I talked to our family physician about our frustrations in communication. He referred us to a child audiologist to make sure Eric did not have hearing problems. Eric’s hearing was fine (they tested twice). Then we were referred to Early Interventions. They assessed Eric’s total development, including speech, and found that he was slightly motor delayed, but significantly speech delayed (greater than 25%). He received speech therapy from Early Interventions, a speech pathologist came to our home to work with him one hour each week, until he turned 3 years old. It took a lot of effort, but his vocabulary increased to about 40 words. Once a child turns 3, they are no longer eligible for EI, but there are other programs to pick up where EI leaves off.
Where we live, the local school district (the SAU) has a wonderful preschool program for these kids. They send the kids to an excellent daycare/preschool that is privately run. The SAU provides an aide to help the child one-on-one, plus a speech therapist who works with him an hour or two each week. He was not yet toilet-trained when he started preschool, so his aide took care of changing him, as well as helping him learn the classroom routines. For a child like Eric who had never been in daycare, it was a huge adjustment to be in a classroom environment with about 8 other kids. But Eric is quite sociable and did very well, and he enjoyed his “chool” very much. From December through July, Eric went to school 2 mornings each week.
During August 2002, Eric potty-trained, and not long after school started in September, he was completely day-trained at age 3 years, 10 months. This year, he attends preschool 4 days a week, from 8 am to 2:30 pm. He is still behind his age group, though he has made huge progress in the past year or so. He can now hold a real conversation with me, even though sometimes I have to guess at what he is saying, because some letter combinations are still very difficult for him. The biggest step is that he has overcome most of his frustration, as his communication skills have increased. The speech therapist continues to work with him several times a week, but he no longer needs the SAU aide (so she now has another child to work with).
We are fairly confident that by the time Eric reaches First Grade in 2005 he should be caught up to his age group in language skills. We feel it has been very well worth it to put him in this program. Research has shown that helping a child early on, is better than waiting until they go to grade school when it can be much harder for them to catch up. The last thing we would want is to see him struggle in a class of 30 first graders and wind up hating school.
At age 4, Eric now knows his colors and shapes, but he is still learning his ABC's and numbers. He enjoys art, coloring, and playdoh. He loves to play store, kitchen, tea-parties, and baby-dolls. He is really good at puzzles (he must have inherited that from his mom). I would say, though, that his favorite toys are still trucks and trains, or anything with wheels. Blocks are another thing he greatly enjoys. He is usually too busy to read books, except at bedtime; I will read to him, and then he will try to "read" the story back to me---it's really cute!
We took both boys in for a follow-up visit with the Dev Ped and OT in late February 2003. Both the Ped and the OT were quite impressed with how much the boys have progressed. They were really impressed with Eric's improved language skills!
But there was one other area that the doctors expressed some concern. They said that Eric has some signs of ADHD, though they would not make that diagnosis yet. He could just be a very active child with a short attention span. He may very well grow out of this stage soon enough. They said it bears watching, and they want to re-evaluate him in 10 to 12 months. I was a little surprised that they were bringing this up. I think of Eric as a normal busy kid, I don't think of him as "ADHD". But I am with him daily, and I am used to his activity, so maybe it is much more noticeable to someone else, especially to a doctor who is trained to look for things like this.
The nice thing is that the doctor made a point to tell us that as parents we were doing a wonderful job with our kids. He noted that we are pro-active parents, and we are right on top of things, getting them the help they need, etc (believe me that hasn't always been easy, but you have to be persistent!) Also, he commented a couple times that our kids are very happy and secure, and it's obvious that we provide them a loving home where we show them lots of love and cuddling. To me, that is simply the way it *should* be, but this doctor said that he sees so many kids who are unhappy, depressed, lonely, angry and even aggressive, (as well as developmentally delayed) because their homes lack the love and caring they desperately need. That makes me sad for all those other less fortunate kids. It also makes me grateful that we are able to give our own children the loving home that they need.
