| In the beginning magick was a novelty. A craze if you will. Something that gave me an advantage over others. It was 2000 and I was tired. Tired of being walked all over, of being over sensitive, tired of life and how it was treating me. It seemed odd, my discovery. I was in a rehearsal for a musical. It was late, we were buzzed up, repeating the same song phrase over and over. I was sitting next to a girl . I remember how she looked, dark brown hair, pale skin, dimples and bright green eyes. My mother was sitting in front of us with her hands behind her chair. “Your mother has witches nails” the girl said out of the blue. I was surprised. “How would you know that?” I asked. “Because I am a witch” she replied. She looked at my nails, long, sloping to a point. “Looks like you have them too”. Every rehearsal break form then on we spent the time hidden in a back room, sharing spells, magickal experiences. We were crazed with the idea of power. And we would do anything to get it. “Black” magic seemed second nature to us. We hadn’t even heard of the three-fold law (the law of what you send out in magick returns to you threefold) or if we had we had ignored it. We wouldn’t think twice before cursing a teacher we didn’t like, tripping up the girl in the hallway or manipulating our status. Anything we wanted we stole, the thought of actually paying for something didn’t even occur. Soon we were out of control. No concepts of barriers held us back. We could control anyone and everything. After a few months the musical rehearsals ended and the performances began. Slowly we drifted apart. I had finally started reading up on the world of Witchcraft and see myself in a different light. I remember looking myself in the mirror and crying for what I saw in there. My confidence hit rock bottom, I sunk into a depression. I hated myself for what I had done to others and to myself. On the last performance I finally spoke to her. I told her she was out of control. She had run away millions of times, drunk like a fish, done every drug imaginable and tried to kill herself three times just to get attention. (and when I mean just to get attention I mean REALLY just to get attention, taking 2 aspirin and pretending that she took 10?) She didn’t listen. She didn’t understand. That night at the cast party was our last meeting. Nevertheless I still wanted to part on good terms. I hugged her goodbye and turned around, leaving my terrible self with her. It has taken years for my recovery, for me to confidently say that I am happy with myself. In the long run its what you do to yourself that can truly hurt you. My ignorance was really no excuse. Take some advice: Get educated. Teach yourself old wisdoms and then listen to your own. Believe in yourself and others and in nature. That is key to understanding yourself and the world around you. That is true Magick. Charlia Whitewave Earthstar *** |
| This piece was written by Charlia Whitewave Earthstar. She tells about her first experiences with magic and how doing negative "black" magic ended up hurting her in more ways than one. |
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