Vicious Cycle

By: Kurara

*part 1*

“BAKA!”  Shinya slapped Die and ran out of the room, holding his broken necklace to his chest as tears streamed down his face.

Die blinked in confusion.  The necklace looked stronger than that!  What’s his deal anyway?  It’s just a necklace!  Die sighed and picked up his guitar.  Maybe… If I get him a new one?

*

“Baka Die!”  He held the broken chain up.  I can always get another necklace… But, Kaoru gave this to me when…  He bit back more tears.  “Baka Kaoru!   Baka Toshiya!  Baka Die!”

Arms wrapped around his small waist and a head rested on his back.  “Shin-chan…” Kyo’s voice soothed.  “What’s wrong?”  Kyo looked to Shinya’s side and saw the guitar charm (yes!  In the piccies!  No one wrote a fic about it yet!  Here is to EVERYONE who brought it to my attention! ^^ -K) laying on the floor next to him.  It’s Kaoru again…  Shinya kept his head in his knees and didn’t respond.  Kyo unwrapped his arms and crawled to Shinya’s front, taking Shinya’s chin in his hand and lifting his face up.  “Shin-chan, you can tell me.  I don’t tell.”

Shinya nodded.  “I know.”

“Then why don’t you tell me?”

Shinya slowly shook his head.  “Because I don’t know myself.”

Kyo nodded.  “I understand.”  He threw himself at Shinya into a hug.  “You’ve always got me, no matter what!”

*

Kaoru walked into the practice room, glaring at Shinya momentarily and gasping as he realized the necklace wasn’t there anymore.  So, he really doesn’t love me… he pouted and turned to his guitar.  Die came in and glomped Toshiya, and they flirted with each other for a while.  That damned slut.  Kaoru mumbled mentally.  God!  Sometimes, Toshiya…  He watched as Kyo walked by, earning a pinch on either butt cheek from the two flamboyant men.

Kyo jumped and glared as he received comments about his “cute little tush”.  Shinya yelled at the two for being such asses and Kyo ran behind the drumset, sitting in Shinya’s lap and sticking his tongue out as Shinya helped him stay on.

Kaoru clenched his fists.  He’s with KYO?  First Toshiya and now KYO?!  I can’t believe it!  “Let’s start practice already!”  Kaoru growled, earning a stare from everyone.

“Kaoru?”  Shinya whispered, audible only to Kyo, who looked up with puppy eyes to an unanswering Shinya’s face.  Shinya nudged Kyo and the vocalist bounded down to his position in front of the group.  “What should we start out with?”

“Jealous.”  Kaoru said without a second thought.

“Nani?”  Die exclaimed.  “We haven’t done that one in—“

“I want to do Jealous, do you MIND?”  Kaoru glared.

Die shrank back.  “no, not at all.”  Die looked back to Shinya, who bit his lip, starring at Kaoru’s back.

*

Kaoru went out to smoke alone after practice and Kyo fell asleep near Shinya’s drums in Toshiya’s arms.  Shinya sat on a couch fingering the guitar charm idly.  Die sat next to Shinya without the drummer’s face showing that he took notice of the guitarist’s presence.  Die sighed at the lack of attention and handed Shinya a box.  Shinya looked up, confused.  Die nodded.  “For you.”

 Die rested back.  “Just open it.”

 Shinya nodded.  “Okay.”  He opened the box and gasped.  There was a little note with a “sorry!” written all over it in various different languages in Die’s writing, and underneath it was a shiny chain like the one Die broke the day before.   “Die…” Shinya looked to Die, touched.

 “I could see it hurt you that my screwing around broke it, so I searched all last night for this and was about to give up until I found it about 1AM.”

 “You…” Shinya’s nose and eyes stung with a threat of tears.

 “I hope you’ll forgive me for yesterday?”

 Shinya nodded and threw himself on Die, hugging him tightly.  “Arigato.”

 Kaoru walked in and his heart panged seeing the two, so he walked out without their noticing.  He proceeded into the practice room and saw the other two sleeping on each other.  He slammed a fist into the wall, startling everyone.

 “Kaoru?”  Toshiya inquired.

 “Why don’t any of you fucking commit to just ONE person?!”  He grabbed his guitar.  “You all make me sick!”  He yelled before storming out.

Shinya got up and ran after him.   “Kaoru!”  He yelled.  “Kaoru!   Yamenasai!” 

Kaoru turned around.  “Why should I?”

