| Katherine the Mediocre Everybody has heard of Catherine the Great, the ruler of Russia. But have you heard of Katherine the Mediocre, the Virtual Virtuoso? Well, here is her story. Katherine was originally from a small town in a small state (incidently, not far from P-Pam). Katherine the Mediocre went to school, played outside, ate hot dogs with mustard and relish, and pretty much did what every other normal kid did. But she had a distinctive feature: her HUGE mane of long, thick red hair. Her hair was envied by all. In fact, P-Pam's presidential campaign (Better Hair For The Future) featured Katherine prominently. Kahterine's hair was her pride an joy. Each time she got it trimmed, she apologized to each strand individually. Katherine the Mediocre not only took excellent care of her hair, but she also played the violin. Wow! Katherine the Mediocre's friend, Katherine the Superb (well, Katherine was not actually her first name, but her middle name. you see, the one thing about her that wasn't superb was her first name. so you can understand why she dropped it) had this to say about her: "Wow! All that hair AND a violinist!" Of course, Katherine loved to play for people. Sometimes more than one at a time! If you were lucky, she'd even play a whole song for you. Katherine impressed one and all with her musicianship. Well, she THOUGHT she impressed one and all... In everybody's life, there is one person, one annoying little snot, that you can't stand, but always seems to be around, and, try as you might, you just can't seem to avaoid the person. Case in point: Katherine the Mediocre went to Nancy reagan High School with Percy the Pipsqueak (also known as "Percy the Peculiar," "Percy the Punk," "Percy the Dumbbutt," "Percy the Freaking Idiot," and "that annoying little snot.") Now Percy was the type that would go around, getting in everybody's business, trying desperately to belittle everyone to make himself look smart, and basically grating on everybody's nerves. You know the type. Well, one day, Katherine was practicing a piece in the orchaestra room of her high school. There was one measure in the song that she couldn't quite get. She was playing it over and over when Percy walkied into the room. "Katherine, you sound terrible! What are you trying to do?" he said. Katherine just gave him The Look, the same one everybody else gives him, that says "You loser, I don't have time for this." Percy said to Katherine, "Let me show you how it's done." Katherine obliged, anxiously awaiting the opportunity to watch him make a fool of himself. So she handed him the violin. "No, Percy, that's not how you hold a violin." she siad, giggling. "What do you know? I Know how to hold a violin," he said angrily. Katherine gave up, deciding to relax and enjoy his humiliation as he attempted to play the song. Much to Katherine's dismay, he played the piece. Perfectly. Beautifully, with a lot of expression. It was lovely. The orchaestra room fell silent as he played, and broke into spontaneous applause when he finished. Katherine was shocked. "How- what?-Percy??" "It's really quite simple, Katherine; I don't know why you couldn't do it." "Percy," yelled the orchaestra leader,"how would you like to play first chair in the upcoming concert?" "But I'm first chair!" cried Katherine. "Just for this concert. So how 'bout it, Percy?" said the orchaestra leader. "Obviously you need me, so i won't let you down," said Percy. Katherine just stood there, staring in disbelief. Percy winked at her, then walked away, leaving Katherine standing, mouth open in horror. Next |