RAW

December 11-25, 2004

RAW Choice Cut: The Beatles - "Yesterday"

No magic happens here. Just lots of thinking aloud.

"All I need is time. A moment that is mine. While I'm in between." - Britney Spears

"You only get to be young once." One of those statements that you hear all the time, but you never place any stock in it until something happens to make you do so. I really dislike working. I think (read: know) its because my job sucks in all types of ways possible, but at the same time I think it's because I know I'm wasting away what will become "the good ole days" working a job I have no business working. Even though I've already lost seven months of my life that I will never get back, I have learned one very important lesson. Don't rush life. While and after I get my MBA, I'm definitely going to take some time off for myself. I'll do things like meet new people. See the country, better yet - the world. That way I'll be sure I'll be able to create some stories that I won't tell my kids until they're at least 18. Not that I don't have enough of those already…

"I, I feel so alive. For the very first time…and I think I can fly." - P.O.D.

As most of you know, I had to work First Shift for a couple of weeks at work. Well after my "tour of duty in hell" I came back to second shift and was greeted with something I didn't expect - hugs and handshakes. Now yes, I'll bitch and moan about how much I hate my job, but I treat my employees well (well, I try to). I dunno which was nicer; to know that I was missed or the warm embraces. Everyone loves a good hug every now and then. I know I do.

"That was a wonderful remark. I had my eyes closed in the dark." - Van Morrison

Speaking of hugs, this is a fine time for me to comment on what might be one of the greatest hugs I've ever gotten. May 31, 2004 was the day. I remember it because it was my last day as a "free man." Anyways, I was sleeping on Eric's couch in Lightsey when a young lady named Kelly Triana (I think that's her last name) came in. She's a Neo-Ambassador, so she's almost family. Anyways, she came in and woke me up (which normally is grounds for decapitation) and said that she wanted to say bye before I left and thanks for adding a little something to her summer. That my friends, was cool. I dunno if it was the fact that I was awoken by a pretty girl with a hug or the fact that it was one of the last positive gestures I would get before getting kicked in the ass daily, but either way it holds a special place in my memory.

"You know curtain climbers, rugrats, tricycle motors…" - Toby Keith

The other night I went down to the country for the yearly Polk Family Christmas Eve shindig. It was business as usual - catching up, good food, and the exchanging of presents. Well anyways, we get to talking and as always, they ask me how work is, how I'm [not] enjoying the real world, etc. when the conversation takes a U-Turn. "So how long before little Terence comes along?" And like myself, my family doesn't want any girls - they want…wait, lemme rephrase that, NEED boys. I guess when you're the last male in the family lineage, people expect a lot from you. Apparently I'm supposed to be married, have a good job, and produce a boy within the next five years. Great. No pressure. No pressure at all.

In other life news, as part of my daily routine to get mentally prepared for a day at work (which mainly consists of lots of cursing and a couple listens of "No Chance In Hell (Satanic Remix)") I listen to "Everybody's Free (The Sunscreen Song)" by Baz Luhrmann. Yeah, that same song that came out when we were Juniors in High School. It's amazing, but if you give it a listen now there's a lot of lines in there that make complete sense and hold a bit more meaning now that I'm older…

· Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; Oh nevermind; you will not understand the power of beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at the photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked

· Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

· Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't

· Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. (oh there's days when I miss my knees so, so, sooooo much)

· Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

There are two lines in particular I wanna "touch base" on real quick tho…

"Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young."

This holds a bit more meaning now that I've graduated college, but there are times when I miss my high school friends. I think out of all my high school friends, there's only about 5 (Denny, Cobby, Rachel, Bradley, & Tyrell) that I regularly keep up with and feel genuinely close to. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I miss knowing what some of the rest are up to. Kinda interesting in that the people you were tight with 5 years prior, you now have little to no clue what they're up to now.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you'll have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

This might be a "Piddy"-esque moment, but if I hear one more girl say they want to be a housewife and mean it, I might just give up the female side of the species. It's one thing to say "I wouldn't mind it" or to become a housewife if it's necessary to the well-being of the family (necessary does NOT mean having kids - necessary is like having kids with no arms or legs) but to have that be a life aspiration is just downright foolish. Maybe I'm saying this because I'm a firm believer in my wife having to work. She's got to do SOMETHING. I don't care how much I bring home, she's got to get out and at least provide supplemental income. Same thing goes for me if I marry a woman who makes more than I do. Mom always says, "be sure you look for a woman who is about something. One who doesn't mind working and one who has goals for herself. Get tied up in one without either, you'll regret it later."

Song of the Paragraph: Mono - "Life In Mono"

There are where days where I go, "yep. Life's at a stalemate." Not much has changed too much in the past few months. Nothing looks to be changing for the next few months either. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but considering I'm one who likes something different every now and then, I'll lean towards the latter.

"Now it is silver and silent. It is silver and cold…" - A.F.I.

And one last bit of ironic news before I close… If you read my last entry about one particular young lady and found it interesting (which apparently a lot of ya'll did, I'm still answering IMs about that one), you might find it interesting that she's the same person who gave me the "ornament" I spoke of in RAW 16. Anyways, I was cleaning out my car the other day and I came across it. Apparently the sun had its way with it. What was once a nice, bright golden color now has a dull silver hue to it. To be honest, it hurt a little bit. Dunno if it was because I was reflecting back on what I had written, or because I now had a physical manifestation of it…