This fan-oriented story uses characters owned by the Universal/MCA/ Renaissance property, "Xena Warrior Princess."
The rights to those characters and references to their story lines are entirely theirs. The other characters and the story itself are products of what is left of my mind. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidental.
A subtext-laden, adult-themed story, you must be 18 or older to read it. If you cannot abide this, "Go Home! There are thousands more like me!"
Please note that the oft-maligned Joxer is used to promote the storyline and quickly disappears.
The sun comes up quickly in this part of Thrace, Gabrielle thought resignedly as she labored up yet another steep hill, but it takes its own sweet time to set. If we don't stop soon, I am going to get rea-a-l-l-l cranky. She fervently hoped that it was a hint of darkness that hid the figure somewhere up the path far, far in front of her.
She pushed her blond hair out of the way as she grabbed yet another sapling and hauled herself up. Turning, she held out her hand for the young man who stumbled behind her. "Ouww!" Joxer exclaimed as he hit his head on the little tree's lowest branch as he raised himself up. Gabrielle hurumpfed and labored on.
Reaching the crest of the ridge Xena looked left, then right, searching the terrain as well as her memory. I know the cave is here, she concentrated on evoking an image in her mind's eye, it's hidden in plain sight, if I remember right. There's that big boulder I dived behind so that little one to the left... Yes!
She verified her deduction, then set quickly to work. While still a ruthless warlord, she had stumbled upon a series of caves while evading turncoat allies. Yet to settle up that particular score, Xena felt inclined to truly let go of the past. She just might if her plans for tonight worked out as well as she hoped.
Xena was ready by the time Gabrielle and Joxer finally reached the plateau. Gabrielle had that About Had It look about her as she propped up her staff and glared at the panting fellow who had collapsed to his knees besides her.
"We're stopping?" Joxer muttered, "Odd, that's what I want to do. Something must be wrong."
"You stopped halfway up that cliff," Gabrielle snapped at him through clenched teeth, "but don’t worry, no matter how far Xena here," the bard directed a withering stare at the warrior, "decides to force march us today, I’ll just drag you the rest of the way. The gods know I’ve had plenty of practice!"
Leaning back against a boulder, idly playing with a couple of empty water bottles, Xena softly whistled as she watched Gabrielle proceed to grab the pack off of his back. Trying to appease her, Joxer attempted to help Gabrielle manage her own load onto the ground. Unfortunately, he tripped on a loose rock, spun into her, and down they went. As Joxer wrestled to get Gabrielle's gear off her back, Xena quickly moved forward to save a life.
"Now, take it easy, Gabrielle. Joxer, are you all right?" she inquired as she assisted the two of them to their feet.
Positioning herself between them, she bumped Gabrielle to one side with quick grind of her hips, and then hurriedly escorted Joxer towards a path in the wooded area that bordered the cliff's edge.
"Okay, we'll set up in a cave near here," she called over her shoulder. "Gabrielle, you-"
Tired of everything to do with everything else, Gabrielle started to vent, "A cave! Xena! A beautiful forest before us, a beach of untold beauty behind us. Who is your travel agent? Hades?"
Seizing an opportunity to be in Gabrielle's corner, Joxer pulled his arm away from Xena, "Great! Another cave! The last one had bats!"
Xena tried to mollify her companions. "Local lore has it that these caves are the legendary Gemini labyrinth!"
The response from Gabrielle was a snorted, "It had better be the most exotic cave in the known world" while Joxer exclaimed, "Legends usually come with dragons: great big bats!"
"And you may come to prefer the company of dragons!" Despite her resolve, Xena lost patience, grabbed Joxer by his ear, and fell back into more familiar territory.
"As I started to say, Gabrielle, you scavenge wood over there," Xena pointed with her head, hiding a smile as the young woman tromped off towards a copse of trees.
"And you, Joxer, you take these botas and get water. Follow this path till it forks. It sharply turns off right into a shallow ravine, but you go left up a rocky incline. There's a spring out of a cliff wall not far from the split."
Joxer was none too pleased. "Water warrior again? Why can't someone else do it?" He gave her an accusingly peevish glare.
"Because that someone else will have to check the cave for spiders, snakes, and bats."
"Spiders, snakes,--" He grabbed the water bottles. As he whirled around, Xena thought she heard a familiar gulp. She rubbed her hands together with gleeful anticipation as she watched the errant hero flee down the path.
