He writhed as the roughness of the blanket grazed against his raw wounds. Scars ran down his back, red welt criss-crossed his body. He opened his eyes, lying still, looking at the other man getting up from the mattress. He wanted to call out but fear crept into his heart. Clutching the blanket tightly, painfully, close to his chest, he sat up.

The other man was putting on his clothes; the outside street light filtering through the curtains illuminated the curves of his muscles and how the kin wrapped over the shoulder bones. He turned around and took a mere glance at the wrecked figure on the bed who looked back pleadingly at him. His face was cold, emotionless, as if sketched from a block of unmelting ice, unfazed by the tears gathering along the rims of Toshiya’s eyes. He took his wallet and cell phone. His keys jangled as he stuffed them into his pants pocket.

Without saying a word, without even muttering a goodbye, he left.

Toshiya stared at the close door and the tears broke the dam and flowed slowly down his smooth cheeks, falling on the blanket. Quietly, he sobbed.

***

Shinya pounded on the drums noisily. Their fans were screaming; hands in the air, as Kyo ran across the stage to Kaoru who stuck his tongue out at the crowd. Toshiya strode across to their other guitarist, his bass hanging on his shoulders. Die grinned madly at him; the long strands of his hair(extensions) swinging from side to side. Toshiya wrapped his long arms around the red head and strummed his guitar playfully. Die’s face suddenly turned and their lips nearly touched. Blushing hotly, Toshiya broke away and began giggling. The pink dusting his delicate cheeks made him look so kawaii that Die couldn’t help but blush as he thought about it.

Somewhere across the stage, a certain guitarist caught their act which had brought the crowd into screaming ecstasy. His lips thinned considerably but he averted his attention back to his guitar and ignored the scene.

For the moment.

***

Die stepped into the dressing room last, a cigarette already hanging from between his lips. He lit it despite the glare Shinya’s reflection sent him.

" Baka no Die! You’re gonna kill me with all your second hand smoke!" the drummer yelled at him. Angrily, he swapped the thick mascara of his lashes, gritting his teeth as the smell of tobacco invaded his nostrils.

" Oh! Good! Then I won’t have anyone screaming at me for smoking!" Die laughed, puffing smoke into the air-conditioned room. " Isn’t that so, guys?" he looked at the other members of Dir en Grey. Toshiya and Kyo laughed but Kaoru just rolled his eyes.

" Don’t be so bad to Shinya!" Kaoru said, trying his hair up away from his face.

" Why? Why shouldn’t I be? He’s so spoilt!" Die spoke as if Shinya wasn’t there, which annoyed the younger man to no end.

Kyo pitched in. "Oho! Could it be that there is something between you and little Miss Shinya here???"

" Enough!" Shinya fumed and slammed his palms down on the dressing table before gathering his make-up case and departing his group of ‘friends’.

" Bye-bye, Shin-chan!!!" Die leered as his footsteps grew more faint.

Kyo laughed and pulled out his own cigarette.

" Mou, he’s no fun eh?" Die sat down before a mirror and simply dashed the make-up remover onto a ball of cotton wool, dabbing it around his eyes.

" Don’t you think that was too much?" Kaoru asked.

" Nah! Shinya’s just Shinya! Being all spoilt and bratty."

" I sincerely think he’s feelings are hurt," Toshiya suddenly said, getting up.

Die ignored his statement.

" Hey, what’s that on your shoulder?" Something drew Die’s attention. He pointed at the angry welt running down Toshiya’s arm but he hadn’t noticed it earlier during the concert because of the lighting maybe. He moved nearer the bassist to inspect it.

Toshiya seemed to tense up. "Huh? What???" He looked around as if clueless on what Die was pointing at.

" Your arm…is that a bruise…or…what happened???" he asked, grabbing Toshiya’s arm.

" No…nothing, I…I knocked against the door while moving some boxes," he said, a guilty expression sneaking on his face. Die looked suspiciously at the red streak marring his flawless skin. Toshiya tried to pull away without much success.

" Don’t lie!" He tugged on Toshiya’s arm; Toshiya nearly fell against his chest.

" I…" Toshiya appeared flustered. He bit his lip, his eyes burning into the floor. "Nothing…really, Die-kun." Tears glazed over his eyes. He wanted so much to tell but….but he couldn’t.

Kaoru was sitting sprawled on the black leather sofa, smoking a Salem, seemingly not paying much attention to them. He flicked his fringe away from his eyes which looked lazily at Die and Toshiya then at Kyo who was picking his teeth before the mirror.

" Toshiya…" Die held his chin up. "You know you can trust me…"

Toshiya felt his heart beat hard and fast in his chest as he looked into Die’s deep eyes. He could feel himself blush but he didn’t want to look away.

You don’t know how much I want to trust you…

To tell you everything that happened…

To let you comfort me…

But I can’t…