She found herself shaking as she looked into his eyes.
She didn't know why. She didn't know *anything* except
how beautiful his eyes were.
His head moved forward an inch and stopped.
Her heart was pounding in her chest, absolutely pounding.
Something was happening here, happening *now*. For no
good reason she could think of. Except that he was kind
and gentle and so full of empathy and oh God his eyes were
*gorgeous*... and she found her head had moved forward an
inch as well before stopping.
She could feel his breath on her lips, they were that close
to his. And there was no conscious effort on her part;
like hands on a ouija board, their heads were drifting
closer together with no apparent volition. At the last
second he appeared to try and move his head away, but she
lunged forward ever so slightly and their lips met.
Immediately she closed her eyes and enjoyed the electric
tingle that raced along her nerves. They sat there for a
few precious seconds, lips touching and nothing more, and
the world stood still, watching and waiting.
When I have seen by Time's fell hand defaced
The rich proud cost of outworn buried age;
When sometime lofty towers I see down-razed
And brass eternal slave to mortal rage;
When I have seen the hungry ocean gain
Advantage on the kingdom of the shore,
And the firm soil win of the watery main,
Increasing store with loss and loss with store;
When I have seen such interchange of state,
Or state itself confounded to decay;
Ruin hath taught me thus to ruminate,
That Time will come and take my love away.
This thought is as a death, which cannot choose
But weep to have that which it fears to lose.
William Shakespeare
Sonnet LXIV
That Time Will Come
A "Circles of Time" fanfic
By Richard Lawson
Series homepage at http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9897/ct.htm
Richard's at http://members.xoom.com/sterman/
Mizuno Ami looked up at the clock. Tee plus five minutes and counting. This was not unusual, even though this was a little longer than usual.
Ami put the thought aside and paid attention to the sensei. She was droning on about the need to study for the college entrance exams. Ami did her best to keep the incredulity off her face; it was rather like the teacher felt the need to remind the class to breathe.
Still, it was an indication that time was running out. Six months until the exams themselves. Very soon high school would be done and a whole new phase of existence would begin. Frightening and exciting all at the same time. Mostly the latter, Ami thought to herself. She had every intention of getting into the top college and seeing if they knew anything worthwhile.
The sensei ground to a halt as the door opened. Ami looked up at the clock; Tee plus twelve minutes. A new record.
Usagi walked in, her bag thrown over her shoulder, one hand in her pocket. She smiled a weak apology at the teacher and found her seat. She caught Ami's eye as she sat. Ami frowned slightly at her. Usagi blew out a breath through her nose and almost fell into her chair, assuming a most lazy posture.
The sensei's frown was much more pronounced. "Tsukino, explain yourself."
Usagi seemed almost surprised by the question. "Er, I overslept. Sorry."
"Well, then," Sensei said, pointing to the door, "you know what to do."
Usagi pouted for a second, then stood up with a sigh. She meandered to the front of the classroom, took the bucket Sensei offered, and went out the door.
The sensei stared after her for a few seconds, then resumed her lecture. Ami ignored it, wondering at Usagi's behavior. Being late wasn't unusual; Usagi had turned that into an art form, to the point where Ami and the others usually didn't expect her to show up until at least fifteen minutes after any stated meeting time.
The attitude was new. Usagi always showed up panting heavily after having run as fast as she could. She never *intended* to be late, and was always profusely apologetic about it. This time, she hadn't even made an effort.
Deeply ingrained discipline forced Ami to return her attention to the sensei. But somewhere deep inside, her mind was still thinking about Usagi, and wondering what had gone wrong.
---
Then his lips moved slightly, and she moved hers in
response, and the world began to move again.
She shifted her body a little so that she could reach up
and hug him, one arm around behind his back at chest level,
the other flung over his shoulder. His arms encircled her
waist, and at the same time their lips parted and their
tongues met.
She moaned softly in the back of her throat, and her sense
of time deserted her. There was no past, there was no
future, there was only right here, right now, and it was
wonderful. They kept kissing as she breathed through her
nose, and it might have been minutes and it might have been
hours and it didn't really matter.
And then one of his hands moved. It moved from her waist
to her shoulder. Its movement frightened her a little and
excited her a little. Sure enough, it didn't stop there but
moved on to stroke her cheek a bit. Then it moved down to
tantalize the skin of her neck, and stopped at the hollow of
at the base of her throat.
His kissing became a little more frenetic at that point, and
she thought she could feel heat emanating from him. Or from
her. It certainly was hot. Her breathing was coming in
short, violent bursts through her nose as she waited for
something to happen.
She could feel his indecision as his hand played with the
top of her breastbone through the uniform. Gently she
covered his hand with her own, tugging it downwards, towards
the goal she'd been hoping he'd reach to being with.
Hesitation washed away under her reassuring touch, and his
hand covered her whole breast, the warmth and pressure
of it making her sigh in pleasure.
---
Chiba Mamoru watched as Usagi approached. She smiled as she walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek.
Mamoru blinked. "What was that for?"
She shrugged. "Just saying hi."
They turned and walked together as Mamoru examined Usagi. There was something slightly different about her, something he'd been noticing for some time. She'd become so... casual. Almost carefree. One of the things he'd liked about her was how deeply she cared for everyone around her, which had the side-effect of making her a bit high-strung as the pressures of trying to be friends with everyone and keep their spirits up got to her. Now that was gone.
He cleared his throat slightly, for no other reason then to make himself feel like he was thinking things through. "How are you feeling?"
Another shrug. "Fine."
"How was school?"
"Okay."
"What do you want to do?"
"Whatever."
Mamoru stopped walking. Usagi went on for a couple of steps before turning to face him, hands over her shoulder holding her bookbag behind her back. She looked faintly surprised. "What's wrong?"
He furrowed his brow. "I was going to ask you the same question."
"Oh, for heaven's sake, silly, nothing's wrong!" She bounced over to him, putting her arm through his and tugging on it. "C'mon and buy me some ice cream, I'm *starving*!"
That sounded a little more like the Usagi he knew. Still, as he walked with her towards the mall, he couldn't shake the feeling that trouble was heading his way. And soon.
---
She pressed his hand more strongly against herself. He
flexed his fingers, and she reveled in it. She trailed her
hand away from his, brushing her nails along his forearms,
marveling at the strength she felt there as she continued
up to his shoulder and then down his back.
They did this for another eternity, their mouths hungrily
battling. Then he moved his hand, tugging at her uniform
top, pulling it from her skirt. He put his hand up under
the blouse, resting it again on her breast, covered still
by her bra. His other hand slipped under the fabric of her
shirt, warm fingers contacting her smooth flesh. A bit of
fumbling opened the claps of her bra, and she felt her
breasts freed from their confines. Slowly he brought his
hands forward, cupping the flesh of her breasts almost
reverently.