"Xena, come look!" Returning empty-handed, Gabrielle motioned for her friend to follow. "I think we have wandered into someone's camp. There are torches all set to light and a stack of firewood already--" she stopped abruptly as she saw the grin on Xena's face. "All right. What is going on?"
Xena confessed that she had already fashioned some torches and gathered the wood while waiting for the two of them to climb the cliff. "I have something extraordinary to show you." She held up her hands. "Now, wait. No questions please. It's a surprise. Follow me."
The mouth of the cave was naturally camouflaged behind some scrubby trees growing out of the hillside. It dead-ended a short distance from its entrance, but barely visible overhead was a ledge. Xena performed a short hop, skip, and flip and landed on its edge, then unrolled her whip down and hoisted Gabrielle up after her. As they got a torch lit, another smaller passageway revealed itself.
Despite her mood, Gabrielle found herself a bit intrigued. A bard always interested in legends, Gabrielle had heard there was a labyrinth of caves beneath these mountains. Rumored to be magical, they had been carved out by long past raging waters stirred by forces more ancient than the Titans themselves.
"This is the dryest cave we- I've ever explored," Gabrielle observed as the two explorers ventured slowly down the tunnel. "There is something very different here".
"Concentrate on staying close to me, and for Gaia's sake, do not look around or think too much about your surroundings," Xena instructed Gabrielle. "Our destination is at the end of an even smaller passageway at the end of this one."
"How far is that?" Gabrielle asked, her eyes focused on the hilt of Xena's sword.
"Oh, not all that far." Xena replied in a light tone. She felt an immediate tug on her scabbard. Smiling, she made an educated guess. "Oh, all right. We will have to crawl through the little one for the time it will take you to recite 'Elysian Fields' thirty times."They reached the opening to the inner passageway; it was barely more than a crack in the cave's wall. Surprised that anyone could find it by torchlight, Gabrielle regarded her friend. "Let me guess. Once upon a time, you were evading unfriendlies and ducked in here --"
"Chased, actually."
"to lose them."
"They were right behind me."
"And somehow, you spotted the ledge which led you to this tunnel-"
Xena smiled. "I had no torch but neither did they - at first. When they did, they decided to smoke me out. Still the delay gave me time to get attuned to the wind currents and the smoke led me all the way in. Simple really. Ready to recite some poetry?"
For all her light-hearted manner, Xena was worried that her plans might still crumble under the weight of her young partner's phobias, suspecting that Gabrielle's fear of heights was surpassed only by her fear of close places. They could always go back to the surface, but then again, Xena was not in the habit of backing out of tight spots.
Gabrielle, tired from a long day, was less than enthusiastic. "First, let me recap this plan. You, wearing knees guards, expect me, with no knee protection at all, to crawl in the dark to Zeus knows where, and I can't ask why."
"Of course not, Gabrielle," Xena replied, thinking fast, "I am going to show you the ancient Babylonian cave walk, as taught to me by a secret sect of Assyrian monks."
Gabrielle's pout transformed into a smile. This was more like it.
Xena continued, "I think that you're experienced enough to handle it. Otherwise, I would not have even considered bringing you here. Ready?"
Xena ducked into the passageway, Gabrielle right on her heels. Tucking her torch under her arm, Xena half-straightened up against the ceiling. With her arms hanging down inside her legs, she grabbed the outside of her ankles with her hands. She motioned to Gabrielle to do the same. Gabrielle, nervously scanning her surroundings, serious intent etched on her face, followed suite. Xena then started to shuffle forward in an awkward gait.
About five paces into that most ancient of cave walks, strange noises began to emit from the formidable warrior. "Quack, quack, curry cup, Ka-bel-quelle, sqark rekitin cur pow-a-twree. Quack, quack."
Realizing that she had been Had, Gabrielle reacted instantly. "Damn you, Xena, this isn't--"
Xena dropped into a quick crawl, but kept on quacking, with a furiously embarrassed Gabrielle in hot pursuit. Xena's duck calls were just too comical, though, and Gabrielle started to bark and bay like a hound dog. The chase ended when the duck slowed down, and the hound caught up.
"Hey! Cut that out! Here we are." Xena's form flattened and disappeared in even more diminished light. Suddenly, she cursed as the tunnel was plunged into complete darkness.
