Brief Summary: You just get the impression that Metal-Head is telling this to the prison shrink...

Summary: Like "Basic Training" "Legend of Metal-Head" is a clip show. This time around, instead of learning what it takes to be a Joe, we're getting a glimpse at the madness that is Metal-Head. In some ways, the conciet works better this time around; mainly because the clips are somewhat longer and there's more of an effort to tell a story.

The introductory bit is made up of an extended clip from "Long Live Rock and Rol". Metal-Head tells us:

Yo! It's me, Metal-Head! Cobra Commander thinks I'm so great, he's been giving me special assignments. So, I told him I wanna be a rock and roll star and destroy New York City at the same time! *laughs* Boom! Bang! I even wrote a song about myself! It's a monster!"

Now, my first reaction when I heard this was: "He's not going to sing..." and at first, the music seemed to bear it out since the intro seemed way too long for a song. But then, he did indeed start to sing and as much as he's my favorite character and all, my reaction was still "NO!" Which is somehow fitting since that was my reaction the first time I saw Metal-Head...and hey, Long Live Rock and Roll was the first episode I saw of the DIC series...

The song is your average, generic cartoon thrash metal. And, after listening to it four or five times to get the lyrics down, it's kind of catchy...

Still, in the interests of completeness and to make sure that the pain is spread around a bit, here's the lyrics to Metal-Head's song. For lack of a better title, I'm calling it "The Ballad of Metal-Head" (this is also an alternative, if incorrect, title by which this episode is known):

As Metal-Head sings, footage plays from Long Live Rock and Roll. This section is basically the end of that episode, after the point where Metal-Head took over for Billy Blaster and up to the point where Cobra is defeated by the Joes and Billy working in concert (no pun intended) against them.

The Ballad of Metal-Head:

Metal-Head sings:
I am a mighty warrior
I fill my foes with dread
I love a life [a lot?] of danger
My name is Metal-Head!

There's no where you can hide
When I got you in my sights
There's no where you can run
'Cause I love a fire fight!

Chorus:
Backup Singers:
Metal-Head, Metal-Head
King of Boom and Bang

Metal-Head:
I blow things into bits
'Cause I'm a one-man gang!

Backups:
'Cause I'm a one-man gang

Backups:
Metal-Head, Metal-Head,
Destruction is his game

Metal-Head:
Bombs and Rockets are my thing
'Cause Metal-Head's my name!

Backups:
Metal-Head is my name

Metal-Head (spoken):
Bye-bye New York City, hello Metal-Head!
Rock and Roll!
Somebody get me a record contract

[It's at this point where the intro fades out and we go into the episode's theme song/opening credits. When we come back, Metal-Head repeats the first three lines and continues on from there]

I'm gonna be a star!
Check it out! I'm gonna jam some Joes! [Sonic energy, allegedly generated by Metal-Head, shoots down a group of Joes]
Look at 'em run! Eat my fire, Joes! Rock till you drop!
Eat your heart out Van Halen!
Rock and Roll Lives! Let's Party!

Metal-Head sings:
I dropped right out of art school
To take your Cobra vow
I wanna make some mayhem
Let's blow this place right now!

Beware of imitations
There's just one Metal-Head
Beware my trigger finger
'Cause I might lose my head!

Metal-Head (spoken):
Yeow! I got blisters on these fingers! [laughter]

Musical interlude before song ends with the destruction of the Cobra sonic base (basically the end of Long Live Rock and Roll). Metal-Head, via voice over, apologizes to Cobra Commander for destroying the Cobra Sonic Base, saying they can build a new one.

Next up is a summary of the episode " The Eliminator" told from Metal-Head's point of view. In Metal-Head's words:"Being a rock and roll star didn't work out..." He then goes on to bemoan the fact that Cobra Commander put Overkill in charge of *him*. There seems to be a couple new bits in this episode, namely a scene where Overkill, now the Eliminator, finds Metal-Head in the kitchen attempting to make a power drink to help improve his eyesight. Overkill turns off the lights and then proceeds to beat the snot out of Metal-Head while he's literally in the dark, rather than figuratively. There's also a bit with Metal-Head and Overkill snowboarding, that ends up with Metal-Head's head jammed through a cuckoo clock that I don't remember from the first time around. My guess is that either I've forgotten about these scenes or they were extra bits of animation tossed in to help pad this part out.

We get to see that Overkill is easily schooling Metal-Head in the fine arts of being successful. Or, as Metal-Head puts it:

"My most embarrassing moment. But Metal-Head never gives up. No matter how much that bucket of bolts puts me down, I keep on trucking!"