The feeling of his skin on her skin was incredible. Their
kissing grew slightly less frenetic as they each
concentrated on this new development. One hand grasped
the flesh of her right breast, kneading it almost like
dough. The other hand gently flicked her left nipple,
providing a nearly maddening contrast.
She unwrapped her arms from around him and moved them
across his chest, the hardness of his muscles intriguing.
Then she began to undo the buttons of his shirt, one by one,
revealing more and more of his flesh as she did so. Then
his shirt hung loose, and she moved her hands across his
pecs, not sure if she liked this sensation or not but just
wanting to caress his flesh the way he was caressing hers.
---
Mamoru waved at the young women, and laughed when they all waved back enthusiastically. They all seemed to like him a lot, and actively supported his relationship with Usagi. Even Rei, who once had reason not to.
He sat at the booth next to Usagi, who smiled at him over the hamburger she was attacking. Makoto leaned across the table to beam at him. "It's been a while, Mamoru-san. You should visit with us more often."
"Yeah!" Minako grinned. "We saw a lot more of you when you were going around being you-know-who."
Rei frowned at him. "Do we have to summon some youma just to get your attention?"
Everyone chuckled, except Usagi who has now shoveling french fries into her face at a prodigious rate. Ami noticed too, and she reached over to grasp Usagi's arm. "Slow down. You're going to choke yourself."
"No I'm not," Usagi said with her mouth full. She grabbed a glass of water to wash the food down with. Mamoru frowned at her; her table manners had never been exactly graceful, but they'd never been this crude.
Ami tilted her head in puzzlement, then looked around the table. "Say, does anyone want to go to summer school with me? I've found an excellent college-exam prep course. It's a little expensive, but worth it."
Makoto flinched. "College exams, ugh. I was just feeling good, too."
"Ah, ah, ah." Minako leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "I suppose I'll have to study harder, too. Oh, that is, like, *so* unfun."
"But it's necessary," Ami scolded gently. "You *do* want to go to a good school, don't you?"
Rei sighed. "I'm probably not going to go to college. I'll be too busy at the shrine."
Mamoru looked over at her. "How is your grandfather?" he asked gently.
She looked into his eyes, and he could see a bit of pain seeping through. "He's... he has his good days and his bad days."
Mamoru nodded, trying to let his concern for her show. He wasn't terribly good at this, and seldom knew what to say. Fortunately, Rei was good at reading people's expressions, and she smiled wanly at him, letting him know she appreciated his concern.
He kept waiting for Usagi to say something. Helping her friends feel good was her specialty. When he continued to hear silence from next to him, he turned his head to see Usagi sipping on her milkshake and staring across the restaurant at nothing at all.
The other women also seemed mildly surprised. Ami ventured a somewhat cautious question. "Will you want to come to summer school with me?"
Usagi seemed to slowly pull her attention from miles away to lazily focus on Ami. "What's the point?"
Ami blinked. "The point is that you need to go to a good college."
Usagi shook her head. "No, I don't."
Mamoru frowned. "Why not?"
"Cuz I don't." She looked around the table, and seemed annoyed by the way everyone was looking at her. "I mean, why bother?"
"Usako." Mamoru caught her eyes and held them. "I know you don't enjoy school that much, but you've got to get a good education. I'll be there to help, don't forget."
Her voice grew sharper. "Don't be condescending, Mamo-chan. It's *so* annoying. I'll be fine. We'll all be fine."
He blinked. What an odd statement. "What do you mean?"
"I mean..." She suddenly seemed to grow uncomfortable. "Well... I mean, you know... it can't be long before... before..."
"Before the world comes to an end?" Rei's voice was soft, almost a whisper, which meant that she was extremely angry.
"Uh, yeah." Usagi wouldn't look at her. "I mean... what's the point of going to college if... if we don't need to worry about it? I mean, we all know what's going to happen, right?" She looked around as if trying to find an ally. "We'll all live through it and the world will be nice and safe and everything will be wonderful. So don't worry."
"Don't worry?" Mamoru found the words difficult to get out through the choking in his throat. "Don't worry that billions of people are going to die? Don't worry because if *we* live that means everything's okay?"
Usagi swallowed nervously. "Mamo-chan, it's not like that. I mean, we've been through so much already, can't we, like, rest a little before we have to act again?"
"Just give up? On everything?" Mamoru leaned forward a little bit, looming slightly over her. "Everything's pre-ordained, so let's not worry?"
"What if we have a chance to save everything?" Makoto looked more puzzled then angry. "Shouldn't we try?"
Usagi set her milkshake back on the table. "But... we can't succeed. We've... we've seen the future. We know what's going to happen." She looked at Ami. "Right?"
Ami's face was neutral, tending a little towards sad. "We don't know a lot of details, Usagi-chan. We know that something is going to happen fairly soon. We know that Crystal Tokyo awaits somewhere in the future. But we don't know how many people live there, and exactly how much of the world was saved. We may need to try our best to save as many people as we can when it happens."
"But it's already *happened*." Usagi sounded desperate now. "It's not like we can change it. So, yeah, we'll do our best when the time comes. But we don't need to do anything right now."
"And us, Usako?" Mamoru waited until she was looking at him again, then continued. "You and me have already 'happened', so you don't need to worry about me? Don't have to treat me with any respect or decency? Don't have to treat *life* with any respect or decency, because it's already happened?"
Usagi thinned her lips. "Don't say that, Mamo-chan. Have I treated you different? Have I said I loved you any less?"
Mamoru felt his jaw tightening. "If you have no care for the billions that are going to die, how can you care at all about me?"
An extremely uncomfortable silence descended on the table. The other young women didn't dare to speak as he and Usagi looked at each other.
Usagi finally spoke slowly and carefully, with a fair amount of anger. "Don't you dare, Mamoru. Don't you dare treat me like this. I'm going to be Queen one day, don't forget. You-"
Mamoru surged to his feet. "Well, forgive me, Your Highness. The Royal Concubine has to leave before he takes Her Majesty's milkshake and pours it over Her Royal Dumplings."
A couple of gasps greeted his statement. He shared an angry stare with Usagi before he spun on his heel and stalked out of the restaurant.
He walked down the street, oblivious to everything except his own anger. What the hell was wrong with her? He'd never know she could be so... cold-blooded. To treat the end of the world so casually...
To hell with her. With her and Neo-Queen Serenity. He'd perform his required stud duties and move on. He wanted nothing to do with her at all. If that's what it to took to be a Queen then he'd rather die with the rest of the world than live with someone like that.
A hand grabbed his arm. He turned to look at Rei's breathless face. "Mamoru, please. Don't run away."
He spent a second making sure his voice was under control. "I can't stand to be with her right now. If I spend any more time in her company I'll do something we all will regret."
