Shinya staggered to his place since he had days off before starting tour concerts in next week….He hated days off these days. They made him feel lonely in the emptiness, feeling so cold and hurt. He haven’t got over his broken heart yet. He often got sick at how sweet the love birds showed him ; the red haired guitarist and the bassist of his band. He cursed all lovers.

He didn’t even want to look at Kaoru’s face. It kept reminding him of that incident, reminding him of Yoshiki’s lover. It’s not Kaoru’s fault, he had to admit. But he was just a human being, having several emotions, even if it’s on the dark side. Thank god that nobody noticed his betrayal of envy from his natural quiet and isolated personality.

Dropping himself on the futon, he laid quietly, wondering what he should do for holiday. He felt really tired these days when he forced himself act as if he’s fine while inside himself was filled with pain, no tears left for crying up to this time. Yes…he was damn tired.

His cell phone rang its melody in the silent room, it didn’t even make the lanky guy on the bed move. He laid still on the bed listening to the phone. He knew the call….. Finally, he got up after letting it rang for a moment.

"Moshi Moshi… Shinya desu."

Maybe it’s not.

"Oi.. Shinya. Have you arrived your apartment already?"

Ah….that’s guy.

"Hai~~~~" His voice was sluggish, he couldn’t help it. "I’m here. What’s going on?"

"I’m just worried. You look so tired these days."

Did he find out? At least there was a guy can notice. "That’s O.K. It happens when we work hard." He heard the person on the other line shift.

"well… you should relax. Though you think you are so strong but you eat and rest too little. It could effect your health."

"Sounds like you are my damn father, Die-kun."

"I don’t want to see you disappear when you turn side way," Die joked.

Shinya didn’t feel like laughing. "Thanks for your kindness…. What’s the matter if it happens? I still could drum for Dir en grey, couldn’t I? Don’t worry, it won’t effect our band."

"Owww…. You take it serious, don’t you? You don’t have a sense of humor."

"So what?! It’s me! Die-kun, I wanna ask you frankly. Why do you keep calling me even though you don’t appreciate me?" Shinya sounded moody. He shouldn’t but…

"What the heck you think I don’t appreciate you? I am trying to cheer you up. Don’t you see?"

"Thank you." Shinya said flatly." You shouldn’t waste your time on me. It would better if you go and enfold your Toshiya baby."

"Shinya!!" Then the other line pause. Shinya couldn’t even hear his breath. He almost bit his tongue after those words slipped out. Did he make Die uncomfortable?

"I’m just kidding. Die-kun. I didn’t mean anything about you and Toshiya. You are just a nice couple." … And annoying. He added in his mind.

"Shinya…."

"Huh?" Feeling like the guitarist want to say something to him. They both paused for a moment till Shinya began." Did you want to say something?"

"…. I guess…not." His voice was so soft and hesitant.

"well… good night, Die-kun. Have a good holiday."

"Night but! Wait a second. What are your plans for the holiday?"

"I’ve not thought of it yet. Good night Die-kun. I’m so tired."

"Umm…"

Shinya tossed the cell phone on his bed, staring at the ceiling blankly.

* * *

The cell phone rang for a while before the body under the blanket stirred. The lanky guy searched for the phone then pressed receive button. "…..Shinya desu…."

"You sound sleepy" The other line commented.

"Oi Die, you again?" Half of his heart was pissed off, but the other felt warm.

"Yes! It’s me. What are you doing? It’s almost noon. Have you still sleeping?"

Shinya made a sound in his throat. "I couldn’t sleep well last night."

"Wake up! Wake up boy! Dress yourself up. We are going shopping today!!!"

"Huh?! ‘We’ ?! Did I say that?"

"Of course. Since yesterday you said you needed some utensils, didn’t you?"

"Die….I!" Shinya was interrupted before finishing.

"I’m waiting next to your door." Die laughed.

"…!!!???…."

