kiwi-ds

Longing for You

Prologue:

A figure sat at a corner in a darken room, focus on nothing
but his thoughts and his notebook. He doesn't notice the pounding
rain outside nor the lightning as it flashes by. He is lost too deep
in his sorrow and despair, the figure kept writing his heart's aches.
the lightning stroke again. This time lighting up the room for a
split second, but that's all it needed to see who that the figure is
male and that tears are visible on his pale cheeks.

Dearest
Die...
10-15-00
    I know you don't love me... but at least hear what I have to
say ne? When I saw you Ceol together today, my jealousy got the best
of me. Gomen ne, Die. I have no right to lose my temper like that.
What right do I have? I don't have your love, just your teasing
affections. Do you know that I treasure every moment with you? Every
time you tease me I fall for you even more. I treasure those moments
when you pretended to be my lover/beloved. I'm sorry I fell for
you. But I can't help it. I'm sorry for treating her badly.
But I
can't stand...I just can't stand seeing you with her, it was
dumb of
me of ever hoping that you'll love me ne? I know that, but I
can't
help what I feel, Die. When I spilled that cup of coffee on her... it
was no accident.. I..I did it on propose. Don't get mad ne?
Ogenai? I
don't want you to hate me... but I guess you do, don't you? I
caught a glance of anger in your eyes after you saw what happened. It
tore me apart, I felt my heart stop. I don't want you to hate me!
I
promise to be nicer, and not let slip anything about my emotions.
Just don't hate me, I'll do anything, ne Die? Even if it
means I
have to face you everyday and have to try hard to keep my mask in
place, I'll do it. I'm addicted to you, Die, I can't get
enough, and
will never get enough. I want to make you happy, but I don't know
how. If Ceol makes you happy, so then be it. What ever you want Die...
    Even if you'll never be able to read this... it lessen the
stress and pain a little. I hope the best for you. I always will. I
know pretending I'm talking to you is a bit weak of me but I need
someone to talk to and I can't talk to the guys. I wish life is
easier, that way I won't have so much to worry about...
*************************
The figure looks toward the clock on the nightstand.
*************************
It's almost midnight. We have a photo shoot at 7:00 tomorrow. I
guess I should finish up ne? I love you Die, and I won't ever let
you
know. It'll cause me more pain if you reject me. So it's
better not
letting you know. I can live with reality, or die trying, for you
I'll do anything.... anything you want..ne?
                    Yours always and forever,

    ........................
**************************
The figure got up and open the top drawer on his desk. Putting his
notebook in the way back, the figure locks the drawer and crawl back
to bed hoping to fall into a dreamless sleep. A sleep that
doesn't involve a certain red head. But that is clearly
impossible,
the figure started twisting and turning in the wee hours of the
morning.It woke up just before dawn...

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email author mailto:JubiLuv@hotmail.com

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