Brief Summary: Carrie II: Electric Boogaloo

Summary: We open in an office, where Susanne Winters is on the phone, telling someone that her and Grid-Iron will be attending their high school reunion. We also get a shot of high-school aged Winters and Grid-Iron. Apparently, Grid-Iron was number seven back in the day. And Susanne was kinda cute in a generic “all comic and cartoon women are cute” kind of way.

After Susanne hangs up, Grid-Iron and Susanne briefly talk about the armor formula that Susanne has developed. XR-75 apparently has the ability to make vehicles invulnerable.

Of course, this means that Cobra is going to want to steal it. And, as if on cue, they show up, guns blazing. Grid-Iron goes out in the XR-75 treated Battle Wagon to try and shoo the Cobras off. He succeeds pretty easily, partly because of the might of the formula and partly because this is the teaser intro of the episode and so nothing is going to be resolved here. That’s for the stuff that comes after the opening credits, after all.

So, Cobra Commander calls for a retreat and the Cobra forces do what they do best. Metal-Head, riding along with the Commander, leans over and tells him not to worry, that he’s got a plan to get the formula that won’t fail.

By all rights, this SHOULD set off very loud alarm bells in Cobra Commander’s mind but, once again, this is the opening teaser and if that happened, then there won’t be an episode.

Grid-Iron and Susanne wander around the factory, her factory, examing the damage done by Cobra. Grid-Iron praises Susanne and her invention. Susanne muses that she should have coated the entire factory in the formula, with the idea being that this would have protected it during the attack. Just then, the XR-75 treated Battle Wagon explodes. Apparently, the formula is highly unstable. Something about the way Susanne says this (since she is the one who tells us about the instability of the formula), makes me suspect that she already knew this. So why use it? Quoth Susanne:

“I feel as dumb as our high school football mascot. I wonder whatever happened to that old goofball, Metal-Head?”

The camera pans back to show Susanne’s yearbook lying open on the ground to a picture of a young man dressed in a football uniform (#53), wearing a bucket on his head. That’s right, boys and girls, Metal-Head and Grid-Iron went to high school together. Gee, I wonder if he’ll be at the reunion tonight? Maybe we’ll find out after the theme song!

Got to get tough, Yo Joe! Got to get tough, Yo Joe! Where’s that fast-forward button….

We come back to a shot of a harbor dock and a large passenger-liner style boat. A limo pulls up and Susanne and Grid-Iron get out, dressed in evening wear. Susanne’s in a dress and Grid-Iron is in a tux and carrying a small over-night bag. Grid-Iron mentions feeling uncomfortable in a tux (like any red-blooded man would be, after all). Susanne teases him about having his uniform in the over-night bag. Which is weird on several counts. Partly because why the hell is he bringing his uniform to his high school reunion and partly because, this is a pretty small bag, what’s his outfit made of? Spandex? (Note: that’s a rhetorical question folks, I really don’t want to know if Grid-Iron is wearing spandex. I’d like to continue to sleep through the night).

Inside the boat, Grid-Iron and Susanne run into one of their old classmates, a chubby guy named George. George is very glad to see them and asks Susanne if she brought the computer video program along with her. Susanne did and pops the disk into a handy computer set up. (As is pretty standard for shows of the era, the disk looks like a five and a half inch floppy.) Susanne takes a picture of George and Grid-Iron and uses the computer program to give Grid-Iron the head of a cat (because he was being a fraidy-cat about getting his picture taken. These are the jokes, folks).

Grid-Iron and Susanne head off to meet up with the rest of their classmates. As they’re walking off, Susanne realizes that the formula for XR-75 is on the same disk as her computer video program. (Must be one hell of a good disk.)

“Don’t worry Susanne,’ Grid-Iron says optimistically (and proving that he never reads the script). “”Nothing could possibly happen to it here.”

This of course, seals it. Something WILL happen to the formula here because Grid-Iron has jinxed it.

Outside, a hearse pulls up. Inside, Metal-Head is there with Grandma. Yeah, that’s right. He brought his grandmother as his date for his high school reunion.

Metal-Head is giggling about how this is going to be a great night. His grandmother, on the other hand, wonders why Mr. Big Shot Cobra couldn’t have sprung for a limo. Metal-Head tells her that all the big-shots drive hearses these days.