One thing I did not catch until I read the doctor’s written report---Eric is also borderline microcephalic (small head). This came up again when we took Jamie for his follow-up with the geneticist in June 2003. The doctors measured both boys’ heads, and compared the measurements to their height and weight. Eric’s head was slightly small, while Jamie’s was significantly small. The ratios of their head-size to height and weight were also small, with Jamie’s ratio being below the bottom of the chart. Then they measured Truman’s head and my head, to see how we measured, then computed the ratios of our head size to height and weight. Truman’s ratio was in the 30-40 percentile, while mine was in the 50th percentile. So it does not seem that the kids inherited very small heads from us. Also, the doctors noted that both kids’ heads had not really grown any in the last 9 months. Jamie is being referred to a neurologist, and perhaps they will find something that will shed some light on what is happening with both kids. At least we hope so.
In the meantime, Eric will continue receiving speech therapy from pre-school. Actually, after we moved in May 2003, we were not able to send him to preschool immediately, just because things were too hectic for us to get it all arranged. His records were forwarded to the school SAU down here, but the director still had to meet with us and go over Eric’s IEP. By the time we did that, school was nearly over for the year. Eric’s IEP recommends that he receive an extra 6 wks of speech therapy in the summer so he does not lose the ground he has gained. The pre-school here does not have enough eligible kids to run an extended program in the summer. But they did arrange for a speech therapist to work with several kids locally this summer. This starts the second week of July. She will see them once a week for 5 weeks, and they will use an empty classroom in the local elementary school. At the end of August, when the new school year starts, Eric will go to the regular pre-school, where he will continue receiving speech therapy. He still needs a lot of help with articulation. He will turn 5 this fall, but his birthday is so late in the year that it will be another year before he can start kindergarten---which is fine by me.
Eric is quite a bright little boy, with a vivid imagination. He is observant, and tells me all about the things he sees---the moon in the sky, wind blowing the trees, or insects crawling across the ground. He told me one night that he was going to “go to the moon in a space ship, and jump over the moon like the cow.” :-) He also loves to figure out how things work---switches, batteries, screws, and the like. Of course he still enjoys building with blocks, and playing with his cars and trucks. He is definitely all boy!
He has continued to make progress in his speech, and we are pleased. He is learning his letters and his numbers. He loves books a lot more now, though he hasn’t yet learned to read. He is turning into a really sweet, sensitive, loving child, and I find this a fun age.
April 8th, 2004, we had a parent-teacher conference day, where we get to have time to talk with the kids' teacher about their progress. Eric is doing very well. He still needs help with "articulation"---pronouncing words correctly so we can understand him. He tends to drop consonants from the middle and ends of his words, and that can make him very hard to understand. But he talks in full sentences, and can hold a good conversation. He still has some trouble sharing, but he is getting better. He's doing very well with counting---he loves to count everything in the room! ("Mommy, there are four windows.") :) He is learning the alphabet, and sings the alphabet song through though he doesn't name all the letters correctly quite yet. He can write his own name now.
In June, it was decided that Eric did not need summer school. However he is transferring into Kindergarten in the fall of 2004. He is still coded to receive speech therapy, and his goals focus on the language articulation that he has so much trouble with still.
Eric LOVES school, and in Kindergarten he has learned so much! He's learned to count past 20, he knows the whole alphabet now, he can recognize most letters by sight, and he can give many of the letter-sounds correctly. He is still missing some important letter sounds, such as "s", "l", and "v"---and without those sounds, especially the "s" sound, he can be hard to understand. For example, he cannot say "snow", so he sounds like he is saying "no". Big difference in what those two words mean! In context, we can usually figure him out, but he still experiences frustration when we cannot understand him.
In November 2004, he had his triennial special education evaluation. Though he has made considerable progress in the last 3 yrs since starting preschool for speech therapy, he continues to have enough trouble so that he is still coded special ed. I am just happy that he is able to get the speech therapy that he needs. I am still hopeful that one day he will overcome his speech issues, but until then, I am ok with how things are going.
