Mikiko asked for a Kaoru fic, so here it is Mi-chan!! I know there is too much crying and pain in all my fics… oh well ^^ that’s just how I am I guess! As always, I love comments!
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by Kurara
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The rain’s soft padding outside and the dark clouds added to the cold feeling inside as Kaoru sat at the window, leaning his head against the pane and watching as the small droplets chased each other as they hit the glass. His breath coated the cold glass with a fog every time he breathed and every so often Kaoru would trace something onto the window.
-Flashback-
“I’ve got a new girlfriend!” Toshiya smiled after Die asked him why he looked like he’d been fucking all night.
Kyo jumped up. “Is she cute?”
Toshiya grinned. “She’s gorgeous! Her name is Mei!”
“Oh, that girl? Toshiya!” Die exclaimed.
Shinya squeezed his shoulders from behind. “Congratulations.”
Kaoru cast his attention away, not wanting to hear.
-End Flashback-
Kaoru turned to look into the window and saw tears streaming down. He touched the tears in his reflection.
-Flashback-
Kaoru lifted his head from the bar table as he felt a hand on
his back. He turned and looked up. “Toshiya?”
“No, Kaoru, it’s Shinya.”
“Stop playing a—hic!—round Totchi… You’re not Shinya…”
Shinya wrapped his arms around Kaoru and pulled him up. “Come on Kaoru, I’ll take you home.”
“Okay, Toshiya…” Kaoru wrapped his arms around Shinya’s shoulders and leaned on him.
Shinya sighed and lifted Kaoru, walking out of the bar and putting the guitarist into his car. He buckled Kaoru’s seatbelt and brushed his hair out of his face, drawing back his hand suddenly. “Kaoru! You’re burning up!”
“Toshiya, I’m tired…”
Shinya nodded and closed the door, quickly jumping into the driver’s seat and going to his apartment. He got there in a short time and brought the guitarist in. Kaoru was on the couch as Shinya put a wet towel on his forehead and unbuttoned his shirt before taking off his boots and socks. Shinya looked up into Kaoru’s face and played with his hair lightly. “Kaoru, is something wrong?”
Kaoru shook his head.
“Come on, it has to be something.”
“Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend?”
“Kaoru, you know I’m with D—“ Shinya bit his lip, remembering that Kaoru thought he was Toshiya. “Is she what’s wrong?”
Kaoru nodded.
“Why?”
“Ai shiteru…” he whispered.
“Nani?”
Kaoru turned suddenly and grabbed Shinya’s shoulders, pressing his lips to the other man’s roughly. “Ai shiteru…” Shinya stayed, shocked, before breaking down and running to his room, locking himself in. Kaoru turned and cried from rejection.
-End Flashback-
Remembering that made Kaoru feel stupid. He turned away from the window and hugged his knees, tears filling his eyesmore as they fell on an open Foolsmate, seeing himself and Toshiya in the intimate positions.
-Flashback-
“Kaoru, move your hand up, yeah, right there. Now, hold it…”
SNAP!
Toshiya’s breath tickled his neck and once the photographer started switching rolls, Toshiya moved in for a flirtatious kiss, sending them both to lay on the table. Kaoru unconsciously held Toshiya’s tightly and kissed back, slipping his tongue past the other’s lips. Toshiya stiffened up, and Kaoru let go, suddenly realizing his action. Toshiya blinked down to him, confused, so Kaoru did the only thing he could think of to cover for it.
He laughed.
-End Flashback-
It was getting colder and, due to the storm cutting all utilities, Kaoru could only wrap up in a blanket in the dark.
-Flashback-
Everyone had gone home and Kaoru was the last. He walked out to his car and saw cigarette smoke coming up on the other side. “Hello?”
He heard the smoker stand up and walk into view. “Kaoru.”
“Toshiya!”
Toshiya dropped and snubbed his cigarette before walking up to the guitarist. “I need to talk to you.” He looked into Kaoru’s eyes. “You’ve seemed distracted, and, as our leader, you’re not supposed to do that.”
“Don’t lecture me abou—“
“And that’s why I want to help.” He put his hand on Kaoru’s shoulder and looked into his eyes. “Something is going on, and whatever it is, I want to help.”
Kaoru wanted to shrug him away, but was stuck in his eyes, not able to tear away. “T…”
Toshiya reached up and brushed his hand over Kaoru’s cheek. “Why are you crying?” (I make Jrocker’s cry so much -_-, Kurara) Kaoru’s eyes widened and he pulled back, but Toshiya grabbed his arm and threw himself on the guitarist in a hug. “Kaoru… you need this…”
“What?” Kaoru whispered.