Metal-Head concedes that Overkill is a mighty fighter, with the Eliminator chip in him that is. Not as good as the mighty Metal-Head of course...

It's only after Overkill manages to capture some Joes, Metal-Head says, that he started to get worried that the Commander might indeed replace him with a robot.

The Eliminator clip takes us up through the first commercial break. When we return, we get the end of the Eliminator summary, with Overkill being quick frozen by Mercer and Cobra Commander saving Metal-Head from the avalanche. An avalanche that Metal-Head caused by yet another misfire.

After this, Metal-Head tells us, "Old CC" decided that Metal-Head should learn more about computers. This segues into a few brief snippets from Keyboard Warriors, with all mention of Kevin and Bobby cut out. The bit where Destro mistakes Bobby for Metal-Head is changed, with Metal-Head's voice being dubbed in for the "Fire One, Fire Two, Kapowie!" bit. We also learn that Metal-Head did indeed think that ASP was an 'electronic honey.' (So, see, if they'd made Overkill female...err...let's not think about that...)

It's worth noting here, since you may not have read the reviews for the other episodes, that Metal-Head actually has NOTHING to do with the action in "Keyboard Warriors" beyond showing up and acting well, like Metal-Head, in a few scenes.

"Next, Cobra Commander asked yours truly to help those dumb Joes in the war on drugs. I had to show them how to fight!"

From here, it's on to a snippet from "The Greatest Evil" with Metal-Head helping the Joes fight the war on drugs. And we get to see one of my favorite clips from that episode: namely the part where Bulletproof convinces Metal-Head to fire at the gunports in the Headman's mesa headquarters, rather than at the solid rock by telling him that doing so will make a really big bang. Once again, a couple bits seem new here, particularly a bit where Bulletproof saves Metal-Head from a Headhunter missile.

Something I just noticed: when Metal-Head is preparing to fire the gun on top of the vehicle him and Bulletproof are in, his hair actually blows in the wind. Kinda neat...

"Wow, I did so good, my buddy CC asigned me to go undercover at my high school reunion to snare a secret formula!"

Metal-Head's Reunion, and his attempts to steal the XR-75 formula from Susanne Winters, takes us up through the second commercial break (the scene where Metal-Head runs out to signal Cobra to come after the boat his reunion is being held on is the last scene before we go to commercials).

Note: during the scene where Metal-Head and his grandma are in the hearse and Metal-Head reaches back to get her a flower to wear in, it looks like there's a coffin in the back. Ewwww!!

When we come back, we find out that Metal-Head didn't just deliver the formula, he delivered the inventor. And his reward? To go capture some Joes...what the heck?

Once again, I get to hear one of my favorite lines since they show us the scene after MEtal-HEad gets the disk and a kiss from Susanne: "Well, Grid-baby, some guys got it and some guys, such as yourself, don't."

Another thing about Metal-Head's hair: it changes lengths throughout the series. From a full on mullet to a shorter cut that actually works better for him. And it shifts in shade from a lighter brown to almost black.

Oh yeah, in Metal-Head's retelling of the story? There's no mention of the fact that Susanne erased the formula from the disk before she gave it to Metal-Head. Instead, Cobra Commander tells Metal-Head what a good job he did. Rather sad, actually..

"As a reward for doing such a good job, Cobra Commander sent me to Cobra World for some R&R"

Which leads to several clips from the episode "Cobra World" (wherein Cobra takes over an amusement park for the purpose of trying to steal some gold, don't ask). This part opens with Metal-Head and Road Pig fighting over a big teddy bear which I don't remember from the original episode. And I REALLY think that I'd remember two grown men fighting over a teddy bear... Metal-Head says it's his 'cause he won it; Road Pig says it's his 'cause it was his money.

We also get to see Metal-Head dressed in a fuzzy Cobra suit along with Cobra Commander and several other generic Cobra troopers, riding in a snake-themed parade in the amusement park. Metal-Head and some of the generic troopers also set off a fireworks display. This bit, both here and in the original episode, is kinda cute and reinforces the idea that Metal-Head is just a big kid. Sure, if he were real, he'd be one scary psychopath, but in the confines of an animated kids' show, he's amusing.

We also get to see another of Metal-Head's famous misfires. MEtal-head is runnign toward Grunt and Dusty who are standing on one of those plank and rope bridges made famous in such movies as "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" as Metal-Head runs toward them, taking the range and bearing for the purposes of shooting them. "Ready, Aim.." he says, then Grunt and Dusty jump up, causing the bridge to buckle and jump. "Misfire!" the Joes chorus. And Metal-Head catches himself instead of them.