Meantime, the two boys are great playmates. They often play well together, though of course they have typical fights over the same toys now and again. :) Eric is helpful, and will help Jamie do things, or come tell me if there is a problem. It's really cool that they have each other. :)
In the fall of 2005, Eric went into First Grade. He is still coded to receive speech therapy, and he also receives Title 1. From what I understand, the Title 1 teacher does some one-on-one work with the students that need a little extra help. She gives Eric extra practice with writing his letters front-wards (he tends to write many letters backwards). She has him work harder to color in the lines and hold his pencil or crayon in a proper grasp. He seems to be benefiting from the extra help. He is also continuing to make progress in his speech, and I am hearing him say his “s” and “l” much better now! He still works hard to articulate properly so he can be understood, and I know he feels frustrated when I don’t understand him. But he LOVES school, and he is now learning to read!
We are also having some attitude problems with him. I will hear Jamie scream, I will ask him why, and he will say that Eric hit him. When I ask Eric about this, he usually says that Jamie “made” him do it. This could be Eric mimicking what he sees and hears from Truman. Truman will yell and swear at the kids, and then when I tell him to stop it, he says, “but they make me so mad.” As if he can’t help it because the kids push him to it. The kids may be aggravating, but Truman is an adult and should be able to control his anger. We do have a family counselor who comes to talk with us twice a month and she is trying to teach us better parenting skills. I already do a lot of the things she suggests (that the experts suggest), but Truman is the type of parent “do as I say, not as I do,” and “do as I say because I’m the boss of you.” It's hard when our parenting styles differ so much.
I also think I will talk to our pediatrician about Eric. I know that some reports of his developmental assessments done a few years ago state that he had strong red flags for ADHD, and he should be watched and possibly re-assessed after the age of 7. He turned 8 years old in November 2006, so I think perhaps I should bring this up again. Especially in light of his having trouble paying attention in school. I am not in a rush to medicate him or anything, but if there is a real problem going on, I don’t want it overlooked.
So at the boys’ yearly well-checkup in December, I did talk to our Pediatrician about my concerns. She agreed that we should probably have Eric tested for ADHD. But first she wanted to review the previous reports as well as talk with his teacher. She was considering whether she would test Eric herself, or send us back to DHMC.
About a month later, our Pedi informed me that Dr Kaplan, who had left DHMC last summer, had now come back, so she wanted to send us back to see him. I also had concerns about Jamie, so she made the referral for both kids. Before the appt, they send paperwork to be filled out and records releases to be signed, so they can also get info from the school. When I returned the completed forms, I also enclosed a letter, explaining some things I have learned about Truman this past year. I am not so sure that he is as “normal” as we’ve been saying; some professionals who work with our family say that he shows signs of mental delay. It’s almost as if he never reached adult-hood mentally; his mental capacity and behavior are still so childish. I had always thought it was idiosyncrasies of his personality, but he’s never been tested, so I can’t prove one way or the other. Anyway, I thought it worth mentioning to the kids’ drs so they could be aware of it in case it was relevant to the children’s issues. I did mention in my letter that I have not told Truman that I think he may have some kind of mental delay---I know it would only upset him and make him feel bad about himself (actually, he would probably go ballistic).
After sending back the paperwork, I received a phone call from Dr Kaplan’s office. They informed me that Dr Kaplan was no longer doing ADHD testing---but I thought that was the whole point of having the kids go back to see him! The lady said that Dr Kaplan could see the kids anyway, but it would be a more general overall assessment of how they are doing developmentally. Ok. But I then told our Pedi that I still wanted ADHD testing done on the kids, and she said she could do it in her office.
So then I received a call from a nurse at our Pedi’s office. When I described my concerns, she said that Eric should probably have ADHD testing, but Jamie’s issues sounded like anxiety and we should see their Social Worker about it. She made an appt for Jamie, but she would send me preliminary paperwork for Eric.
March 22, 2007, we took the boys to see Dr Kaplan at DHMC. He acknowledged reading my letter. He had also previously reviewed/compared the paperwork completed by both Eric’s teacher and myself. Then he began asking Eric some questions. In conclusion, he said that Eric is obviously working very hard at schoolwork, and he’s concerned about burn-out. Eric does well at math and science, but he definitely struggles with reading and following directions. He also has difficulty remembering things, staying on task, and completing his work. Although Eric can get fidgety and find it hard to sit still when he is bored (he is sometimes disruptive in class), he isn’t necessarily “hyperactive”. My impression is that Eric has ADD, rather than ADHD, but the dr did not say so specifically. He did say that Eric would likely benefit from a medication such as Ritalin, which works by giving the child the ability to concentrate and helps them focus on their work. But he would write up his report, and let our Pedi make the final decision on whether to give Eric medication.
