***

"So that’s the truth…?" Die held Alisa’s hand stroking the bruise so gently. The woman nodded trying to hold the tears in her eyes.

"I told you to stop because I’m not him…" Alisa quivered. "But then…if you thought I was him then you would be with me…forgetting that…" Alisa laughed sadly, "I had things that he didn’t have" Die narrowed his eyes looking at her sympathetically. "So…you started to hit me…you looked so mad…"

"I love you Die…I love you…" she mumbled. Die shook his head slowly.

"No…you don’t…" he replied slowly. Alisa gasped and looked hurt. "You only want to take revenge…I know you Alisa…"

"I’ve loved you for two years…even before you dumped me for that guy…" Alisa snapped. Those tears finally fell down her cheeks. She bit her trembling lips so hard that she could taste blood. Die stood frozen right in front of her. Alisa slowly moved closer…and closer. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I know you’re hurt…as much as I am right now! I love you but you love him…so you dumped me and now… he dumped you…" Alisa sobbed. Die sighed. He had no heart pushing her away. He was the one who hurt her after all… and Die knew Alisa well enough that he could tell she was telling the truth. So what could he do?

"Why can’t it be you and me…Die?" she asked innocently confusedly. "We had it before…and we can get it back…as easy as the past…" she spoke softly as her voice shook. Die closed his eyes.

It would be so easy…just gave her a hug…then everything would be fine…you wouldn’t be lonely anymore…and you wouldn’t feel guilty. Forget Shinya…he had Yoshiki…and would surely be happy with him. You heard the man said it yourself I slept with Shinya…

Now you knew the truth that you didn’t sleep with Alisa but beating her up. Die looked at the big bruise on her left arm. Another on her shoulder. He was surprise didn’t notice them before.

Ahh…what should I do?

Die opened his eyes.

My Shinya…Die thought. I love Shinya…

Then don’t give up… Die remembered what Yoshiki had told him…not to give up on getting Shinya back. At that moment…he knew what Yoshiki was trying to do. So he wouldn’t give up!

"Alisa…" Die pushed her gently and stared deeply into her tearful eyes.

"I love Shinya…"

*

Shinya closed his eyes as soft lips kissed him gently. It was so gentle that Shinya felt he didn’t want to end it…Yoshiki moved his hands up holding Shinya’s face slowly brushing his cheeks. Then they moved down to his back. Yoshiki could feel how fragile Shinya was…the young man gasped as a tongue slid through his parted lips slowly rubbed his own tongue against it.

When they broke apart to breathe Shinya could see how sad Yoshiki was…how lonely…Yoshiki-san…I want you…

*

"But he doesn’t love you! …-I- love you!" Alisa tried to convince Die but the red head was already determined. Die shook his head gently, "Then I’ll make him love me! I won’t give up…" Die released his hold.

"I’m sorry Alisa…" Die smiled sadly before closing the door behind him.

*

Shinya lay on the bed slightly panting. Yoshiki was staring at him…deeply into his eyes. The older man lowered himself and kissed him again. Shinya held the back of Yoshiki’s neck and kissed him back passionately. He lay on the bed with eyes shut as Yoshiki planted kisses along his jawline. Then he moved down nibbling on Shinya’s neck. Shinya gasped and moaned under the older man’s touch. He arched his back as Yoshiki’s hand found its way roaming his body…his chest…his thigh…then moved up again this time undoing his buttons.

Shinya opened his eyes.

Yoshiki licked his semi-erected nipple…

Panic rushed to him.

The producer kissed his chest gently then moved down tickling his navel with his able tongue…

Shinya shook his head…

Yoshiki undid his skirt…and bent down-

What am I doing…?

Slowly those slender fingers touched his brief pulling it down…

"No!" Shinya cried out.

Yoshiki stopped.

Shinya shook his head violently. He didn’t even know when tears filled his eyes. They just freely rolled down his cheeks. Yoshiki touched his face. Shinya winced.

"No…I-I can’t…" he whispered sobbing quietly. He didn’t dare to look up. He couldn’t face Yoshiki’s gaze. He was so scared. He couldn’t…

"I know…" came a soft deep voice. Shinya managed to look at Yoshiki and the older man was smiling warmly. Yoshiki brushed a finger down his wet cheek.

"I know that Shinya…"

Shinya got up and sat in front of the older man still sobbing. Yoshiki sat down too and smiled wider as Shinya looked at him in confusion.

"I know I’m not that for you Shinya…you’re like me…no one can replace his position right? You’re just like me…"

Shinya widened his eyes.

"But you’re lucky…at least he’s alive…" he ended the sentence softly. Shinya saw it again. Those eyes showed sadness…and Shinya could feel how lonely Yoshiki was. That made him cry even more. He covered his mouth trying not to cry out loud. Yoshiki moved closer and rested Shinya’s head on his chest.