"Xena!" A hollow, disembodied voice cried out.
"Sorry. I dropped the torch! I just need to get the flint out of--"
"Xena, Xena!" Gabrielle began to panic. "Where are you? Xena!"
"Just come towards my voice, Gabrielle! You're two, three body lengths away, come on, towards my voice. Give me a moment to get the torch lit!"
"Xena! Come here right now!" The terrified woman burst into tears then immediately tried to smother her outburst.
At that Xena set down the flint pouch and now darkened torch, and scrambled up into the passageway. Affected by both the absolute blackness and the sounds of Gabrielle's ragged breathing, she herself began an almost hysterical crawl the short distance down the tunnel.
"Hey, girl, you're okay, you're okay. I was right here."
Gabrielle could barely talk. "I would rather be in the darkness with you, Xena, than in the light without."
After calming her frightened friend down a bit, Xena apologized. "I should have let you gone first and held the light. I will when we leave. Now, come on."
Xena half-dragged Gabrielle down the stony tube. "I am going to let go long enough to drop down onto-." Immediately, Gabrielle tightened her hold.
"On to Plan Beta." Xena tried to think of a way to reassure her skittish friend. "Give me your other hand." Gabrielle's hand found itself wrapped around the chakram, "Next best thing to the real thing, right?" A snotty, gulpy giggle was her answer. Xena gently disentangled herself and hopped down to the cavern floor. She immediately groped for her friend.
"Okay, now you." Once the two were standing, Xena found the torch and pouch on the ground close to the wall. "Give me another second to get this flint and--" A sound of rock on rock. A spark. Light. Xena took one look at Gabrielle's tear-streaked dirty face, winked, and quacked, "Car cue croquay?"
Grinning sheepishly, Gabrielle slugged her tormentor's shoulder. Relieved that her friend seemed none the worst for the wear, Xena explained, "I had hoped to distract you, somehow, to get you here in one mental piece."
Still, it took Gabrielle a little time to get her equilibrium back. When Xena felt confident the surprise could get under way, she held her torch aloft, illuminating the wall.
Taking the bard by the hand, the warrior began, "Let me show you a story, Gabrielle, of a time long ago when the gods were women and the heroes were hunters."
At first, to Gabrielle's disoriented mind, Xena seemed to be just moving around the perimeter of what was revealing itself to be a large cavern. She was lighting a series of ready torches set a staff's length away from the wall, sank in holes on the floor. As they went from torch to torch, for some reason, Xena began to slowly tell a tale of a hunter praying to his goddess, asking Her for success against the woolly beasts.
While touched by the gentleness in her friend's voice, Gabrielle was feeling confused by what she surmised was an elaborate seduction. A complaint began to take form in her mind. Xena should know by now she doesn't have to scare me half of my wits to enjoy a little domestic warmth. But then Gabrielle noticed a pattern on the wall, and then another, and another. As each new torch was lit, more and more of the wall revealed itself to be covered with some kind of…
Drawings! A man holding a spear, some deer, a mountain! Gabrielle gasped and, handing her the torch, Xena fell silent. The young woman circled around the cavern, dumbfounded by the revelation that the great walls and ceiling were covered with countless drawings from a past out of Time.
"I have wanted to bring you here for a long time," Xena spoke softly, almost tentatively, as if afraid to break the magical spell. "I practically ran up that cliff so I could get it ready for us."
Dragging her eyes off the wondrous walls, Gabrielle turned around, surprised to see that Xena had already taken off her protective gear. She must really feel safe here, Gabrielle mused.
"Now I know why you have been acting like a kid at Solstice ever since Joxer asked us to go with him to his academy's seven year reunion," Gabrielle accused in a mocking tone.
Xena explained that she had known Joxer was from this part of Thrace and had used safely escorting him as an excuse to come here. "It somehow seemed wrong to take a vacation while there were so many opportunities to make up for my past."
"Xena, believe me, you have more than earned a vacation. You have transformed yourself into a hero by your actions, giving people the gift of a better future."
"Maybe." Xena sadly shook her head. "Right now, on a personal note, what better gift to give a bard than..." She gestured at the ceiling and walls. "Stories!"
Eventually the two of them finished a cursory examination of most of the pictographs. Gabrielle felt as if she had died and gone to the Elysian fields with the wonder of it all. Practicality, though, had kept Xena alive all these years, and she finally acknowledged its insistence voice.