"After that shattering experience, Cobra Commander thought that I should go back to school"

That's right, Kindergarten Commandos...

We get to see Metal-Head making nice with the kids, giving them an artilery lesson, which they love. Metal-Head seems to be of the opinion that it was Cobra Commander reading Snakespear that caused the kids to turn against them like rabid hyenas ("Well, it put me to sleep but it made the kids mad" Maybe they're literary critics?). Theres' also no mention of Mercer's presence, which makes it look like Cobra got beat by a group of unattended five year olds.

For reasons not adequately explored, both here and in the original, Metal-Head is apparently terrified of gerbils...

Metal-Head says: "Finally, Cobra Commander decided I should go back to what I do best: HEavy Metal-Head! Rock and Roll!" And we get a reprise of the "Ballad of Metal-Head":

Backup singers:
Metal-Head, Metal-Head
King of Boom and Bang

Metal-Head:
I blow things into little bits,
'cause I'm a one man gang

Backups:
'Cause I'm a one-man gang.

Backups:
Metal-HEad, Metal-Head
Destruction is his game

Metal-Head:
Bombs and rockets are my thing
'Cause Metal-Head is my name!

Backups:
Metal-Head is my name

As the song plays, we get clips from the following episodes in the background, in more or less this order:

Long Live Rock and Roll
Eliminator
The Greatest Evil
Metal's Head's Reunion
Eliminator
Metal-Head's Reunion
The Greatest Evil
Rock and roll
Metal-Head's Reunion -- the ending.

"So, what do you think?" Metal-Head asks via voice over as the scene shifts from a clip of him holding a guitar in "Long Live Rock and Roll" to the last minute of "Metal-Head's Reunion" where his Grandmother appears on the monitor after Susanne has told Metal-Head that she deleted the formula for XR-75:

Grandma says: "Metal-Head you're my grandson, but you're also the rudest Destro chimes in: "…most incompetent twit…" And CC finishes: "…I have ever seen!" All: "AND FURTHERMORE!"

Metal-Head cries. Which seems like a pretty crappy thing to do to a guy in his own spotlight episode. Bastards...

Commentary: Okay, here we are, the last episode review of the DIC series. Hard to believe that this is it, that I've finally reached the end of a journey that started nearly a year ago. In a way, it's kind of sad. I mean, doing these reviews has been a big part of my free time for the last few months and...damnit, I'm going to miss doing it! It's fun. Must. Get. Extreme. Episodes! And hey, the Spy Troops movie is coming out in October...

Anyway, I'll work on plans for what to do with the site on my own time. Now, it's time to comment on this trainwreck of an episode.

Actually, of the two clip shows, I like this one better for a couple reasons. First off, there's actually a storyline of sorts in this episode. The longer clips give us a sense of an overall narrative. In Basic Training, there's just clip after clip with a few bits of voiceover to tie them together. It's all a whole lot more random, which made reviewing the episode a stone bitch. Legend of Metal-Head, on the other hand, I managed to write nearly 3/4ths of the review before I had to go back and watch the tape. All I needed was the list of clips used in the episode. Anything that makes the review process easier, I'm all for.

'Course, getting down the lyrics for "The Ballad of Metal-Head" wasn’t exactly a walk through the park either. Special thanks to Amy for her assistance in figuring out what was actually being said.

Oh yeah, and Metal-Head's my favorite character, so there's that whole bias thing to contend with too.

Anyway, to get all Former English Major on y'all for a minute. Metal-Head in this episode is operating as the perfect example of an unreliable narrator. What's an unreliable narrator you might ask? Well an unreliable narrator is basically a narrator in a story who we come to learn is not reliable. They're either deliberately or unwittingly lying to us, the reader (or rather the viewer in this case). Metal-Head, I think, falls into the latter category for the most part. He's not deliberately trying to fool us, I think there are times he actually believes that he is as cool as he thinks he is. Poor self-deluded sot.

Case in point: at the end of the clip from "The Eliminator" Metal-Head tells us that Cobra commander thanked him for getting rid of Overkill. What Cobra Commander actually did was to call Metal-Head a moron. Rightfully so.

There are other bits as well, most of which you can catch if you've seen the episodes where the clips were taken from. Metal-Head is about as reliable as a blind weatherman when it comes to telling us about his past. Careful editing occasionally helps to back up his delusions of competence.

I've mentioned before that Metal-Head shows up in a lot of episodes. I actually sat down and counted the other day and he appears in 18 of the DIC episodes. He's in more episodes than any other character besides Cobra Commander. What, precisely, the powers that be liked about him, I'm not sure but I'm rather glad they did find something enjoyable about him 'cause lord know I do.