The wording is such that I can’t tell who exactly “Mr. Big-Shot Cobra” is supposed to be. I’m leaning toward thinking that Grandma is getting a dig in at Metal-Head, but she could be referring to Cobra Commander.

Anyway, Metal-Head gets out of the car and helps Granny out. He tells her to put on her flower and make sure she makes a big fuss over him. Of course, he says, she won’t be the only one making a fuss, since “these kids all love me!”

Hands up who thinks Metal-Head is just a weetsy bit delusional.

Inside, Metal-Head gets a look at Susanne dancing with Grid-Iron. He asks Granny to distract Grid-Iron (who he doesn’t seem to recognize, either as a Joe or as a classmate) so he can make time with Susanne. And get the formula, but one gets the feeling that the formula is the furthest thing from Metal-Head’s mind. At least at the moment.

Granny, who thinks Grid-Iron is a hunk, readily agrees to assist her grandson. She heads over and cuts in. Susanne seems very amused by the thought of this old lady wanting to dance with her date and tells Grid-Iron to go along with it.

Over at the buffet table, Metal-Head reaches for a finger sammich and accidentally sets the table on fire (and they let him run around with explosives on his back, WHY?!) He puts the fire out with a vase of water. Susanne, noticing the commotion, looks over and recognizes Metal-Head right off. Or, as she says it:

“That could only be one person in the whole world…”

She steps over to say hello and Metal-Head asks her to dance. Being polite, more than anything else since she’s obviously not all that thrilled to see him, Susanne agrees and begins making small talk. The conversation is as follows:

Susanne: “So, what have you been doing since high school?”
Metal-Head: “I’m a specialist…” there’s a brief pause while Metal-Head bumps into George and his date, knocking them into a waiter. ‘…in destruction…”
Susanne (in a tone of dry pity): “How appropriate…”

Transcribing this scene doesn’t do it justice. The lines and the scene are clearly slapstick, but Garry Chalk gives Metal-Head’s voice a certain wistfulness that just tugs at your heartstrings. There’s the impression that maybe, somewhere deep inside, Metal-Head knows just how pathetic he was in high school and still is now. There’s a certain sadness to this scene, a sadness that’s going to go over the heads of the kids in the crowd. And maybe, to some extent, a sadness that’s really only going to be seen by me since Metal is easily my favorite DIC character.

We cut back to see that Grid-Iron and Granny are sitting down and chatting. (I’m betting Granny wore Grid-Iron out on the dance floor, ‘cause she’s bad-ass that way.) Granny is glad to see that Grid-Iron is one of those nice GI Joes and Grid-Iron says that even though he and Metal-Head are on opposite sides, he still hopes that the two of them have a nice time at the reunion.

“Well, if you still like me, why won’t you give me the formula for XR-75?” demands Metal-Head.

Susanne tells Metal-Head (rather reasonably, if you ask me) that it’d be illegal for her to do so. Metal-Head then goes off on a tear about this being just like high school, where nobody took him seriously! He runs off angrily, intending to make sure that nobody can ever not take him seriously again.

Back at his table, Grid-Iron notices the commotion: “Uh-oh, he’s starting to lose it, I’ve seen that look before.” Which makes me wonder if that’s only from having seen him on the battlefield or whether this is a personality quirk that goes back a lot farther.

Metal-Head runs out onto the deck of the boat and pulls off his tux, revealing his complete and loaded rig underneath. I WANT Metal-Head’s tailor, damnit. If they can hide a complete anti-tank rig, they can hide my pudgy belly. Then again, Metal-Head’s tux is also pretty tacky-looking, or at least that ruffled yellow shirt he was wearing under it was. Oi!

Once his tux is off, Metal-Head fires his missiles, signaling Cobra who show up and snag the boat with ropes, dragging it off.

Cobra pulls the boat along, hauling it to a place over their underwater base. Once it’s within range, they activate a whirlpool effect, pulling the boat under the water. Grid-Iron radios for help and manages to get hold of Grunt, who comes to try and assist. Grunt ejects from his plane and parachutes down the center of the whirlpool. In order to slip through the closing doors of the hatch, Grunt unbuckles his ‘chute and drops through unscathed.

Susanne berates Metal-Head for being a complete bozo. Metal-Head tells her to chill out because now that he’s an officer in Cobra she has to treat him with a little respect. Grandma jumps on Metal-Head’s case, telling him that he may be an officer but he’s no gentleman!

