THATS FUNNY							I
	A GUT-WRENCHING FART STORY
	A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his pants that night. He woke up in the morning and went across the hall to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he came out and stated, honey, you were right about me farting my guts out BUT WITH THE GRACE OF THE DEAR LORD AND THESE TWO FINGERS. I GOT THEM BACK IN THERE.
	Assisted Suicide
	One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted to commit suicide but unfortunately she did not know where her heart was. So the old woman calls up her doctor and asked,''Where's my heart located?'' "On a woman, it's usually located under her left breast,'' the doctor replied. The next day the woman was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a gun shot wound to the knee.
	Bouncing Baby Boy Balls
	There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what's wrong? The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby boy.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "Well it's obvious that you should put him into a mental institution." ''Why,'' asked the head nurse. "Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."
	Difference!
	Q: What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? A: You come in one and you go in the other!
	Ed Zachery Disease
	There once was a very distraught woman, who was upset because she had not had a date in quite some time. She decided she would seek the medical expertise of Dr. Kayoto, the very well-known Japanese sex therapist. After stepping into his office and explaining her problem, he asked her to take off all her clothes. "Now," he said. "Get down and craw reery reery srory to odder side of room." The woman did. "Now," he said. "Now craw reery reery fass back to me." The woman did. The Dr. looked at her mournfully and said "I vely solly. Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachery Disease." "Ed Zachery Disease? What's that?" "Vewy sad. It's when your face rook Ed Zachery rike your ass."
	Gassy Granny
	A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. The farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts - although still silent - stink terribly." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing..."
	I Ain't 'Fraid Of No Ghost
	A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many drugs which give him bowel problems. After many false alarms, he accidentally craps himself. Very embarrassed, he balls up the sheets and throws them out the window, where a drunk is staggering on the way home. The drunk starts flailing at the sheets, throwing his arms around wildly. A security officer runs over, hearing the commotion. "What's going on here?" "I don't know, officer. But I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."
	Iron Phone
	A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened. "The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron." "What about the other one?" "They called back."
	Playing Doctor
	A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples. "I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little boy dropped his drawers and pointed to his penis. The little girl raised her skirt and pulled her underwear to the side, but search as she might she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy taunted her till she ran home to her mommy. She returned 15 minutes later with a big grin on her face. "My mommy told me that when I am 15 years old, I'll have as many of those as I want!"
	Scooby Doo
	There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants. He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.'' She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed. One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''. The man standing next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?'' ''Yes,'' she said, ''how did you know?'' He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!''
	Sex On The Beach
	A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets a girl with no legs, crying. "Why are you crying?" he asks. "I've never been hugged," she says. The guy hugs her, but she continues crying. "Why are you crying?" he asks. "I've never been kissed," she says. The guy kisses her, but she continues crying. "Why are you crying?" he asks. "I've never been screwed," she says. The guy picks her up and throws her into the water. "There," he says. "Now you're screwed."
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