"Time to go find Joxer. I'm getting thirsty."
Gabrielle sniffed. "I'm surprised you let him out of your sight, even to get water. Surely he's back by now."
Xena saw no reason to tell Gabrielle she had deliberately given him inaccurate directions. "Oh, he's okay unless he somehow got attacked by a squirrel. We're safely at the top of a small mesa, cliffs and ravines everywhere. I scouted it while collecting the firewood."
"Do you have to bring him in here? His very presence would ruin the mystery of this place. Besides, his snoring makes it impossible to fall asleep, and we've been on the road eight nights!"
"Okay, I think I can figure something out." Xena grinned as she grabbed up her sword and a torch and headed for the tunnel. "But please, last night you said his snoring was music to your ears."
Ignoring that comment, Gabrielle moved closer to an intriguing pattern of figures. "Besides, he'd probably do something barbaric like carve his name next to mine on the wall!"
Startled, Xena quickly checked to see at which part of the wall Gabrielle was gazing. "That Joxer, always the romantic. I'll be right back."
Grumbling the complaints of all the world's misunderstood, Joxer made his way down the trail as Xena had directed. For the life of him, he did not quite comprehend how Xena would pick the cold, damp, hard ground of a cave over the loveliness of a forest floor. And he was especially enamored of these Thracian forest floors. He recognized every flower, every tree, the songs of all the birds now singing as the sun was beginning to set. As alienated as he felt from the people of his homeland, he looked around him, and felt at peace. The other children of the province's warlords and warriors had treated him as an outsider, but he had chafed under his mother's overprotection. Woods much like these had been his refuge from the taunts and blows of the other kids and her well-meaning attention.
He came to a fork in the trail. To the left were some boulders, and to the right was a little clearing looking over a ravine. Xena had told him to go right, he was sure, there was a spring somewhere under a cliff. Well, maybe she said ravine. He knew she had mentioned bats.
Even the mental image of one of those winged rats sent chills down his back. He firmly banished those thoughts from what mind he had and picked his way down the steep ravine. He located a wet spring bumbling up right next to a stump and dutifully set to his task. Idly scanning the deep embankment's face, he noticed one, two, three small openings to caves in the side he had just scrambled down. Just more bat cribs,he thought, and his skin crawled.
Just as he completed filling the last leather flash, he heard a low tapping sound behind him. Turning slowly, he found himself looking at a kneecap. With a sense of growing dread, his attention was upward drawn to a gigantic hand tapping a scabbard holding an enormous sword. Still not daring to move, his eyes rolled up to gaze into the calm, hungry face of the biggest Cyclops he had ever seen. Three eyes locked.
Suddenly, the Cyclops lunged towards him. Joxer had never met a bigger bully, but the skills of evasion learned on many a boyhood afternoon paid off. Running, he juted one way, then another, until the giant overcommitted to one direction. Joxer then reversed course and headed straight for the only refuge available, the closest of the little caves in the embankment's face. Snakes, bats, dragons, whatever, he would take his chances. There was no victory behind him.
The crawl back through the last tunnel only heightened Xena's uneasy sense of foreboding. She had followed Joxer's footprints directly to the spring where she had easily reconstructed the chronology of his encounter with the Cyclops. She had then tracked him up to the point where he seemed to vanish into thin air, leaving behind the most peculiar of clues.
The Cyclops had not gotten him, of that she was certain. Long as his arm was, the depth of the cave had thwarted the monster's murderous swing. While the tracks and damage to the cave entrance had shown considerable effort, the one-eyed giant had eventually given up. Most likely, he had smelled a deer or goat in the woods and set off in pursuit. The attention span of Cyclops was inversely proportional to stomach size. The encounter had probably scared Joxer half out of his wits. Still, Xena had an uneasy feeling that whatever had happened to Joxer was a far worse fate.
Gabrielle was still captivated by the drawings when Xena poked her head through the opening. She only half-turned with a quick glance at her partner as Xena dropped to the ground.
"This place is incredible. See this section, here is where the hunt begins. They even show us through the foliage of the trees that it is the winter hunt. Another difference between hunts in different seasons is the ceremony afterwards. Come here, I'll show you what I mean."
