Desperate Angel

by Basil Anise

Chapter 6

Shinya was running in the darkness aimlessly, scared like hell. Finally, he was shoved on the cool and slushy ground, pinned down by those ugly guys. Shinya screamed…. Help me! His voice couldn’t go through his lips….. A guy stuck his head out, almost touching Shinya’s face, smelling of rotten breath. He sneered. The other hand crept underneath his shirt, smoothing his flat belly…. Disgusting!

No!!!!! the scream was fade away as soon as he was punch on the stomach. He choke, almost couldn’t breath or let out any voice. Tears rolling down his checks as he tried to ask for help, seeing his shirt was torn apart……… He struggled as hard as he could but it’s useless….

Help me…. Somebody please help me….. Shinya looked around himself for help…. There!…somebody was coming…. Ah…that’s Yoshiki-san….. I’ll be safe….. Help me Yoshiki-san!

Shinya saw Yoshiki stopped a small distance from him, looking at him blankly. Shinya cried…. Hurry up Yoshiki-san, Help me! Yoshiki stood still till the other one came from nowhere.

Kaoru?!…Kaoru Help me please!!! Shinya asked again.

Just like Yoshiki he didn’t do anything but look. Then those two guys turned to face each other. Kissing each other passionately … Shinya gasped.

Nooooooo!!!! Help me! Help me! Shinya jerked vehemently as a guy kicking his flank several times to inhibit his struggles.

Those two guys stopped, facing Shinya…." We can’t help anything Shinya."

Shinya sobbed… Why ? asking inside himself.

"You are the stinker!" Yoshiki said flatly……

NO!!!!!!!

* * *

"Shinya! Shinya!" Die called out and shook the delicate body on the bed furiously. "Wake up!" He couldn’t let Shinya murmured for help and screamed in nightmare anymore.

Those eyes snapped open, glaring hard at the ceiling blankly.

"Shinya!!" Die called him and shook again. Then the eyes turned to examine his face. Die stared at him with concern. "Are you alright?"

"Help me…." Whining voice pleaded.

Die hurriedly gathered up the thin hands together with his both. "Yes, I do. I’ll help you."

Shinya sobbed. "Nobody help me…"

"I’m here. I’ll help you. You are safe. Nothing could hurt you."

"Yoshiki-san… help me please…"

Die blinked. Had Shinya still been in his dream even his eyes opened? Die gulped. "Yes. Yoshiki-san’ll help you as well."

"You’re a liar! Yoshiki-san won’t help me!" Shinya snapped, clutching the blanket.

Die was stunned for a second then he realized Shinya was drunk. "But I still help you, Shinya."

"Really?"

"Yes! of course."

Shinya made sounds in his throat and fell asleep again. Die kissed those thin hands softly. "I swear, Shinya." Drying his wet cheeks with his palm.

* * *

"Ah!!" The lanky body on the bed cried out in pain, feeling his head was so big. Somebody moved toward him as he touched his head.

"Morning Shinya baby" The morning light shone through the curtain, making the slender out line of the guy.

"Toshiya?" Shinya could guess exactly.

"Hai! How are you?"

Feeling dizzy, Shinya closed his eyes again. "pretty bad."

"Of course. You’re too drunk last night."

Shinya was quiet. He admit he has too much drinking last night but….his heart was broken!

"Hey!!! Shinya. Are you alright?" Toshiya asked when he saw the drummer’s statement drop.

"Yes, I am. I want to sleep again." The drummer murmured, hiding his face with a pillow.

Toshiya pulled the blanket on his neck, patting his forehead sympathetically. "We have flight at this evening. Don’t forget ne~~"

The door was shut quietly. Shinya opened his eyes again, staring at the ceiling blankly. Where was Die? Was it just my dream again? Shinya gulped bitterness in his throat. As the matter of the fact Nobody help me….. Nobody love me….

He curled himself under the cover agonizingly.

* * *

Kyo was smoking idly at the coffee shop of the hotel. He’s ready for leaving LA in a minute. It’s just been a month but he felt as if a year. He missed Japan so much.

"Oi! Kyo" The red haired guitarist greeted him.

"Oi!" Kyo watched his companion take a seat next to him.

"Cigarette?" He offered.

"No, Thanks. I don’t feel smoking now." Die sighed.

Kyo shrugged. They were quiet for a moment. " How about Shinya?"

"He is sleeping then I asked Toshiya take care him."

Kyo nodded. That’s why the guitarist here. He seemed anxious about the drummer like hell last night. He kept caring for the unconscious Shinya.

"Tell me what happened, Kyo"

"I guess you know." The small guy puffed smoke in the air.