She looked at him steadily for a moment, emotions he couldn't quite make out flying across her face. She seemed to gather her resolve after a moment. "She's just... a little confused right now. She's been through a lot, Mamoru. Been through things that would have driven either one of us insane. And there's still the worst to come. She needs us, Mamoru, needs us to be supportive of her."
He tore his arm out of her grasp. He and Rei had dated once, been close once. But when it came right down to it, she was completely devoted to her past Princess and future Queen. "Excuse me. Right now the last thing I can be is someone who is supportive of Tsukino Usagi."
He didn't wait for a reaction, instead turning and walking rapidly away. Damn this whole situation. Damn the past and damn the future for all that it had done to him. The world was going to end and he was going to marry Usagi and it didn't matter how strongly he felt about either one of those things.
Mamoru began to run, doing his best to escape the future.
---
Their lips had maintained contact but it was becoming more
and more tenuous as they each sat with their hands on each
other's breast. The kiss ended reluctantly, their lips
parting as he pulled away from her. Her eyes fluttered
open and they shared a moment of perfect intimacy, eyes
locked in contact.
She almost lost it, lost the feeling of the moment, began
to think of times past and future. She trembled again, and
she could feel him trembling in response. A lot of fear
here. A lot of desire here.
Then he began to lift his hands up, off her breast and
towards her shoulders, her shirt bunching up on his arms.
She took her hands off his chest and lifted them above her
head. Her shirt came off, after an awkward moment when her
kerchief caught on her chin. He tossed the shirt to the
floor while she shrugged out of her bra.
She sat beside him, naked from the waist up, still
trembling. She reached over and moved his shirt over his
shoulders. He finished the motion and his shirt was gone.
They reached for each other, hugging, kissing, flesh
pressing against flesh. She found another small moan
escaping her, beyond her control, it was all beyond her
control at this point, and somehow they rolled onto the
bed, and he was above her and his weight was flattening
her breasts and it was *good*.
---
She held her hand over the door, wondering. Wondering if she should be here. Wondering if she should be doing this. But he'd been in obvious pain, and needed someone to talk to, and he had no one beside Usagi. She bit her lip, then knocked on the door.
Nothing happened, so she knocked again, louder. After a moment, she heard movement from inside. The door was almost flung open, and Mamoru's anger held for a minute before melting into surprise. "Ami?"
She almost begged off, found a trivial excuse to occupy him for a moment before fleeing. Instead, she found herself asking, "May I come in?"
"Uh..." He stood indecisively for a second, then stepped back. "Sure."
She entered, looking around the apartment. She knew all about his family history, how he'd been orphaned very young and had spent most of his life alone. Still, she was taken aback by how austere his apartment was. A desk on one side, a bed next to the window, a bureau and a mirror along a wall. She looked around cataloguing the items, finally taking in that Mamoru, for all that he had more money than an average high school student, was actually somewhat poor.
Mamoru closed the door and stood there looking at her uncertainly. "What can I do for you?"
Ami smiled gently at him. "Actually, that's what I wanted to ask you. You look like you could use a friend."
He sighed heavily and looked down at his feet. "Maybe. It's..." He seemed at a loss to continue.
"Here." Ami set down her bookbag and took his arm. She looked around, finding seating space limited. She pulled him over to the bed and sat down, pulling him down with her. Looking into his face, she tried to figure out what to say. She ran through her memories, remembering how Usagi had dealt with similar situations. After a moment of meeting his gaze while she thought, Ami spoke. "You're not feeling good, are you?"
He snorted. "Yeah, you could say that."
"Tell me," she prompted gently.
He looked out across the room. "She's... she's grown distant lately. Uncaring. I... it scares me. A lot."
Ami tried to correlate it with what she'd seen in the restaurant. "Like she's taking everything for granted. Including your relationship."
"Yes, dammit!" He pounded his fist into his thigh. "It was so different back at the beginning. We wanted each other so much. We didn't give a damn about whether it was 'destined' or not, we just cared about each other so deeply. But... she's changed. Grown more... callous."
Ami nodded. "She's been through a lot. She's seen us all die several times. It's... it's probably made her a bit more... cautious."
Mamoru turned to look at her again. "You're going to be like Rei, aren't you? God Save the Queen, let's all forgive her sins?"
Ami quailed slightly at his anger. "I'm here for you, Mamoru-san. Usagi's my friend, certainly, and the leader of the Senshi. But I also consider you to be my friend. I hope I'm your friend, too."
Mamoru's anger cooled. "I'm sorry. It's just... well, everyone talks about the great future Queen, and I'm... I'm an afterthought, nothing more than Chibi-Usa's father."
"You are *not* nothing." Mamoru seemed a little surprised by Ami's vehemence, which was just as well, because she was just as surprised. "You saved our lives several times. Hers, too. There wouldn't be a Neo-Queen Serenity or a Crystal Tokyo if it hadn't been for you. And I'm certain that if you'll continue to prove to be the capable, compassionate man that you are, and that'll you'll play a vital role in finding and maintaining our future Utopia."
He looked at her for a long time. She met his gave evenly, trying to put every bit of her faith in him into it. Finally, he smiled. "Thank you, Ami. That means a lot to me. Especially coming from you."
Ami found herself flushing. "Y-you're welcome." She cast about, trying to return to her original purpose for coming here. "Usagi's just going through a phase, I'm certain. Give her a little time-"
"I've given her years of my life, Ami." A little of his previous anger returned. "And you heard her. I'm nothing more than her subject. She expects me to obey her every whim, return her every affection without question and without judging her. Well, I won't do that. Not back at the restaurant, not in the future, never. I won't let her use me like that."
"She's not-" Ami swallowed her instinctive need to defend Usagi. She was loyal to her friend, but she also knew that this wasn't what Mamoru needed to hear right at the moment. "Mamoru-san, don't ruin yourself being angry at her. You're not a hateful person. That's what I've always... admired about you. You're the nicest, fairest, most respectful man I know. Don't let one argument turn you into something else."
Mamoru shook his head. "It's more than one argument. It's just the first one you've been a witness to. It's a behavioral pattern that's been developing for some time. I can't continue to let her treat me like that any longer. I won't."
Ami found herself on the verge of tears. "But you need her. You need each other."
"No, Ami." He thinned his lips. "She doesn't need me. She's done just fine without me before. I'll support her, of course, because we *do* need Crystal Tokyo to come about. But that's it. I won't let her stomp all over my heart at her whim."
"But..." Ami reached a hand out towards him, not quite touching him. "You'll be so alone. You've been so alone for so long. Don't... don't you deserve better?"
