| Teachers to Teachers Write to englishlesson@mail.com Mr. Elcome and Mr. McCray and others) www.teacherstoteachers.com is the address of this web site. Welcome. This is a gateway that connects you to interesting and useful web sites. THE WELCOME KIT for businesses who want to make international visitors feel more welcome! www.mccreamarketing.com THIS PAGE IS CALLED "JOKES" |
| GEOGRAPHY CONTESTS in the GYM MATH HELP GED HELP FLORIDA FCAT Click here for SAT HELP BACK TO TeachersToTeachers List of Videos www.WhatDoYaKnow.com |
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| Learn more... Parent's EBook EBooks: Internet on CD for Classrooms Read about the GYM PROJECT GYMMATH Mr.M's rules for Math 101 USEFUL WEB SITES for GED and ESOL AT FLA TECH NET floridatechnet.org |
| Students respond to VIDEOS, so we have created four series of videos that are available for PUBLIC SERVICE and AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE. Geography Contest If you want to obtain our videos, please write to ENGLISHLESSON@MAIL.COM and request the items on the VIDEO LIST. Geography in the Gym EUROPE JAPAN |
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| This page is set up for JOKES (Good for reading practice!) CLICK HERE to go to FCAT JOKES page Here are some good math web sites to visit www.kaplan.com www.princetonreview.com www.gomath.com www.webmath.com Mr. M's Math for Artists GO to the GED links at www.FloridaTechNet.org http://www.floridatechnet.org/lib-ged.asp <<< GED LINKS http://www.gedpractice.com/ <<< From Textbook publisher |
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| NORTH AMERICA |
| SOUTH AMERICA >>> |
| AUSTRALIA |
| INDIAN OCEAN |
| ATLANTIC OCEAN |
| AFRICA |
| Now, do you want to have some fun? Here are some reading exercises to help you laugh. Fill in the right letters: After getting all Pope John-Paul II's l_ggage loaded in the limo (and His Holiness doesn't travel l_ght), the driver notices that the Pope is still st_nding on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Eminence." says the driver, "Would you please take your s_at so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never l_t me dr_ve at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd l_se my job! And what if something should h_ppen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something _xtra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The dr_ver quickly regr_ts his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme P_ntiff floors it, a_celerating the limo to 105 mph. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!," pleads the worried driver, but the P_pe keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, my God, I'm gonna lose my l_cense," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the w_ndow as the patr_lman approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatch. The Ch_ef gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a h_ndred and five. "So b_st him," said the Chief. "I think the guy's a big sh_t," said the cop. "All the more reason." "No, I mean really a big shot," said the cop. "What'd you got there, the Mayor?" "Bigger." "Govern_r." "Bigger." "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?" "I don't know", said the cop, "but he's g_t the Pope driving for him." ANSWER After getting all Pope John-Paul II's luggage loaded in the limo (and His Holiness doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Eminence." says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!," pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, my God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the patrolman approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatch. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five. "So bust him," said the Chief. "I think the guy's a big shot," said the cop. "All the more reason." "No, I mean really a big shot," said the cop. "What'd you got there, the Mayor?" "Bigger." "Governor." "Bigger." "Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?" "I don't know", said the cop, "but he's got the Pope driving for him." QUESTIONS 1. Where did the joke take place? 2. What is a good title for this joke? (What's the main idea?) 3. To make a new joke, you could replace the Pope with another person.... who could it be? ANSWERS >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. The first surgeon says, "I like to see acco_ntants in my operating table, because when you _pen them up, everything _nside is n_mbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try el_ctricians! Everything ins_de them is color c_ded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think libr_rians are the best, everything inside them is in alph_betical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers, those guys always und_rstand when you have a few parts left _ver at the end, and when the job takes l_nger than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no he_rt, and no sp_ne, and the head and b_tt are interchangeable." ANSWERS: Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants in my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers, those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable." THE TOP 10 BAD-GUY VALENTINE CARDS 10. My love for you, it came and went. So your feet are now in wet c_m_nt. 9. I'm here to fulfill your f_ndest wishes, now that your h_sband sle_ps with the f_shes. 8. Lie down with me -It's my final offer, or you'll be lying wit_ Jimmy Hoffa. 7. I picked up this card from a slim select_ _n, But that's all they offer in witn_ss prot_ction. 6. Cinderella got her fellow, with a slipper made of gl_ss. So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll h_ve to whack your _ss. 5. Violets are blue, roses are r_d. I blew up your car, so why ar_n't you de_d? 2. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always, and you'll keep your f_ngers. 1. When a goon makes you die, because you t_ld him goodb_e, that's amore. ANSWERS THE TOP 10 “THUG” VALENTINE CARDS 10. My love for you, it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement. 9. I'm here to fulfill your fondest wishes, now that your husband sleeps with the fishes. 8. Lie down with me -It's my final offer or you'll be lying with Jimmy Hoffa. 7. I picked up this card from a slim selection, But that's all they offer in witness protection. 6. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass. So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass. 5. Violets are blue, roses are red. I blew up your car, so why aren't you dead? 2. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always, and you'll keep your fingers. 1. When a goon makes you die, cuz you told him goodbye, that's amore. |
| I put my posters on tables and then asked my students to walk from table to table. They needed to look at the different continents... |
| Here is a list of MANY of the pages on Teachers To Teachers dot com FREE ESOL Lessons FREE GED Links Free FCAT Links Best of Broward MATH ideas JOKES (you are here) CONTESTS SAT Math prep (and words) Contact Mr. M englishlesson@mail.com www.edhelper.com (good general review with items for FCAT) GO BACK TO FCAT links |
| Do you want some SERIOUS practice for reading? Then READ A LOT. You can practice FCAT excercises, but the best practice is to READ A LOT. You can start by reading interesting stuff in the newspaper You can visit web sites with the daily newspaper www.sun-sentinel.com www.nytimes.com www.economist.com www.indiatimes.com You can visit WHAT DO YA KNOW dot com www.whatdoyaknow.com And you can read QUOTES and jokes.... |