Brief Summary: Some folks just can’t leave work at the office…
Summary: We open with a moving shot of a South Pacific island while Bullhorn gives us a voice over:
Across the blue Pacific, far from the hustle and bustle of civilization, lies the beautiful island of Volcania. Sparkling beaches, waving palms, ancient ruins a dormant volcano and GI Joe’s rest and recreation base, better known as Club Joe. Activities include tennis, archery, swimming and fishing.
The panning finishes to show us that Bullhorn and Salvo are sitting on a small fishing boat. Salvo complains about the lack of nibbles, saying that he should have stayed on the island and played football with the others. On cue, Salvo get a bite: a group of Cobra Eels.
Bullhorn and Salvo easily take out the Eels, but a big ass Cobra sub surfaces, snagging their boat. Cobra Commander announces that Operation: Longbow will begin!
On the island, a group of Joes are playing football. Grid-Iron tackles Rampart, who calls over Stretcher, the Joe medic. Rampart whines about his injuries, since he’s more used to playing video games than a rough and tumble game of football. Stretcher tells him that: “We’ve taken more casualties today than we ever have in our roughest firefight!”
Which makes sense, considering that Cobra still hasn’t taught its troopers the simple idea of AIM BEFORE YOU SHOOT!
Meanwhile, Hawk offers Ambush a hamburger and complains about having been reassigned to Volcania. Apparently, the Powers That Be thought he was too old for active duty, so they assigned him to be in charge of the R&R base. Hawk complains that he doesn’t want rest, he wants action!
So, of course, Cobra obliges by attacking the island proper at that moment. They storm the beaches, having gone all out for this attack. Apparently, they really wanted a beach vacation…
Hawk attacks Cobra via his jet pack and mangages to inflict some damage before he’s targeted by Metal-Head. Metal-Head manages to blow up Hawk’s jetpack, but Hawk himself escapes.
The Joes are now on the run, heading for a secret camoflagued airbase on the other side of the island. From there they can contact the other Joes and get help.
Salvo and Bullhorn are captured and learn that Cobra already knows about the secret airbase. The Joes are running into an ambush.
As they’re running, the Joes complain about Cobra taking over their R&R base. Hawk, on the other hand, is angrier that Cobra has taken over his command. Sure, he didn’t like being assigned here, but a command is a command. And he intends to take his back.
The Joes find their airfield, which looks about as well hidden as the Great Pyramids. They survey the vehicles there for a moment but before they can get to the vehicles, Cobra attacks.
Metal-Head is very pleased about the wide array of targets: “Targets here, targets there, targets everywhere!” he chortles.
The Joes run for the island’s ruins, which look surprisingly South American.. Cobra attacks the ruins and Metal-Head throws a conniption, firing off his missles wholesale.
Salvo and Bullhorn watch as Cobra sets up railroad tracks from the beach into the dormant volcano. Inside, Cobra is building a lift. The two Joes wonder what, exactly, Cobra is up to when Destro comes over and tells the two slaves to get off their lazy asses and get to work (okay, so he doesn’t say asses).
At the ruins, the Joes escape through a tunnel into a sea cave that runs under the ruins. Hawk is nearly swamped by the rapid water in the cave, but Ambush and Pathfinder (who turns into Grid-Iron) save him.
Back at the volcano, Bullhorn is whistling “I’ve been working on the railroad” while he works. Salvo wonders why they’re not trying to escape. Bullhorn says they’re nto going to try to escape until they figyre out what it is that Cobra’s up to.
The answer arrives on another big Cobra cargo sub: Big Expletive-Deleted Guns.
The plan is to drill into the lava well within the volcano. Using the lava, they’re going to power the elevator to raise the big guns, referred to as Space Guns, to the top of the volcano. Cobra will then have the ability to fire in any direction, including up into space where they can hit satellites. With the ability to hit just about any target and with batteries of anti-aircraft guns to defend against outside attack, Cobra will (you’ll never guess) be able to rule the world!