He smiled very softly. "I won't be alone. Meeting you and the others, and having you be my friends... that's meant a lot to me. You've been my family, and I'm grateful for your company. And you..." He swallowed. "You've been so dependable, Ami. You've stood steady as a rock and been the voice of calm reason in whatever crisis we've face. I never told you how much I came to appreciate that. How much I relied on you to give me strength and assurance. And... and when I opened the door and saw you there... you care just as deeply about everyone as any of the others do. Including Usagi. I know you're just shy about expressing it, and that it took a lot of courage to come here and be with me."
His smile widened. He reached out and took her hand in his. "Thank you, Ami. Thank you for coming to help me when I needed it. I... I appreciate that more than you know. I appreciate... you... more than you know."
Her heart was beating quite rapidly. "I... Mamoru-san, I... You're such a good person, I just wanted to... to be with you..." She trailed off, then repeated herself. "I just wanted to be with you."
The words hung out there like a grenade waiting to explode. She found herself shaking as she looked into his eyes. She didn't know why. She didn't know *anything* except how beautiful his eyes were.
And then his head moved forward an inch and stopped.
---
His lips trailed down her jaw, nibbling at the line of
her jaw and down her outstretched throat. Of their own
accord her hands began to caress his back, drawing
aimless circles over the rippling muscle. Her back
arched, offering her breasts to his lips, an invitation
he readily accepted.
This, too, was wonderful. Her flesh was hypersensitive,
it seemed, and when he began kissing her nipple she
gasped. He took it into his mouth and sucked it gently,
and she rubbed her hands through his hair, gently pushing
him deeper into her breast.
They continued the pattern for some while. They'd kiss,
then he'd return his attention to her breast, sometimes
making intriguing stops along the way. He seemed to know
what her sensitive spots were and paid particular
attention to them.
And somewhere, she realized that he was paying copious
attention to her and she was doing little else but
kissing him in return. Somehow, it seemed time to return
the favor.
The next time he came up to kiss her mouth, she moved her
hands down to his waist. She moved them to the front,
and he arched his back a little so that she could reach
the button. She almost smiled through this kiss; this was
evidently something he wanted her to do. She unbuttoned
and unzipped his pants, then reached through them. There
was something definitely there; she'd felt it pressing
against her before but now she was able to bring some
definition to it. She grasped it lightly, wondering what
to do.
She'd never studied on this subject before, and was now
regretting her lack of diligence.
---
Ami found this feeling rather strange. She was walking down the street towards school. Normally she'd be thinking about the lessons of the day and how best to prepare for them. Instead, she was unable to concentrate on any one thought for more than a few seconds. And in the meantime, she could do nothing about the smile that covered her face.
"Ami-chan!" The voice in the distance, however, *could* do something about it. The smile was washed away in a sea of guilt as she turned to see Usagi run up. For a wonder, she was early to school.
"Ami-chan!" Usagi spent a moment gathering her breath. "Did you talk to Mamo-chan yesterday?"
For the first time ever, Ami lied to Usagi. "No."
Usagi seemed slightly disappointed. "Oh." She considered Ami for another second, then turned to walk into the building.
Ami walked with her, wondering what to do. "Why don't you go and talk to him?" she found herself asking.
Usagi scowled. "Hah! As if. Let him come to me when he's good and ready to beg my forgiveness. He's acting like such an idiot, I-"
"But, Usagi-chan." Ami found the words flowing from her, unsure if she wanted to stop them, unsure she could if she wanted to. "You saw how angry and hurt he was. All you have to do is call him, just call him and say hi. Give him an opening and let him talk to you."
"What about how angry and hurt *I* was!" Usagi waved her hand in the air, as if batting away Ami's suggestion. "He'll come to me. He *has* to come to me. He doesn't have a choice, really."
Ami found nothing to say to that. Mamoru was right; Usagi was taking everything for granted. The future, Mamoru's affections... it would all come to her if she simply waited. Ami was a little saddened by the attitude. And, she forced herself to admit, slightly repelled by it.
Usagi said nothing more as she walked off to her shoe locker, still looking angry. Ami sighed and moved to her own. She opened it, looked inside, and stood absolutely still. Slowly, with a slightly trembling hand, she reached in and pulled out a red rose. She sniffed it, certain that her face was doing a good job of matching the rose's color. She looked inside the locker again, then reached in to pull out an envelope. With hands that were trembling with greater force, she opened it and read.
My love,
Last night was a revelation, a beginning.
It will not end there, this I vow.
Meet me tonight, six o'clock, at the gardens behind your apartment.
Together we will change the future.
There was no signature, other than the rose Ami still held.
She was crying, she was embarrassed to notice. She quickly wiped her eyes, and found that the smile had reappeared. She put the note and the rose in her bag, changed her shoes, and quickly made her way to class.
For the first time in her life she couldn't wait for school to end.
---
She decided she needed more details. She moved her hands
to either side of his hips and moved them down, trying to
slide his pants off. But her reach wasn't that great, and
she could only move them a small distance.
He'd been curiously motionless during this episode, but now
he moved again. He shuffled around, and she wasn't sure
what he did, but his pants and underwear moved further down.
Enough so that she could reach up with her feet, hook them,
and pull them down. With a little coordinated effort, his
pants were removed and discarded.
She tried again with her hands, and what they discovered
surprised her. But, despite what she'd thought when she'd
first read about it, attending to it was not unpleasant.
From the sounds he was making he obviously enjoyed it, and
that made her feel very good.
After a pleasant, timeless interval, he pulled her up and
they began to kiss again.
---
Hino Rei was angry. Again.
She watched out of the corner of her eye as Usagi walked lazily around the temple grounds. She hadn't said why she was here, and had only commented once about how Rei always seemed to be sweeping the walkways before she'd wandered away.
Rei knew Usagi quite well. Usagi wanted something from her, and was building up the courage to ask her. Rei just wanted her to come out and ask whatever the heck was bothering her. Rei desperately fought an urge to shout at her to either say something or leave. Instead, she held on to her broom tightly and swept ferociously.
Usagi slowly walked up and sat on her haunches, watching the sweeping with her head cupped in her hands. Rei swatted the stones with her broom with increasing ferocity until she tsked loudly and held out the broom. "Here! You find it so fascinating, why don't you do it!"
Usagi raised her eyebrows, her expression somewhere between faint surprise and boredom. "But you do it so well."
"Dammit, Usagi, I'm busy. I've got a million things that need to be done and only Yuuichiro to help me do them. If you're not going to help, please leave me alone."
Usagi sighed heavily - and, to Rei's ears, somewhat nervously. She stood up and clasped her hands behind her back. "Well... I, uh, wanted to... ask you something."
"Then ask it!" Rei's exasperation was nearly complete.
"Well..." Usagi tilted her head back and looked up at the sky. "I haven't seen Mamoru in a few days now. I was wondering if, you know, you could do your fire divination thing and tell me what he's been doing."
Rei's jaw dropped open. "Y-you want me to use my divination to... spy on your boyfriend?"
