Signs Your Cat is Planning to Kill You

Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.

He actually does have your tongue.

You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.

Cyanide pawprints all over the house.

You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.

Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.

Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

Your Cat takes pleasure in ripping of the teddy bears head.