Yurameki
By: Kurara
***
Shinya sat in the living room of his apato, Puppy in his lap,
and they were lazily relaxing in the cool summer day.
The silence pierced only once in a while by Shinyas coughing, which
lately had been more frequent, and painful. Puppy
would whimper and look up in worry to his owner. Shinya
would weakly smile and stroke Puppys soft fur.
Daijoubu ne
daijoubu
But even the raspiness of
Shinyas voice was enough to make him worry, so he picked up the phone and made an
appointment to see the doctor.
***
-At Practice-
Kaoru looked worriedly to Shinya. The recent practices had proven his drumming to
get weaker and he was determined to figure out why, but Shinya would always shrug it off
and go back to his reserved self. Shinya had
just asked to leave early today and Kaoru had a distinct feeling that the reason was
linked to his drumming, or vise versa.
Its just an appointment. Shinya said. But I
need to go today, its important.
Die grinned. So, Shin-chan has a girlfriend!
Shinyas eyebrows narrowed.
No! Thats not it!
Toshiya pouted at the thought and started to tune his bass,
leading Kaoru to another bandmate to be worried about.
Kyo wrapped his arms around Shinyas waist playfully,
declaring, Why would Shin-chan need a girlfriend when he has us for? Then he
giggled and kissed Shinyas cheek, causing the drummer to get angry.
I need to go now. Ja
and he pulled away from Kyo and walked out of the studio.
Toshiya stared at the door as it closed, only to have Die run
out of the drummer. Oi! Shin-chan! He ran after the drummer and
caught up quickly. You know Kyo is only
joking! How come you get so pissy about it?
Shinya glared at Die. Whats
it to you?
Die grabbed Shinyas arm and they both stopped, Shinyas
glaring softened a bit as he saw Dies concerned face.
Die opened his mouth slightly, about to say something, but ended up bringing
his other hand up to cup Shinyas cheek. He
moved his thumb over the skin.
Die, what are you doing? Shinya asked softly.
Die snapped back into reality.
Uh
he pulled his hand away.
I
uh
there was an eyelash, I was just getting it off you
know no big deal I was just
Shinya turned away from the rambling man and left.
***
-A Week Later-
The phones ringing pierced through Shinyas dreams,
and he lazily picked it up. Moshi
moshi, Shinya desu
oh, doctor, hi
theyre in? What the results
Shinya nodded
as the information came. Uh huh
yeah
really?
you sure?
oh, I see
how long?
is there anyoh
yeah, okay
yeah, I understand
thank you
I will, bye
Shinya
didnt even bother placing the phone back on the receiver, just let it slide down to
the bed as the tears slid down his face.
***
-Practice-
Die and Toshiya stood outside smoking as usual between set,
laughing about how Kyo had finally screamed loud enough to hear in the other side of the
studio when Shinya came out. Die and Toshiya
turned to face the anti-smoking jrocker and smiled. Hey! Shin-chan has grown up! He wants to smoke with us Die-chan!
Die stubbed out his cigarette and walked over to the drummer. Shin-chan, whats up?
Shinya bit his lip a little before taking a breath, Die,
I need to ask you something.
Sure, what?
Shinyas eyes shifted momentarily to Toshiya and then back
to Die. Not here, in private. Can you come over, to my place, tonight?
Sure, but, I dont know where you live. Die smiled.
Shinya nodded and took out a pen and a gum wrapper, jotting
down the apartment building, number, and cross streets.
Here.
Die looked at it for a while.
Yeah, I know where this is. What
time should I
At six, and
and dont eat before you come over
And Shinya turned and left.
As the door closed, Toshiya began to cry. Die turned around.
Totchi? Whats
wrong? But Toshiya just buried his face
into Dies shoulder and sobbed.
***
When Die got to the apartment, the door was slightly ajar, so
Die walked in and closed the door softly. He
was early, but he was bored and decided to come over.
Puppy took no notice of him and stayed on the couch lazily as Die sat on a
chair. Then Shinya came out, short now-blonde
hair wet and clinging to his head and neck, and he was dressed in only a towel. Shinya didnt notice Die, as his eyes were
closed, and rested sexily on the door frame, tired from the day and the steam of the
shower.
