WondersLittleKnownToTheWorld

Wonders little known to the World

tinmoorthy

There is a season for anything. Sometimes it is for the scams. Sometimes for the denied anticipatory bails. Sometimes for the early morning raids. And so on. After Ramar Pillai, now is the time for reporting inventions -- those that were overlooked by the reporters or blacked out by the newsroom editors! We have unearthed some of them for your benefit. They were buried between lines or simply filed and forgotten. Now rediscovered, they will no longer be lost to posterity. Thank me for that !

From Kadiramangalam - with love

Thanjavur, Sep 23

Kadiramangalam is a little known village near Kumbakonam. Now it has been put on the map. For centuries Lakshmanar and his forefathers of this village are engaged in the business of converting copper into pure gold. Lakshmanar demonstrated, that the process is after all simple. The necessary acids and the grass are available in plenty in the jungles of Jhumritalayya, he revealed.

Lakshmanar is unemployed at the moment and has applied for the Rozgar Yojana (a form of Social Security). Were it not for the fact that he has to be present at the Employment Exchange, he would be converting a tonne of the metal every day. He is also looking for a sponsor who would get him a ticket to Jumritalayya. He visualises he would be able to manufacture gold at the rate of about two hundred rupees a kilo. He is also participating in every contest TV serials announce. But Lady Luck has not so far smiled.
 
 

Smarter than Shakuntala

Srirangam, April 1

Arumugam has finally devised his algorithm, it was announced yesterday. It gives the horoscope of the ticket that will win the next lottery. Arumugam needs only the identities of the prize winning tickets of the earlier draws. Arumugam claims his regression analyses are a cinch that will disclose the winning number of any lottery that may be organised in a hundred years to come.

Arumugam feels that he does not need any machine to implement his algorithm. He can work out the complicated calculations at the back of a Blueline bus ticket. In fact he has a preference to use them, bus tickets. However, Bill Gates who was present in the press meet disclaimed, spontaneously donating two Cray super-computers for the job. For a modest fee of slightly less than one million dollars, Gates said the service will be available over the Internet. The fees, he clarified, were being collected for processing the mandatory formalities to protect the Intellectual Property Rights of Arumugam. The tariff he quoted, incidentally, is valid only for Tamilnadu, a well known bulk consumer of lottery tickets. For other states or countries, the draft amendments of the Uruguay Rounds will irrevocably apply, he added.

Service with a smile

Irunjarakuda, Dec 13

Panicker then showed an innocuous looking aerosol can. He had filled the can with his formula solution, under pressure. He was engaged, it may be recalled, for the last twenty years, in devising this formulation - forty four and three quarters. Though he has never been anywhere near a school, he believes his living next to an Ayurvedh Vaidyasala is responsible for this invention. When he sprays his custom mixture, the mist works wonders and makes the target individual all of a sudden responsive and responsible.

Panicker demonstrated his invention on several randomly chosen bank employees, auto-rickshaw drivers and not-so-civil servants. In all the cases, without exception, the individuals immediately stopped gossip, tea sipping, plain dozing or whatever they were engaged in and inquired this reporter, cordially with an air of concern hithertofore unheard of! Under the partial influence of the magic potion, even this reporter desired to become honest and be of some consequence to the society. I felt like speaking the truth, only truth and nothing but the truth. It was impossible to get rid of that nagging temptation. (Xanadu News)
 
 

Missing Fund Operator Locator

Royapuram, Mar 13

Whenever a benefit fund operator is in the proximity, pagers will beep. This is not a dream but the newest invention in the city. Not intended so much for the benefit of the operator, it is aimed to help the depositors, in case the former chooses to go underground.

The operator has to just wear a button that has been specially prepared by Gopalakrishnan. Gopes, to the friends, is naturally excited about the invention. He said he has planted a tiny transmitter which has been broadly tuned to all the paging frequencies. Pagers within a radius of two hundred meters, will pick up the transmission and alert people in the vicinity. It is thus no longer possible for the fund businessmen to become incommunicado or invisible. Pagers will now beep and loudly disclose his proximity.

Expected to cost less than a thousand rupees, Gopes said he would sell the device to anybody who paid cash across the counter. He hastened to add post dated cheques will not be accepted. (CRI)
 
 

Sirkazhi, Jan 26

Rajamani is a proud man. He has every reason to feel so, because he has perfected the Terminator. He considers his life has been gainfully spent. He has compensated for his sixty

odd years of idleness. The village folks of Tiruvenkadu have also forgiven him. For he has produced the Terminator - the first ever successful Eliminator of the commercials in the cable TV.

It looks slightly bigger than a matchbox but works wonders. It can also be integrated, Rajamani told the onlookers, into any remote control. At the suggestion of an incoming commercial, the machine immediately searches for, locates a non-commercial program and hooks itself to that. It will stay thereon till offended by another commercial.

Papa -- a girl of seven from the village -- pointed out that commercials, in fact, are more interesting than the regular programs ! Conceding that, Rajamani added that the machine can be worked in reverse, that is -- always to choose only the commercials.

Rajamani told that he has already booked orders from the Middle East and Latin America where the machines work on a hundred channels at a time. (PNI)
 
 

Money Eating Moths

From Our Gujarat Bureau

Bhavanagar, Feb 29

Ever heard of currency eating cockroaches ? Till yesterday they were not known. TodayMehta has a farm of crossbreeds that relish only the paper of the currencies and the ink printed on them.

Kept under tight security, Mehta opens his farm to visitors only after extensive scrutiny. Asked about the utility of these pests, Mehta merely quipped, "Imagine, just imagine what will happen if they are let loose in the houses of Sukhrams and Satish Sharmas". We managed to visualise - Mehta's pet animals merrily feasting on the wads of currencies stuffed in the suitcases and sacks. Our minds were filled with Hitchcockian horror.

As we were taking leave, Mehta casually asked, "Have you also imagined what will happen if my pets are allowed to eat incriminating documents, minutes before an Enforcement team arrives?"

"You said your animals have a pretty expensive taste for food. They feed on only currency notes. Didn't you?"

"This is something else. I have a breed of diary eating moths. I cultivate them because, they are in great demand from the Jains and the like. I presently have a capacity for two hundred diaries an hour", Mehta added with a mischievous wink.
 
 

Rain in Spain -- stays mainly on the Plains!

Our Technology Correspondent

Madurai, Aug 15

Krishna Sambuvarayar opened his briefcase and assembled his tiny microwave transmitter. Those who expected cash, were disappointed at the sight of the equipment. His machine could locate rain bearing clouds anywhere in the planet and make them precipitate at a nominated target. He spread his hand-kerchief on a dining table and triggered the machine. Within seconds, lo, behold, there was an unmistakable rain at the marked square inch.

The equipment does not cost much, Sambuvarayar said, in an informal interview, but its integrated circuits are to be imported from Mars. The Mayor of Mayiladuthurai, who witnessed the demo, promised to extend all the help from his side to get the import processed most expeditiously. Not to be outdone, the Sheriff of Salem (from the US) has announced a plan to manufacture five million pieces of this equipment in his factory. The first off Beta models will roll out of the assembly line this Fall, he added.

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