The cloth cut painfully into his wrists as they held him bound to the posts of the bed. His lips parted in a feverish moan as his eyes fluttered open then close again. He swallowed hard as his body burned with pain and lust.

" You like that, Totchi?" Kaoru ran a hand down his bare thighs, sending tingles where he touched. His other hand reached for the small black case on the table; its metallic lid gleamed as he flicked it open. He stuck out his tongue, letting the tip dip into the light-bluish powder inside. "Want more?"

Toshiya choked as Kaoru’s naked body slid up against his and they were face to face. "Kaoru…" he whispered, his voice was hoarse from the screaming. His eyes stung with pleading tears as they regarded Kaoru with mixed emotions and need.

Kaoru’s head sunk down as he pressed his lips upon Toshiya’s helpless ones. Toshiya could slightly taste the dissolved powder as Kaoru’s tongue snaked past his swollen lips. Toshiya could feel Kaoru between his spread legs and his breath came his shallow pants as the older man pressed up against him, evoking a wave of desire and fear inside him.

His eyes were clouded with confusion and delusion when Kaoru eased back to take a look at his face. He cupped Toshiya’s chin in one hand while the other caressed the smooth skin of his cheek. His thumb rubbed the wetness there. " Why are you crying?"

Toshiya bit back his sob; it would only make Kaoru angry. He refused to look at the guitarist, turning his head to the side.

Kaoru sucked in the air as he jerked Toshiya’s face towards him. "Do you hate me?! Do you hate my face, my touch so much?!?!" he snapped at him as his fingers tightened on Toshiya’s jaw, eliciting a strangled gasp of pain from the man.

Toshiya’s eyes flared up with abrupt fury and he yanked violently against the strain on his wrists, making the bed shake. The case of powder toppled over, its contents spilling onto the sheets but Toshiya didn’t care as he sank his teeth down on Kaoru’s hand. Kaoru let out a yelp as he pulled back from the bassist.

Toshiya was breathing heavily. "Yes, I hate you..!" he snarled at the older man. "I hate you, Kaoru!"

I hate you…

Angry, frustrated tears overflowed onto his heated cheeks.

…hate you for doing this to me…

He screamed and pulled against the cloth that tied his hands to the bed. Disgust rode his senses as he saw delight rise in Kaoru’s eyes.

What am I to you? An animal? A pet? For your pleasures?

He spat at Kaoru’s face.

I hate you.

***

" I hate you!"

His head hit painfully against the headboard as Kaoru pinned his arms down. "Hate me all you want," he seethed into Toshiya’s face. "But you’re still mine!" Without warning, Kaoru rammed into Toshiya’s body. Toshiya cried out. A faint groan escaped Kaoru’s lips as the tight hotness sheathed his swollen manhood. He pushed deeper until he fully impaled the young man who writhed beneath him.

" Say my name…" he breathed into Toshiya’s ear.

" Fuck you, Kaoru!" Toshiya responded viciously, trying to tear himself away from Kaoru in vain.

Kaoru laughed.

"You can’t stop me…"

He held Toshiya down by his shoulder and began thrusting into him as Toshiya’s screams pierced the night air.

***

…body…mind…soul…

…blue cage…

***

The chilly air made the crisp, dry leaves dance across the road as the sun slowly rose beyond the mountains. In Toshiya’s apartment, the phone rang, its beeping sounded unusually loud in the stillness and loneliness that dwelled inside, but the phone continued ringing.

***

Shinya frowned as he bit the end of his pencil which had many a chew-mark on it. He scribbled something on the score sheet as his eyes rolled up once in a while to glance at Kyo, talking to one of the staff, and Die, who was frowning as he kept looking at the direction of the entrance. Last night, Die talked to him about Toshiya. He had told him about the scars he saw on Toshiya’s body, the bruises…that he was convinced that someone was hurting the man deliberately, some nutcase…and he had listened with feigned interest as jealousy spun a web around his heart.

Shinya wondered if it was love or hate he felt towards the red-head. Sometimes he was so certain the feeling he felt was hate, yet sometimes…sometimes he thought it could be love…

***

Die almost jumped when his phone suddenly rang.

" Moshi-moshi? Eh, Kaoru?"

***

" You know, he’s not feeling well," Kaoru said, nodding absently as he held the receiver to his ear. His eyes narrowed a little as they were cast upon the limp body now lying on his bed, motionless. "Okay, maybe I’d send him to the clinic or something…"

The figure on the bed stirred.

" I’ll be down later." A smile lightly touched his lips. "Don’t worry, Die-I’d take good care of him…"

He put the receiver down and let his hand dangle so that the tips of his fingers lingered over the skin of Toshiya’s arm. Moving lower, he wrapped a hand over unconscious-Toshiya’s hand, twining their fingers with each other as he knelt at the side of the bed, watching the slow up and downs of the bassist’s chest as he breathed.

" Totchi…" He closed his eyes as he brought his hand to his lips, inhaling the fragrant scent of his skin. " Do you remember the time…how you touched my face like this…that birthday kiss…?" A sad smile appeared on his face.

Happy birthday!