"Well, yeah." Usagi looked back at Rei, her brow slightly furrowed. "I mean, it's more than that. He's going to be the King someday, and I'm going to be the Queen, so I think I have the right to know-"
The broom snapped in Rei's hands. She looked at the two pieces in her hands, then dropped them, spun on her heel, and strode down the walkway. She stopped in front of the temple, looking through the entrance, praying for some kind of guidance.
She heard footsteps running up behind her. "Rei-chan, what's wrong?"
Rei spoke softly, almost sadly. "Usagi, how long have we known each other?"
"Um... four years I guess."
"Four years." Rei shook her head slowly. "I remember that first time, when Mamoru - Tuxedo Kamen - had been taken from us, and we were trapped in that building, and you were wallowing in self-pity and hysteria. I walked up to you and slapped you. Hard. Remember?"
Silence, followed by a tentative "Yes?"
"We were children then, you and I. You couldn't control yourself, so I slapped you. It seemed the best thing to do at the time. Now I'm older. I run this temple and take care of Grandfather and have very adult responsibilities. You would think that would make me wiser."
Rei turned and faced Usagi. "And yet, right now I want to slap you. I want to keep slapping you until you cry. It's all I can do to keep my hands still."
Usagi blinked. She looked warily down at Rei's hands and leaned back slightly. "B-but why?"
"WHY!" All the anger exploded out of Rei at once. "Because you're a stupid, spoiled child, that's why! You're doing an excellent job of driving away everyone who loves you, and you have the gall to act surprised by it!"
Usagi gaped at Rei. "I... I..."
"Do you know why we all love you, Usagi?" Anger still drove Rei's words, but it was more controlled. "It's because you care so much about us. About everything. Now you've stopped caring altogether. You've changed, Tsukino Usagi, and quite frankly it terrifies me."
Usagi swallowed. "I... I haven't changed. It's still... me."
Rei brought her hands up, and Usagi flinched. Rei lightly grabbed Usagi's head and spoke fiercely into her face. "You don't need to be afraid."
"Afraid?" Usagi looked shocked. "I'm not afraid of him."
"Listen to me." Rei felt the need to make Usagi understanding like an enormous pressure in her gut. "I can only guess what you've been through. Beryl, Metallica, Galaxia... it happened over and over. You kept watching us die. *Over* and *over*, and every time you thought it was real, that we were dead forever."
Usagi leaned back and tried to turn her head away, but Rei kept it still. "And then you saw *him* die. The man you loved."
Again Usagi tried to tear herself away, and again Rei held her in place. "How did it make you feel, Usagi?"
"No!" Her voice was part command and part plea. "I don't have to tell you, I don't!"
Rei would have none of it. "Tell me. *Tell* me. He died, he was dead, Galaxia had killed him and he was never coming back, and Galaxia killed us and you were all alone. You went on because you had to, but inside..."
Usagi was trembling, and now Rei had the impression that her grip on Usagi's head was the only thing keeping her up. "No..."
"Damn you, stop it!" Rei bit back more angry words, knowing that now was not the time. "Tell me."
Usagi took a couple of shuddering breaths. Then she blurted the words out like a sob. "It was *over*! My life was over! Everyone was *dead* and it didn't mean anything if they all had to die to save the world!"
With a savage motion, Usagi ripped Rei's hands from her face. "There! Are you happy? Is that what you wanted, to make me cry? Everyone *knows* I'm a crybaby, and if I'm not whining all the time that means they have to hurt me and hurt me until I cry again?"
Rei clenched her fists tightly, her nails digging into her palms, the pain focusing her mind and keeping anger from running away with her. "But we weren't dead, were we? We came back to life unexpectedly, and..." She trailed off expectantly.
"And I felt so stupid!" Usagi angrily wiped tears from her face. "I mean, of *course* you were going to come back to life! Chibiusa... she couldn't exist if you all weren't alive in the future. Especially Mamoru. None of you are going to die, not for a thousand years at least. And I *knew* that, but like an idiot I let myself think that you were all dead. Well, never again. The future is set, Ami said so, and I don't need to worry about it."
Rei nodded. "You'd been hurt so much, you made sure you'd never get hurt again."
"Well?" Usagi glowered at her. "What's wrong with that?"
"And what of the knowledge that goes along with the fact that we'll live for a long time to come?" Rei waved her arm around the temple grounds. "The fact that this will all pass away - that maybe billions of people are going to die sometime in the near future? Doesn't that worry you?"
Something like uncertainty passed over Usagi's face. "I... I... it's already happened, there's nothing... we can do..."
"You stupid insensitive jerk!" Angry tears were coming from Rei's eyes, but she ignored them and tried to focus on Usagi. "Do you have any idea what that knowledge is doing to the rest of us? Have you ever noticed that Makoto won't let herself get close to anyone besides the five of us because she's afraid of getting hurt by their eventual deaths? Have you seen how obsessed Ami's become on learning as much as possible in the fear that the knowledge will be lost otherwise? Do you know that I lay awake sick to my stomach with dread because I don't know if Grandfather and Yuuichiro are going to be with me in the next millenium?"
Surprise covered Usagi's face. "Rei-chan, I... I had no idea."
"It's all so easy for *you*. You *know* Mamoru's going to be with you in the future." Rei took a deep breath and held it, trying to control her racing heart and raging thoughts. "Well, Usagi-chan, don't get so caught up in your idyllic vision of the future that you arrive there without any of the love you have now in the present."
Usagi's jaw dropped open. She reached halfway towards Rei and stopped, as if unsure what to do or feel.
Rei spoke softly now, but no less intensely. "I don't know about you, but I am going to do everything I can to save as many people as possible. I pray to heaven that it includes all of the people I love. But I don't know for sure, and that uncertainty tears me apart sometimes."
And just like that, all the anger left Rei, leaving nothing behind but sadness. "There used to be a good, dear friend of mine I could count on to help me through difficult times like this. Someone I loved, who could always be there for me, even when I didn't know I needed help."
Rei looked down at the walkway. Idly, she crouched down and began to pick leaves and bits of debris off the stones. "I miss her. I miss her so much. I hope that one day I will know her again. Because I think she's hurting a lot, and that she needs my help. If only she would crawl out of that shell she's hiding underneath, we could help each other, like we always have."
Usagi didn't respond. Rei continued to clear the walkway of minutia with her hands, remembering when Grandfather had assigned her this task as a punishment for when her anger grew too great. Now it was a desperate plea for balance, for a restoration of order. For she feared that all she had accomplished was to alienate Usagi and to further drive her own life into chaos.
After a while, Usagi turned and walked away. Rei nearly cried out loud in pain, her gut twisting in a terror she'd never even during her worst battles as a Senshi. But she kept at the walkway, taking a crouching step forward to move on to the next stone.
