Austin M.

Austin M., 2

September 28, '91 - June 26, '94

drown

by (Mom) Ann M.

Dear Austin: Aug. 27, 1996. Well today was the first day of school, Ashley's in 1st Grade. She was so excited she woke up 2 hours early just to be ready. I can't believe she's 6 1/2. You would be turning 5 years old next month and 1 day, on Sept. 28. You would be in Kindergarten. I know you would have loved riding the bus and going to school. Sarah's in the 5th Grade, she's so excited, she loves her teacher. I'm really happy for her. Ashley is sleeping in her own bed in your old room, she's happy, she misses you a ton, so does Sarah and Mommy. Ashley was pretty sad last Sunday, her and I went on a bike ride and to the park, she invited your Dad, he said no. She says why can't it be like it used to be all five of us spending time together. She really misses you and Daddy a lot, so does Sarah. I have to admit we did have fun on our family bike rides with Shannon & Barney. I know it will never be the same. Ashley & Sarah say don't worry Mom just like you would say. They're happy with just a Mom. Sarah is bringing pictures of our family to school tomorrow. Sarah asked if you and Dad were still a part of our family? I told her yes. Your Dad doesn't want to spend time with your sisters if I'm around, it really hurts them. Ashley says its not fair Mom, I have to say sorry and still be friends, why won't Daddy? Sarah says he likes to hurt me it makes her sad. Me and your sisters still ride our bikes and remember you and Dad. I tell them just what my favorite song says, 'It's ok to hurt, it's ok to cry, come let me hold you, how can I help you say goodbye.' We're doing pretty good, the three of us, we miss you a lot, it hurt all of us to know you wouldn't be at school. Lately your sisters and I pray each night how lucky we are, we have a nice house, awesome pets, good memories and always a lot of 'I love you's' and hugs. I'm really glad I used to tell you 'I love you' a lot. I remember when I taught you 'guess what?' you'd say 'What?' I'd say, 'I love you!' You learned it and did it to me, it was sweet. Sarah and Ashley and I spend time with Pattie and her kids a lot, little Tyler is just like you, he loves Barney and Ernie and Pooh. He's been doing all of your little stunts, climbing, opening up drawers, running and jumping. Ashley really enjoys Tyler, she often remembers you. Grandpa & Grandma bought you a headstone. It hurt at first, now it's getting easier to visit. Ashley's room is being decorated in the Red Wings, she loves them just like you did. Well, our little angel, I love you and Sarah and Ashley send all their love, too. Love Always, Mommy, Sarah & Ashley. (Ann M.)

A Joyous Gain Amidst an Insurmountable Loss In Loving Memory of Austin Daniel - from Daddy (Ron M.)

Austin: Last night I had a dream about you. The details are foggy, but the feelings are crystal clear. Loss. You're gone. I miss you. Happiness, Joy, I love You. It was a good dream, somewhere, somehow, you were playing, tumbling and giggling. You were smiling. The happiness and love were ever present, your laughing face was the last I saw, fading away as I woke. The beautiful feelings quickly faded as I awoke from that dream and reality set in that you're no longer here. An immense sadness overwhelmed me at that time, the feeling is indescribable and can only be understood by other parents who face this loss. I quickly tried to push the loss away and return to sleep in hopes of catching another dream of you. As short and blessed your time on earth was, so was the dream. It never came back. I woke later to face this day as I do so many others like this.

I felt truly blessed to have dreamt about you, for in my dreams at night you're so much alive. And again, the joy of the memory is tainted with the devastation of the loss. I am left to wonder what could have been, what your life would have been, and it hurts.

But since you've left us, I was also left with my faith. A belief in God and Christ. A promise that He would protect you and that you're safe. As I opened my Bible, I was searching for understanding, knowledge, a view of your world as it is now. For healing, comfort and compassion. In the Bible I found all that and more. It truly has become my salvation and strength. I truly don't feel that you're dead, you're still alive now, more than ever before. In Heaven you thrive, you smile, you play. You now know more than I, you see more than I can. You feel more than I can. You've crossed over to Paradise and are waiting for me. Someday I will cross over and can once again be with you. It will happen. This gives me joy, and hope. It's a promise that will never be snatched away. I am only a visitor on this earth. My true home is Heaven. In your departure I searched for comfort and found an everlasting life. Had I never been forced to ponder on Heaven I may never have been given this gift. Knowing without a doubt that we'll be together again gives me a great peace and joy. In fact, Austin, losing you gave me something I may never have had. I know other's lives have been changed in this great joyous manner All because of you. And I truly thank you, son. You have showed me the way. True, I cry, I mourn, but not on your grave for you're not there, you're alive in my heart, you're alive in my memories, you're alive in Heaven. And in that I have peace. Daddy (Ron M.)