Brief Summary: Whole lotta ninjas. Can’t swing a dead cat without hitting one of the pajama wearing freaks.
Summary: We open in the mountains somewhere. Storm Shadow and Snake-Yes are scaling the side of a mountain cliff-face. Snake-eyes is already at the top of the cliff while Storm Shadow is still trudging his way up, using knives as pitons. Storm Shadow tells Snake-eyes not to let this make him think he’s a better ninja than Stormy is.
They hear the sound of Cobra Battle Copters approaching. Night Creeper Leader, Slice and Dice and a group of BATs are on their way to storm the monastery that Snake-eyes and Storm Shadow are apparently climbing towards.
Stormy and Snake-eyes are knocked off the cliff, but luckily they brought glider packs with them so they don’t fall to their deaths. Now that they’re safe, they head off to help the Joes fight Cobra.
Night Creeper Leader and the Cobras off-load at a monastery and Night Creeper Leader heads for a secret place where he finds a gauntlet resting on a pedestal, in a glass case. Night Creeper Leader shatters the case and pulls the gauntlet and a large ruby out. The gauntlet, it seems, is the key to finding the Sword of Destiny.
Outside, three of the members of Ninja Force (T’jbang, Nunchuk and Dojo, according to “Now You Know”) are meditating in the midst of the Cobra attack. After a moment, they stand up and one of them announces that the time for their meditation is done, now it’s time to go fight Cobra. Good lord, we’re not even ten minutes into this thing and we’ve already got eight freakin’ ninjas running around. Sweet Hama that’s a lotta ninjas! All we need are Jinx, Firefly and the rest of the “Ain’t Nobody Here Japanese” ninja clan* to show up and we’ll have the entire set!
We get a bit of dumb dialogue between Hawk and Scarlet, who unfortunately gets a lot more dumb dialogue in this episode:
Witness this bon mott we get while Scarlett and Hawk are running from a Cobra attack:
Scarlett: “A monastery is supposed to be a place you can go and retreat, and as of now I’m retreating as fast as I can!”
It doesn’t help that Scarlett’s voice actor this time around seems bent on playing her as a ditzy school-girl type. She kind of reminds me of a slightly less hysterical Debbie from “Sealab 2021.” It’s pretty damned irritating, especially after the characterization of Scarlett in Sunbow as being a competent professional.
Back in the temple, Slice and Dice admire the ruby on the gauntlet. Night Creeper Leader tosses it away, much to their chagrin, because the ruby can only show them the sword, the gauntlet can lead them to it. Night Creeper Leader is disgusted by Slice and Dice’s base mercenary concerns.
The Joe Ninja Force comes barreling out of a building on a vehicle that doesn’t look very ninja-like to me but hey….
Hawk grabs hold of the ninjas’ vehicle and rides along: “Let’s do some damage!”
Outside, Snake-eyes manages to take out two BATs with one shot. “Okay, okay, so you got two with one shot,” Storm Shadow says. ‘But don’t get cocky!” There’s a brief interlude where Storm Shadow nearly gets shot down by Cobra, but he uses his glider to crash into three Cobra fliers, taking them out. On the ground, he asks Snake-eyes what he thinks of his three for one.
Hawk and the others go to kick Cobra ass, helping drive the force off. ‘Course, it probably helps that the Cobras already have what they’re looking for.
Night Creeper Leader hooks up with Overkill who is there to help Night Creeper Leader retrieve the Sword of Destiny for Cobra Commander. Night Creeper Leader tells Overkill that Cobra commander can ‘get stuffed,’ he’s taking the sword for himself. After all, it is part of his ninja heritage, not Cobra Commander’s (since, naturally, Cobra Commander is one of the three people in the Joeniverse who isn’t a ninja). After Night Creeper Leader leaves, Overkill radios Cobra Commander to tell him of the ninja’s treachery.
“Night Creeper Leader has double-crossed me again?!” Cobra Commander fumes. He tells Overkill that he wants the sword and sends the BAT leader to follow the wayward ninja.
Inside the temple, the Joes discover the gauntlet is missing. Hawk wonders why Cobra left the ruby behind and what the heck they could possibly be up to. He doesn’t get an answer, since Snake-eyes, Storm Shadow and Scarlet slip off. Hawk then pouts because no one ever tells him anything.