Die starred at the drummer, watching every intake of breath as
it filled the small, flat chest, and sighed, causing Shinyas eyes to snap open and
focus on the guitarist. Die! What are you doing here already? Howd you get in?
I came early and your door was already open.
Shinyas face was red and Die couldnt tell if it was
due to anger, embarrassment, or his shower. Well
um
let me get dressed
he pointed to his room and backed into it, closing
the door softly and slowly.
Shinya pressed his back against the door and gathered himself
before drying his hair and putting on his clothes which consisted of fitting black pants
and a long fitting dark red shirt.
He walked out and smiled for Die and checked on the food he had
cooking, and it was ready, so he turned off the heat and dished out the dinner. Then he put out the plates onto the table and
called Die in. Die walked in and took a deep
breath. Mmm! Sugoi! I
didnt know you could cook Shin-chan!
Shinya lowered his eyes and put a plate on the floor for Puppy. Theres a lot you dont know about
me, Die-chan
he said softly.
Nani?
Eh? Shinya
shook his head. Nothing
He
sat down. I hope you like it.
Die nodded. I
hope so too! He smiled. Itadekimasu!
Itadekimasu
Shinya sipped his wine a bit
before eating.
They ate in silence until Die spoke out. Mmm, Shin-chan, this is good. I should move in and have you cook for me all the
time!
Shinya smiled and said nothing.
Ne, Shin-chan?
Hai? Shinyas
eyes lifted to the other mans.
What was it you wanted to ask me?
Eto
Shinyas gaze lowered. Come on Shinya!
This is the time! You have to
know, otherwise
Well, I uh
Come on! Get
it out! Wanted to know if you
I
I cant
liked
my cooking! He smiled. Ooo! We crashed and burned on that one, didnt we? Real great Shinya!
Oh
disappointment dully clung to that
syllable.
Well?
I already told you its good. Im gonna come over more often now for this!
He ate faster.
Shinya smiled. Thats
good. I never have anyone other than Puppy to
eat with me.
Hounto? A pretty
thing like you? Dont you have girls
falling all over you?
"Uh
yeah, but
I really dont
like girls
Shinya muttered.
Hounto? You like
Guys
Shinyas gaze was full on his food,
not willing to let himself look at Die.
Anyone
in particular, Shinya?
Hai
Die leaned back. Lucky
Huh? Shinya
looked up.
Hes lucky to have caught your attention. Die looked into Shinyas eyes. Does he know?
Shinya closed his eyes momentarily. No.
Why not?
Im
afraid that if I tell him, he wouldnt
want to be my friend anymore, and his friendship is too important for me to wreak.
Shinyas eyes glistened. I love
him too much
But, how will you know if he loves you back? And if your friendship abolishes due to your
confession, then maybe hes not as good a friend you think he is! Shinyas
eyes overflowed and he ran to the couch, crying. Oi! Shinya! Die quickly got up and saw Shinya
curled up in the corner of the couch, crying into his arm.
Shinya
Die sat on the couch and pulled Shinya onto him. Shin-chan
He stroked Shinyas
hair and held Shinya protectively. Im
sorry Shinya! Dont cry! I didnt mean to make you cry
He
kissed Shinyas forehead. Id
never do anything to hurt you
Shinya wrapped his arms around Die, feeling incredible joy at
being held by the older man, and eventually his crying subsided. He stayed there, taking in the scent of the
guitarist and making himself comfortable. Die
continued running his hand through Shinyas hair and Shinya sighed, wishing it could
last forever. Shinya?
Mm? He was falling asleep.
No matter
no matter what happens, Im here for
you.
***
Shinya woke up the next morning, still in Dies arms. He smiled and listened to the heartbeat and Dies
breathing. He looked up to gaze into the
older mans face. Kya
Die is so
kawaii when he sleeps! His eyes fell onto
the guitarists parted lips. Without
knowing it, his finger had touched the soft lips and he was running his finger along the
contours. Then, he couldnt resist and
lifted himself up to lightly kiss Dies lips before resting his head on Dies
chest. It was another ten minutes before Die
woke up.
He tried to move, but made a surprised noise when he realized that
there was something on him. He looked down
and beamed. Ohayo, Shin-chan! He
ruffled Shinyas hair. Dont
you look cute this morning?