Meanwhile, Grid-Iron has changed into his Joe outfit. Susanne takes the disk and they prepare to try and sneak out of the boat so Cobra doesn’t get the formula. Almost immediately, they run into a group of Vipers and start running for it.

We get a better view of the inside of the Cobra base as the boat is dropped lower and lower into it on a series of conveyer belts and other such equipment. One hopes that they’ve been using this for stuff other than just this one caper. Otherwise, I think we know why Cobra is always broke in this series.

As the boat is being lowered down further into the base, Grid-Iron and Susanne jump onto one of the supports for the machinery and escape the boat. Down in the hold, Granny is also working on a plan to get herself out of the boat so she can go do something about her grandson, since he is her responsibility.

Susanne decides that the only way to rescue the folks at the reunion is to give Cobra what they want. After all, Cobra doesn’t know that the formula is worthless unless you want to blow up your own vehicles. Before Grid-Iron can stop her, Susanne takes off and literally runs into Metal-Head.

“Susanne, I didn’t’ know you cared!” Metal-Head says.
“I don’t,” Susanne replies.

Metal-Head takes Susanne to Cobra Commander, who says that Metal-Head has told him so much about her. (Which makes me wonder what he told Cobra Commander…)

Susanne makes Cobra Commander promise that he’ll let the others, including Grid-Iron, go. Cobra Commander tells her that of course he will, but leaves an out for himself by crossing his fingers behind his back. Ooh, sneaky!

Cobra Commander gives the disk to Destro, who pops it in the computer and takes a look at the formula. He quickly and easily spots the flaw in the formula but deduces that while the formula is unstable on land but underwater, the resulting pressure would prevent the formula from exploding.

Cobra Commander gleefully chortles about the fact that his base will be invulnerable. It’s around here that we learn that the name of the base is the Maelstrom base.

Outside, Wet-Suit and a group of Joe Barracudas show up to try and save Grid-Iron and the others.

Okay, the object (according to Wet-Suit) is to blow a hole in the underwater base’s main dome so they can get a commando squad inside, then seal the dome back up before the entire base is flooded and everyone dies.

So then, why do we then see everyone firing at the dome and the torpedos hitting random spots? Wouldn’t it make more sense to aim at one spot, thereby weakening the dome and making the admittedly ill-concieved plan more likely to succeed?

Or, for that matter, wouldn’t it be even better to send in a group of swimmers to go after the airlock while the subs distract the main Cobra force defending the base?

‘Course, then that would take the action away from the main focus of the story. And we wouldn’t want that, now would we?

The Joes’ missles bounce ineffectually off the base’s dome and their Baraccudas are destroyed by the Cobras.

Inside the base, Cobra Commander is very pleased with himself. And Metal-Head. “Metal-Head, this has been a job well done. How may I reward you?”

Metal-Head asks for the chance to take out that goody-goody Grid-Iron. Cobra Commander agrees. Susanne protests, saying that the Commander promised not to hurt anyone. Cobra Commander tells Susanne that he lied. Since he’s still something of a gentleman and in a good mood, Cobra Commander leaves the “Duh” unspoken.

Metal-Head tears off to get his revenge on Grid-Iron who has decided to take the game to Cobra. He climbs into a Cobra Battle Copter and takes off in an attempt to break out, I guess. Metal-Head takes aim at Grid-Iron and fires, only to have his missles shot out of the air by Grunt. When he fires again, Granny takes out those shots with a rocket launcher. She’s very much pleased to see she hasn’t lost her old touch. Once again, I get the feeling that Metal-Head’s tendencies are genetic.

Metal-Head and his grandma bicker with each other. Metal-Head is rather understandably worried that Grandma’s interference is going to just cause trouble.

Grid-Iron taunts Metal-Head, getting him to fire his rig off and destroy his own base. Oops.

“Metal-Head, How could you do this to me?!” screams Cobra Commander.

Susanne heads after her disk and Metal-Head chases after her. The room where the disk is is on fire.

Metal-Head comes out of the room with the diskette and a lipstick kiss mark on his face.

Grid-Iron is outside when Metal-Head comes out of the room.

Metal-Head: “Well, Grid-baby, some guys got it and some guys, such as yourself, don’t.”
Grid-Iron: “I think I’m gonna be sick.”
Metal-Head: “Mock me if you will, but I have the formula for XR-75 and I got one heck of a smackaroo as well!”