Slice and Dice and Night Creeper Leader go after the sword. The gauntlet glows, which apparently helps lead them toward the sword. How, I’m not sure since it doesn’t seem to glow in any particularly significant way. It does somehow manage to tell them that they want to go to the Valley of Darkness.
Snake-eyes and Storm Shadow take a shortcut, hoping to cut down on the Bad Ninja’s head start. Scarlett shows up in Hawk’s jet pack.
“So I borrowed his jet pack,” she says. ‘Big deal, he wasn’t using it.” I don’t know about you guys, but I’m looking for pods. Or maybe Scarlett spent some time in the Brainwave Scanner. Or maybe she really is a twit… (KIDDING! KIDDING!! Scarlett fans, please refrain from sending hate mail!)
We get more dumb dialogue from her here as well:
“Hey, I may not be a ninja, but I am a GI Joe!” – which isn’t so bad, but it’s just the way she says it. Scarlett should never sound pouty.
And:
“Those ninjas, they all think they’re so macho.”
The three of them take off, after Stormy makes a token protest about Scarlett not going since she’s not a ninja (which is where we hear “I may not be a ninja…”). As they’re flying along, Scarlett’s fuel tanks give out. Apparently, Little Ms. Special Forces didn’t bother to check her fuel gauges before she left.
Scarlett starts to fall, she screams for Snake-eyes and Storm Shadow to save her, which for some unknown reason they do. Scarlett cuts free from the jetpack, which Storm Shadow’s holding and Snake-eyes catches her. He then drops the jetpack, which explodes. So, apparently there was a bit more fuel in the tanks than Scarlett thought.
The Bad Ninjas arrive in the valley and head for the secret passage way that leads to the Sword of Destiny. The gauntlet works as a key. Night Creeper Leader sticks his fingers into a series of finger-sized holes and turns his hand. This causes the walls of the cliff face to open and allows them to enter. There’s a brief bit as NCL sings the praises of the gauntlet, even going so far as to say:
Night Creeper Leader: “The gauntlet is even more intelligent that some ninjas I know.”
Dice: “Who do you think he’s talking about?”
Slice: “Beats me.”
Overkill and his BATs follow the Bad Ninjas, managing to find the entrance to the secret cave. Cobra Commander tells him to go in and get the sword for him. Overkill’s Battle Copter roter-blades hit a rock and shatter, causing him to fall. Recovering from the fall, he and his BATs stand before the cave wall, which has since shut itself:
Overkill: “This is the location of the secret passageway. Prepare to blast it open….”
BLAM The BATs unfortunately open fire before Overkill gets the chance to get out of the way. When the smoke clears, he’s laying on the ground, sparks sputtering in spots.
“….on my command…’ Overkill burbles, then collapses.
Scarlett and the Boys arrive on the scene and head off to try and find the Sword before the Bad Ninjas do.
Inside the cave, Night Creeper Leader and Slice and Dice enter a room where giant icicles hang from the ceiling. Night Creeper Leader tells the other two ninjas: “These icicles represent the test of water and silence, which we must pass…or perish.” To which Slice replies, in a small voice: “I wish he hadn’t said perish…”
When the three of them safely make it through the test without being impaled on icicles, Slice and Dice share a little ninjaly high-five. “Yay, ninjas!” (Seriously, they said that. It’s kinda cute.)
Overkill tells his BATs to be quiet, but they aren’t successful. The BATs are taken out by icicles, cutting off the transmissions to Cobra Commander.
Meanwhile, Scarlett and the Boys find a ‘shortcut’: over a wooden bridge with a fire on the middle of it. Storm Shadow wonders if this is an illusion, but as it turns out it’s not. Scarlett figures that the best way around the bridge is to go under the bridge via a rope slung under the bridge.
The three make their way across. Scarlett and Snake-eyes get across without a hitch, but the rope burns through and nearly drops Storm Shadow to his death. Luckily, Snake-eyes manages to save him before he falls to his death. Once he’s safely at the top of the cliff, Storm Shadow tells Snake-eyes that, unfortunately, he’s now even further in his debt. He also referrs, if I heard right, to Snake-eyes as his blood brother. Scarlett tells Storm Shadow he’s got a funny way of showing gratitude. To which, storm Shadow** replies: “Sometimes, survival is not the preferred alternative.”