Toshiya reached into Kaoru’s pocket and got out his keys before turning and opening the back door of the guitarist’s car. He held the guitarist by the shoulders and led him in the car. Kaoru kept his eyes locked on Toshiya’s as he was pressed against the other door and Toshiya got on top of him, using his foot to close the door. The bassist nuzzled into Kaoru’s neck and kissed it lightly. “You’re clearly troubled, and many people find this type of attention to help, so, if you want…” Toshiya’s hands ran up Kaoru’s shirt.
“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” Kaoru turned his head and held Toshiya to his neck.
“Only because I don’t have what I need.” He breathed into Kaoru’s neck before running his tongue along the muscle.
“And that would be?” Kaoru ran his hand down Toshiya’s back.
“You…”
Kaoru would’ve pulled back if he wasn’t already pressed up against his car. “Me?!”
Toshiya sat back at Kaoru’s feet, giving the guitarist distance. “Hai.”
Kaoru was shocked, but then realized the sincerity in Toshiya’s voice. He sat up slightly and wrapped his arms around Toshiya’s waist, pulling him down to lay on his chest. “Yokatta,” he whispered.
-End Flashback-
Kaoru looked for a moon, but even if it’d not been raining he couldn’t see one, as it was anew moon, that event was two weeks ago, on the full moon. He only remembered because Toshiya pointed it out before he had to go to Mei.
-Flashback-
“Kaoru…” Die’s voice came over the phone.
“Hai?”
“It’s Toshiya… he’s in the hospital…”
-End Flashback-
The bitter memory still clung to Kaoru as he glared out the window.
-Flashback-
“You’re Kaoru?” A teenage girl asked.
“Hai.” Kaoru sat next to Toshiya’s room, waiting impatiently to be allowed in.
“Toshiya was murmuring your name the whole time before the ambulance got there.” She was Toshiya’s neighbor, the one who called the ambulance after Toshiya crawled to her apartment, losing blood.
“What happened?”
“Well, it seems as though she tried to kill Toshiya.”
“She?”
“His girlfriend.”
“Why wo—“
“Kaoru-san, you can go in now. He’s regained consciousness, but is calling out for you.” The doctor informed.
Kaoru jumped up and rushed in the room, to Toshiya’s side, quickly taking his hand. “Toshiya…”
Toshiya smiled up through his tears. “Kaoru… yokata…” his voice was barely over a whisper.
“What happened?”
“Mei… I told her I didn’t want to be with her… I told her that I wanted to be with another. She couldn’t handle it, she’s so possessive, ne… she tried to kill me, then killed herself.”
Kaoru went pale and gripped Toshiya’s hand tighter. “She tried to kill you?”
Toshiya nodded. “All I thought of was you… ai shiteru…” he drifted off again.
-End Flashback-
But Toshiya slipped inot a week long coma, Kaoru ran a hand down his own stomach, feeling how much thinner he was from not eating.
-Flashback-
“He’s awake now, Kaoru-san.” The doctor announced.
Kaoru was allowed in and he held Toshiya’s hand. “Ohayo, beautiful.”
Toshiya looked up and a frightful look crossed his face. He pulled his hand away. “Who?”
Kaoru’s eyes widened. “Totchi, it’s me! Kaoru!”
Toshiya shook his head. “I don’t know you.”
-End Flashback-
Toshiya only remotely recognized Kyo, so he went to live with him. He was absolutely scared of Kaoru, and the guitarist was not allowed to see him in person. Kaoru stood up and went to look for more blankets, it was too cold. “A week, Toshiya… it’s been too long…” Kaoru collapsed on the couch and tried to stay warm by curling up.
As he drifted off to sleep, he thought he heard knocking, but ignored it. Eventually the knocking turned to sobbing. Kaoru drug himself up and opened the door to see Toshiya sitting on the floor, crying. “Toshiya!”
Toshiya looked up. “Kaoru!” He jumped up and hugged the guitarist. “I remember.” He sobbed into Kaoru’s shoulder and held him close. “I remember.” He kissed Kaoru’s neck. “Ai shiteru… zutto…”
Kaoru held Toshiya and brought him inside, into the warmer room. “Toshiya… ai shiteru.”
“Kyo showed me pictures, interviews, concert videos, PVs… all that brought me back.” Kaoru wiped Toshiya’s tears away. “Kaoru! Please don’t ever leave me!”
Kaoru kissed Toshiya softly. “Never, I’d never leave you.” And outside, the rain stopped.
***
write to Kurara