"Alfie" A VARIETY OF ADVERTISEMENTS: DO YOU BELIEVE IT? OH MY GOODNESSAnswers To Questions You Never Thought To Ask What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses YES, THAT'S CERTAINLY WEIRD Two men are walking through the desert, the sun's beating down mercilessly and they feel they can't go on when they happen upon a handful of tents. "Hurrah!" they cry. "There must be some water at one of these tents." The men approach the first stall, pleading for water. "I'm sorry" says the owner of the stall. "I only have sponge cake. Sponge cake is all I have." "That's no good," cry the men and move on to the next stall, again calling out for water. "I'm sorry," says the owner of the second stall. "I only have fruit salad. Fruit salad is all I have." "That's no good," cry the men and move on to the next stall hoping that they'll at last be able to quench their thirst. By now the men are giving up hope that they'll ever get a drink. They approach the last stall, fingers crossed, praying for water. "I am sorry says the owner of the last stall. "I only have cream. Cream is all I have." Weak, weary, disappointed and still very thirsty the two men reason that there must be another set of stalls somewhere nearby and head off further into the desert. "You know," one says to the other, "it was very odd finding all those stalls selling such odd things here in the middle of this desert." "Yes," replies the other, "it was a trifle bazaar." NOW THAT'S A SMART DUCK A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any crackers?" The barman says "No". Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?" Barman says "No". Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks, "Got any crackers?" Barman says, "I told you yesterday and the day before the answer is no! If you ask that one more time I'll nail your beak shut!" Duck walks out. Duck comes back the next day and asks, "Got any nails?" Barman says "No". Duck says, "Good. Got any crackers?" A DUAL EFFORT How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? - Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a final unexpected twist. FOOD FOR THOUGHT Do you ever find yourself staring at a carton of orange juice because it has the word 'Concentrate' on it? WELL, HE WAS TRYING TO HELP. A man goes to see his local GP and says: "Doctor, I’m not feeling too good." The GP says: "Let me examine you." And half an hour later the doctor comes back to him and says: "I’m sorry to have to break this to you, but the results of my tests show you only have THREE MINUTES TO LIVE."The man is obviously distraught and pleads with the GP: "Doc, isn’t there anything you can do for me?" "Well," the doctor replies, "I could boil you an egg!" A FRIGHTFUL BLESSING. During the time the church was being persecuted in Rome, a christian was thrown to the lions. As he waited to be eaten, he knelt down and prayed, "Please Lord, make this animal a Christian." At this point the lion sits down, puts it's paws together and says, "For what we are about to receive..." BAD NEWS A man accompanies his wife to the doctor's examination room. After her check-up the doctor calls the husband into his office alone. "Your wife's suffering from a very severe disease combined with horrible stress," says the doctor. "If you don't do the following, your wife will surely die." "Every morning, make her a healthy breakfast. Be nice to her, and make sure she's in a good mood. For lunch make her a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for her. Don't burden her with the housework - do all the washing cleaning and ironing yourself. Don't discuss your problems with her, it'll only make her stress worse. And, importantly, make love to her every night and satisfy her every whim. If you can do this for the next year, I think your wife will regain her health completely." On the way home, the wife asks her husband, "What did the doctor say?" The man turns to his wife and says, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to die." CAN YOU BELIEVE THERE ARE EVEN MORE JOKES? Well, My Friends keep giving them to me, so what can I do? Page 4 Is Next.CLICK HERE. MOST OF THE GRAPHIC IMAGES ON THIS PAGE ARE COPYRIGHT BY ARTTODAY. This Page © 1998 -- 2009 by the 4 Star Listening Post This Is The JOKES 3 PAGE.Just Click On A Box To Go To Another Page.Click On The SITE MAP For A Brief Summary Of All The Pages. Home Page Site Map My Life Fly Fishing Jokes, p.1 Jokes, p.2 Jokes, p.3 Jokes, p.4 Hats Off Page My Religion Friends' Banners My Banner Gardening Web Rings Merced California Notes Quotes and Stories Graphics Links Awards Fun Things to Do SIGN MY GUEST BOOK VIEW MY GUEST BOOK Please come and visit again. If you don't have LiveUpDate's Crescendo and want to get the plug-in, then click Here.
Answers To Questions You Never Thought To Ask
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses
The men approach the first stall, pleading for water. "I'm sorry" says the owner of the stall. "I only have sponge cake. Sponge cake is all I have."
"That's no good," cry the men and move on to the next stall, again calling out for water. "I'm sorry," says the owner of the second stall. "I only have fruit salad. Fruit salad is all I have." "That's no good," cry the men and move on to the next stall hoping that they'll at last be able to quench their thirst.
By now the men are giving up hope that they'll ever get a drink. They approach the last stall, fingers crossed, praying for water. "I am sorry says the owner of the last stall. "I only have cream. Cream is all I have."
Weak, weary, disappointed and still very thirsty the two men reason that there must be another set of stalls somewhere nearby and head off further into the desert. "You know," one says to the other, "it was very odd finding all those stalls selling such odd things here in the middle of this desert." "Yes," replies the other, "it was a trifle bazaar."
A man goes to see his local GP and says: "Doctor, I’m not feeling too good." The GP says: "Let me examine you." And half an hour later the doctor comes back to him and says: "I’m sorry to have to break this to you, but the results of my tests show you only have THREE MINUTES TO LIVE."The man is obviously distraught and pleads with the GP: "Doc, isn’t there anything you can do for me?" "Well," the doctor replies, "I could boil you an egg!"
During the time the church was being persecuted in Rome, a christian was thrown to the lions. As he waited to be eaten, he knelt down and prayed, "Please Lord, make this animal a Christian." At this point the lion sits down, puts it's paws together and says, "For what we are about to receive..."
A man accompanies his wife to the doctor's examination room. After her check-up the doctor calls the husband into his office alone. "Your wife's suffering from a very severe disease combined with horrible stress," says the doctor. "If you don't do the following, your wife will surely die." "Every morning, make her a healthy breakfast. Be nice to her, and make sure she's in a good mood. For lunch make her a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for her. Don't burden her with the housework - do all the washing cleaning and ironing yourself. Don't discuss your problems with her, it'll only make her stress worse. And, importantly, make love to her every night and satisfy her every whim. If you can do this for the next year, I think your wife will regain her health completely." On the way home, the wife asks her husband, "What did the doctor say?" The man turns to his wife and says, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to die."
"Every morning, make her a healthy breakfast. Be nice to her, and make sure she's in a good mood. For lunch make her a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for her. Don't burden her with the housework - do all the washing cleaning and ironing yourself. Don't discuss your problems with her, it'll only make her stress worse. And, importantly, make love to her every night and satisfy her every whim. If you can do this for the next year, I think your wife will regain her health completely."
On the way home, the wife asks her husband, "What did the doctor say?" The man turns to his wife and says, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to die."
SIGN MY GUEST BOOK VIEW MY GUEST BOOK
Please come and visit again.
If you don't have LiveUpDate's Crescendo and want to get the plug-in, then click Here.