Back inside the caves, the Bad Ninjas have found the Sword of Destiny. What follows is the longest quote I’m probably ever going to do, but it’s mainly because the dialogue is just worth it:
Slice: “We came all this way for a dumb old sword?”
Night Creeper Leader: “This isn’t just any ordinary sword, you ninja misfits. It is the Sword of Destiny and according to tradition, once I have used it to defeat the world’s greatest ninja, the sword will grant me the power to conquer the world!”
Slice: “Actually, Dice is a much better warrior than I am.”
Dice: “Thanks a heap, Slice, but I’m not the world’s greatest, no way.”
There’s a noise, off-screen.
Slice: “Hey, what could that be?”
Dice: “Personally, I hope it’s the world greatest ninja so we’re both off the hook.”
Night Creeper Leader: “Well, if it is, I’m ready!”
Rather than the world’s greatest ninja, Overkill, looking very much the worse for wear, steps into the room.
“I have only one thing to say, Night Creeper Leader,” he says. “I hate ninjas.” He then collapses.
Back in his base, Cobra Commander lets out an estatic crow of victory: “You did it Overkill!” he says. “You transmitted the coordinates for the Shrine of the Sword! And for that, your mechanical and electronic parts will be given a hero’s burial.” A pause, then: “Unless, of course, we can recycle them…”
Storm Shadow shows up and says that the World’s Greatest Ninja has arrived. Night Creeper Leader, thinking Storm Shadow’s referring to himself, tells Stormy to get ready to face him in combat. Storm Shadow explains that he was referring to Snake-eyes. Night Creeper Leader then prepares to face off against Snake-eyes.
The battle goes outside, where Snake-eyes and Night Creeper Leader start fighting. The battle is the pretty standard ninja fight wherein they use swords against everything but each other. Snake-eyes uses a smoke grenade to temporarily escape.
Night Creeper Leader: “You can’t hide from the sword with cheap ninja tricks!”
Slice: “Careful Boss, he just did…”
Snake-eyes runs from Night Creeper Leader, but a misstep causes him to fall. He lays on the ground, temporarily stunned. Night Creeper Leader moves in for the kill, but Storm Shadow comes to Snake-eyes’s defense, leaping over Night Creeper Leader and snagging the gauntlet and the sword from his hand. He hands the sword to Snake-eyes, saying: “No sweat, Snakes, I know you’d do the same for me.”
The Bad Ninjas take the opportunity to run like bunnies. But before our heroes can call it a day, Cobra shows up, having followed Overkill’s coordinates to the Valley of Darkness (which really isn’t all that dark). Snake-Eyes, Storm Shadow and Scarlett prepare to face off against the might of Cobra, but luckily Hawk and the Joes show up just in the nick of time to chase Cobra off. The most horrifying thing in this scene is seeing a shot of General Hawk riding a Joe Battle Copter with his legs spread wide in front of God and everybody. AUUGH!!
With Cobra and the Bad Ninjas gone, Storm Shadow says:
“We have saved the world from a terrible fate, but we must be certain the Sword of Destiny never falls into the wrong hands again.”
Snake-eyes breaks the Sword of Destiny over his knee (which is actually one of the more believable bits in this episode). There’s the standard bit of magical hoo-hah as the Shrine of the Sword collapses.
“Wow, talk about special effects!” Scarlett says. Wow, talk about a stupid twit…
Scarlett and Storm Shadow watch Snake-eyes as he stands at the top of a mountain, balancing on a small peak (maybe about foot sized). Storm Shadow mentions that he’s never seen Snake-eyes lose his balance before. Scarlett confirms that the battle with Night Creeper Leader is the first time she’s ever seen Snake-eyes trip up. Storm Shadow briefly muses about whether or not Snake-eyes purposely tripped so that Storm Shadow could help him. He decides that no, this couldn’t be the case.
Then again, he muses: “Every now and again, even the greatest ninja in the world needs a little help from his friends….”
