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PSYCHOTHERAPIST'S EMPHASIS ON LISTENING Joanna Poppink, M.F.C.C., talks about listening to a patient in the "flooding stage of a post traumatic stress disorder." She says, "In the experience of being present the therapist can listen more fully and deeply not just to the words but to the meanings behind breathing, movement, inflection, pauses, facial expressions. The therapist can listen to the surface and the possibilities which may be coming from a deeper structure with the patient." In normal relationships, we too can listen beyond words for the nonverbal meanings that may be so important. For the full text of this article, click here.

Registered Nurse Pat Hall's Thoughts on Listening Pat Hall began as a Registered Nurse in Maternity and ended up as an administrator for a Long Term Care Program. "We often hear of the neglect in nursing homes, the 'warehousing' of residents. In some facilities I suppose this is true, but in most, staff really does try to take care of residents. Unfortunately, they often concentrate on their physical needs. It has long been my contention that you cannot teach people to be caring and loving. To me, those are inherent qualities, enhanced by environment, but you can teach them to become more AWARE of the needs of others, and one of the best ways to accomplish that is to really LISTEN to them, not just nod a head or say uh-huh when they speak. When I was Director of Nursing at a lovely nursing home many years ago, my office was closed in and behind the nurses station. It had windows on all sides, with blinds on them. Sometimes I would close them and peek out when staff did not realize I was in the office, just to observe what was happening. I just watched, but of course, if I saw something happening that posed a danger to residents, I would step in and right the problem. One morning, an elderly gent was sitting in a geri-chair, asking everyone who passed by him for a drink of water. (A geri-chair is sort of like a high chair for adults, with a big tray in front and legs elevated generally. The resident can't move them on his/her own.) The man could not get to the water fountain which was only a few feet from him. The first Nursing Assistant told him, "I don't have time now, but I will be right back." (She did not come back.) The next one said, "I'm not your Aide". The one who went by him next said, "I'm not your Aide, but I'll get him." (She didn't.) Do you see the picture? How much time would it have taken any one of them to get this poor man a drink of water? The worst thing about all this exchange to me was that a nurse sat charting, practically right in front of the resident, totally oblivious to all I just described. I took the man his water, and by the way, cups were hanging above the fountain. Needless to say, we had an immediate in-service on becoming more aware of resident need. Therapeutic listening is not just for long term care staff; we can all benefit from it."

PATRICIA WALKER, ENGLISH TEACHER IN ITALY I am an English teacher in an Italian high school near Siena (which is a bit south of Florence on the map) and have just come back from a teacher's convention in Rome. There there was this fantastic guy, Mario Rinvolucri, who has this web site called "Humanising Language Teaching" (http://www.pilgrims.co.uk/hlt). He's an Italian - however he spoke gorgeous English - and he had a fantastic way of getting our attention. There were I'd say about 1500 - 2000 people at the convention, and he'd give us short discussion topics to talk about. Then when he thought the time was up, he didn't use the mike to get our attention back, but just RAISED HIS HAND IN THE AIR! It was incredible how the people could hear the din lower and then would look up and see him with his hand in the air, and they would just shut up real quickly! I've been using the same method with a lot of success in my classes. It's really amazing how action "speaks louder than words!" One teacher I know asked the kids who would talk out of turn among themselves if they were thirsty and invited them to go out and get a glass of water. Funny how they learned to listen too!

LISTENING TO PLANTS You may have read down this far, and then when you see this title, you say, "No way. He's out of focus here," and I can understand that. It does sound farfetched, but there is research being conducted now on the therapeutic value of listening to (not just talking to) plants. It may be hard to consider a plant an object of a relationship, but who knows? When Robert Goddard, back in 1916 suggested that we might one day send a rocket to the moon, he was dismissed as a wild-eyed fanatic, and now we know that we have sent rockets not only to the moon but the outer reaches of the Solar System. So maybe this is worth a look. To reach the Home Page for "Listening to Plants," click here.

LISTENING TO YOURSELF Learning the art of listening is extremely important in fostering meaningful interpersonal relationships. So too is learning the art of listening to yourself. How often, when times are trying or difficult, are you left running around in circles, wondering what to do next? In those times, you need to stop and listen to your own intuition, for the answers always lie within yourself. You are a unique individual and only you truly know what is best for you. What is best for others may not be right for you. It is your intuition, that inner voice that guides you, that gives you hunches that are right for you as an individual. Sadly, while you are tense, stressed and busy worrying about problems, you forget to listen to your inner being and may make decisions that are not in your own personal best interests. So how do you develop the art of listening to your intuition? Firstly you must learn to relax your mind and body. When you do this you will feel calmer and more centered, which will allow you to become more aware what your intuition is telling you. Ask yourself questions such as, "What would be the best action I could do next." Your personal intuition is always compassionate to yourself and you can trust it to give the answer that is right for you. Sometimes the answer may be to do nothing, to seek more information or take a specific course of action. Whatever the answer, rely on your intuition and seek it's advice often. Learn to calm down, listen and form a partnership that will never let you down. Remember, it is your personal intuition which knows what is right for you as an individual. Like you, others have their own intuitions and are their own individuals. Take care in using your intuition about what others should do. John Hodgkin