Metal-Head then takes off, carrying the disk and a memory for his dreambook. Grid-Iron and Susanne share a look, then embrace. Hopefully, Grid-Iron can get the image of Metal-Head macking on Susanne out of his mind.

Grid-Iron and Susanne regroup with Grunt and Granny, then get back to the boat. Around them, the base is falling apart since while the outside was protected by XR-75, the inside wasn’t.

The Joes and the Cobras evacuate the base and the boat bobs back up to the surface.

Inside the boat, George shows back up and is very happy to see the prodigal reunion guests (and Grunt).

Now, here is the kick in the teeth scene for this episode: NOBODY AT THE REUNION SEEMS TO HAVE REALIZED WHAT HAS HAPPENED DURING THE ENTIRE EPISODE!

That’s right, the boat was seized by Cobra, swirled down a whirlpool, moved down a conveyer belt and bobbed back up to the surface and NOBODY at the reunion is demanding to know exactly what the hell has happened to them. Instead, they’ve been giving out door prizes, watching their newsreel and are getting ready to sing the school song. Either these folks are completely and totally oblivious to everything around them or they are the most easy-going bunch of morons to ever come down the pike.

Hell, George doesn’t even wonder who Grunt is or why Grid-Iron is running around in his Joe outfit. Or what happened toMetal-Head. Then again, maybe nobody really cares… Poor Metal…

Meanwhile, the Cobra hierarchy has escaped via submarine. Metal-Head is telling the Commander and Destro that, sure they lost the base but at least they have the formula for XR-75! He goes to pop the disk in and Susanne appears on the screen, telling Metal-Head that she’s erased the formula from the disk and, oh, by the way? You’re a worse kisser than you were in high school. She then brings his Grandma on screen (interesting, since she wasn’t in the room when Susanne would have been making the message) and Grandma proceeds to berate her grandson in tandem with Destro and Cobra Commander.

Metal-Head bursts into tears. And really, who can blame him? Reunions suck!

Commentary: As I’ve said elsewhere, Metal-Head shows up an awful lot in the DIC episodes. This is one of three that focus almost entirely on him, which seems odd considering he’s a relatively minor character. Not that I’m complaining, mind. He’s my favorite, after all.

This is probably the one episode that gives us the best look at Metal-Head’s character. And it’s not exactly a flattering picture. Metal-Head is delusional, possibly to the point of being psychotic. He’s the kind of guy who’s got stalker written all over him. It’s probably just as well for Susanne that he joined Cobra, otherwise he’d be leaving hang-up calls on her answering machine and following her home from work.

Granny returns in this episode after her first appearance in “Granny Dearest”. This time around, she knows damn well Metal-Head is a member of Cobra, but apparently blood is thicker than ties to International Terrorism.

‘Course, this doesn’t keep her from laying the smack down on her grandson in the third act. Nor from repeatedly telling him just how f’ed up he is now that he’s in Cobra. Not that this brings about any sudden change of heart in Metal-Head; Hasbro’s cast him as a villain and a villain he shall remain.

This episode is interesting because it gives us a glimpse of the lives of both a Joe and a Cobra before they joined their respective organizations. It also shows, partly by inference, just how much our younger years can affect us. Part of the reason, we’re led to believe, that Metal-Head is the way he is is because of how he was treated in high school. It’s easy to imagine him as the stereotypical ‘weird kid’ in school who never quite fit in. Other kids cope by being the class brain or class clown, he coped by becoming the class terrorist.

I’ve always found it interesting that the writers chose to make Grid-Iron Metal-Head’s rival rather than Salvo. Grid-Iron and Metal-Head, character-wise, don’t have much in common. Grid-Iron’s specialties are hand-to-hand combat. He’s a West Pointer and an officer in the Joes. Metal-Head is an anti-tank specialist and his rank within Cobra is never really stated. Sure, we learn in this episode he’s an officer but then again, he could be lying. Either way, it’s rather nice to see that they didn’t just make the most obvious pair rivals.

Note: In ‘Now You Know: the Unauthorized Guide to G.I. Joe TV & Comics”, Lars Pearson says that the object of Metal-Head’s affections is “Suzanna Winters”. Chances are, this could be the actual name. I heard Susanne, but my tapes are not the highest quality.