Mick Jagger exchanged not-very-bright repartee with Sheryl Crow, who was on the stage at Radio City. ``Will Puff Daddy ever appear in one of your videos,'' asked Crow, echoing a running joke of host Chris Rock.

``Only if he gets his teeth fixed,'' said Jagger.

In the fresh, young world of MTV, rapper LL Cool J qualifies as a cagey veteran. In presenting one of those awards that such award shows give cagey vets -- in this case it's called the Video Vanguard award -- singer Mariah Carey, in a skirt slit up to her waist on both sides and with a tiny elastic strap covering her breasts, remembered hearing as a young girl all those classic old Cool J records he cut in the Dark Ages of MTV, as long ago as 1987.

Elton John, another, even more veteran veteran, looked uneasy and out of place. ``I'm here to add a little age to the evening,'' admitted the bewigged one.

It was business as usual as the greats, near-greats and hardly rates stood shoulder-to-shoulder on tiny screens across the country. Who won the awards didn't seem to matter -- there were enough to go around -- it was screen time that counted. MTV, ever the egalitarian network, passed the statuettes around evenly. By the end of the evening, it seemed like everyone nominated won one sooner or later, even if the exact categories sometimes appeared a little indistinct.

Actor Chris Tucker -- who sat next to host Chris Rock at one point to prove that they really are two separate people -- -- might as well have tattooed the title of his new movie, ``Money Talks,'' on his forehead, he mentioned it so often. The Spice Girls wore nearly the same costumes, save the poignant touch of black armbands for Princess Diana, onstage at Radio City Music Hall, as they did in their canned Pepsi commercial.

But promotion is the name of the game at MTV, so it was all part of the same huckster's scam, played by everyone from Martha Stewart to U2, whether they care to admit it or not.

The whole production was geared to give viewers the kind of oversti mulated buzz aspired to by the music videos the network airs. Using the same kind of hectic, quick-cut direction of the videos, the stage was flanked by giant video screens that flashed random moving images, caught in the background and the corner of virtually every shot. The stage, which sported two conveyor belts, just added more motion to this busy, dizzy look. If the commercials looked placid and serene next to the show, well, they were.

It took the network's resident philosophers to sum it up. ``People will watch anything,'' said Butt-head, as his esteemed colleague Beavis nodded agreement, ``as long as it's stupid enough.''

LIST OF MTV AWARD WINNERS

Major award winners at the 14th annual MTV Video Music Awards last night in New York City:

Best Video: Jamiroquai, ``Virtual Insanity''

Best Male Video: Beck, ``Devil's Haircut''

Best Female Video: Jewel, ``You Were Meant For Me''

Best Group Video: No Doubt, ``Don't Speak''

Best Rap Video: The Notorious B.I.G., ``Hypnotize''

Best Dance Video: Spice Girls, ``Wannabe''

Best Rock Video: Aerosmith, ``Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)''

Best Alternative Music Video: Sublime, ``What I Got''

Best New Artist in a Video: Fiona Apple, ``Sleep to Dream''

Best Video From a Film: Will Smith, ``Men in Black''

Best R&B Video: Puff Daddy & the Family, ``I'll Be Missing You''

Breakthrough Video: Jamiroquai, ``Virtual Insanity''

Viewer's Choice: Prodigy, ``Breathe.''