Then Dr Kaplan talked with us some about Jamie, which I will write more about here (scroll down). But near the end of our visit, I asked again the question I have always wanted an answer for: WHY do ALL of my boys have developmental delays? I know it’s mostly speech problems with some minor motor skill issues, although Julian is still a bit young to determine the speech part---I just say “all” the boys because Julian is following the same pattern of development that Eric and Jamie did. I asked the dr if it could be an inherited trait? He immediately said that he thought we should NOT look for a genetic explanation. This surprised me, because 2 yrs ago he was saying almost the opposite---he said then that we should not disregard the subtelomeric deletion in the Y chromosome that the boys in our family (including Truman) have because it is NOT known if there is a correlation between the deletion and the boys’ delays.
Dr Kaplan went on to say that we should focus on our strengths. He said that Eric is obviously smart, and though he has trouble with reading, he does very well with math. He also likes to figure out how things work. He’s a lot like Truman who is mechanically minded. The dr talked more about how Truman is good at fixing cars (I had mentioned this in my letter), so that is his strength. I will interject here that Truman is also a terrible reader---when he reads, he skips over any big words he doesn’t get, thus changing the entire meaning of what he reads. (If I point this out to Truman, he gets mad.) I think this is also why he refuses to read instructions. I think this is concerning, and thank god Truman is not doing a job like filling pharmacy prescriptions! I’m not so sure that we should just accept that Eric has trouble with reading---I think the problem will just compound as he gets older, and in this technological age we live in, I think it could severely impact his ability to get a good job. I don’t really want to see him limited to rote factory work like Truman is. Truman is not necessarily happy with factory work, but he has never been able to get hired in anything else, not even as a car mechanic which is his dream job. I know that Truman does not have what it takes to run his own business. He much prefers the set schedules and structure of factory shift work. Please note that I am NOT suggesting anyone in my family is stupid---I just think that we should not discount or over-look the areas of weakness, because I think they have a significant impact.
In comparison, I am the sort of person who is very good at many things. I am primarily a home maker---but I actually think this title should be something more like “household manager” because like many SAHMs what I do is so much more than just cooking and house cleaning. In our family, I am the one who manages our finances, pays all the bills, organizes our schedules, sees that all necessary appts are made and kept…just to name a few of my duties. Truman does not have the aptitude to do any of this---you don’t want to know what kind of debt he had before we married---it was so bad he had to file bankruptcy, and I am determined we should never go there again. Of course for me to manage all this, I am necessarily good at both reading and math.
But I don’t stop there. I am also very good at fixing things. I can do plumbing---I have fixed our drains properly after Truman tried to fix them and ended up with them slanting the wrong way. I have replaced faucets more than once, so they no longer leak. I have fixed our toilet after finally getting the right parts we needed. And I will be the first to say that I could not have done it if I didn’t ask questions until I got solid advice from the right man at the hardware store, and then I persevere until I get things working 100%. In contrast, Truman simply does not have the patience to do that, and either settles for a half-assed job or gives up in frustration and wants me to do it.
We are in the middle of a building project, and I am the one doing the vast majority of the work. Our mobile home needed a new roof and we wanted to add on a couple new rooms at the same time. Yes, this was all my idea. I have pretty much designed everything, just double checking with knowledgeable building people that what I wanted to do was structurally sound. I ordered custom made trusses, but I framed all the walls myself, with window and door openings and everything. I got help with the heavy work like putting the walls in place, but I did the measuring, cutting, nailing, screwing, etc. At times I have asked Truman to help me, but he cannot take accurate measurements to save his life, and the last time he cut something, it was 1 3/8 inches shorter on one side than the other (but it was not supposed to be). At $32 for a sheet of plywood decking, that is an expensive mistake. I’ve made some minor mistakes here and there, but nothing that costly, and we’ve been able to fix it or compensate for minor things. As my dad told me, a good carpenter knows how to fix his/her mistakes, but Truman didn’t have a clue. You should see the pictures of my house, found here.