* * *

Time past so fast, Die dragged him from here to there until it was evening. Die kept him busy along the trip. Even though Shinya had asked. "Where’s Toshiya?" Because of he was at Die’s heel almost all time.

The red hair merely shrugged and answered flatly. "He went home."

Earlier on, the younger one felt embarrassed hence it seemed he had date with his friend’s boyfriend. But even so he convinced himself ‘we’re just friends, aren’t we?’ He used to go shopping with Kyo, Kaoru , including Toshiya. What’s the matter if he would go shopping with Die?

"Are you tired?" Die asked.

Shinya wiped the tiny sweat droplets on his temple with his backhand. The shopping bags were full in both hands. "As you can see."

"You will sleep well tonight after you have sweat out in the day."

Shinya glared at the red head hard. "Have you planned it?"

Die grinned widely. "That’s a good idea, isn’t it? Since you hate sports, how could you get exercise? Therefore you would be left with exceeded energy. You couldn’t sleep well."

"You’re sooo thoughtful." Shinya said with sarcasm.

Die giggled, holding his head upward and resting his hands on his hips. "I’m such a smart person," he joked. Causing the younger man to grin ridiculously and Die saw. "Ne~~ Shin-chan you are so pretty when you smile. You should smile more frequently."

Shinya forced himself to hide his smile. "That’s not how I am."

Die raised his eyebrow. "Why do you fix yourself so many rules? Just do it."

Shinya turned his glare to another place, keeping silence. The conversation seem to have ended. They were speechless for a while.

Finally, Die spoke. "Want to drop by in my place? It’s not far from here. I will drive you home." The other stared at him without answering. "See, you’ve carrying so many things! Let me service you for today. Huh?"

Shinya nodded slowly.

* * *

They chatted in general manners as they walked along the hallway, suddenly Die paused and looked startled. Shinya almost banged into him. He looked pass Die’s side and found a slender body sitting on the ground and leaning casually on the wall next to Die’s room.

"Toshiya!" Die gasped.

The blue hair guy heard that, his closed eyes opened. He blinked couple of times and saw his lover and band mate clearly. Taking off the walkman earplugs, he smiled. "Hi! Die-kun, Shinya" He greeted and got up.

"What are you doing here?! You told me you are going home, didn’t you?" Die shot the questions.

Toshiya smiled broader. "I changed my mind. I figured out we should have the days off together."

Shinya felt himself freezing but nevertheless he still stared at Die who put his palm on his forehand as if he was about to faint, speechless.

Toshiya continued. "well….it seems you both had went shopping. Whaaaa…. Why didn’t you call me? I wanna go too."

"You told me you will go home." Shinya guessed Die’s brain was dead. He couldn’t find a good speech.

"Anyhow I think standing out off the room and chatting aren’t a good idea. Shall we move to the comfortable area ?" The bassist suggested. "Die Could you give me the copy key the next time? I don’t want to sit and wait for you at the apartment lobby. I’m so stand out, you know, and I dislike to sit on the ground too."

It looked like Die had just composed himself. He walked like a robot to unlock the key.

Toshiya turned to stare at the younger guy, kept smiling. "How are you today Shinya? Fun?"

Though those were the simple greeting words Shinya felt them piercing his heart. Did they mean ‘Are you having fun as you had stolen my boyfriend ?’ ….He squibbed, didn’t he?

"Com’on Shin-chan. It’s cold outside." Toshiya called as he stepping in the room.

"I have to go." He said quietly then turned, walking from they both quickly even though he heard Die called.

"Wait! Shinya. I will drive you home, I told." Die grabbed the skinny arm.

"Thanks Die. I’ll call taxi." Shinya didn’t even look at the taller guy.

"Wait a minutes. I’ll hurry get the key and we’re ready to go." Die didn’t give up.

Shinya pulled his arm from the guy sharply. He looked up at the red hair angrily. "I said I’ll call taxi. I can go by myself." He paused and took a deep breath before he said coldly. "Don’t call me again. Good bye."

The lanky guy walked as quickly as he could, leaving the red hair guy stunned on his feet.