Shinya stuck out his tongue.
I probably look awful.
Nah
He smiled.
You always look adorable! Even
when youre screaming at me.
Scream? He looked up. Do I really scream all that much?
Die shrugged. I
guess.
Shinya hit Dies chest softly. Meanie!
Die pretended to be hurt and held Shinya as he fell sideways on
the couch. Shinya struggled half heartedly to
get away. Iie! You stay here until you apologize! He
tightened his arms hold on Shinya and wrapped his leg around his as well. Apologize, Shin-chan!
Shinya still struggled until he realized that rubbing his hips
against Dies like that was doing things to both their bodies. Shinya stopped and looked up to the guitarist. Die?
Hai?
I
Shinya took a deep breath, but turned away as he
started to violently cough again.
Die detangled himself from the drummer and sat them both up. Shin-chan?
One of Shinyas hands covered his mouth while the other
found Dies hand and tightly gripped it. Puppy
ran in and barked at his owner worriedly. When
the coughing subsided, Shinya stared blankly at the floor.
Shinya! Daijoubu?
Mizu
Hai
Die jumped up and poured Shinya a glass of
water, and turned to see Shinya taking pills out of some bottles. Die handed the water to Shinya and watched him
drink it while taking the pills.
Arigato. Shinya said after he was finished.
Hai.
Shinya coughed a couple more times before putting the glass
down.
Shinya
is there something wrong? Whyd you start coughing like that?
Health problems
Are you sick?
Kind of
nothing contagious
Have you seen a doctor?
Hai
And? When will you
be better?
Shinya cast his eyes down. The
coughing should stop in about three months.
Souka
Die?
Hai?
Will you
stay with me? Until Im better? Theres room and you complain about your
apartment so much
Hai.
Hounto? Die nodded.
Sugoi! Shinya went into the living room. Puppy!
Dies moving in! Puppy
barked excitedly. Hee hee! Now I have two animals to take care of!
***
Eh? You two? Living TOGETHER? Kyo spat out his ramen. How the hell?
Youd KILL each other!
Toshiya remained silent.
Die? Kaoru spoke out finally.
Hai?
Dont kill Shinya. Kyo laughed and fell
asleep.
Shinya got a pained look.
Kaoru
I
need to talk to you
Sure. Whats
up?
In private. He pointed to a booth.
Ah, sure. He walked in, Shinya following, closing
the door behind them.
Kaoru
***
So, he loves Kaoru
Toshiya perked up. What?
Shinya said
he loves someone
it has to be Kaoru.
Die started shaking. That must be why
He laid down on the couch. I was so
blind
Why is this affecting me so much?
Kaoru? He
then
what if Kaoru loves him? Toshiyas voice trembled with worry. Kaoru
Im too late, Kaoru wont
want me
Eh? I thought you
were in love with Shinya?
Iie! Why
would you think that?
You always get sad with Shinya around, and yesterday you
were crying--
Because I see myself in your shoes! Youre just like me! You love Shinya and he doesnt even realize
it! It looked like he loved you too and it
made me sad that Kaoru didnt
Shinya? I
dont love Shinya! Hes like a
little brother to me!
Yes you do. I
can see it. Every time he walks in the room,
your eyes brighten, you come alive. And I dont
know what happened at Shinyas place, but you seem so much closer to him now
Toshiya wiped away tears that were threatening to fall.
I
And why are you shaking like that? Why did that tear just fall?
Be
because
Toshiya knelt down beside Die and
wiped the tear away as Kaoru and Shinya came out, and they both gasped seeing Toshiya
touching Dies face affectionately.
Toshiya quickly turned to see Kaoru and he stood up, hugging
the guitarist. Kaoru-baby, gone so
long, ne?
Kaoru stood, emotionless for a moment, before shrugging the
bassist off and grabbing his guitar. Practice
is over for today. Before he left he put his hand on Shinyas shoulder and they
looked at each other, Kaoru concerned, Shinya in loss, and walked away.
Ill see you tonight. Shinya said softly to Die as
he left.
