Cover art courtesy of YoJoe.com
The Chunnel
Written by: Tony Zalewski
Season Two, Episode Two
Brief Summary: Cobra Commander vs. QEII…as if the Royals didn’t have enough trouble…
Summary: We open on a London street scene as a voice-over tells us that today is the day that the Chunnel, the famed tunnel from England to France that runs under the English Channel, is to be opened. A double-decker bus with the “GI Joe” logo on the side where the advertisements go passes us, heading off-screen (left). This isn’t to say that the Joes are advertising, but it seems to be an Easter egg of sorts where the animators included a shot of the logo at the beginning of each (or nearly each) show. This logo shot is pretty pedestrian but some are quite clever.
Anyway, we get a shot of the inside of the Chunnel where Queen Elizabeth (complete with corgi!) is waiting with an amazingly small group of dignitaries and such to dedicate the opening of the Chunnel. As they’re standing there, Cobra breaks through one of the tunnel walls and disrupts the as-yet-unstarted ceremony and grabs the Queen and her dog.
We come back from the opening credits to find out that Big Ben has heard of the kidnapping and is justifiably upset about this. He starts radioing other Joes, namely Big Bear and Wet Suit to assist him in rescuing the queen. He is unable to contact Duke and Scarlet because they’re out shopping and Duke can’t get to his radio in time because of all the packages that Scarlet is making him carry. ‘Cause, y’know, girls like to shop a lot. And they like making guys carry a whole lot of packages. Oh and then Duke gets run over by a bunch of happily screaming women who are running for the latest sale that Scarlet has discovered. Oh. My Sides. The Comedy.
So, since Duke and Scarlet are stuck in a bad 1950s sitcom, the others go on without them.
Meanwhile, Queen Elizabeth has no idea who Cobra Commander is. Which seems odd since one would think her Majesty would have heard about his looniness a looong time ago. Instead, she asks if he’s with the circus, which makes Major Bludd and the Baroness snicker. Cobra Commander replies that he’s the great Cobra Commander! To which the queen replies “Ahh, a snake handler” (insert masturbation joke here) and gives Cobra Commander the leash for Foo Foo, her dog.
Cobra Commander hands Foo Foo’s leash over to Road Pig who walks off with Major Bludd, attempting to control the savage Corgi. Major Bludd advises Road Pig on how to show a dog who is boss, which works really really well until the dog pees on him. For those fans with prurient interests, we hear the sound of pee but we don’t actually get to see the Major being…err…watered.
Meanwhile, Big Ben and the others have made it down into the Chunnel and are creeping up on the Cobras.
Foo Foo alerts Cobra to the Joes’ presence and a fight ensues. Apparently Cobra Commander wanted the Joes to show up.
Road Pig blows up his own vehicle. Major Bludd advises Road Pig not to think as it is dangerous for him to do so. Road Pig also manages to flood the Chunnel. “Uh-oh…”
Cobra makes off with the Queen, while the Chunnel seals off the flooded section, trapping the Joes. The Joes use one of the Cobra vehicles that was left behind to dig into the second tunnel of the Chunnel and escape.
Road Pig, while flying, gets bitten by Foo Foo and nearly flies into Cobra Commander and the Queen. The Queen proceeds to diss Cobra Commander, suggesting that he surrender before he kills them both.
It’s around here that we learn that this is all an elaborate scheme to steal the Crown Jewels of England.
Scarlett and Duke are still out shopping and sight seeing. They go to see the Crown Jewels at the Tower of London and run into Major Bludd dressed like one of the Tower Guards. The Baroness shows up and asks about Scarlett’s shopping right before Duke and Scarlett are dropped down a hole.
The jewels get stolen and Cobra Commander finds a nice big red royal cape (the stereotypical kind with ermine trim and all that schtuff). Two bobbies show up to try and stop the Cobras but are unsuccessful.
Cobra Commander heads out for Buckingham Palace, having decided that the jewels aren’t enough, he wants the throne of England now.
WHY he wants the throne, when it’s largely a figurehead position is beyond me. Most likely he wants it because he’s an egomaniacal twit.
Down in the sewers, Scarlett and Duke hear the Cobras plotting and head out to warn the Joes.
Back at the Chunnel, Road Pig is waiting for the Joes when they show up and fires on the train they’re using to get out of the Chunnel. Foo Foo latches on to Road Pig’s face as he ditches out of his plane, after it’s shot down. The Joe train now has no brakes. EEP!
Duke and Scarlett use a Joe vehicle to slow the train, so the others can get out.
Back at the Palace: Cobra Commander is so vain he not only thinks this song is about him, he also things the folks at the palace are bowing for him, rather than the Queen. Boy is he throne-drunk…
Road Pig crashes in through one of the windows. The Joes are crashing the palace.
Queen Elizabeth says that Road Pig stinks.
Cobra Commander stops the Joes in their tracks when he tells them that there are bombs scattered all about London. “One move, there’ll be London monuments littered from here to Lake Havescue, Arizona!”
The joke there is the fact that London Bridge is actually residing in Lake Havescue, Arizona, having been bought and shipped there brick by brick back in the 1980s. It’s bits like this that I love the most about the DIC episodes.
Cobra Commander then proceeds to name various Cobras to his royal staff. Road Pig, he names his valet (WHY!?), Major Bludd becomes Captain of the Guard and the Baroness he names as Head of Housekeeping (Donald’s not the only pig around here it seems…).
The Joes manage to get the Cobras on the run. Foo Foo chases a mouse and knocks out an electrical cord, making it so that CC can’t fire his thingy until he plugs it back in. This is funny, I promise.
No, no I don’t…
Bludd and the Baroness have been busy looting the palace. The Baroness vies to become Cobra Commander’s queen.
Rather than the Joes saving her, the Queen manages to save herself from the Cobras. Good for her, bad for the Joes’ image.
“There’ll be a surprise for you in your next pay envelope!” Cobra Commander tells Road Pig as they make their escape. Road Pig is getting a bonus since he brought the getaway vehicle.
“Anything’ll be a surprise!” says Road Pig.
Scarlett turns down tea with the Queen in favor of going shopping. The queen gives Scarlett permission to charge everything to the Palace.
“There’s only one battle cry I like better than ‘Yo Joe!’,” says Scarlett as she runs off. ‘And that’s ‘Charge!’”
Commentary: An odd little episode and rather disappointing in that the Joes don’t really do much of anything except chase after the Cobras. The Queen is the one who actually manages to extricate herself from her predicament, after all.
What’s really notable about the episode is the fact that it features a real person as one of the main characters. Granted, the queen is never referred to as Queen Elizabeth the second, but other than that she’s clearly intended to be the real queen. She’s got the corgis, the hand bag, etc.
In the eyes of some fans, Scarlett gets a raw deal in this episode since she’s portrayed as a shopping junkie. Myself, I’m inclined to agree. I can see Cover Girl being more inclined to shop till she drops, though I’d imagine she does more of her shopping at Pep Boys and Auto Zone these days.
And I really hope the Baroness gave Cobra Commander whatfor for that “Chief of Housekeeping” crap.
Collector's Note: The Chunnel is one of three DIC episodes released to VHS pre-record.