Usagi's footsteps grew distant. They stopped for a few seconds, then grew louder again. Rei didn't dare look up, wondering if her Queen was about to command something, an order Rei could not refuse.
Usagi crouched opposite Rei. In her hands she held half a broom. Silently, she began to sweep the walkway, clearing away areas Rei had not yet reached.
They both raised their eyes at the same time. In Usagi's face Rei could see a wide range of emotions, from fear to hope, supplication to sympathy. And beneath it all, the kindness and love that had won Rei over to her side from almost the moment they had met.
Relief flooded Rei. She offered Usagi a smile, which was returned. Together, they returned silently to the task of clearing away the disorder.
---
She rediscovered the joy of kissing, and new sensations
were added to it. Something pressed against her through
the folds of her skirt. She moved her hips along it, but
he kept wincing as the cloth would rub against it. It
really must be that sensitive. The rough cloth must be
hurting it.
He began to take measures to rectify that.
He rolled her on her back. He spent a good amount of
time kissing her neck, shoulder, and breast. Then he
moved south, kissing along her stomach until he reached
her skirt. With surprising ease, he reached behind her
and undid the ties that held her skirt on, and with little
effort he removed it. That left only her panties.
He lifted one of her legs up and began kissing the inside
of her thigh. This was another heretofore-unknown
sensitive area, and she sighed shakily. He kissed and
licked each side of her legs, inexorably moving closer to
where they joined.
She felt like she was about to melt right there on the
bed. She was warm, so much warmth, especially from where
he was heading. She was sweating, except part of it
wasn't sweat, part of it was a liquid sensation that was
slightly uncomfortable, coming from...
And another pleasant interval, where she found an intense
enjoyment in his ministrations, and she bucked slightly
as little waves of pleasure spread throughout her body,
and kept doing it and it was wonderful and the pleasure
mounted and mounted...
And then he lifted his head. He moved up and positioned
himself over her. She opened her eyes, startled, afraid.
Her eyes found his, and they looked deep into each other,
and his eyes were beautiful, *he* was beautiful, and she
was trembling again, and she reached up and put her hand
behind his head and gave him a single nod.
---
Mamoru walked along the mall, Ami next to him. They didn't hold hands, but he could feel her *presence* like a force pushing against his mind. They'd been spending every evening together now for ten days. And it was exciting, it was passion born and given full wing, in a way he'd never found with Usagi. Usagi'd had her own unique styles and enthusiasms, but Ami had brought a kind of calculation and total concentration to sex that was somehow more passionate than anything he'd ever shared with Usagi.
Now, however, they were just spending time together, simply reveling in each other's company. They spoke seldom, but they constantly communicated to each other with eyes and body posture that made it clear how much they were enjoying these moments.
He turned a corner and eyed the shops along the way. A few places for food, maybe they could stop and eat something together. Moving his eyes further down, he saw a vendor selling jewelry from a cart. He smiled, at that moment vowing to buy her a necklace or something. They were keeping their relationship hidden, but perhaps it was time to begin to move it out into the open. Giving her something tangible, something she could wear in public, would be a good first step.
Mamoru turned his head and looked at her. She smiled widely, her eyes lively. Yes, definitely a necklace. Or even a ring.
"Mamo-chan!"
The voice shattered the harmony of the moment as effectively as any youma ever could. He turned his head, looking down the street again, this time seeing a figure with long blonde hair in two long pony-tails running towards him. He tried to frown, but his stomach was churning too much to allow it. Instead, he tried to keep his face neutral as Usagi ran up to him.
"Mamo-chan." Her eyes flicked over to Ami. "Hi, Ami-chan."
"Hello, Usagi-chan." Ami's voice was calm and not far from her normal tone. Mamoru could still her tension in it, and knew how difficult it was for her to keep it that way.
Usagi didn't seem to notice. Instead, she turned her total attention to Mamoru. For the first time, he took a good look at her face and almost gasped. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her complexion was pale. It looked as if she hadn't slept for a long time, and had spent that whole time crying.
It squeezed his heart. Seeing Usagi in pain hurt him just as deeply. He wanted to reach out and hug her, but he held his ground. "What is it, Usagi?" He'd meant that to sound cold and stern, but it came out almost sympathetically.
Her lip trembled, and she appeared to be on the verge of crying. But she drew a deep breath and held it for a while, then let it out. When she spoke her voice was remarkably controlled, even if it did tremble occasionally. "Mamo-chan. I've been looking all over for you. I... I wanted... *needed* to tell you that... that I'm sorry."
Mamoru willed his heart to stop pounding. "Go on," he said evenly.
She held another breath before continuing. "I... I... I was so tired. It's all been so much. I... I've been hurt so much and... and there's still more to come, something bad's going to happen, something that will kill lots of people. So... so I wore the knowledge of the future like a coat of armor. I was going to live... and more important, Ami and the others-" her eyes flicked over to Ami and back to Mamoru, "-were going to live and that... and that most important of all, *you* were going to live, that we were going to be together and love each other and Chibiusa would be born and it would all be so *right* if I'd only stop... feeling."
Usagi covered her face with her hands and shook. Mamoru found his eyes burning, and his hands began to reach for her. But he stopped them, brought them back down, his heart being torn asunder.
Usagi eventually lifted her hands away and looked at him with eyes brimming with tears. "Mamo-chan, I was wrong. I know that now. I... I realized that... that maybe we would live, but that maybe... maybe we wouldn't... love each other. I mean, there are kings and queens that have married each other all throughout history, and they didn't necessarily love each other even as they had children. I... I don't..." Her voice was tremulous, she was fighting to get them out. "I don't want to b-be like them. I want us t-to love each other, b-because if there's going to be happiness in Crystal Tokyo - in the future - then... then we need to... to..." The sobs finally won out. She was balled her hands into fists and shoved them into her eyes. "*I*... I n-n-need to care for you and love you and respect you and I've ruined it I've ruined it I've ruined the future and... and... I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry please I want... I want..." She finally gave up on speech and hunched over and weeped into her fists.
Mamoru stepped closer to her and gathered her into his arms. Her fists, still covering her eyes, dug into his chest. He spoke softly into her hair. "Usako, hush, hush, I'm here. I'll always be here."
She turned her head and spoke to the side. "I'm so scared. The world's going to end and I'm afraid it's going to be my fault that all those people die. I want to save them all, I want the world to go on, but I can't, I know I'm going to fail, that I'll save a few and that I'll hear the voices of those I couldn't save echoing in my ears for a thousand years."
She looked up, her eyes still spilling tears but her voice calm. "And you know what scares me the most? It's the fear that I'll be alone. So alone. That I'll turn cold and heartless because I have no one to love, that I'll send my daughter into the past because I'll know she'll find love there that I can't give her, and that one day I may decide to destroy my kingdom just like my mother did because I'll have nothing left, no one left to care for." A sob forced its way out of her throat. "The future frightens me, Mamo-chan."