I think one of the big differences between Truman and me and our respective abilities to do things is that I have attention to detail, while he does not. I don’t know if that is something a person is born with, or if it is instilled during upbringing, or what. I’d like to try to teach my children attention to detail, but if Eric has ADD or ADHD, I don’t know if that is possible or not.
As if I don’t do enough already, my hobbies include gardening/landscaping, sewing and crafts (not like I have time for this anymore), reading, and photography (at least I get the pictures taken, even if I no longer have time to put them in photo books!) Oh, and I am good with the computer too. I think it is true to say that TIME to do things is my main limit on what I can do.
Truman’s hobbies are limited to fixing cars and watching movies/TV shows. The latter is guaranteed to put him to sleep. I am sure I could learn to fix cars if I wanted to---I bet I would be very good at it---but why steal the lime-light from Truman on that??
Anyway, since the subject came up about our strengths, how come I ended up with so many more strengths than Truman and the children all combined? Am I unusual? I don’t really think I am more unusual than my parents or my brothers or many of the people I grew up with---they could all do these things too. Before we got married, Truman claimed to be able to do a lot of things like carpentry, plumbing, etc. However I since found out that he must have been trying to impress me, but the truth is he really doesn’t do nearly all he claimed. Case in point---he said he tar-patched the roof of the mobile home every fall. Once we were married, I began helping him do it. I soon found out that the years he did it by himself (when I was too pregnant to climb up there and help) the roof leaked every winter. But the years I helped or did it all by myself, it never leaked. I think because I was careful to make sure I got all the problem areas---so maybe it is all about attention to details. The move to our own land stressed the roof enough that we knew we needed to replace it---it was about 30 years old, which is more than the average life-span of this type of roof.
So my point is that it’s all very well to focus on strengths, but maybe sometimes that isn’t enough. I was beginning to feel that the dr thought my concerns about our children were unfounded or that I was over-reacting. And then he mentioned that children can have different learning styles. Schools tend to teach kids as if they are all the same, but the reality is that they aren’t all the same. He said he was willing to refer Eric to another specialist to have his learning style assessed. This could help us and our teachers understand how to better help Eric learn according to his learning style. Now that sounds like a very good idea to me.
Dr Kaplan will write a report and send it to our Pedi and to us. He also suggested that he could write a letter to Eric’s teacher, explaining that Eric is working so hard trying to learn during school hours, that he really needs down time at home, not an hour or so of homework every night. Eric does have an IEP, so the dr said we should use it to Eric’s advantage---I guess the dr’s recommendations will carry more weight with the school as long as Eric has the IEP. Both Truman and I think that Eric has way too much homework anyway. He’s only 8 yrs old! I have purposely not enrolled Eric in any extra-curricular activities after school. He has not expressed interest in playing sports or taking an art class or anything like that, which is fine with me. My personal opinion is that many of today’s kids are over-scheduled and don’t have enough down-time. I am a huge believer in free-playtime, so they can use their imaginations and develop their own personalities, instead of being forced to fit into a mold. When I was a child, I used my down-time to develop my many hobbies and skills. :)
As he has in the past, Dr Kaplan complimented us again, saying that he thinks we as parents are doing such a great job with our kids. They are basically well-mannered, and show that they are well-loved. It’s awesome to me that this is obvious, even though I think Truman is too harsh on the kids (especially Eric) and he really could lighten up a bit. I really can’t stand it when he is always criticizing Eric and finding fault with him for picky little stuff, and then when Eric asks what he means, Truman mocks him. And then Eric comes to me crying and I have to mediate between the two. Argh! And at the same time, I have to remind Truman to set a good example by keeping up with his own chores----but that is a whole nother story….
Anyway, Dr Kaplan would not give us a formal diagnosis of ADD or ADHD for Eric---he left that up to our Pedi. As I mentioned earlier, our Pedi office did send me the paperwork to fill out, which I completed and returned right way.