***
Die flopped down on the extra bed and sighed. Shinya had not said more than directions to him
since the incident in the studio. He had told
Shinya two hours ago that he was going to sleep, but instead he just stayed in the dark
thinking over the day, what Toshiya said, and what Shinya saw, and what Shinya might have
said to Kaoru. He decided it was probably
about time to go to sleep, they had practice again tomorrow and he didnt want to be
tired for it, so he pulled the covers over himself and closed his eyes.
A soft knock was heard at the door and Die ignored it, keeping
his eyes closed, even as Shinya cracked open the door and whispered in. Die
are you awake?
Die didnt respond, and kept his eyes closed.
Hmm
Shinya knelt down beside the bed and
brushed Dies bangs out of his face. Die-chan
whats going on with you and Toshiya? I
never saw it before
I didnt even know you liked men
if I did
Shinya rested his head on the bed. Oh
Die! Why didnt I see it earlier? Why is it so late now? Theres so much
but
Shinya
started to cry softly. I wish so much
that you could just see what you do to me
but
youre with Toshiya
if youre happy, I dont want to screw you up
even if its not me
thats making you happy
Die felt soft lips press against his cheek and heard Shinya quickly
walking out. When the door closed, Die raised
his hand to his cheek in shock. Shinya
kimi
Die threw off the blanket and
followed Shinya, but saw that Shinyas door was closed. He knocked, no answer. Shinya? He knocked again, still no
answer. Die grabbed the door handle and tried
to open the door, but realized it was locked. Shinya? He called out louder. Shinya?
I need to talk to you! Open up! Still no answer.
Shinya! Die said louder. Shinya! At least tell me youre alright! Youre scaring me!
Shinya answered the door finally. Gomen
Die hugged Shinya, pulling him against his body and stroking
his hair. Shinya
Die?
Shinya
I
I need to tell you something
Cant it wait
until morning? Im really tired. Shinya held onto Dies shirt.
Iie. Die picked Shinya up and placed him on the
bed, sitting down next to him. Shinya,
Ive waited for so long
years
this cant wait any longer.
Die
Die looked into Shinyas eyes. Shinya, ever since
before the days of
La:Sadies
I never really knew what my reason for music was, why I could do it. Everyone said you have to have love, and I never
did, but
I met you
and I fell in love. Dies hand reached up and he
cupped Shinyas check with his hand. I
dont know who you were talking about when you said you were in love with someone,
but
I hoped
maybe itd be me
Die
And, even if it isnt me, then, I still love you, but I
love you too much to try to hold any feelings you have for anyone else against you.
Die sighed. As the saying goes, you
dont choose who you fall in love with.
Shinya placed his hand over Dies lovingly, closing his
eyes and resting into the palm. He then took
his other hand and reached behind Die, tangling his hand into the red hair and pulled him
down to his own lips, the combination of the lips and his hand putting Shinya into a
dreamlike state of happiness and he wanted more, so he parted his lips, allowing Dies
tongue entry. Die gladly accepted, wrapping
his other arm around Shinyas waist.
When they finally broke apart, Shinya slowly opened his eyes
and smiled at Die. Die-chan
ai
shiteru
Hounto?
Shinya nodded. Zutto.
Die hugged Shinya tightly.
Yokatta
he breathed before kissing Shinyas cheek.
Shinya tightened his hold on Die. Stay here
Nani?
Tonight. I
dont want to be alone
Of course. Die and Shinya went under the covers and
Die and Shinya fell asleep in each others arms.
***
Shinya, I need to talk to you. Kaoru pulled Shinya
to the other room for privacy, but forgot the speaker was on and Die, Toshiya, and Kyo
could hear everything. Shinya, have you
told him?
They could see Shinya nod.
Does he know
everything?
No
Why not?
Because
he confessed to me last night and
and
I just couldnt tell him.
Die tensed. What? Whats going on?
You confessed? Toshiya asked.
Die nodded.
You have to! The
longer this goes on, the harder itll be! Time
is valuable. Kaoru instructed.
Kaoru
Tonight, okay?
Shinya nodded. Kaoru
tell him too.
Eh?
I can see it. Tell
him. Yesterday was a misunderstanding.
Misunderstanding?
Die shook his head. Theyre
being too vague! This is hard!
Maybe you shouldnt listen in. Kyo commented.
Toshiya turned off the speaker.