 “Kaoru!  What are you getting so infuriated about?”

 “Oh, let me guess.”   He pretended to think sarcastically.

 “Kaoru!  Stop acting like a child!  We have Toshiya for that!”

 “Toshiya!  Toshiya?  Oh, maybe HE’S the problem?  Oh yes!  He IS!  Didn’t you SLEEP with him?  And then, you had Kyo in your lap!  And just now, you were in Die’s arms!  Wasn’t I EVER good enough for you?” 

“Kaoru!  You were always good enough for me!  You were better than just good enough!”  Shinya gripped onto Kaoru’s shirt and starred at the older man.   “Why can’t you get it?”

 Kaoru shrugged him off.  “You sure as hell don’t show it too well.  I feel so loved!”  He turned and walked away, but Shinya ran up to him again.

 “Kaoru!  Please!”  He gripped onto Kaoru’s arm, trying to stop him.

 Kaoru threw his arm back, flinging Shinya into a car.  “Go away.”

 Shinya slumped down, holding his wrist that had received most impact, and sobbed as Kaoru walked away.  Why won’t he listen?  He hit his head back against the car, ignoring the pain that hit his head.   I deserve it.  I should’ve known better.  I shouldn’t have been so careless.  But!   I didn’t know! 

“Shinya?”  Die’s voice broke Shinya’s thoughts.

 Shinya looked up through blurry eyes.  “Die?”

 Die rushed in front of Shinya.   “Oh, Shinya… what’s wrong?”  He pulled out some tissues for Shinya to blow his nose.  When Shinya was finished, he used his arms to wipe the tears, but he was still shaking.  Die pulled him in for a hug.  “Shinya…”

 “K-Kaoru h-hates me…” Shinya stuttered, “he-he wouldn’t let me explain about… about when I slept w-with To… with Toshiya…”

 “You slept with Toshiya?   Is that why you tow broke up?”

 Shinya nodded.  “B-but… I didn’t know… I didn’t know it was Toshiya... I thought it was Kaoru… I was drunk, Toshiya was drunk…” 

“Hmm…” Die stoked Shinya’s back as the drummer was curled up against his chest, still in the hug.  “Shinya?”

 “Hai?”

 “Do you actually love Kaoru?”

 "…”

 “Shinya?”

 “Love… what’s love, Die?  What is it really?”

 “Love?  Well,”  Die lifted his head heavenward, hoping to find an answer, “when you’re in love, you don’t think anything is as important as the safety, well-being, and happiness of that person.   You want to always be there for them, and support them.  You want to show them love and happiness, let them have the greatest of it, even if that means someone else.”  A single tear escaped from Die’s left eye, and he was glad Shinya could not see it.  “So, Shinya… do you love him?”

 “…”

 “Shinya?”  Die pulled Shinya’s head up and saw that the drummer had fallen asleep.  Die sighed and lifted the drummer up, bringing himself back into the studio.  Kyo and Toshiya had already left, so Die set Shinya down on the couch as he gathered their stuff and took it to his car, knowing Shinya’d need a ride as he didn’t bring his own car that evening.

 Shinya woke up, confused.   Where… oh, the studio…   “Hello?  Minna?  Minna-chan doko desuka?”  He scratched his head and looked for his things.  Gone… Is this a dream?  Did I fall asleep?  The studio door opened and Die walked in.  “Die?”

 “Oh, good, you’re awake.  C’mon, I’ll give you a ride.”

 Shinya nodded.  “Arigato.”  He started walking, then sopped.  “Where’s everyone?  Where’s my stuff?  How’d I get in here?”

 “Gone home.  My car.  Me.”   Die grinned and threw his arm around Shinya’s shoulers.  “Come on.”

 Shinya smiled and nuzzled closer to the guitarist unconsciously.

 *

 Shinya waited until the guitarist’s car had disappeared in the distance before going out to Kaoru’s apartment.   He was there in record time and he nervously knocked on the door.  I have to tell him.  I’ll make him listen!  No one answered at the door, so he tried again.  “Kaoru!”   He yelled out after ten minutes.  He started banging with both hands, then gripped his wrist again.  It hurt so much!   I deserve it.  He thought grimly as he hugged himself.  The cold was getting to him.  Maybe he isn’t home.  He thought.  Yeah.  He’d at least’ve told me to go away if he was home!  I’ll just wait for him.  He sat down and leaned against the door.  Until he comes, I’ll wait.

...to be continued...

***

kurara@jshock.i-p.com  

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