Season One: Episode Three

Brief Summary: Metal-Head's grandmother comes to visit her grandson on the job with hilarious consequences. Honest!

Summary: We open in Chicago where Grid Iron, Pathfinder and Free Fall are delivering the episode’s McGuffin, the Levitating Turbine, to a train station so that it can be put on a train and delivered. Pathfinder, the Joe scout, is lost. We know this because Grid Iron makes a point of taunting him about it. Pathfinder defends his tracking L33t by saying that if they were in the jungle, he’d have no problem. Apparently jungles are easier to navigate than cities. Then again, having ridden in downtown Chicago, I can sympathize. Freefall gives Pathfinder the right directions to get to the train station.

Meanwhile, Gnawgahyde and Metal-Head are lying in wait for our heroes. Apparently, this is Metal-Head’s first chance to command and he’s rather excited about it. The Joes stumble across the Cobra position and Metal-Head fires upon Freefall (who is in the air). The Joes return fire against Gnawgahyde and the big pink Cobra tank he’s got. That’s right, our heros open fire in downtown Chicago (they were on Wabash at the beginning of the episode) and we actually get shots of civilians running from the ensuing battle.

Metal-Head breaks off his attack and heads for a construction site where he’s laid a trap. He’s about to detonate his trap when his grandmother shows up, standing on the detonator. MH looks up, very much surprised since he wasn’t supposed to meet her until the next day. Grandma says something to the effects that she got in early, just happened to spot Metal-Head and came over to see “Sonny Boy”. This is where we learn that Metal-Head has been telling his grandmother that he’s in charge of Cobra’s security forces, probably on the assumption that she wasn’t ever going to learn the truth…so why he invited her to come visit is beyond me but, moving on…

The Joes spot Metal-Head and the little old lady and assume that she’s being held hostage since who would expect someone’s grandma to show up in the middle of a terrorist action? They attempt to save Grandma but are foiled by, well, Grandma who apparently knows explosives.

The Joes get away with the levitating turbine, and Metal-Head, Gnawgahyde and Grandma return to the local Cobra base which is located inside Lake Michigan. Grandma says something to Metal-Head and Gnawgahyde taunts him, only to get the verbal slapdown from Grandma who then heads off-scene.

Gnawgahyde then berates Metal-Head for telling his grandmother a few white lies about his position in Cobra, which leads Metal-Head to turn on him saying that he should back off since “I know all about your secret trips to the alligator races…and the ballet!” This makes a couple SAW Vipers snicker; hell, it made me snicker too.

In the Cobra command room, Metal-Head, CC and Gnawgahyde are discussing plans for getting the Levitating Turbine back so Cobra can complete this episodes Plan. Grandma comes in pushing a trolly with a soup tureen on it surrounded by live missiles (one begins to suspect that MH’s tendencies are genetic…), a fact she seems very much blasé about. She mentions having fought in the resistance in World War Two, which fits since her accent is vaguely European, most likely either meant to be German or Eastern European. We also learn that Grandma thinks the Joes are criminals that her Sonny Boy is protecting Chicago from. Apparently, they don’t get much news back home.

Grandma goes along with the boys on their second attempt to get the Turbine back and using her superior knowledge of tactics, manages to stop the Joes dead, allowing Metal-Head to steal the train. This is where we learn that apparently you can run a bullet train through Chicago.

Freefall, of the Joes, uses Cobra armor to sneak into the Cobra base in an attempt to foil the evil plan (not to mention, find out what it is!). Destro calls for those responsible for getting the turbine to report to him for a commendation. Grandma, understandably, heads off for her commendation much to Metal-Head’s distress. Him and Gnawgahyde tear off to try and stop Grandma from revealing that he’s been telling her that Cobra is a private security force and that he’s in charge of it. He pushes his grandmother out of the room and tells her he’ll explain everything later.

Grandma stumbles across Freefall, currently in SAW Viper armor. She pulls a gun from a nearby rack and gets the drop on the Joe, who explains that he was just passing through and only wants to go to the Communications Center so that he can ‘call home.’ She lets him go and muses that he seems like such a nice young man.