"I don’t know anything Kyo! I just found Shinya bumping on me hard as I poke out of the door. Then he knocked on the ground, unconscious and tears wet his face!"

Kyo shook his head slightly. "Why don’t you ask Shinya?"

"He looked so hurt! I can’t ask anything."

"You’re care so much about him, don’t you?" Kyo nudged. "Be careful, Totchi would be jealous."

Die frowned "Don’t make fun of me! This is serious!"

Kyo pumped smoke in his lung again, rolling his eyes. "I afraid I can’t tell you. You would better ask Kaoru and Yoshiki-san."

"Why?!" Die could feel himself starting annoyed.

Kyo shrug "I’m just a witness."

"Tell me what happened Kyo! Or you want me shake your collar till you slip what you saw?" Die got up. His tall-figured shadow cover the small vocalist threateningly.

Kyo made face. "Don’t think you can. I will bite your fingers. So how will you play the guitars?" Showing his teeth amusingly.

Die’s statement changed suddenly. "Oh….please Kyo-sama…. I’m serious. I don’t want to see Shinya so hurt then I don’t know anything."

Kyo sighed. "O.K. Anywise I should account for this" He tipped the cigarette on the ash tray then began "…… I saw Kaoru and Yoshiki was making out in the garden last night….. then….."

………………………………………………

"Hey…. Shinya Don’t poke your head out!!!….. Shinya Don’t stand up!!!" Kyo tried to pull the drummer hiding in the brunch but fail. The drummer looked immovable. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

"No…. that’s not true….. I can’t believe my eyes." Shinya merely murmured with his face changed color.

"Yeah! But It’s true. How can they keep us secret? Damn Kaoru! He has secret to us." Kyo said angrily but he didn’t really mean it. Before Kyo could aware Shinya’s temper, his young companion jumped from the brunch, walking toward those two lovers. "Shinya!!!!" Kyo called but useless. He scratched his head with confuse.

"Yoshiki-san!!!" Shinya called. His voice made the couple jump and part immediately.

"Shinya! What are you doing here?" Yoshiki was frightened.

"Oh!…" Shinya started to cry. "I didn’t mean to spy on you. But…. You and Kaoru….. please tell me that’s a joke…."

Kaoru also seemed awe struck but soon calmed down. He shook his head then glared at his secret lover; waiting for the answer as well. Yoshiki push back his hair as habit when he feel embarrassed. Finally, he answered. "I’m sorry. Shinya" His voice was so soft.

"I love you Yoshiki-san….. I do love you to destruction…." Shinya’s voice cracked with sobs.

Yoshiki, by surprise, step near the young drummer. He never intended to hear that words. "Shinya You are so young. How can you love the old man like me?"

"How can’t I?" Shinya grabbed the producer’s arms and shook.

"Shinya….. calm down…. It’s not wrong with you. You are too good to me." His eyes were so sad as he said.

"That’s the reason." Shinya smirked. "I’m too good to you but not as good as Kaoru?"

Kaoru watched the situation quietly, faced to the other way. Kyo was about far away speechless as well.

"It’s not about Kaoru. Shinya Not at all!"

Tears still rolling on his checks. Shinya continued asking with his trembling voice. "Yoshiki-san. Do you love me?"

Yoshiki paused for a long time. Kaoru turned to face him again. Kyo held in his breath, waiting for the answer. "I like you a lot, Shinya You are my favorite."

Shinya nodded and smirked. "Oh….The answer is ‘NO’. I made mistake by myself. You’re so kind to me. I thought you love me but it was just pity!" Shinya turned back and ran away from the pain he got with broken heart…

………………………………………………

"After that, I left that couple and chased after Shinya. Then I found you." Kyo finished.

Die blinked. He knew Shinya must been rejected but Yoshiki’s secret lover cause him stunned. Die shook his head.

"Incredible?" Kyo chuckled. "I told you."

"Thanks Kyo." Die got up. Before he left Kyo said. "Die, you care for Shinya a lot, but you should care more for Toshiya’s feeling, huh?"

"What do you mean?" Die’s frowned.

"Hey….don’t be dumb. You both are a couple, aren’t you? I don’t want to see Toshiya mistake you then run wild like Shinya."

Die paused, seemed his shoulder slump, turning his back to the vocalist. "I know what I am doing…." And quickly left.

Kyo smoked and puffed. "I bet you don’t know what you are doing, …..also you all. All of you are crazy….." Kyo let alone those chaotic cases, absorbed in the peaceful late morning.

* * *

The airport seemed vigorous. Some saying goodbye, some checking their inventories. The young drummer hiding his eyes behind the sunglasses, standing alone far distant from his group. He didn’t have any respond when the red hair guitarist quietly came to stand next to him.

