Ask Dr. Truth

by Hall Monitor staff psychologist Sherrie Truth

Dear Dr. Truth: I travel frequently on business, and one thing has really started to get on my nerves: maids in hotels folding the ends of toilet rolls or tissue paper into little triangles. In one hotel I visit often, the maids seem to really get of on this, to the point of creating little rosettes out of the box of Kleenex. I simply don't understand this. I assume it is an attempt to reassure the visitor that someone was actually in their room cleaning, or maybe to add a personal touch, but it grosses me out. The last thing I want to think about is those filthy, fresh-from-the-toilet hands manhandling the tissue I'm about to wipe my ass or nose on. If I had it my way, scientists would create a fleet of robots capable of cleaning my room. At least then I'd know they spent their time mindlessly sanitizing my shower rather than wasting time creating toilet paper swans in a vain attempt at currying a tip. -- Rattled in Renton

Dear Rattled: I must admit, I do have my own hotel maid issues. A few years ago I was at a psychology convention in Kansas City, and as I left my room and strolled to the elevator, headed for a morning meeting, I glanced into a room being cleaned and noticed a housekeeper turning her head and sneezing directly onto the in-room coffee maker. Needless to say, ever since then I have only been able to enjoy a cup of coffee when it is made in my own kitchen, by my own maid, under my strict supervision. Since I can't bring my coffee maker or maid with me when I travel, a leisurely cup of joe in a hotel room is a thing of the past for me. Things like tissues, toilet paper rolls and napkins, however, are (a) easily carried, (b) lightweight, and (c) unlikely to be confiscated by the TSA Gestapo currently manning our airport checkpoints (unlike (a) my French press or (b) my Guatemalan maid). So pack your own the next time, and don't even start to think about that comforter your snuggling up against at night...

Dear Dr. Truth: I was at a party last week with my girlfriend. I was joining everyone there and tapping from the keg quite often, maybe too often, and I ended up taking a leak on her friend's couch. I was embarrassed, and my girlfriend was majority pissed off. I told her that I didn't really remember doing it, which I didn't, and that I was massively drunk, but she said that was no excuse. -- Glendon in Moline

Dear A.B.: Lemme guess. When your girlfriend and you met, it was probably in a bar, and you were probably drunk. When you consummated your relationship (most like on the same night), you were also wasted. On most of your dates, you head for happy hour first and get blurry eyed before you even think of heading to dinner, and then it's usually too late so you just catch a slice of pizza or something from Taco Bell. Now she's trying to call in her chips? Sorry, she doesn't have any. As far as I'm concerned, she's the loser in this game. Your behavior at last week's party fall under the category of drunken antics, something which should be expected at any gathering where booze is a big presence, and something any host should anticipate and be prepared for. Knowing your history as she does, why should your girlfriend expect a Prince Plush instead of a Prince Lush at such gatherings? I suggest you give her the old heave-ho muy pronto and move on to a girl with a sense of humor who can appreciate you for who you are and not who she wants you to be.

Dear Dr. Truth: I recently moved into a large apartment community on the outskirts of a major city. To my shock, soon after I moved in I received a note from one of my neighbors welcoming me to the fourth floor and saying I could call them if I needed anything. This wasn't a fluke. Just about everyone here seems very neighborly and friendly. Maybe it's because I'm not accustomed to it, but to be perfectly honest, I hate it! All I want to do when I get home from work is sit back, have a few beers and watch the Spice Network until I pass out on the sofa. Instead, I'm flooded with invitations to floor parties, mixers in the community center, and weekend day trips to the museum. The other day I was forced to chit-chat in the lobby for five minutes with my neighbors about how much it's been raining. I almost died. Any advice on handling the situation until my lease is up and I can leave this hell hole? -- Martin in Skokie

Dear Marty: You have stumbled on one of the greatest myths in America today, that a sense of community is the foundation of our country and our way of life. The neighborhood barbecue, the Little League game, the town hall meetings, the block party - everyone seems to think that these are the things that make America a special place to live in. WRONG! The only thing that unites us as Americans is the fact that the vast majority of us just want to be left alone to eat the bucket of chicken we just bought at Wendy's before it gets cold then drink enough cinnamon schnapps to make us pass out until the alarm goes off at 6:30 the next morning and we're forced to repeat the previous day. Your neighbors think their doing the right thing, because we're all suppose to believe that hanging out with your neighbors is something positive and wholesome. The bottom line is, you and I already have friends that were quite happy with, so we don't need to hobnob with the patheteratti who share no connection to us other than living in the same building at this moment in time. My advice is to avoid your neighbors at all costs. If you arrive home and notice them entering the building, wait in your car a few minutes until they're gone. If you meet them in the lobby, look concerned and pretend to root around in your duffle bag or briefcase and tell them not to hold the elevator. Check your peephole and listen carefully to make sure no one is in the hallway before you leave your apartment. Whenever you get an invitation to a party, tell them you have to work. Eventually, they'll get worn out trying to involve you in their activities, and you'll be able to enjoy your time at home unmolested, in the true spirit of America!


Browse the Best of Dr. Truth

Questions for Dr. Sheryl Truth can be sent directly to the Hall Monitor .