Extended AIM Profile

August 1, 2004

EAP Entertainment: J-Kwon - "Hood Hop"

I'm gonna do things a little different for this EAP. This EAP is based around entirely one day in the life of me, T_Piddy - Saturday, July 31, 2004. I'd do a day in the life of Terence but a) that's what the RAW columns are for and b) no one wants to read about Terence being a little bitch and crying at "The Notebook." I'm gonna try to do things in chronological order, mainly because with all this randomness its pretty much the only way I can organize it.

1:00am: Carolina Culinary Foods, West Columbia, SC

"That's the way you do it. Get your money for nothing and your chicks for free." - Dire Straits

Ya know, when someone says they're a manager or a supervisor, I can't say I would respect their job. Now I know, that's my title. Thing is, I work. I don't want to, but when it comes to getting and honest day's pay for an honest day's work I'm all for it. Now a lot of people with that those titles or something similar choose to not do any work. They feel as if someone else can do it and choose to leave early. That's not my philosophy. If I'm in charge of something, I feel that I should do everything in my power to help those helping me look good. If they have to stay until 2am, well shit, I'm there too. If you're gonna build a good team, you've got to show them that you're gonna stick beside 'em. If not, they'll up and leave you and it's not them who's gonna catch shit for it. But once again, this goes back to Rule #1: No one makes me look bad - that includes myself.

1:45am: Interstate 26, EAST

"But you know (but you know) that you can't fight the moonlight." - LeAnn Rimes

The peace and serenity of night is something a lot of people take for granted. They choose to do things like sleep. To me sunlight is my worst enemy. It represents things moving faster than I'd like, confusion, and just being so bright it hurts my fucking eyes. I've been a night owl my entire life. I mean while most people are sleeping, that's just when things start to get interesting. If something requires me being awake before 2pm, I'll do it, but I can't say I'd be the world's happiest person. To me that time between sundown and sunup fits my style just so much better.

1:56am: Interstate 26, WEST

"Just so you know, we're going to a place nearby. Gotta go." -Backstreet Boys

It's always good to do two things. A) Keep your cell phone fully charged at all times. You never know when you'll get "The Call." B) When changing plans and people are expecting you somewhere, call 'em. Sure its 2am, but its just courtesy to tell 'em you'll be in late. No one said you had to tell them where you were going…

2:20am: Platinum Plus, Columbia, SC

"Just because she dances go-go, it don't make her a ho, yo." - Wyclef Jean

In hanging with Big Game James and his crew, I've wound up at this place many-a-times randomly. I've learned lots of things about strippers and how strip clubs are run (he's cool w/ the managers too. Fucking amazing). Anyways, I did learn one thing about strippers. They're girls too. They like to talk and have people listen to them too. Sure, it's the same stuff all girls bitch and moan about, but it's a little easier to swallow. Maybe its because they're topless. I dunno. It's just weird to listen to people and make them feel good in a place where their job is to make you feel good. Gives you a good feeling in your pants. No, not for that reason. Because everyone's happy yet your wallet weight exactly the same as it did when you walked in the door.

"I think I'm cute. I know I'm sexy. I've got the looks that drives the girls wild." - Shawn Michaels

The more I go to this place and observe (sometimes w/ just my eyes, sometimes with my hands…), the more I realize something. Strippers and wrestlers are pretty damn similar. Yes, I know I'm retarded but hear me out. You've got strippers that are like Hulk Hogan or Ultimate Warrior. They look the part. They're real flashy. Good on the stick (meaning they talk a good game you pervs). But when you take all that away you realize the show wasn't worth the price of admission. Then there's some like Chris Benoit or Bret Hart. They may not be the prettiest people in the building. They may not be able to hold a conversation worth shit. But damn if they don't put on a great show. Then you have cruiserweight strippers. They're not the biggest strippers, but they do the most tricks. Climbing poles and swinging from the ceiling and such. No one really pays to see them, but they're a nice added bonus (anyone who's ever watched WCW Monday Nitro knows exactly what I'm talking about). Then you've got those big mother fuckers. I'm talking strippers who'd give The Big Show or Kevin Nash a run for their money - or Chyna for that matter. They're not really good at anything other than being big. Only reason they're there - someone gets off on seeing them, just like people who like The Undertaker…

"WHOOOMP!!! There It Is!" - 95 South/Tag Team

…then there's strippers who fit into the Shawn Michaels category. Great at everything. Looks, Verbal, Physicality, the works. Thing is you think they're predictable. That's when they pull out something you seriously weren't expecting (see WrestleMania X, Intercontinental Title Ladder Match, Razor Ramon v. Shawn Michaels). Word to the wise, at a strip club don't do anything for "shits and giggles." Next thing you know some girl has done a one and three-quarter somersault off the stage, into your lap, with her legs wrapped around your head, gyrating her hips as she chooses. Next thing you know your nose is in "no man's land" and you'll be "talking shit" all night.

Terence: Thanks for cleaning that up some, but did you really have to share that one?

T_Piddy: I had to man. I'm still kinda embarrassed at that situation, but damn if it wasn't funny.

Terence: Fair enough. But question…whooomp there it is?

T_Piddy: Man, it was the second thought that ran through my mind when it happened.

Terence: The first being?

T_Piddy: This makes that night the girl stuck her nipple in my mouth look good. (Oct '01 EAP)

Terence: *heavysigh* Next paragraph please…

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