Brief Summary: Cobra goes to the Rock
Summary: We open in Lapland. Sub Zero and some Joes are looking for a Cobra base. Sgt. Slaughter asks Sub Zero if it’s cold enough for him and Sub Zero lets us know that he hates cold weather, preferring it when it’s warm.
At the Cobra base, Cobra Commander and Destro discuss the fact that their forces are in place. CC asks Destro if he told Metal-Head about the plans. Destro says that he thought CC told Metal-Head. Cobra Commander fumes that Metal-Head will ruin everything since he’s going to try and win the battle.
Pathfinder asks a Laplander if he’s seen any funny looking guys in blue suits. The Laplander turns around and reveals that he’s Metal-Head in disguise. A fight ensues between the Joes and the Cobras.
The Cobras are quickly defeated, Metal-Head tries to escape but Cobra Commander prevents him from doing this. Cc tells Metal-head that they have to surrender, which causes Metal-Head to drop to the ground, beat his fists against it and say that he doesn’t wanna surrender!
It’s times like this that make me wonder just what the hell it is I see in this character…
Pathfinder notes that it seems strange that the Cobras have surrendered so easily. Sub Zero offers the opinion that maybe they just finally got tired of running. Grid-Iron says that the Cobras are now going to be heading for prison and that there’s only one prison that’s capable of holding the Cobras: Alcatraz.
On the boat to Alcatraz, Top Side gives exposition about how the prison has been reopened and outfitted for Cobra prisoners since it’s inescapable.
Metal-Head, who is still wearing his rig complete with missiles, asks Top Side to tell him about a big boat (…err…ship) that’s nearby.
Top Side tells him that it’s none of his business, but those of us watching should probably get the idea that we’ve just been introduced to a plot point. ‘Course, we might also still be distracted by the fact they’ve allowed Metal-Head onto the boat while he’s STILL FULLY FREAKIN’ ARMED! Did the folks who search him work for airport security or what?!
Pathfinder still things that the Cobras are up to something, while the female warden doesn’t think it’s possible that the Cobras are going to do anything but get their butts reformed.
On the one hand I could be irked by the fact that the warden is female and also more interested in reform than punishment (not to mention stupid enough to think the Cobras aren’t plotting something). But, on the other hand, she’s also more than a bit of a hardass and she’s not the only one who’s stupid enough to think the Cobras have had their fangs fully pulled (Grid-Iron, I’m looking at you).
Oh, and Pathfinder’s attempts to flirt with the warden are completely shot down. It’s also interesting to note that the warden calls him by his rank and last name, rather than his code name. How the smeg did she find that out?
Metal-Head gets put on library duty. AS he’s shelving books, he’s whining and sulking about his task. Luckily, he’s not still wearing the missiles. A ghostly voice giggles and introduces itself as the Ghost of Alcatraz.
Metal-Head shrieks and runs off in terror. He runs into Cobra Commander and Destro. Cobra Commander grabs Metal-Head by the collar and drags him back into the library so that he and Destro might explain the plan to Metal-Head.
The plan is simple and revolves around the ship the Cobras saw on the way into Alcatraz. The ship is the Comstock Lode submarine, which carries a weapon of awesome power and might. Cobra wants this weapon so that they can, you guessed it, take over the world! Alcatraz just happens to be the perfect staging ground for an attack on the Comstock Lode submarine.
At Sky Patrol Headquarters, Pathfinder and Sky Dive are talking about Sky Patrol training and about Cobra’s capture. Pathfinder still thinks that Cobra’s up to something, but Sky Dive doesn’t buy it since he believes his informant came through with genuine information. As they’re talking, they’re also going through an obstacle course.
Sky Patrol HQ is a big ass building with SKY PATROL written on the side that makes me wonder if this was the cartoon version of a real-life playset.
As the two train and talk, Pathfinder says that he wants to talk to Sky Dive’s informant. Sky Dive agrees to go along with him and they head off.
Back in prison, Cobra Commander and Destro are fixing lunch for the prisoners. Cobra Commander is half-singing “Someone’s in the kitchen with Cobra” as he works. Which, corny as it sounds, is actually a cute little bit. IT almost makes me wonder if it was ad-libbed by Chris Latta.
Metal-Head is also helping. He’s looking for garlic which is handed to him by the ‘Ghost of Alcatraz.” This causes Metal-Head to once again freak out and dive for Destro and Cobra Commander. He ends up hugging Destro in fear.
The warden stops by the check on lunch, which Cobra Commander assures her will be done in time for the meal. After she leaves, CC grouses that he’s sick and tired of being nice to the warden, the break will be scheduled for noon.
There’s a brief background sound of Metal-Head letting out a yelp, then a thud. Apparently Destro has managed to detach Metal-Head from his waist.
Destro uses Metal-Head’s visor to contact the Baroness and tells her to start Operation: Comstock. The baroness acknowledges and says that the attack will begin at noon.
Destro and Cobra Commander laugh, and Destro’s mouth opens way to wide considering that he’s supposed to be wearing a mask. The ghost’s voice laughs along as well, but CC only thinks that it’s a strange echo. Metal-Head, who knows better, cringes in fear.