He smiled at her. "Usako, listen to me. Listen carefully." He cupped her face in his hands. "You will never be alone. Never. Not as long as I draw breath. And that will be for a thousand years at the very least."
"Mamo-chan." She reached out and hugged him fiercely, tearing her face out of his hands and burying it in his chest. Mamoru hugged her in return, resting his cheek on top of her head.
They held each other that way for a long while, and Mamoru found a completeness in it. A sense of balance, of *rightness*. This was the way things were meant to be, and he was not unhappy. What he shared with Usagi was deep and genuine, and would survive whatever the future threw at them.
Something made him look up. Ami had walked around until she was directly opposite him about ten feet away, Usagi between them. She was smiling, a bright and warm smile that stabbed him to the core of his being. She moved her eyes to Usagi and back up to Mamoru. She nodded once. Then, with infinite slowness and a delicate grace, she turned around and walked away.
Mamoru watched her form retreat into the distance. He continued to hug Usagi tightly, but at the same time an almost overwhelming regret and sadness was washing over him. He'd loved Ami, for ten days he'd loved her. Together, they'd tried to fight the future.
They had lost.
---
He came down on her, he *entered* her, and she groaned
again. This was so weird, the sensation of something
inside her that *wasn't* her, a foreign intrusion she had
allowed for some reason. She wrapped her arms around him
and buried her face in his shoulder as he lay on top of
her, this was so new and different, and he lifted himself
slightly off of her and began to move, and it did things
to her. She tried matching his rhythm, and found that
there was a certain pace that she moved at that caused
their bodies to meet in a physically fantastic way.
They moved together, and her pleasure began building to
new heights. She moaned again, and again, and she heard
his breath coming in short gasps, and they kept moving.
He stopped suddenly, for no reason she could fathom. She
kept moving, wondering what the problem was. She was
just about to ask him when he moved again. Her moaning
began to increase in pitch as the pleasure continued to
build inside her.
This cycle was repeated several times. He'd stop for a few
seconds, maybe as long as a minute if she had any sense of
time at all. Then he'd move, and always she'd quickly
regain whatever ground she'd lost, and continued to reach
new heights.
And then she imploded.
---
Ami stared out the window at the buildings rushing past. Usually whenever she rode the train she'd be reading something. She had a book in her hands, but they held it listlessly in her lap.
She'd lost quite a bit of interest in reading lately.
Usagi and Mamoru were happy. Almost deliriously happy. They'd had a major breakthrough, overcome a big obstacle in their relationship. Everyone was ecstatic after Usagi had gone around and apologized to each of them. Gone was the lackadaisical uncaring attitude; Usagi was energetic, vital, and irrepressible, much as she had been when they'd first met four years ago.
Back when Ami was young.
The train came to a stop, and Ami put her book away and wandered out onto the platform. A thousand million people bustled about, happy as can be without any worries at all.
Ami shook herself and found a map of train routes. She studied it carefully for a long time, then made her way to another platform. Soon enough the train she was looking for came by and she boarded it.
She'd found herself shying away from Mamoru, guilty over having tried to come between him and Usagi, afraid Usagi would find out. It hadn't even occurred to Usagi to wonder why Ami and Mamoru had been walking together at the mall. She was still riding a tremendous high from having gotten back together with Mamoru. Hopefully by the time she'd settled down a bit she'd have forgotten.
It'd been so nice, those ten days. A wonderful, magical time when Ami had been riding her own high. She'd been in love with someone who loved her back. It could have been something, it might have lead somewhere, if fate and destiny hadn't got in the way.
Ami looked down at the book still held in her hands. So easy to blame fate and destiny. So easy to blame Usagi for her lapse, her moment of weakness that threatened her relationships. Easy to blame Mamoru for forgetting just how much he loved Usagi, for casting Ami over so quickly once Usagi had shown contrition. But Ami knew the greatest blame lay within herself. She'd known it was a mistake from the very beginning, that it was something that couldn't possibly work. She'd carried on regardless, and she'd pay the price. Was continuing to pay the price.
A drop of water fell onto the pages of the book. She hastily wiped it off and packed the book away lest it be damaged.
The train came to the stop she had selected. Ami got off and looked around. An outlying district of Tokyo. *Very* outlying, probably a hundred kilometers or so from where she lived. Still quite busy and urban, still part of the metropolis. She left the platform and wandered into a nearby store.
She walked up and down the aisles, gathering her courage.
Usagi and Mamoru were in love. Deeply in love. Enough to survive whatever trials lay ahead, and that was important. She was still friends with Usagi, and always would be, and would happily attend the bridal shower and the wedding and the baby shower when they each came in their turn. Never a moment of jealousy, because she loved Usagi and would never begrudge her a moment of happiness. She could never hate Usagi.
She could only hate herself.
Ami stopped in one aisle and examined the contents of one shelf. A curious side effect of being a Senshi: the transformation did strange things to her biochemistry. The magic was wonderful at quickly healing wounds or burns she'd suffered, but it also seemed to reset her metabolism back to a pristine state. Which meant that she had sometimes gone months and months between periods. She smiled, remembering Usagi's first panicked reactions, despite Ami's reassurances that virgin births didn't happen in the twentieth century.
Ami's smile faded. Once again she'd gone a long time between periods. Six weeks since her last one, and she hadn't transformed once during that time.
She reached out, took the pregnancy test off the shelf, then turned towards the front registers.
---
She had no other description for it. Suddenly her whole
body was spasming, and the sound she made was almost
embarrassingly loud. The pleasure rolled over her and her
hips bucked in deep motions. She clutched him tightly,
biting his shoulder as the pleasure continued moving her.
That appeared to be the signal he was waiting for. His
movements became very energetic, and he made his own
sounds of pleasure. Then he subsided, resting himself
on top of her, hugging her.
She smiled and relaxed, spent. She felt wonderful, in a
way she'd never imagined. She rolled her head slightly so
that it made contact with his, and that was good enough
for now.
---
Usagi smiled happily at her friends. They were gabbing back and forth across the booth, talking of various things. Sure, they had problems. Rei's grandfather was suffering more and more from Alzheimer's, and Minako had done poorly on her college entrance practice exam, and looming over everything was the impending unknown disaster that would likely destroy the world. But, while they didn't ignore those things and pretend they didn't exist, they were enjoying this moment together, simply content to be in each other's company and not having to be Senshi at the same time.
Two people were missing, one of them being Mamoru. Usagi sighed, missing him, even if it was just a couple of days while he was off on a field trip with one of his college classes. Geological something-or-other, high up on Mt. Fuji.
Usagi's smile widened. Her relationship with Mamoru, which had begun to stagnate, had suddenly taken off again. The brief separation had made each of them realize how much they meant to one another. Usagi had come to some painful conclusions about her own behavior, and Mamoru had been tremendously good at helping her to better herself, to climb out of the trap she'd laid for herself.