The episode ends with a close-up shot of Snake-eyes standing on the peak of that mountain, balancing easily on one foot.
Commentary: If you hate ninjas, you’re gonna hate this one. And I mean really hate it. Not only do we get the usual suspects: Snake-eyes, Storm Shadow, Night Creeper Leader and Slice and Dice, but we also get three members of Ninja Force, including the ever unpronounceable T’jbang. Luckily, the Ninja Force guys aren’t in the episode for long.
The Cobra ninjas come off the best in this episode. They have, easily, the best lines in the entire episode. The exchange at the Shrine of the Sword, which I included in the review just tickles me. Overkill also gives voice to the feelings of many Joe fans who are not so crazy about ninjas.
The Joes, on the other hand, don’t fare so well this time around. Scarlett is a complete and total boob, her dialogue and the interpretation her voice actor gives to her character just leave me cringing. General Hawk isn’t much better, his lines aren’t so bad but they could have used a better reading and better animation for his character. It’s pretty obvious that the writers were trying to get to the meat of the story: the fight over the Sword of Destiny, and didn’t want to waste time setting it up. This is actually one of the few DIC episodes that could have benefited from being a two-parter.
I had to watch this episode twice in order to get the notes I needed to do this review. There was just something about this episode that made the action difficult to take notes on. The dialogue is great in spots, but doesn’t really tie much into the action on the screen.
It probably also didn’t help that my kitten has decided that while I’m laying on the floor watching DIC is the perfect time to try and attack that fast moving pen in my hand. In fact, as I’m writing this, he’s attempting to kill a bit of waxed paper from a Necco wafer roll. Mmmm…Necco!
This episode isn’t one of my favorites, not so much because I don’t like ninjas but because it’s really not that great a story. Yeah, yeah, Snake-eyes is the world’s greatest ninja, big fat hairy deal. Especially since this episode implies that there’s only five ninjas in the world. It’s about like me being the greatest expert on DIC in my house, y’know? I mean, it’s between me, my roommate Amy the Long-Suffering, three cats and five fish. Whoo, real impressive, huh?
Another couple weird bits: Cobra Commander wants the Sword of Destiny for himself. Why? He’s not a martial artist, he’s certainly not a ninja and he’s definitely no match for Snake-eyes or any of the other Joeniverse ninjas. I mean, it’s not like the sword gives the wielder supernatural fighting abilities, at least not before they defeat the world’s greatest ninja.
Secondly: at one point after he’s got the sword, Night Creeper Leader seems to say something like “It’s my clan now” to Storm Shadow and Snake-eyes. What clan, I have no idea, since as I recall Night Creeper Leader isn’t attached to the Arashikage ninja clan.
Note to Scarlett Fans: I rag on Scarlett a lot in this review, largely because this episode is not a good example of the character and is really deserving of the mocking. On the whole, I rather like Scarlett, though I prefer her appearances in the comics to her appearances in the cartoons. No offense was meant to Scarlett, please don’t send giant scorpions after me, ‘cause my roommate would just adopt them.
Voice Actor Note: This time around, Night Creeper Leader sounds like he’s being voiced by Maurice LaMarche (the Brain, of Pinky and the Brain). Storm Shadow’s voice bears a remarkable resemblance to the voice work of Scott McNeil (Rattrap et al on Beast Wars).
*More commonly and correctly known as the Arashikage ninja clan. The “ain’t nobody here Japanese” ninja clan thing is a joke between myself and my friends and refers to the fact that almost nobody in (or connected to) the Arashikage ninja clan is actually Japanese. The Hard and Soft Masters are, Storm Shadow is, at least by descent (he was born in San Francisco), Jinx is (again at least by descent) as is the man who makes their swords. Firefly is half-French/half-Vietnamese, Snake-Eyes and the Blind Master are American as are Billy and (I’m assuming) Kamakura. Zartan, who apprenticed to the Arashikage clan’s sword maker while waiting for the chance to kill Snake-eyes, is also not Japanese or even Asian (near as we can tell anyway).
**I corrected a major typo here. Originally, this line read that it was credited to Snake-eyes rather than to Storm Shadow, who actually said it. Special thanks to zhanz for spotting that goof!