The Plan is revealed! Cobra is going to use the Levitating Turbine which can make stuff levitate to move their giant floating fortress into the city of Chicago and make it their kind of town. Cobra Commander and Destro discuss plans for revamping the city in Cobra’s image. The Loop will become the Cobra Coil and, proving that Cobra always backs winners, “By tomorrow, the Chicago Cubs will be named the Cobra Cubs!"

Metal-Head catches Freefall and is going to turn him as a Joe spy but is stopped when Freefall threatens him: “If you turn me in, I’ll be sure to tell your Grandmother the truth about Cobra!” Metal-Head says something in return, basically caving in since y’know, he doesn’t exactly want to be outed as a terrorist. Freefall responds that “You forget, we Joes know how to play tough!” Yeah, “I’ll TELL!” is really tough there flyboy…

Grandma shows up so Metal-head has to come up with another lie to try and save his ass. He tells Grandma that this is a training exercise and that he’s pretending the SAW Viper (Freefall) is his prisoner. He handcuffs himself to Freefall and, at some point, his Grandmother handcuffs herself to him because she “loves training exercises” and wants to play along.

Cobra Commander comes over the speakers and informs the base that Operation: My Kind of Town is underway. Grandma asks who that ugly man is, Metal-Head says that he’s one of his underlings. Grandma says he’s so ugly, MH would be better off doing his job himself!

Cobra Commander moves the floating fortress into the city of Chicago, heading for the mayor’s office. A battle ensues with the Joes, but they aren’t able to stop CC from invading the mayor’s office.

This leads Metal-Head’s grandmother to ask, in a tone that no grandchild ever wants to hear: “Why are you people trying to wreck Chicago?” This is a tone that promises spankings and no deserts, no matter how old you are.

Metal-Head replies that they’re trying to save the citizens of Chicago from themselves, that by taking over the city they’re going to make life better for the people through the Cobra Way.

Luckily, Grandma is smarter than her grandchild and doesn’t buy a word of it. Freefall and herself get free of the cuffs and she ends up hitting a button that dumps Metal-Head and his buddies into the trash and that somehow helps to bring about Cobra’s defeat.

Cobra Commander and Destro confront Grandma in the command center, though Metal-Head does come to her defense. Destro says they don’t have time to deal with this now and himself and Cobra Commander escape. Metal-Head follows, but not before he gives his grandmother a kiss on the cheek and tells her that he loves her and that Cobra isn’t really so bad.

Grandma stays behind with the Joes and says that Metal-Head is basically a good boy, that this is just a phase he’s going through and that she wants to know who’s in charge at GI Joe because she has some ideas about tactics she wants to discuss with them.

Commentary: If you’re looking for an episode to show folks that DIC did some good GI Joe stuff, do not show this one. In fact, stick with Operation: Dragonfire since it is by far the best of the lot. The premise is silly and based around the idea that Metal-Head’s grandmother didn’t get the news back in the Old Country.

Side Note: I tried to pin down Granny's accent. The first time I saw the episode, I assumed she was meant to be some sort of generic Eastern European, but this time, while taking the notes, the accent sounded like it maybe could have been French. Both the Eastern Europeans and the French maintained Resistance movements during World War Two, so it's kind of a coin flip as to which Granny is. I'm inclined to believe she's Eastern European myself, but that's my bias.

Oddly enough, despite the fact he appears only briefly in the comic (issues 114 and 116) and seems to be more or less a throwaway character introduced because the toy came out that year too, Metal-Head got a LOT of play in the DIC episodes. There are at least three episodes that focus solely on him (Granny Dearest, Metal-Head’s Reunion (which features the return of Grandma), The Legend of Metal-Head) and he appears in nearly all the episodes except for Operation: Dragonfire. He’s a childish buffoon of a character meant to be largely comic relief near as I can tell.

The nicest thing I can say about this episode is that there is no blatant anti-lying moralizing. Instead of telling us that lying is bad, we get to see that Metal-Head’s lies end up biting him on the ass and eventually lead to his downfall. The other nice thing is this: Metal-Head isn’t redeemed. He starts off the episode a Cobra and ends up a Cobra, there’s no attempt made to try and use his grandmother to get him to set aside his evil ways. The closest we get to it is his grandmother’s end lines in which she says that Metal-Head is basically a good guy going through a phase, that he’ll grow out of it.

One last thing: If the Joes were smart, they woulda hired Granny. She knew her shiznit.