"Don’t cry…" the older man whispered. Shinya shook his head slowly. He just couldn’t stop it…it was the time to explode his emotion…and to cry without stopping. He had been holding it for too long…Yoshiki stroked his back rhythmically.

"Shinya…I know you knew that he is the one…why did you break up with him?" Yoshiki asked after a while. He tried to be as calm as possible though what he wanted is to shake Shinya’s fragile body and told him to get back with Die…as soon as possible when he still got the chance to.

"He doesn’t love me anymore…"

"Did he say that?"

"Iie…but- but he tried to…" Shinya managed to speak through his sobs.

"How do you know? …maybe he wasn’t telling the truth"

"I could feel it!" Shinya tried.

"Shinya, look at me!" Yoshiki sounded as if he was running out of patience. The older man held Shinya’s face and Shinya was forced to look into his eyes. "You thought you could it with me…you thought you needed somebody else…right?" he spoke clearly and studied Shinya’s face. He wanted to make sure Shinya knew what he was talking about.

Shinya nodded.

"But it didn’t work did it…?"

Shinya nodded again.

"That means your feeling was wrong…how do you know maybe he –does- love you…-really- love you…but you did what your wrong feeling told you…and you broke his heart!" Yoshiki waited.

"Shinya…answer me!

Shinya sobbed.

"I know he doesn’t…he hurt me so much…he said such a mean thing! He said it in such a crude way…" Shinya screwed up his face remembering those words. They pained him so much leaving a deep scar in his heart.

"It’s like…I fail to make him happy…that…I’m so useless!" Shinya added. Yoshiki sighed hugging Shinya tighter.

"I’m not pushing you…Shinya, I want to help…" he whispered. The younger merely nodded. He knew that…Yoshiki was so gentle and nice…if only he was the one…if only Shinya could love him…

…and if Yoshiki himself could let go his own sad memory…

*

Toshiya looked at his watch; it was almost nine so he got up the bed and swore loudly feeling really dizzy. He pouted thinking that he had to spend the rest of the day on the bed. The bassist walked pass the window and saw the beautiful morning. He sighed and touched his head.

"Kyo!!! Wake up!" Toshiya yelled aloud as he opened his bedroom door. He shut his eyes and scratched his head.

"Ohayoo Gozaimasu"

Toshiya opened his eyes. Kaoru sat down eating breakfast…? In his apartment? Whose apartment was he in? The bassist looked around. Kyo’s living room, Toshiya’s bedroom…but Kaoru? Toshiya was too confused that he forgot how messy he looked that time. He was dressed in his yesterday’s rumpled clothes with long hair falling down everywhere including his face. Kaoru smiled. He had never seen this Toshiya. The bassist he met everyday was the neat/sexy/confident Toshiya.

Toshiya sat down opposite him.

"You want tea? Or milk?" Kaoru asked. Toshiya stared at the newspaper Kaoru was holding. What was he doing here acting like he was the owner of the house.

"Where’s Shinya?" he asked weakly. Kaoru almost choked.

"He… just left!" Kaoru nodded trying to convince Toshiya and himself. The younger man nodded.

"Kyo…?" Kaoru pointed towards the small guy’s bedroom. Toshiya nodded again. He took a glass and poured himself milk. He sighed and stared at it instead of drinking it. Kaoru managed to ignore his weird behaviour. He knew somehow Toshiya would find out about last night. Toshiya had the instinct.

Toshiya finally took a sip of his milk (I feel bad-sounds like a cat ne-L7) thinking that something felt weird. But what…felt weird? He woke up in the morning…found Kaoru eating breakfast and Kyo still sleeping and Shinya already left. Nothing funny about that…he woke up late almost every morning; Kaoru loved to eat Kyo’s the sleepy one and it was Shinya’s nature to be cold.

But…

"How come you’re here?" he finally got the question. Yeah! I didn’t see Kaoru last night! He told himself then threw Kaoru a suspicious look. The guitarist tried to act as calm as possible.

"Can’t you remember? I joined you guys last night and took you home" he spoke innocently. Toshiya nodded,

"Oh…"

*

Shinya opened his eyes, joined his eyebrows wondering where he was. Then he turned around and saw Yoshiki sleeping peacefully. The younger man smiled. Yoshiki had been so nice…so caring…and they had talked to sleep. Shinya moved his arm and touched the blanket. Yoshiki must’ve covered him with it. He wished he could do something to the older man…something useful…but he didn’t know that. A man like Yoshiki must’ve seen and owned almost everything!

But I want to give him something special…like a present…

Suddenly Yoshiki moved a little and opened his eyes.

Shinya blushed but moved closer to the older man, "Yoshiki-sama…you are the best…" he whispered. Yoshiki smiled and pulled Shinya closer kissing him on the forehead,

"Arigato Shinya…you too…just like me…"

But Die is the one…

*

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