The process for ADHD testing is long---I couldn't believe how long it takes and how many appts we needed for it! But I’m sure that is a good thing, because the drs don't want to rush into labeling kids without being sure about the diagnosis. I think they also need to make sure that they rule out other possible issues first. I also began reading as much as I could on ADHD. It seems that I will have to make adjustments in how I parent Eric---because what I have thought was being naughty or defiant is more likely that Eric is inattentive and not really getting what I told him to do, plus he is also very forgetful.
We had our final appt for Eric's ADHD testing on May 2, 2007---the appt lasted 2 hours! Our pediatrician has reviewed all the records, reports, questionnaires, etc that were collected as part of this process. And she talked with me for a while, and she gave Eric an examination. Her conclusion is that Eric has ADD (without the hyperactive component). There was no question in her mind that he has attention deficit. She said treatment is the same for both ADD and ADHD, and we decided to try him with some medication in addition to the recommended behavioral therapy.
I understand that it can be tricky finding the right med and the right dose. But I feel absolutely comfortable with our decision, and Eric's teacher is 100% with me on it too. It is a known fact that ADD and other learning disabilities can be present together. In Eric's case, we know he has speech problems that make school difficult for him. However, he did score very high positive for the ADD, and our dr feels strongly that Eric is not just being lazy in school because he finds it hard. His teacher and I both see how hard he works, because he really wants to learn and master his school-work. But a child can't be expected to keep up that level of struggle for very long. We feel he is very close to burnout. That does not seem like a good thing for a second grader! We feel that he needs something to help him, and I prefer to do something now than wait until he is in higher grade levels where more is expected of him. I understand from our drs that the medication helps the child focus and use the intelligence that they already possess.
During the summer, we had another assessment done by a Dr Keenan. He introduced himself as a school psychologist, and he did the learning style assessment that Dr Kaplan referred us for. Dr Keenan said that he believes Eric has a "Language-based Learning Disability". That is a fancy way of saying that Eric's difficulties in school are largely rooted in his speech/language problems. He is definitely a visual learner, so he did well in the testing with pictures and visual cues. But when he had to listen to words and remember them and repeat them back, he did extremely poorly. He got all mixed up, and often said, "I forgot [the words]". So it makes loads of sense that when the teacher gives verbal instructions for homework, Eric is not getting it all, then by the time he gets home, he's forgotten anything he might have got, and he feels lost in the assignment. Eric has an IEP, so we hope to get some modifications written into it to help Eric with things like this. At Eric’s IEP meeting in June, they rejected the recommendations in Dr Kaplan’s report, but I hope that they will be more receptive of Dr Keenan’s report. However, I found out that I have to wait until after Eric has his Triennial Evaluation in December 2007, before we will have another IEP meeting (assuming Eric is still coded for speech therapy).
Eric has also been rather difficult this summer. He picks fights with Jamie, and he's been hitting a lot. We have gotten some very good advice from the behavioral social worker who has been meeting with us for both kids. One thing she suggested was that Eric should always stay at arm's length away from other people. He shouldn't touch Jamie, or even hug me, unless he asks first and gets permission. This is to teach him to respect other people's personal space. He often bothers Jamie by "being in his face" or instigating wrestling matches and Jamie is a lot smaller so he gets overwhelmed and screams in protest. It is taking work to get Eric to remember to stay at arms length, but I hope to see improvement. We also hope it will help Eric with his impulse to lash out and hit when he gets upset.
One thing I am really trying to instill in the kids is to take responsibility for their own actions. Even if the other person did something wrong to them, it is not right for them to hit or hurt them back. They are very quick to place blame---"he made me do it" or "he made me mad"---and unfortunately they hear this exact stuff from their father. :( I think it is so important to learn that "I need to control my own reactions, no matter what."---something I am glad my parents taught us. There are self-help books that teach this stuff too.
