Genre: Drama
Rated: G
janeway82@subspacemail.com
Date: 1-13-00
Summery: The night before her wedding Janeway begins to have feelings that she kept hidden all this time. B'Elanna finds out things that she never knew existed.
There's a beep at Janeway's quarters as she calls out for the person.
"Come in!"
"Hello Captain, you asked for me to come here, I hope it isn't bad news."
"No, I just need to speak to someone to talk to them about something that's been bothering me. You're the closest friend I have can you spare a few?"
"Oh yes, besides it's nice to get out of Engineering once in a while."
"Well, there are somethings no one knows about me. Somethings I have kept a secret for a very long time."
"Just tell me!"
B'Elanna says as she places her femine hand on Janeway's.
"Do you remember Justin, I talked about him before?"
"Yes, he was your fiancee but he passed away with your father."
"Yes, but what I didn't tell you was that I had a child with him."
"What!?"
B'Elanna asks with shocking disbelief.
"I have a baby with him, a little girl I named her Haley Nicole. But gave her up for adoption."
Tears forming
"I didn't mean to get pregnant, I was so young. I heard she got adopted by a wonderful couple. I just wish I knew where she was."
"I'm sorry to hear that. But i'm sure she's out there somewhere maybe she wants to find her mother."
"There is another thing."
Janeway says while wiping her tears away.
"What?"
"I did get pregnant again but with Mark. Except we actually planned it. We thought that if we had a child Mark wouldn't miss me so much while I was away.
"So, what happened? Where is the baby now?"
"There's isn't one 'Lanna, I almost carried her to term but I ended up having a miscarriage. I know she was a girl so we named her Gabrielle Hope. We had a funeral and we all grieved. Eventually we all got over it and a year passed. I got this assignment and that was it."
B'Elanna wipes Janeway's fallen tears with the padds of her thumbs.
"It's okay to cry, you don't always have to be so strong all the time."
"I know, it's just that when you're responsible for the lives of over 150 persons you can't show that you're vulnerable."
"But Captain, you can't be strong for everyone and form everything you've been through you can't."
"Chakotay doesn't know, I have to tell him I'm just not sure how to tell him. I thought that you could help me."
"Captain why don't you just tell him. It wil be good for the both of you."
"What if he leaves me. I mean when he finds out."
"He may be able to help you heal. And if he leaves you because of your past he wasn't the right man for you anyway."
"Thanks a lot 'Lanna you are a great friend. And if you ever need anything just let me know. I'm always here for you."
"I know you are, just remember what I said, if he does as you fear he's not for you."
"Thanks."
"I'll talk to you later okay. Maybe tonight in the Mess Hall about 1900 hours okay?"
"I'll be there."
"Bye."
Later that evening at about 2100 hours the door chimes. Janeway puts down a book she's reading, straightens her dress.
"Come!"
The door is opened.
"Hello Chakotay, I'm glad you came I need to speak to you it's really important."
"Sure, besides 24 hours from now you will be my wife."
"Anything you say won't effect that."
Nervously Janeway clears her throat.
"Ah, you may think differently after I tell you my decision."
"Oh, no you aren't having second thoughts on becoming my wife are you because I just wouldn't be able to handle it."
"Sort of like that but what I'm going to say to you may change our lives forever."
"Are you telling me your going to have a baby, because that's wonderful."
"Been there done that."
"What are you trying to tell me Kathryn just let me know."
"I have been pregnant before."
"Why didn't you tell me you wre carrying my child, I could have helped you?"
"It wasn't your child, either of them."
"Were you pregnant, did someone rape you? Inseminate you? What?"
"None of the above. They both were created by love."
"A very deep love?"
"I don't mean to be indelicate but who's the father?"
"Father's."
"Father's. Who were they?"
"Justin and Mark."
"Justin your first fiance your first one true love, that Justin?"
"Yes, that Justin."
"Where is the baby?"
"She, I called her Haley Nicole. But gave her up for adoption two days after she was born. They took her immediately, I saw her only a few hours. She was the most beautiful little baby girl I have ever seen. Last thing I knew was she got adopted by a wonderful couple and they kept her name."
"Why did you give her up?"
"She ws born eight months after Justin was killed. I was so young. I didn't even know I was pregnant at the time of his death. When I found out I knew that I couldn't take care of her alone."
"And the other father? Who was he?"
"Mark."
"Your fiancee."
"We wanted a baby, so we planned this one. We tried for months, it finally happened after 11 months. For a while there I thought Haley was going to be my only child and I lost her. So finally we got pregnant and I carried her to seven months but in the end I suffered a terrible hemmorrage the baby was still born.."
"I'm sorry for you, how did you cope with the loss."
"My family, and Mark but for a while he had a hard time. We named her Gabrielle Hope. Because she was our Hope. Then we started to try agian but I was called away and we didn't finish."
"Are you trying to tell me that you don't want any children, ? Because if that is it I'm going to try to talk you out of it."
"No, I really do want children, I just wanted you to know this before we married."
"It's okay with me, if Gabrielle hadn't died it would be more difficult but I'd adopt her if I could."
"But she isn't your chlld."
"That doesn't bother me, I would love any of your children."
"Do you still want children?"
"Of course it's just the Doctor wanted to tell you that it is going to be hard because I have a limited time to conceive."
"We will succeed . And I really want to marry you reguardless of your past."
'Can you help me find Haley, I mean when we return to Earth?"
"Yes."
"Her name is the same as the day she was born. Please Chakotay can you help me find my daughter?"
"Yes, for as long as it takes."
They kiss, Janeway felt as if a ton of pressure was lifted from her shoulders. She felt wonderful and was grateful that Chakotay still wanted to marry her.
"Love is like quicksilver in her hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away." - Dorthy Parker
The Gift of Love
Ever hopeful
filled with dreams,
bright new,
brand new,
hopeful schemes,
pastel shades
and Wedgewood skies,
first light
of loving
in your eyes,
sood to dim
and then you flee
leaving me
alone
with me,
the things i fear,
the things you said
burning rivers
in my head,
fereft of all we shared,
my soul
so old,
so young
so bare,
afraid of you,
of me,
of life,
of men...
until
the bright new
dreams
begin again.
The landscape never
quite the sam,
eventually
a differnt game,
aware at last
of what I know,
and think,
and am,
and feel,
the gift of love
at
long
last
real.
"Those who have courage to love; should have courage to suffer." -Anthony Trollope
Characters belong to Paramount, I I just borrowed them.
"The Gift Of Love" belongs to Danielle Steel.