Having made it safely out of the sea cave, Hawk worries that he’s getting too old for this. “Sorry General,’ Grid-Iron says. “Even Joes get old.”
Metal-Head takes some time out to taunt Salvo and Bullhorn, while standing atop a mine car that the two Joes are pushing. It’s here that we learn that the space guns are particle-beam weapons, capable of hitting targets 2000 miles away.
Destro and Cobra Commander discuss their new capabilities. Since they have the South Pacific, they have a wide array of targets. Cobra Commander demands that Destro test the weapon, apparently not quite ready to believe that victory is close at hand (not surprising since it’s slipped away from him every other time). Destro chooses the world’s biggest communications satellite as his target. He aims, fires and nails the satellite in orbit. The space guns work! The world now belongs to Cobra!!
Riiiighht……
Bullhorn and Salvo now have the information they need. They manage to escape from Metal-Head, a task about as difficult as opening a box of Corn Pops. Metal-Head fires on them as they run, but they manage to get away and steal a tank from a Viper.
Metal-Head orders the Vipers to attack the Joes’ tank, but they manage to get away on foot. Metal-Head and the Vipers follow on tanks, but Metal-Head manages to get clotheslined by a tree branch, knocking him out of his tank and temporarily knocking out his visor.
Hawk’s bunch sets about arming themselves with Cobra weapons and uniforms. In a few minutes, Hawk muses “Looks like we’re fresh outta real guards…”
What I want to know is, how the @## can they Joes wear their hats and helmets under their Cobra helmets? Luckily, that only happens once but still!
Cobra Commander is extremely cheesed that the Joes have managed to escape. Destro says that he’ll take the Joes out.
While Destro’s gone, Cobra Commander gets on the viewscreen and issues his ultimatum to the world: surrender to Cobra, or the city he hits next just might be yours.
“Oh yeah, yeah! That’s it! Great!” says Metal-Head, making me look up from my notetaking with some trepidation. Luckily, it turns out that he’s just happy that his visor has cleared up again. Phew.
Metal-Head’s visor clears and he runs about, happy at this new development, and heads straight into a tree. Destro tells him to repair himself and follow. Metal-Head chases after Destro and the others, who leave on tanks. ‘I’m okay! I’m okay!” he says, running straight into another tree.
Ohhh, Stewie, honey, you’re many things but ‘okay’ isn’t even on the list….
Meanwhile, Cobra Commander has heard back from the nations of the world:
Could you please explain your demands in a little more detail?
We are sorry, but our president is on vacation and we are unable to surrender in his absence.
Your idle threat interrupted “Bowling for Dollars” please see that it doesn’t happen again.
What’s really funny about those lines is I was musing to myself about just how often the “People of the World’ hear Cobra Commander give them an ultimatum which never comes to fruition. I was figuring that it would be funny if the reaction of the world was something along the lines of “Sure, sure honey, that’s nice.” And then they did this bit!
Angered by this lack of respect, Cobra Commander decides that it’s time for a demonstration against a civilian target. He fires on the California River Bridge, giving the people on the bridge ten seconds to evacuate (which, by rights, means that not every one managed to make it off), then hits it with the space guns.
It’s on this note that the episode ends.
Commentary: One of the stronger two-parters, this one is interesting mainly because of how it handles Hawk’s character. This is the first place we hear about Hawk being reassigned to lighter duty, which makes sense since this is the first episode he shows up in the DIC series. It’s a nice nod that they show that Hawk has changed since the Sunbow episodes. He’s gotten older, something that cartoon characters rarely do. He’s shown as being somewhat weaker than he was, but not blatantly so. The differences between him and the other Joes make sense since he’s clearly working with younger people. Even a well-trained fifty year old isn’t going to be as fast to bounce back as a well-trained thirty year old. (Not that they say how old Hawk is in this series.)
It’s also nice to see that the Joes are shown being beholding to higher powers, rather than able to simply go where they want and do whatever they wish.