These are short little editorials just to provoke some thought and are NOT intended to be neither definitive nor exhaustive.
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It has been brought to my attention recently that a scandal is happening annually in our education system. A scandal so vile that I am afeared – nay, frightened – to mention it in this location. It appears that schools have been assigning books and projects to our youth over their summer vacation. I was aghast upon hearing this, only to find my aghast face displaced by my chagrined face. This horrid face was occasioned by the news of schools increasing the quality and quantity of these assignments to maintain a competitive competency with other industrial nations. Imagine! Believing our children need to read and react to be at a par with other children in other nations. The idea is preposterous. As we all know, reading is for dolts, television is for the educated. In fact, less you discard this piece of drivel immediately, I shall be forced to consider you a nincompoop and a fool.
Well, now that the nincompoops and the fools are gone, let us proceed. To ensure credence to what is written I shall attest for the record that I can, in fact, read and write and therefore am an expert on reading (and writing, though reading is our topic here today).
In the first place we need to look at why schools commit these atrocities and then we can say why it is all poor thinking.
It seems that some people are not happy enough being American. These people want to be intellectually competitive with other industrialized nations. First, there are two problems with this thought process. In the first place, we, as Americans, are above any level of competition that may be out there. To condescend to say we need to be competitive with other countries would be to say that we are not the very best at everything. On top of which it would be equal to admitting that other nations perform better in some academic and professional disciplines in which they could educate us (though other nations consistently perform higher than American students on standardized test, it has been proven that all these tests are culturally biased and therefore irrelevant). Clearly, if you were still to be reading this you would see the fallacy in that argument. In the second place, these people want us to be competitive with “industrialized” nations. Thankfully, our unions’ demands have so raised the cost of operating in America that almost all our industry is now performed in the Far East, Latin America, and other Third World nations. We are no longer industrial, just commercial. I seriously doubt that we, as Americans, want to be competitive with Papua New Guinea, don’t you?
Again, were you smart enough not to be reading this still, you would see the clarity of the previous and discard the notion that we need to educate our children with such draconian standards. These children – our children – after spending hours in class goofing off, making paper airplanes or passing notes, napping for their afternoon sports practice or otherwise brow beating their teachers into at least a C grade should not be expected to take time from their busy schedule of relaxation. They have earned the right to sleep all day, drink in their parents’ basements to kill useless brain cells, and spend their parents’ money without thinking about the little boy whose fingers were small enough to put tiny screws into skateboards or bracelets for 16 hours a day. The last time I checked we were not living in a Third World dictatorship!
Unfortunately, if you are still reading this, you are probably worried about two more ideas. The first concerns our children, the second their children.
As statistic after statistic has shown, our children do not like to sit in class and pay attention to the teacher like we did. And why should they? If we learned it, we can save them the suffering of discovery and pass that learning onto our children. We learned in science that traits are inherited, so they shall inherit this learning, too. Thankfully, several years back some scientists uncovered this inability to sit still was not, in point of fact, the children’s fault. It had nothing to do with their being young and energetic and curious. Nor did it have anything to do with the parental trend of more freedom for the children to find themselves with less discipline to bridle them in. Truly, discipline only serves to focus talents whereas freedom from discipline allows children to act out their wildest urges consequence free and “live” life. No, none of this is to blame. The brilliant doctors discovered that our children are afflicted by a terrible malady. All our children. It is named ADD. Though some people (some silly parents and educators) believe and demonstrate that fair and consistent discipline combined with dedicated and learned teaching will prove this fallible, our valiant scientists, parents and counselors fight the noble fight. They are holding ground and demanding that children are not accountable. Thusly, if they can not pay attention over their summer breaks long enough to read a book, or keep with current events, the ADD says it is not their fault. Hence, teachers will soon be unable to assign homework and expect its completion. These ludicrous summer assignments will slowly dissipate.
The first concern is thoroughly assuaged.
The second concern is with the children in other nations. It is that while we force our children into school 182 days a year, some barbaric countries force 200 days. The cry arose that this gives the opportunity to both teach and learn more. Even if they are not reading, this gives that much more time to lecture and show television videos. I must admit, sheepishly, that my granite resolve felt the ground move. Therefore, I performed research to learn why they keep their children in school for so long a time. Instantly, I was mollified. As it is, a full 90% of these countries do not speak English! Obviously these countries needed extra time to teach English. Then, all the courses must be taught only after the English is learned. This is a lengthy process as trying to learn another language can take years. As fortune so grants it, our children speak English, and have no need for this extra time.
Admittedly, it strikes me as amazing how parents and scientists let the argument come this far. Though they know better than to read, if they only read the newspapers, reports and handwriting on the wall, they would have been able to see easily the aforementioned arguments. WE could all be resting quietly watching a educational television show.
Soon enough, though, for the clamor is increasing in intensity. At last, the nincompoops and fools can rest easy, as the squeaky wheel always gets kicked to be fixed. With all hope, the people involved in this scandal will all get kicked, and we can all be fixed.
Yours,
Thos. Farren
PS If you have read anything worth recommending please put it on the six o’clock new so I will be sure to know that I should read it, though never will.