"Shinya Are you alright?" Sounds worriedly.

"…yes…." His voice almost fade in the surrounding noisy sound, then turned to stared far away, they both was in embarrassing silence.

Die coughed, he hated when Shinya was absolutely silent, moreover he was concerned about Shinya. This young looked too calm to be true, as cold as an ice berg. Anyway he tried to cheer the other guy up, at least he needed to talk."…Ah!!!….miss Japan ne~~~ What do you want to do at first when you get back? I want to eat Okonomiyaki and sip Sake. They should be Kansai type. Do you have recommend any restaurant?"

No answer. The young drummer still stared far away, ignoring Die.

Die didn’t give up, he began again." Inoue-san told we will take a break for a week before started our work again. Will you go home? I bet Puppy misses you a lot." Die tried to cracked a smile even though he knew it looked fake. The other stood still, acting as if he was alone. Die got annoyed. How come this stubborn guy! He growled. "Shinya!…. Stop ignoring me! You…!!??" Die paused as he was interrupted. Someone calling him. He found the blue hair bassist waving with delight, rushing toward him.

"Hey!!! Die-kun I found a duty free shop. It’s so interesting. Shall we go shopping?" He crossed his arm with the red hair guy.

"We shopped enough Toshiya." Die shifted himself with embarrassment, giving him an awkward smile.

"But I don’t!" Toshiya pout cutely, tugging his boyfriend arm. "Come Die-kun come!"

"Toshiya… I…" Suddenly, an idea came across his mind. He would induce the drummer to go along with him. "Shinya!…Shall we go….Hey!!??" Die paused. The drummer disappeared from the place he had been. Die looked around the room but nowhere he was. "Where’s Shinya?"

Toshiya merely shrugged.

* * *

Yoshiki also looked for the young drummer. Finally he found the younger guy sitting alone at a far corner of the building. He looked so blue.

The producer sat next to Shinya quietly. The other didn’t even shifted himself slightly. There was a few people there. Yoshiki examined the younger guy for a moment. His long amber hair fell covering almost his face, hiding his expression with those sun glasses. Yoshiki took a deep breath before beginning. "Shinya…..we need to talk." His voice’s so soft. The other guy just bowed, his long amber hair fell over this face, hiding all his face. Yoshiki knew the younger drummer didn’t totally ignore him. He was ready to listen. "I don’t want you think I’m a cheat and cruel. I wish you would understand me. I can’t start such kind of relationship again….for now. I’m tired. I feel like I’m really old. How could you bound yourself with an old man like me? You are young, good and pretty. Too many people need you. You can be happy with yourself. I hope you will reconsider then you will find the way….. Do you understand ?" He just heard the other sniffed softly. The answer was silence again.

"I don’t want to see us part with this feeling. Say something if you care, Shinya"

"….I don’t deserve you….." His voice trembled as if he tried to hold in his sobs.

"No…Shinya. It’s not like that." Yoshiki stroked the lanky arm comfortably.

"Anyhow you don’t love me but Kaoru."

"There are nothing between me and Kaoru." The older guy denied.

"I’m not blind. Yoshiki-san…. No need to hide it anymore." Shinya looked up.

"Well…" Yoshiki choked in his throat." I can’t really said there’s nothing between me and Kaoru, can I? However we don’t have any deep feeling in ourselves…. It’s hard to explain… In any case, it’s not a kind of love." He pushed back the hair.

"I don’t understand."

"….It’s my fault. That caused of my lonely part. I wish you don’t blame me and your leader. Don’t hate us." Yoshiki said wearily, feeling disgusted himself.

"No! I’d never hate both of you. It’s me who is the stinker. Whoever I don’t deserve. " He broke in tears. Yoshiki took the delicate guy in his arm, hugging tightly.

"Don’t think like that Shinya. You are as clean as an angel. One day you will find someone who truly loves you and you will be happy. Don’t let yourself drown in sorrow. Go ahead with your life!"

Shinya just sobbed in the older guy arms, remembering every moment. This was the last time he could stay in this guy arms, stay in his first love.

The announcement for the passengers echoing the building. Shinya broke from Yoshiki’s arms. He wipe his eyes and wet cheeks with his long sleeves. "It’s about time. I have to go…. Thanks for everything Yoshiki-san ……Sayonara….." He got up and walked away, no return.

Yoshiki sat still there for a moment. Merely he braved enough, merely he wanted to start new life but…. He knew he can’t…. for Shinya, he had to let his truly feeling deep inside his mind lonely. "You must will be happy, Shinya, without me."

* * *

to be continued

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