| How I came to Wicca |
| Update 11/2/03 - This was written about a year ago. Today I no longer call myself Wiccan, I am a Pagan and more specifically a Green Witch (although not the same as what author Ann Moura teaches). Why I am no longer a Wiccan isn't something that I want to discuss, because I feel I would upset some people, but I still look to some traditional Wiccan practices and still love to read about the history of Wicca. Here is my story about how I cam to Witchcraft and Wicca. Growing up, my family was not religious. My parents were both brought up Catholic, but both abandoned it when they got older. I was baptized, but I don't know into what denomination. We never went to church, we never prayed, I was never taught who Jesus was, or what Christianity was about. The only time I experienced church was when I would sleep at my cousin's house for the weekend and we would go to her Methodist Sunday school. Of course, since I didn't know anything about the religion, it seemed really dull and boring for me when we had to go. I had no idea why people actually came. A couple times I went to a Catholic Church when I would go to my dads house, because his wife is a Catholic. That was the worse. I didn't want to be there, I didn't understand anything. Religion at that time did not interest me. I remember though, that nature always interested me.When I was young, we had a weeping willow tree in the back yard. I spent most of my time under it, swinging from the branches. I have very vivid memories of the physical surrounding of the outside of the house; the rose bushes, the tree in the front that looked like a man, the birds that nested in the bushes. I can remember all of that, and I loved spending my time there. When we moved, the beach held my interest too. We lived on the beach, and there was a woods across the street. I spend most of my time there. Now that I look back at that, that's where my love for nature started. When I was 11, I was at my friend houses and we watched the movie "The Craft." After watching it, we went outside and tried to call the quarters. We had no idea what we were doing, but it was fun. We bought candles at a local shop down town, and tried spells and other "witchy" things. The first ritual we did was on the summer solstice. We went to the beach, put gemstones in a circle, called the quarters, and had a "feast". Like I said, it was fun, something "cool" to do. We had no clue what we were doing, we thought that what they said in the movie was the right way to practice. At this time, I did not know what Wicca was. This lasted for one summer. We had bought a book, and as I read more of it, I realized we didn't' know what we were doing. I was also afraid of what my mom would think if she found out that I was interested in Witchcraft. So we stopped. I still bought candles, I still loved the sun and moon decorations in my room. I still loved nature. I told myself then, that if it was right for me, I would come back to it in the future, when I could learn how to do it right. When I was 14, I was struggling with my identity. Who was I? I didn't know myself, and so I began searching for a religion. I thought that I could define myself based on my beliefs. In 9th grade, my history class dealt with religion. I learned what Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus and Buddhists believe. It was interesting, and I think that class was what started my search. My search started with me wanting to start going to Church. Where before you would have to drag me to one, now I was ready to go. But of course, the opportunity never came up. So I started to read the bible. I got a couple pages in and couldn't read it anymore. I just didn't think I should be doing it. It wasn't right. So now, I didn't know what to do. I still wanted to believe in God, and be a "good Christian", but I didn't know where to turn. Then I finally found what I was looking for. My cousin knew about my experiments with Witchcraft, and even wanted to practice too so she still tried spells and such during those 2 years that I stopped. Once when I was 14, I went over there at the end of November. We were sitting in her room and she showed me a jar full of mixed herbs. I asked her what they were for and she told me a love charm. I asked her where she learned to make that and she told me a website, wicca.com. So, I thought about going there. I kept thinking about when I was 11, and all the stuff I got into, and didn't know if I wanted to start again. But I made up my mind and went to the website. And ever since, my life has been changed. For the first time, I found something that made sense. I read about the Goddess and I knew this was for me. I sat at the computer all night, and even pretended I was sick the next day just so I could stay home and read more about this religion called Wicca. That was the first time Witchcraft was presented to me as a religion, and I was hooked. I didn't tell anyone but my one best friend about what I was studying. I was terrified about what my mom was going to say. A few times I almost told her, but I just couldn't. I dont know why, she wasn't religious. I was just afraid she wouldn't understand. Then the day came when I would buy my first book. It was about 3 months or so into my studying. Me, my mom, my friend and her mom went to the mall. Me and Jill went to a new age store and I bought the book Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham. I had heard it was good, and wanted it reallybad. So I bough it. I didn't tell my mom. Then we went to a bookstore, and were around the new age section, and she picked up a book. It was the same one I had bought an hour before. She told me I should get it. I was shocked that she would recommend it. I just told her I did already. So when we got home, she called her friend who was also into witchcraft and asked her about "that wicca thing" as she put it. But now she is absolutely fine with it. She has even bought me books and supplies, which is wonderful. My dad doesn't know. We do not talk about things such as religion, in fact, we hardly talk at all. My family also knows. My grandparents are fine with it, and have bought me wicca books. My aunt and uncle on my dads side know, they asked me about my pentacle, and I told them. They didn't question further. My moms brother and his wife also know, and even bought me a wicca book for x-mas. I know I told my friends, but we never ever talk about religion. My one friend Sara is Catholic, but she is very open minded and we talk about it a lot. My other friend who doesn't live near me, is also wiccan, and when we get together we talk about it. My moms friend who lives down the road is into Wicca and other religions too, so we talk about it a lot. I try to talk to my mom about religion, but she just doesn't care about it. She listens but doesn't give much input. My sister thinks I'm a nut. About a year into my studies, I almost thought about giving up Wicca. I just could not believe in a diety. I struggled with this for a while, kinda ignoring Wicca for a month or so, because I was trying to figure out what I believed. Finally after much meditation, and researching, I came to the conclusion that I did not believe in a "God" but that nature is my God. The goddess and god is a symbol to me, they are the trees, the rivers, the mountains, animals, everything in this world. They are the natural processes in life. But they are not "real". And I still go by this today, and it works wonderfully. I haven't really came across anyone who was intolerant of my beliefs, except for people on-line.That happens a lot. Some people in school have asked me what my necklace means, and I tell them. I even had a teacher ask me what my religion was. I told him I didn't think it was appropriate to talk about religion in school. He backed down. I plan on opening my own newage/pagan store. I'm going to go to college for art and business, and then open my store. I cant wait. Now....I'm just content to be able to practice my religion. We live in an age where everyone is not Christian; where everyone has the freedom to pick which religion they want to follow. I'm very thankful for that. I love my religion more then anything in the word. I will never be anything other then Pagan. I think that my own journey to Paganism is unique, and I am very thankful for the experiences I have had so far. I learn new things every day, and there is nothing that gets me more excited and happy then when I think about my religion. |
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