It may be for the best.
Shinya came out followed by Kaoru and practice started.
***
Shinya and Die laid on the bed quietly, Die stroking Shinyas
hair as Shinya laid facing opposite of him, starring at the wall. Die
Dies heart skipped a beat, hearing the sad tone in the
voice. Hai?
I
I need to tell you something.
Okay.
My
coughing
its not going to stop
because Im going to be better
itll stop because
Ill stop
living.
Die stopped stroking Shinyas hair. Nani?
Shinya turned around. Im
sick Die
Its cancer, very rare type
Caused by
Second hand smoking.
Its lung cancer
the longest estimated time from this stage is
now two and a half months.
Smoking
you mean
us? Dir en grey?
Me? Im killing you?
Iie! Its
not your fault! I hung around you all even
while you smoked and if you guys didnt, I spent all that time with Yoshiki and just
being in music exposes me to this stuff!
Shinya
I
my god
He touched Shinyas
face delicately. Is that what you told
Kaoru that day?
Shinya nodded. And
its why I really wanted you to stay here so that
even if you didnt have
the same feelings, at least I could be near you until the last moment. Tears were
threatening to fall, but Shinya was sick of crying and wanted to keep from it as much as
possible.
Why didnt you
say earlier
Shinya
Die took Shinyas hands and kissed them.
Because
because I knew that I had to tell you that
I loved you before I left, and I wanted to know if you loved me back. I didnt want you to say you loved me too
just because I was dying. He put his head to Dies chest. And
I was such a baka
not to
tell you earlier
I love you so much, and now, to lose you because of this
right after we found each other
Shinya couldnt hold it in any longer and
cried hard. Why?! Why is Fate so damned cruel?!
Die held Shinya tightly, softly crying himself. Why? Why
must you take my angel away? What has he ever
done?
***
-Two Months Later-
Well, Shinya
thats the final cut. Kaoru
stopped the tape player.
Sounds beautiful. Youll
play it
then? Shinya started coughing again.
When he finished he looked up to Kaoru.
Hai.
And
the other
give it to him, dont let
anyone else see it.
Hai.
And
Shinya hugged the guitarist. Thank you, Kaoru. This means a lot to me.
Hai. Kaoru bit his lip. Shinya, well miss you so much, but,
Die will be affected the most. Stay with him
now.
Shinya nodded. Ill
miss you all too. Ill watch over you
all, I promise.
They walked out of the studio to see the others. Toshiya was crying and threw himself at Shinya,
hugging him. Shinya!
Kyo came and joined in on the hug, beginning to cry himself.
Minna
Die touched Shinyas shoulder. Its time.
Shinya nodded. Sayonara,
minna.
Kyo retained his composure and got out of the hug. Toshiya continued crying, but went onto Kaoru
instead. Kaoru held him closely. Sayonara, Shin-chan.
Shinya smiled. Dont
ever let him go, Kaoru.
Kaoru nodded. Id
never.
Kyo hugged Shinya one last time before Shinya walked out with
Die to the airport.
***
Kya! Long
flight as usual. Yoshiki commented as he got off the plane. He greeted Die with a handshake and Shinya with a
hug. Long time no see, ne?
Hai. Shinya smiled.
But, I had to see you again before I left.
Well, Im glad you care!
Thank you for coming all the way out here.
Well, I was going to Japan anyway, but not this part.
He smiled. And I wouldnt want to
miss out on seeing a friend.
Shinya nodded and they went off for a day together. At the end, Yoshiki pulled him to the side. Shinya, I need to tell you this.
Eh?
Its about hide.
hide?
Hai. hide
and I were together. After hide died, he
he visits me.
Visits?
Hai. Yoshiki
looked to make sure Die wasnt listening. He
comes to me, talks to me. I cant feel
him physically. I dont dream, and thats
the only place that its possible to feel the dead.
So, youre saying--
hide didnt say it was easy, but it is
possible. Do whatever you can. Lead Die. He
may not admit it, but hes scared to death. Your
death, although hes trying his best to prepare, will do a lot to him.
Shinya nodded and started coughing. When he finished he felt dizzy and fell into
Yoshiki.
Shinya? Daijoubu
ka?
Die came over. Shinya?