Pleased by Gabrielle's obvious delight in her surprise, Xena set aside her worry for the moment. Gazing up with amazement at the complexity of cave drawings, she wandered over to her friend. She noticed that Gabrielle was quietly waiting and smiled to signal the bard tell the tale.
"Dark was the night, large was the herd. The smallest party of the hunters flanked the beasts on the right, and, with fire, drove them into this canyon where the rest were waiting above with spears. As soon as it was light, they attacked."
Gabrielle followed the tale along the wall. "Here is where one man has his leg broke, look how the artist turns the leg just so. Here is where two of these large woolly cattle are wounded but escape. But a kill by these six figures here assures the celebration by the village. You can tell by this pattern of sun and moon that it lasted for three days and nights."Gabrielle looked up with happy eyes. "I never want to leave here. Tomorrow, you and Joxer go on. Stop by for me on your way back." She turned to study the cavern wall again.
"Uh, Gabrielle," Xena braced herself, "I didn't find Joxer. Somehow he has disappeared. I'll find him but I am not sure if I want to leave you alone. Something is very wrong here and we need to stick together." As she knew she must, Xena endured the answering fury.
A short time later, the unhappy couple stood in the fading sunlight in front of the wet spring. Gabrielle's curiosity began to get the better of her as Xena corralled the scattered flasks. The experienced warrior then stood quietly by watching the younger woman puzzle it out.
"I see what you mean, the tracks never converge." She began to follow them as Xena had taught her, off to one side. "Joxer runs in a sort of circle for a moment or two, then what must be a Cyclops-." Gabrielle checked back with her mentor, trailing behind her, who approvingly nodded.
She continued, "He makes a beeline for that cave, the monster almost catching up with him...here. Same guy that could barely stay on the path this morning now runs straight up a cliff!"
While they made their way to its entrance, Gabrielle's pique returned. "Cave drawings or no, I still don't understand why you were so insistent that we go with Joxer to this reunion. He always winds up ruining things!"
Xena, long weary of this often-sung stanza, tried to explain. "If you had grown up with Joxer, and he showed up at your class reunion boasting that he rode with Xena, would you believe him?"
Gabrielle spun around. "Of course not! Xena, Joxer does not 'ride' with us!"
"I know that, you know that, but big Hera deal!" Xena exclaimed. "Joxer's Joxer, yes, but you know, Gabrielle, he took on Callisto trying to defend my horse!"
Hoping that she made sense, Xena continued. "Look, he would die for us. Can you imagine it, even for me! Not many people who know me would make that kind of sacrifice."
She held up her hand as Gabrielle started to protest. "Oh, a soldier will fight and die for the leader of his army, honor and duty demand it. But Joxer is not made like that. He could only go willingly to his death out of friendship."
Xena started to say that, on a very real level, she and Gabrielle was the closest thing to family that Joxer had, but decided not to push it. "Anyway, it's not going to kill either of us to do him a good turn."
Gabrielle surprised her with a big hug. "You are such a softie, sometimes. Okay, he 'rides' with us. At least until his reunion is over."
Arm in arm, Xena beaming at this unexpected turn of events, they arrived at the foot of the ravine.
"Now what's this business about his helmet?" Gabrielle studied the marks about the entrance.
Taking point, Xena paused to light a torch. She held it aloft to show Gabrielle the Cyclops' groping arms marks. They ended ten strides from the end of the cave where, sitting on a little ledge in the wall, was Joxer's helmet. Directly beneath it on the floor was a small black mark.
"Touch that mark, Gabrielle. Tell me what you sense."
Gabrielle knelt down and pressed her hand in the handprints Xena had left on her initial exploration of the site. "It feels like, uh, crawly,- well, it's hard to- I mean, it's... The hair on my arms is standing on end, crawly like." Gabrielle pressed her hand on the ground away from the spot. "Here too, but less. Xena, what's happened to Joxer?"
"I don't know but the last time I felt this was when the lightning killed Gareth!" Xena cast worried eyes about the cave.
Gabrielle swallowed hard, "You don't think Joxer has run afoul of Zeus, do you? We better get in touch with Hercules!"
Xena reached out to pick up Joxer's helmet at the same time Gabrielle put her arm around the warrior's waist.
The little fawn drinking at the spring next to its mother was startled at the sound of the loud clap of thunder emitting from a near-by cave. They bounded away, frightened away by noise, smoke, and the sudden electrical charge in the clearing.
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