LISTENING TO OUR HIGHER SELF The word "intra" means within, and "intra"personal communication means "communicating with ourself." "Inter"personal communication means the communication that takes place between two people, and its effectiveness greatly depends on the quality of intrapersonal communication that is taking place within the two people. So, I am including a link to a group that is interested in our learning to listen to our higher self.

LISTEN: A POEM When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems you have failed me, strange as that may seem. Listen! All I asked, was that you listen - not to talk or do - just hear me. Advice is cheap: 10 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness. But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them. Perhaps that's why prayer works. sometimes, for some people because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. "They" just listen and let you work it out for yourself. So please listen and just hear me. And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I'll listen to you. ~ Anonymous ~

GOOD FRIENDS LISTEN WITH LOVE

4 TYPES OF LISTENING According to Kathy Thompson, a university speech/communication professor, "Depending on which author or listening expert you agree with, there are 3 (Madelyn Burley-Allen) levels or 4 or more levels of listening. Level 1 might be not listening or being tuned in at all. Level 2 might be listening but not really paying attention, like the kind we do in the car or with our spouses when the football game is on TV! Level 3 is the type we do with full attention to the speaker and message, processing and responding as best we can. Level 4 might be the type we do with our hearts and brains--to interpret, remember, evaluate and appreciate the message and the messenger. Anyway, that's how I usually divide the levels up. Sheila Bentley(ILA) thinks there are many more levels of listening, that there's a continuum, all the way from not listening at all to listening fully and actively."

ACTIVE LISTENING IN HOSTAGE/CRISIS NEGOTIATIONS In recent years active listening has become the foundation of the very successful hostage/crisis negotiation program used in law enforcement. Initially negotiating teams trained to aggressively bargain with criminals to secure the release of "hostages" who had been selected for their value as trading instruments. A high profile tactical (SWAT) presence helped to narrow the offender's options to those offered by negotiators. This changed when studies revealed that over 85% of the incidents requiring a negotiation team did not involve "hostages takers" at all but persons in emotional crises holding and threatening someone who they perceived to be part of their problem and therefore not up for trade (they already had what they wanted). These are typically domestic related incidents, suicides, workplace violence, or barricaded persons. Applying the principles of listening, active listening, and empathy, law enforcement negotiators now set as their first goal reducing the dangerous emotions - not becoming involved in the stated demands (if any) that are seldom a part of the solution. The focus has shifted from meeting demands to identifying and fulfilling needs - and those often are simply being heard and/or understood. Instead of Jack Webb's "just the facts..." inquiries, negotiators use open-ended questions and listening to determine how a person in crisis feels about their circumstances. This shift is accompanied by a less threatening and less visible SWAT perimeter that adds credibility to negotiators' attempts to build rapport. Even in those rare (15%) true hostage situations, active listening is used to raise rationality and build rapport prior to serious bartering taking place. Today in most law enforcement agencies, negotiators are selected on their predisposition toward listening or their potential to be trained in Active Listening. This article was written by L. "Max" Howard who retired in 1999 from the Federal Bureau of Investigation at Dallas, Texas, after more than 33 years as a Special Agent. He worked as an investigative agent in Mobile, Alabama, New Orleans and Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and Dallas, Texas, dealing with a wide range of criminal matters. He also served as a Staff Instructor and Supervisor at the FBI Training Academy in Quantico, Virginia, for three years. Upon retirement, Max formed his own business, Crisis Management Training, of Arlington, Texas. He continues to offer training to government agencies and corporate clients in the United States and abroad. His topics include Crisis Negotiations, Workplace Violence, Suicide Intervention, Instructor Development, School Safety Programs and other related areas.

COLLEGE AND UNIVERSITY LISTENING PROGRAMS University of Maryland Communication Department LISTENING COURSES Comm 170 "Foundations of Listening" -- Role, process, and levels of listening behavior. Comm 470 "Listening" -- The principles of Listening Behavior. Contact Dr. Andrew Wolvin at awolvin@deans.umd.edu

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LINKS TO OTHER LISTENING SITES ON THE WEB The International Listening Association (ILA) Home Page The International Listening Association's Bibliography Order Form The International Listening Association's Page of Quotes on Listening Listening to Plants Listening to Your Higher Self The Importance of Listening by Psychotherapist Mike Nichols

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