Daijoubu
he weakly said and coughed again.
Yoshiki handed Shinya to Die.
Youd better get him home.
Die nodded. Yoshiki-san,
nice seeing you again.
You too Die. He
brushed Shinyas hair to the side and kissed his check. Sayonara, Shin-chan. Remember what I told you.
Hai. Arigato,
Yoshiki-san. He coughed. Sayonara.
***
-A Week Later-
Shinya couldnt do much of anything physical, so he
basically stayed in bed while Die brought everything to him. Die would also feed him, must to the protest of
the drummer. Die! * cough * I can do
this myself! * cough cough*
Die smiled. Say
ah!
Shinya narrowed his eyebrows.
Im not sa-- Die shoved the food in Shinyas mouth.
Eat up!
Shinya chewed with mock irritation. He ate like that the whole time and laughed as Die
tried to give him a drink, resulting in the juice going down the sides of his face. Die!
Die giggled. Well,
now Im thirsty! He started to lick off the juice, and Shinya giggled, lowering
down to lay down on the bed.
Die
Shinya sighed as Die cleaned him. He pulled Dies shirt over his head and
pressed their bare chests to each other, relishing in the warm feel. Its late
lets sleep, ne?
Mmm
I have to get out of these then. Die
placed Shinyas hands onto the top of his pants.
Shinya pulled the pants down and kissed Dies nose. No matter what has to be done, if it can be
interpreted sexually, you leave it to me.
Die smiled. Of
course. Why do I have to take off my own
pants when theres someone I love thats willing to do it for me?
Shinya stuck out his tongue.
Using me to dress and undress you, how cruel!
Die ruffled Shinyas hair.
Cruel? Nah! We both get our fun out of it, ne? Shinya
nodded while blushing. Well, then we
both benefit! Cant be so bad if you
think about it that way!
Shinya coughed. Yeah,
sure
He hugged Dies body and pulled the covers over them, humming a song
that Die never heard before.
Ne, thats a pretty song Shinya
what is it? Die trailed his hand through Shinyas hair
and down his face.
Its just something I made up.
Oh
its pretty.
Thanks. Silence
for a while. Shinya almost fell asleep, but a
thought crossed his mind. Die?
Hm?
Never stop dreaming.
Huh?
Always dream when you sleep, okay?
What are you--
Just
do it, okay? Shinya interrupted, placing
a finger on Dies lips.
Die nodded and took Shinyas hand. Shinya gripped it firmly. Oyasumi, Shinya.
Oyasumi.
Ai shiteru.
Ai shiteru. He kissed Dies lips. Forever.
Forever. Die fell asleep shortly after, Shinya
still possessing his hand. About twenty
minutes later, Shinyas hold went limp.
***
Die woke up, feeling empty.
He opened his eyes and saw Shinya, but something didnt seem right. Shinyas skin was very cool, and Die didnt
feel any breath coming out. Shinya?
Die bit his lip and placed a hand over Shinyas face, and felt nothing. Then he put his palm on Shinyas chest,
finding no heartbeat. No
You
knew this was going to happen
But... why? Why
so soon? Die embraced his Shinya while
sitting up and rocked back and forth, sobbing endlessly, kissing the flesh of the face for
the last time.
***
The tape that Shinya recorded before he died had on a song he
composed for everyone, a melody that was sad, and yet, cheerful at the same time, and
Kaoru had played it at the funeral, as requested, but also as requested, he gave another
tape to Die. Die was starring at the tape in
his hands before placing it into the tape player. The
song Shinya had hummed was on there, and Die sat down, with Puppy, crying as the last song
Shinya composed filling his ears and heart.
***
Shinya:
Waaaa! Cries. Everyone
hates me!
Die:
No
one hates you!
Shinya:
Then
how come they all try to kill me?
Kurara:
Im
SORRY! But this is a good plot and would only
work with you, Shinya!
Shinya:
Pouts
Die:
I
still love you Shinya!
Shinya:
Sniffle. At least someone does
unlike SOME
people! Glares at Kurara
Kurara:
Pouts. Kyo!!!
Kyo:
Is
busy with Yoshiki at the moment.
Kurara:
Mou! I give up!
END
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VM: kurara is so bad! she bullied
shinya!