Extended AIM Profile

"Victory Means Nothing. The Fight Is Everything. - SHORYUKEN!!!" - Ryu SFII Ending

KUDOS to Capcom. Once again they have proven why they are my favorite developer/publisher. I picked up the Street Fighter Anniversary Collection for my PlayStation 2 and didn't think anything of it. It was a nice package of Hyper Street Fighter II, Street Fighter III: Third Strike, and the Street Fighter anime movie. All in all, I was happy. But Capcom apparently didn't want me to be just happy, they wanted me to come to the verge of orgasm. Who made not one, not 2, but 4 different collectible controllers for this game? Capcom. Who made an arcade quality joystick to "bring the arcade experience home"? Capcom. Who made the strategy guide that had the Street Fighter III Soundtrack, which was previously not available in the US, tossed in for free? Capcom. Who made a new line of Street Fighter collectible figures celebrating the fifteenth anniversary of the franchise? Capcom. Who has way more of my money than they should? Capcom. Thankfully there's 13 more years until the Viewitul Joe fifteenth anniversary. By then I should have saved up enough cash.

While I'm on the subject of games, I wanna talk about my PlayStation 2 library. Now I've only had the thing since February, but I've got a nice little collection. DDR Extreme, easily my second favorite in the DDR series. Def Jam Vendetta - a cool wrestling game with rappers. Maximo: Ghosts to Glory - an old school, hard as hell, platformer (made by who? Capcom). The aforementioned Street Fighter Anniversary Collection. DDRMAX2: Dance Dance Revolution - the title with the most redundant name ever. And last but not least, Ico. Ico is supposed to be the PS2's forgotten jewel. Now I haven't been able to spend a lot of time with it due to work, but from what I have played, I've enjoyed. However, I do have to say I'm glad I paid $9 for it and not $50. Why? Well I could have easily recreated the game in real-life. I mean sure, it would have been ridiculous for me to run around in a Viking helmet while dragging some pale autistic girl around by the hand, but hey that's pretty much all the game is.

"Don't mean to bust your bubble, but girls of the world ain't nothin' but trouble."

- DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince

I give up on trying to preach to girls. You guys are gonna be stupid no matter what. And yes I speak like 20,000 people read this thing. I don't care, that's the ego talking. I do have one thing to say tho - STOP COCK BLOCKING!!!! You're not saving your girl "from doing some she'd regret." You're just making yourself look like a bonafide assclown. If your girl is about to get some dick / give up some ass, let her do it. If she's making a mistake, oh well. Guess what, people learn best from their mistakes. Here's a scene for you. Guy gets drunk. Girl takes guy home. Guy's roommates see this. Guy's roommate may laugh/tease, but do they stop said girl if she wants some action? Nope. No flip the words guy and girl and ask that last question again. Do Girl's roommate stop said guy if he wants some action. Oh yes, most definitely. Now why does this happen? Because guys realize that the eternal conquest in life is pussy. (Actually its pussy, money, and pancakes, but that's another story) And who are we to get in the way of another man's life goals?

I'm tired of the 1-10 scale for judging girls. It's gotten way too complicated. And the bad thing is its so wide that people can never agree on anything. One man's dime (10) is another man's 8. What's a low 7 to one man is a high 5 to another. I'm tired of this. It's not worth the hassle. Since I've been sitting on this one for a while, I now choose to adopt TuckerMax's 1-5 Scale of judging women. It just makes so much more sense. Here is the scale in its entirety (copyright TuckerMax.com)

1-star (aka, Common-stock pig): No redeeming qualities. This girl is ugly, usually fat, boring and sucks in just about everyway possible. If you don't know a common-stock pig when you see one, you are destined to spend the rest of your life with one.

2-star (aka, Respectable pig): One redeeming quality, like large breasts, nice ass, cute face, great dick-sucking lips, etc. If you concentrate on that one redeeming physical quality, and you get shit-housed, you're not too upset with yourself waking up next to a respectable pig. Of course, you still make her crawl out the window when she leaves, because you don't want your friends to see her, but at least you don't want to gargle bleach and scrub yourself like a rape victim after she leaves.

3-star (aka Decent or attractive): Acceptable to be seen with in public. She is average when sober, but looks MUCH better after only about three beers. You'll admit to your friends that you're fucking her, but you still make fun of her behind her back, and tell them lies about her sexual prowess and bi-sexual tendencies to justify your dealings with her. She's not bad overall, and will do if nothing better comes along, but could be left in a heartbeat if the opportunity for a hot chick comes along. Sadly, most guys end up having to settle for a 3-star, as these are the most prevalent type of women.

4-star (aka Girlfriend material): This is the girl that is very attractive, but not super hot. You will be seen with her in public at any point in the day, even before drinking. You think twice before ditching this girl for a hot chick, especially if she has special powers (tongue ring, double jointed, etc.). Ascension to the 4-star level can only be attained through use of a petition. The candidate must secure 75% of the vote from those polled. (NOTE: Bonus points only make a candidate petition eligible. She still must garner 75% of the vote.)

5-star (aka Super hottie): This is the hot chick. Hopefully no further explanation is necessary. It's kind of like the Hall of Fame. VERY FEW WOMEN ARE 5-STARS, about 5-10% of the population. A declaration that someone is hot is assumed to be true, but can be rebuked if 25% of those polled vote against her 5-star placement.

Other category:

0-star (aka, Wildebeast): The lowest of the low. A 1-star (common-stock pig) with a terrible personality qualifies as a Wildebeast. They should all be put to sleep. This is that loud, disgusting fat girl in the bar that smokes, orders complicated drinks and then spills them on everyone, and is generally just so annoying that you have to actively restrain yourself from kicking her in the crotch and stomping on her throat until she drowns on her own blood. There is no insult too mean or crude for her, and basic human rights do not apply to her.

The only addition I want to make to this is that 1/2 stars are allowed. It only seems right because I think every guy knows tons of girls that aren't quite 4-stars, yet are too pretty to be grouped into the 3-star category. By the way, Dr. RKO - your friend who smelled me, 1/2 star. ONLY because she was nice enough to make sure you didn't fall out the bed. Mean, yes - but bro you know its true.

Something else that bothers me about girls. I've heard 4 girls tell me that they're getting engaged this summer. Okay, natural question is, "Did you boyfriend tell you he's going to propose to you?" And everytime the answer is "No, I just have a feeling its gonna happen." *puzzledlook* Call me retarded, but I'm not following this logic. Apparently I know a lot of girls who must've been staying in a Holiday Inn Express lately. Psychics I tell you. And I'm not saying these engagements shouldn't happen - I just hate when people jump to conclusions.

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