At the Raw Dog Bakery, Pathfinder and Sky Dive arrive to find that Sky Dive’s informant is really the Baroness in disguise. She and a group of Night Creepers are packing things up so that they can move their operations. Pathfinder and Sky Dive get into a fight with the Cobra agents and defeat them with a pie fight and Stooge-Fu. The Baroness, naturally, escapes.
At the Comstock Lode submarine site, Grid-Iron doesn’t believe the Cobra attack in Lapland was a trick. Instead, he thinks that the Baroness’s tip led to the Cobras being caught for real. Sky Dive and Pathfinder head for Alcatraz to try and get information that might help prove that the Cobras are really up to something.
Meanwhile, The Cobra forces prepare to attack.
In the cafeteria, Cobra Commander starts the old “The break’s at noon, pass it on” thing. Metal-Head, being the last in line, lets word almost slip to the Warden. (“The break’s at..oops!”)
Unfortunately for Cobra, the Warden is quick enough on the uptake to figure out that a break is planned. Before she can alert the guards, however, Cobra attacks the prison.
The Warden and her people do their best. They make their way to the prison armory and the warden passes out arms to the troops. Ultimately, their efforts are for naught as Cobra quickly and rather easily takes the prison.
There’s a cute bit where Metal-Head is gathering the guards’ weapons. (“Thank you, and you, and you” or something similar.) As he walks off, a foot sticks out and trips him, giving us a hint that the ‘ghost’ of Alcatraz is most decidedly not-dead. When the ghost laughs again, Metal-Head tears off in a panic.
Cobra Commander gloats to the warden and we get a “Today Alcatraz, tomorrow the world” speech.
At sunset, Pathfinder boats into Alcatraz, having been dropped off by Sky Dive. He’s relatively quickly caught by Destro and his men.
Grid-Iron is pissed when he finds out that Pathfinder has snuck off on his own.
Destro uses some sort of vocal modulator or somesuch to disguise his voice as Pathfinder’s. He calls Grid-Iron and tells him that everything’s cool and nothing strange is happening in the least. Behind him, the Baroness and Metal-Head have a good snicker.
The Joes are now off-guard, thinking that the prison is secure. Pathfinder is locked up in the cell across the hall from the Warden.
Cobra begins their attack on the Comstock Lode.
Metal-Head is walking through a cell-block, whining because he’s being left behind to watch the spooky dark prison. Once again, he sees and hears the ghost and goes running like a loon for the courtyard.
Once there, he begs Cobra Commander to let him go along on the Comstock raid. Cobra Commander long-sufferingly says “Alright, go with Destro.”
To which Destro replies: “No fair, I had to take him last time!”
Metal-Head whines like a puppy. “Please, please, pretty please!” he mewls. The others let him go along and once again, I find myself wondering what it is I see in Metal-Head. And also marveling at how Gary Chalk can make this buffoonish oaf so damned adorable.
Grid-Iron and Top Side check the defenses at the Comstock Lode. Top Side realizes that Pathfinder should have checked in by now. Grid-Iron agrees and says that Pathfinder is in deep trouble when he finds him.
Just then, Cobra attacks.
Metal-Head yells ‘fire’ instead of ‘bang’ at one part (which is worth noting only to me and the three other Metal-Head fans out there). It’s not so much a mistake as it is a possible use of one the firing word from the 1991 Metal-Head file card. Which makes sense since this is about the same year that the second version of Metal-Head came out. To me, it makes more sense for the firing word to be ‘bang’ since that’s not something that’s likely to be blurted out accidentally.
Anyway, back to the storyline. Destro pulls another fake out on the Joes, this time having advised Metal-Head ahead of time that it’s going to happen. The end result being that the Cobras are able to sneak in and get the Comstock Lode.
Grid-Iron orders Sky Patrol to go after the Comstock Lode and sink it.
Inside the sub, the Baroness says that the water is too shallow for the sub to dive. Cobra Commander reaches over and presses a button, activating the sub’s secret twink-ass weapon. The Baroness blinks at CC and asks him how he did that. The Commander tells her that the Comstock Lode is equipped with the PM Generator. The PM Generator creates an electro-magnetic bubble that surrounds and protects the sub for five miles in all directions. Anything entering the bubble, that operates on a motor at least, loses power.
Which means that Sky Patrol is in deep kim chee at the moment. Their jets lose power and they’re going to crash!
Which means the episode ends….
Commentary: This episode mixes silliness and good ideas fairly well. The thought that Cobra would allow itself to be captured so that they might gain access to a secret weapon isn’t a bad idea. That the prison would be that close to the weapon seems a bit farfetched, but then again, San Francisco Bay is a main naval stop.
The Ghost angle becomes a bit more important next episode. In this episode, the bits with the ghost are played largely for laughs and are mainly at Metal-Head’s expense. Then again, Metal-Head in the cartoon is more or less a comic relief character.
Which seems odd, since in his comic appearances he’s given a somewhat more serious role. His first appearance has some humor in it, mainly when he’s taunting the Joes during their running firefight, but he’s not played as a buffoon like he is in the comics. It’d be interesting to find out why the writers decided to go with this interpretation of the character.
Much is made about Alcatraz being inescapable, but in actuality there were several escape attempts, some of which could be considered successful, though it depends on your definition of success. Officially, no one has ever escaped from Alcatraz, but there are five guys who got out and are listed as missing and presumed drowned who may not actually have drowned. You can read more about the fourteen escape attempts here at Escapes from Alcatraz