Another thing we have to do is make sure we have Eric's full attention---have him stop what he is doing and look in our eyes---while we give him instructions, then ask him to repeat back what he is supposed to do. This is good for Jamie too. This may sound like an "of course you should do that, why wouldn't you?" But as parents, we had been doing it like this: when it's supper time, I yell, "kids, get washed for supper and sit down!" We hadn't thought that Eric could be too engrossed in his Lego-building and might not have even heard me yell. Then Truman would get upset and say that Eric "never does what mommy says to do". So we are changing how we give instructions, and making sure the kids heard and understood!
We have been using time-outs with Eric, to have him think about the thing he did wrong, and what he should do instead (tell Mommy instead of pinching Jamie when he doesn't like what Jamie did). But I am beginning to suspect that this isn't working as well as I thought it would. One day I sent him to time out, and later I saw he was happily playing in his room with his stuffed animals, while Jamie finished the job I had asked them both to do! It hit me that Eric was pleased he got out of the job! Oops! I should have made Eric finish the job alone while Jamie got to play or something! Note to self for next time.
Eric also told me that he "doesn't like Jamie at all!" He has also said that Julian "bothers" him. I do sometimes ask Eric to help me with Julian, usually by keeping him occupied and out of trouble for a few minutes while I fix Julian's food or something. I try to keep it brief, but Truman thinks that Eric should be able to watch Julian for half an hour while we go take a shower or something! I think Eric gets resentful if he is asked to help with Julian too often, so I am trying to strike a balance between having him help out as a member of the family and the oldest child, and still remember that his is still only 8. I don't think I have it figured out yet.
One thing we started doing this fall is charts for their morning and evening responsibilities. This helps them a lot to remember what they need to do---get dressed, eat, brush teeth, put pj's away, get bag ready, etc. Then in the evening, there is homework, clearing their dishes, taking care of their clothes, get ready for bed, brush teeth, etc. Things go much smoother now, and if they get checkmarks for everything, then I plan something special at the end of the week (something small) or the end of the month (something big). We are trying to avoid always buying toys for rewards, although we may do that some times.
As the year progressed, it became obvious that Eric is having a better year so far in Third Grade than he had in Second Grade. He is taking the ADD medication, which I really believe is helping him focus on his work better. Also, his new teacher is more laid back than his second grade teacher was. I don't mean that in a bad way, in fact I think it is a good thing! The new teacher likes to use humor in teaching, and Eric responds positively to that! Also she does not take away recess as punishment for incomplete homework, which was a huge sore spot with Eric last year---the second grade teacher would make him sit in during recess to redo homework that he had difficulty with, even if I wrote a note explaining that he was having trouble with the work. I understand the second grade teacher was trying to make sure the kids *got* the importance of doing their homework, but I think that she should use missed recess only for those who just didn't even try to do homework, rather than for a child who is trying hard but not understanding how to do the homework! But I could not reason with her, though I tried. I really like the new teacher's methods and attitudes so much better---I think kids really need to have a recess to run around, get some fresh air and get their blood moving, and I think it is important to being productive in school. :)
Eric does have a hang-up though---he has a lot of difficulty accepting correction. The teacher told me at the first parent-teacher conference, that Eric frequently gives her or other staff members a hard time, when they are only trying to help him and teach him how to do his work correctly. He may do an assignment, but get some of it wrong. When the teacher tells him it is wrong, he gets angry, and then he won’t listen to her try to tell him how to do it right. This saddens me very much, although it sounds very much like someone else I know well (someone who I married! :P)
Academically, the teacher thinks Eric is pretty much at grade-level now in all subjects! We’ll know for sure when the MAP testing results come back, but this is a great improvement, considering that at the end of Second Grade, Eric had barely reached a beginning Second Grade level in reading! He sure loves reading now, and is doing very well! He received an “outstanding” mark in completing his homework, so I guess it’s not all bad that his Second Grade teacher was so strict about homework---it made a huge impression on him, and now virtually nothing will stop him from making sure his homework is done and turned in! LOL
Eric seems to have a lot more confidence now in his ability to succeed in school, but we do need to work on his attitude when he runs into difficulty or gets something wrong. Like his father, he seems to have some trouble with changes, and can be very inflexible. :P
Click link below to read about Eric's younger brother Jamie's challenges.