* * *

Shinya tossed all the bags on the ground and then ran quickly to the bathroom. After washing his face with pure water violently he saw his reflection on the mirror. I didn’t cry, did I? However his eyes looked sore. He wondered why he felt this way. He and Die were just friends. Nothing wrong when they go shopping plus go elsewhere together. He sighed wearily as he calmed down. He had figured out he was rude to both Die and Toshiya. "I will say sorry to them later on." He said to himself.

Slumping himself on the couch, he wrapped his arms around himself absent-mindedly. He felt cold, not from the weather but inside his mind. He wondered what Die would do for Toshiya when they were together? When Toshiya felt cold, would Die warm him up? How would Die comfort his lover? Anyhow….. that must been felt nice. Then…. What about another couple? Kaoru and Yoshiki……

Ah! Stop!!! Shinya scolded his mind. You need to stop thinking of the part! It’s over for good. I must be fanciful if I’m still lonely hear. The drummer shook his head. An idea drawn his mind. He picked the cell and dialed the familiar number. For a few seconds he found that person wasn’t there. "Where are you Kyo?"

Anyway Shinya had decided to get up and then dressed himself.

* * *

The music was too loud and noisy. Shinya never expected to set foot in this club but he did. He just took a walk aimlessly at Shinjuku and wanted some place to sit. The club looked cheap and a bit dirty. The smoke reeked in the air. This time he didn’t mind it that much. He sat alone in the dim light at a corner watching people fussing around.

"Can I take a seat?" An unfamiliar voice greeted him, making him jerk. Shinya looked up to see the stranger ,suspiciously. He grabbed his bag tightly, preparing to leave if it was a fake fan. He needed his privacy, he didn’t any mood to service fan.

"Oooowe…. Shinya-kun! Don’t act like you ready to run for life as you see me. May I take a seat?" The stranger teased but the lanky guy frowned. Without his permission, the guy sat next to him. Shinya jumped. The stranger laughed. "Oi… You never change!?! Terachi Shinya. Can’t you remember your ex-band mate?"

Shinya stared at the stranger more carefully. He had spicy red hair, almost like Die but more bright, dressed in colorful shirt with leather jacket and ragged jeans. The drummer of Dir en grey searched his memory. "Sorry I don’t remember you." He said in a polite way.

The other rose his eyebrow then chuckled. "I suppose. You just stayed with us for 4 months. Huh? Shinya who moved from band to band like the wind. I’m Shuichi from Hunter."

Shinya widened his eyes. He could remember Hunter and Shuichi now. He used to be with at least 5 bands when he was junior high school before he joined Ruby and then La:sadies. "Ah…. Shuichi-san….the guitarist of Hunter. Nice to meet you again."

"Honestly. Nice to meet you too. Shinya the drummer of Dir en grey." Shuichi sounded somewhat sarcastic.

"I didn’t mean to be rude. We’d never met for so long and your look changed. I’m sorry." Shinya added.

"We changed. Had you cut your hair?" Shuichi brushed his fingertips on Shinya’s short amber hair. "I remember how much you want to grow your hair when you stay with us. "

The younger guy shifted himself uncomfortably even though Shuichi wasn’t really a stranger anymore…..

"However you were a student at that time. Your school don’t allow spicy and long hair, so you couldn’t." He smirked.

"I had cut it recently." Shinya smoothed his short hair. He didn’t care about his famine part further. He wanted to leave alone some of his parts; weak and pitiful.

"Heart broken?" The guy asked.

Shinya bit his lower lips. "NO!!! I am not!!!" He finally snapped but Shuichi burst out in laughter. Shinya looked at him with surprise.

"Shinya-kun…. You never change in this point, easy to tease…." Shuichi almost choked with laughter.

Shinya blinked. This guy reminded him someone ; the other red hair. In any case he needed somebody now…. Somebody would be his companion when he was lonely. The younger guy released his grab from his bag and sat down in a more relaxed manner.

* * *

…to be continued….