He'd also been tremendously good at other activities, ones she'd found a new delight in. Her face turned red and she quickly took a sip of her milkshake, hoping no one would notice.
"Ami-chan!" Makoto sounded slightly distressed. "What's wrong?"
Usagi quickly looked up, concern washing away all other thoughts. Ami stood at the head of the table, looking somber. Usagi suddenly found her mouth going dry. Please, let Ami be all right.
Ami looked around the table, meeting everyone's eyes. She looked at Usagi last, and held her gaze the longest. Usagi's concern became full-blown alarm. "Ami-chan! Sit down and tell us what's happened."
"I prefer to stand, thanks." Her voice was equally somber. "I... I came here to tell you that... that I've decided to finally take that overseas mentor program. I'll be leaving in an hour, and I won't be back for at least a year."
Usagi's jaw dropped open. "A-Ami-chan!" The bottom dropped out of her happiness. "W-why didn't you tell us!"
Ami looked down. "B-because it was hard enough for me to leave you all. I'm afraid that if I didn't do it this way, I'd lose the courage to go through with it, like last time. This... this is a good opportunity for me. I... I can't afford to let it go."
Rei leaned forward, her expression full of different kinds of concern. "Does this mean that-"
Ami looked up quickly. "I'm still a Senshi, first and foremost. If you call, I'll come. If... if what we fear comes to pass, I'll be here. And... and I'll love you guys always and forever." She smiled, a smile to hold back tears. "B-but I need to do this, and I'll miss you every day I'm gone and I'll come back, I swear it, I..."
Usagi stood up, reached out, and hugged her friend. "We'll miss you too, Ami-chan." Usagi, too, was fighting tears. "You're so brilliant, and you have to do what you can to make sure you stay as smart as possible because it's what you love."
"And we'll still be with you." Minako was standing right next to them, her voice trying to be bright and happy but not quite hiding the sadness. "Always with you, no matter where you go or what you do."
Ami began to cry in earnest. Usagi hugged her more tightly. Ami seemed to stiffen at first, and then she melted into it. The others came around and murmured their reassurances, saying their good-byes, wishing her well.
Usagi tried to fight the terrible pain Ami's soon-to-be absence was already causing her. She'd always felt a special kind of bond with Ami, the first of the Senshi she'd found. They'd had a couple of adventures when it had been just the two of them, and Usagi had appreciated Ami's abilities and demeanor.
But more than that, Ami was a good, dear friend, and Usagi was wise enough to know that those were few and precious. So she hugged Ami while she still could, already praying for the day when she could do so again.
---
After a couple of delicious minutes, he rested on his
side facing her. They spent another few minutes simply
looking at each other. He traced the features of her
face with his fingers, and she rubbed his chest gently,
but mostly their eyes drank from one another, and it was
the best she had ever felt in her life.
He licked his lips and spoke. "This... this is... I never
thought that... such a moment was possible."
She smiled gently. "Isn't that what makes it all the more
wonderful?"
"I suppose." He chuckled. "But... what does it mean...
about..."
She put her hand over his mouth. "Hush. What it means is
that you and I are together now. I don't care about the
future. I defy the future to destroy the happiness I feel
right now."
His brow wrinkled slightly. He lifted her hand away. "Do
you really think that the future can be changed?"
Equations flitted through her head. Cause and effect,
temporal instability, the closed nature of the universe,
time and space and thought all colliding. Logic, cold
heartless logic, giving her an answer she didn't want to
hear.
She fought it off with a mischievous smile. "I'm certainly
prepared to keep trying." She reached for his head and
brought it to hers, and kissed through his laughter.
---
Ami fought against the scream in her throat, the pain washing through her body and rising to new levels. It was an exquisite torture, and it had gone on for hours. At least Beryl and Galaxia and the others had been relatively quick.
Then the pain subsided to a lower plateau, still quite painful but a relief in comparison.
"Almost," the sensei - no, doctor - said. "I think one more."
Ami was well past the point of tears. It was all just pain, unbelievable amounts of it, and yet she found herself pushing again, bring the pain on, heaps and heaps of it, unquantifiable despite her best efforts, she only wanted it to *end*, to *be* *over*, please let this...
"That did. Congratulations. It's a girl."
Ami lay back, completely exhausted. It was over, at long last.
And then, as a thin, reedy cry filled the room, she realized it was only beginning.
A heavily wrapped bundle was placed in her arms. She looked down at the face, the purple, wrinkled face crying lustfully, and suddenly all her aches and pains were almost forgotten. And she also found that she was not, after all, beyond tears.
The doctor's voice was a combination of good cheer and professionalism. "Time of birth... about 12:15am. And the baby's name?"
Ami somehow took part of her concentration away from the face before her to devote to the sensei. "What?"
The doctor chuckled. "What are you going to call her?"
Ami considered that for a few seconds. She'd thought of so many, none quite appealing to her. Now, at the last moment, she waited for some form of inspiration to strike, to tell her what the correct name was. It did.
---
Ami and Mamoru lay entwined in the sheets, arms around each
other, each having fallen asleep smiling. The darkness of
the room was nearly complete, as only the faint moonlight
illuminated the lovers' forms.
Something drifted in with the moonlight floating at the
foot of the bed before assuming a more solid form. The
form was one of a woman. Her smooth skin and clear
features gave the impression of youth, but the weary
bearing and the tired eyes spoke of age beyond age, of
someone who had witnessed everything. She leaned heavily
on the staff she carried, coolly regarding the couple
before her.
After long moments, a soft smile appeared on her lips.
"Finally," she said in voice that fairly dripped with age.
"The circle ends... and begins." She closed her eyes and
clutched her staff for support. "And I can rest. At long
last."
She gathered herself, straightened, and stood on her own
two legs. She pointed the staff at the bed, and a soft
globe of light separated from it and floated lazily across
the sheets. It hovered over the half-covered form of the
young woman before descending onto her.
And into her.
The woman standing at the foot of the bed sighed in relief.
She turned and walked back towards the moonlight. At the
window she paused and looked back. Her smile grew wider and
sadder, and she spoke again, a soft monologue that only
reached her ears. "I'm so sorry for everything. I wish you
could have found more happiness together. But... but what
you did find, however brief, was... important. I admired you
both for so long, wanting to tell you, wishing... wishing
things could be different. You'll learn soon enough what I
learned long ago - that some things cannot be, no matter how
much we yearn for them with all our hearts."
The woman bowed once, formally, deeply, respectfully. "Thank
you for all you did for me, for all you gave me. Otoosan.
Okaasan."
She straightened, smiled, then turned and disappeared into
the light.
---
"Setsuna."
~*~
(
geocities.com/tokyo)